Yes, you can send your ex a birthday card, but don’t think the card will be the special thing that gets her back.
To change your ex’s mind about you and give you another chance, you first need to re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love again.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t know that they have to focus on making her feel attracted again, so they secretly hope that a birthday card will make her miss him and come running back.
As a result, many guys end up making the some or all of the following mistakes…
1. Hoping that the card will trigger her feelings and she will text or call and want to see him
Although sending your ex a birthday card is a nice gesture, most of the time it’s going to have absolutely no effect on her desire to want to get back with you.
For example: If a woman hasn’t had any previous contact with her ex that she no longer wants to be with, she’s going to look at the card and think something along the lines of, “Oh, that’s nice of him to remember,” and promptly forget all about it.
She might also briefly think, “He’s probably hoping that this will make me call him, because he doesn’t have the balls to call me and risk getting rejected. Nice try, but no thanks.”
On the other hand, if she really feels bitter and angry about the break up, she may think, “Why is he even bothering to send this to me? Does he really believe that a frikken card is going to make me forgive him for hurting me the way he did? Does he really think that everything can be okay between us by sending a nice card? I hope this isn’t his idea of trying to get me back because it’s not going to work.”
Of course, sending a woman a birthday card sometimes results in a thank you text, but that doesn’t actually get her back unless the guy then gets her on a phone call, makes her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for him and gets her to meet up with him in person.
That’s what really counts.
So, if you want to send your ex a birthday card, go ahead and do so.
However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that it’s your only hope to get her back.
In fact, a better option is to get her on a phone call with you where you can easily make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
Doing so makes her feel a renewed sense of attraction for you, as well as making her respect you for having the confidence to joke around and get her laughing, smiling and feeling good.
Then if you ask her to meet up in person, she will likely be more open to the idea (because she can see that things are cool between you and her), compared to if you just send her a card and then wait for her to make the next move.
So, if you’re debating whether or not you should send your ex a birthday card, why not give her a call instead?
Don’t worry if she might not like it initially.
When you get her smiling and laughing, she will enjoy talking to you again.
For example: When she answers the phone, you can say with a smile in your voice, “Hey ex girlfriend! How you doing?”
Let her respond to what you’ve said and then add in, “I remembered that it’s your birthday today, so I just wanted to give you a quick call and wish you a wonderful day.
Let her respond to what you’ve said and then add in, “By the way… I’ll be around later for my share of your birthday cake, so make sure you save me the biggest piece!” and have a laugh with her about that and tell her that you’re just kidding.
She’ll likely smile or laugh and say something along the lines of, “Oh, okay,” or (if she still likes you and is hoping to see you), “No way! The biggest piece is for me.”
You can then chat with her for a little while in an easy-going, relaxed way and then after a few minutes say, “Anyway… I hope you have a great day today. Yet, I’m not going to let you get away with eating all that cake by yourself. So, how about we meet up tomorrow for a cup of coffee and you can bring me my slice then?”
She might initially be a bit skeptical about the idea and she may say something like, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” or “I’m not sure that I want to do that.”
Just maintain your confidence and in an easy-going voice say, “Hey, I promise I’m not going to go crazy and start assuming that just because you said yes to coffee we’re suddenly going to get back together again. It’s just a catch up between friends to say hello. Besides, I really want some of that cake and I can’t exactly give you your birthday hug over the phone either. So, how about it? Coffee tomorrow just as friends, no strings attached?”
Remember: When you meet up with her, you need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will show her that you’re a different man now.
You’ve got to reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you (e.g. maintain your confidence around her even if she’s being cold or distant, tease her and make her feel feminine and girly in your masculine presence).
From there, you can build on that spark of attraction and get her back.
Another mistake that guys make when sending their ex girlfriend (or ex wife) a birthday card is…
2. Writing way too much in the card
Some guys will go ahead and fill up the whole card by expressing their feelings and talking about good old memories.
For example: A guy might say things like, “Happy Birthday! I know we’re broken up but I couldn’t let your special day go by without sending warm wishes your way. After all, this is the first birthday we’re apart and it’s terrible not being able to hold you in my arms, kiss you and spoil you the way I used to do when we were together. I feel so lost and empty without you in my life. I still care for you so much. I know I really stuffed things up between us, but I have changed. Yes, I made some mistakes, but we also shared some great times together too. Remember all those picnics on the beach, or the way we used to go jogging in the park every morning before work, or how we used to love watching scary movies with all the lights off so that we would get extra scared and then hold each other tight? We were happy once. Anyway, I hope you have a great day!”
Here’s the thing…
Sending a birthday card CAN work if a woman is still in love with the guy, respects him and feels attracted to him.
She will be reminded of him and miss him and will then likely text him to try to get something happening between them again.
Yet, if he turned her off near the end of the relationship and during the break up process (e.g. he became clingy and needy, he begged and pleaded with her to change her mind, he became too emotional and cried to her), his expression of his emotions isn’t going to make her want him back.
The feelings aren’t mutual.
A woman only appreciates an expression of heartfelt, romantic emotions from a man that she respects, feels attracted to and loves.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t bother sending her a birthday card as a way of pouring your heart out to her if you haven’t made her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you first.
If your ex doesn’t feel much or any respect or sexual attraction for you, then talking about your feelings or good memories from the past just isn’t going to matter to her.
In fact, it might even make her feel annoyed because it just highlights to her how badly things turned out in the end.
On the other hand, when you re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you first, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again, even just a little bit.
Another common mistake guys make is…
3. Trying to get her to reconsider her decision via a card
Sometimes, if a woman has cut off all communication with her ex (e.g. she’s blocked his number on her phone, unfriended him on social media) he might decide that the only way to get her to give him another chance is by sending her a birthday card.
He might then write something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry for everything that happened. It was never my intention to hurt you and I regret it more than anything. I promise you that if you give me one more chance, I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make you happy again. Please reconsider your decision and let me make it up to you.”
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “Oh, how romantic! He’s feeling so shy and insecure that he’s asking me for another chance via a cute birthday card. What an amazing man!” she’s instead more likely going to be thinking, “I can’t believe that he has the nerve to ask me to reconsider my decision via a birthday card! He doesn’t even have the balls to look me in the eye and say that he’s sorry. Well, if he was hoping I’m going to forgive him and run after him now that he’s sent me this card, he’s in for a big disappointment. It’s going in the bin and I will continue moving on without him…”
Here’s the thing…
A card is just a piece of colored paper with some words scribbled on it.
It doesn’t tell a woman anything about how her ex has really changed, other than that he thinks he can sweet talk his way back into her heart by sending her a birthday card.
Unfortunately, a card to an ex usually has the opposite effect than intended.
Rather than make a woman forget about his past mistakes and forgive him, she just assumes that he’s still the same guy that she broke up with (e.g. insecure, not man enough for her), which isn’t going to make her feel motivated enough to want to talk to him on the phone, or see him in person again.
So, if you want your ex to reconsider her decision, the best way to do it is by improving your ability to attract her before interacting with her on a phone call and in person.
Some examples of improving your ability to attract her:
- You are now much more confident and emotionally mature than before.
- You’re more emotionally masculine, rather than the emotionally sensitive guy you used to be.
- You believe in your attractiveness and value to her, rather than feeling like you’re unworthy of her.
Of course, you could send her a card and she might even call you to say, “Thanks” because she is curious to find out whether she will feel a spark for you over the phone.
Yet, if she picks up that you’re still making the same old attraction mistakes that you made before (e.g. being insecure and self-doubting, feeling unworthy of her, giving her too much power, not being man enough to be real), she’s going to feel like you tried to trick her with the card and she will then close herself off even more.
So, make sure that if you send her a birthday card, it’s only after you’ve improved your ability to attract her and only to say happy birthday.
If you’ve done that, here’s what I recommend that you write.
Just thought I’d wish you a happy birthday. Miss you.
Just be real, keep it simple and end the card.
BTW: Saying that you miss her and love her is not needy.
It’s only needy if you are being desperate and pleading with her.
However, when you have the balls to be real and say something in a calm, confident, matter of fact kind of way, then it’s attractive to a woman.
Women respect guys who aren’t afraid to express their emotions in a real way, but who (this is important!) don’t get all needy, soppy and desperate about it.
So, if you are going to send her a card, keep it simple and be real.
If she has been missing you, then this will be a confidence booster for her to text you or call you.
If she doesn’t text you or call you, just call her so she can experience the new you for herself and feel attracted.
Finally, another “birthday card to an ex” mistake that guys make is…
4. Hoping it will make her miss him because he’s not around to share her birthday
If a guy was particularly charming and romantic throughout the duration of his relationship with his ex (especially on birthdays and other special days such as Valentine’s Day or anniversaries), he might think that sending her a beautiful card on her birthday will bring back those memories and make her miss him and want him back for her birthday.
He’s secretly hoping that she will think, “This card just reminds me of how wonderful he was around my birthdays. Every year on my birthday he had something totally amazing planned for me! I never realized it before this moment, but I miss him so much! My birthday just doesn’t feel the same without him. Maybe I should call him and see if we can get together again.”
Of course, that will work if she misses her ex and is still in love with him.
Yet, if that was the case for you, then you probably wouldn’t be searching for help on how to get your ex back, right?
She would have been sending you texts and you would have met up with her and gotten her back already.
So, unless a woman is missing a guy and is secretly still in love with him, then a card isn’t going to make her miss him and want him back.
She will pause for a moment and think about all the reasons why she broke up with him, realize that he probably hasn’t changed and then put the card in the bin.
So, if you want to send your ex a birthday card, then by all means go ahead and do it, but you must understand that it’s not the secret to getting her back.
Triggering her feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call (e.g. by using humor to break down her defenses, making her feel like a feminine woman through your masculine behavior) and then getting her to meet up with you in person to build on her feelings.
That is what works.
When she sees for herself the positive changes you’ve made to yourself since the break up, she’s going to thank you for giving her the best birthday present ever – a new and improved you and an exciting, more attractive and appealing love that she can now experience with you.