Yes, most relationships experience one or more break ups or “almost” break ups, before they reach a state of true, committed love.
There are some couples that never have any problems, but they are the minority and probably only make up about 5% of couples.
For a relationship to go through the stages of development and get to a point where the couple experiences what I call Blissful Love, they often have to make mistakes, fix those mistakes, forgive each other and then become a better couple as a result.
It doesn’t matter if a couple has trouble along the way.
What matters most is that they both (or the one person who is causing the problems) learn and improve, to reach a higher state of mutual respect, attraction and love.
If a couple breaks up at the first, second or third sign of trouble, they will usually run from relationship to relationship their entire life, never really getting to experience what true, committed, unconditional, blissful love between a man and a woman feels like.
Some people say things like, “If you break up even once, it is a sure sign that you’re all wrong for each other. If you then get back together again, it probably won’t last and you will not only be wasting time. So why don’t you look for another woman, rather than having work at a relationship?”
Yet, what people like that don’t realize is that love is a very powerful thing and rather than get weakened after a break up, love can actually get stronger and more meaningful when the couple gets back together and falls back in love.
So, don’t feel like you can’t get your woman back because some people out there don’t believe that it’s possible or that it’s wrong.
Not only is it normal for couples to break up and get back together again, but you can also make your relationship better than it was before.
Just make sure that you don’t make these common mistakes when trying to get your ex back after a break up…
1. Trying to get her back by explaining that it’s normal to have break ups
Just because you are learning that it’s okay and normal to have break ups, don’t go thinking that it will be the magic conversation that convinces her to give you another chance.
What will convince her?
You have to focus on making her have feelings for you and if you do that, she will naturally want to give you another chance.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t realize that and end up screwing up their chances by trying to explain their way into another chance, rather than triggering her feelings of respect, attraction and love.
A guy might say something like, “Look, it’s normal for couples to break up and get back together again. It actually happens all the time. Even celebrities break up and get back together. It’s not just us. So, our break up is no big deal. I’m sure we can work things out if we give our relationship another chance. Just give me a chance to show you that things can be different.”
Even though what he’s saying might be the truth, saying that to a woman isn’t the key to getting her back.
Actively make her have some feelings for the new and improved version of you.
Let her see that you now give her the kind of attraction experience that was missing in the relationship (e.g. if you were too insecure, you are now so much more confident. If she didn’t feel a spark with you anymore, she now feels turned on and wants to hug you, kiss you and have sex with you more than ever).
The thing is, when a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because there are certain aspects of his thinking, behavior and the way he interacts with her that have caused her to lose respect and attraction for him.
So, when she breaks up with him, it’s mostly based on those things and how it made her feel.
For example: If a man is too emotionally sensitive around his woman and cries like a girl to her when he’s under a bit of pressure, she starts to feel like she has to take care of him like a mother or big sister because he can’t cope on his own.
The more she has to take care of him emotionally, the more dominant she begins to feel compared to him, which causes her to stop feeling like a feminine, sexy woman around him.
As a result, she starts to look down on him and her feelings of respect, attraction and love fade into the background and get replaced with more negative emotions such as irritation and disgust.
If she then breaks up with him and he says to her, “Just because we’re broken up, it doesn’t mean we can’t get back together. Break ups between couples are normal. We can do this. We can make things work between us if you give me one more chance,” she will assume that he doesn’t know what to change to make her happy.
She may then think something like, “Does he really think that I’m going to give him another chance just because it’s normal for couples to break up and get back together? What about the fact that I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore because of the guy he has become? Does he expect me to sweep everything under the carpet and pretend that I don’t care about the fact that his current behavior turns me off? He thinks explaining that it’s normal to have a break up is going to make me change my mind and want him back. Well it doesn’t work that way. If he can’t make me feel the way I want to feel in a relationship, there’s no way I’m going to get back together – whether it’s normal or not. I’m just not feeling it. He might be still in love with me, but I’m turned off and I don’t see how he could change. I don’t even think he knows what I really want.”
She then asks for space or says that the relationship is over and she doesn’t want to try anymore.
The guy is then left confused, frustrated and lost because he has no idea how to start giving her the kind of attraction experience she secretly wants in a relationship.
This is why telling your woman that it’s normal for couples to break up and get back together again is usually not enough of a reason to make her want to do that with you.
On the other hand, if you first make some attractive changes to yourself (based on the things that secretly matter to her), let her experience those changes (she’ll be able to pick it up in the way you talk, think and behave around her), and then talk about giving the relationship another chance, she’ll be more open to the idea getting back together again.
By the way…
Do you know what part of the overall attraction experience your woman was missing in the relationship with you?
- Did she get tired of leading you?
- Did you expect her to make most or all of the decisions, or did you feel like she’d be happier if you let her decide on everything?
- Did you become too annoying (e.g. clingy, needy, childish and immature)?
- Did you and her grow apart (e.g. you wanted different things in life, she was maturing faster than you or you were too mature minded for her)?
- Did you stop following through on your big goals and ambitions in life and focus all of your attention on her (causing her to feel smothered)?
- Did you turn the relationship into a friendship because you thought that’s how it was supposed to be if you stayed together for a long time?
- Did you rely on her too much to take care of you emotionally, rather than the other way around?
By understanding what was missing in your relationship, you can adjust those things about yourself and get ready to give her what she always wanted.
When she can see that you understand what she really wants, she can relax and allow herself to get back together with you again – not because it’s normal for couples to do that, but because she feels like it’s the right thing for her to do.
Another common mistake to avoid is…
2. Letting her see the break up (or break ups) as being a serious sign that you and her could never work
Some men and women mistakenly believe that a relationship is about being happy 100% of the time, agreeing with each other all the time, never making any mistakes and never getting into any arguments.
So, if they have a big fight or disagree about something, it’s seen as a sign that they’re not compatible and that they should just break up and move on.
Yet, that’s not how most relationships work.
The truth is that everyone makes mistakes, so it’s immature to break up and walk away from a good relationship just because a mistake was made.
For example: A guy might not be affectionate enough with his woman, which causes her to feel unloved and unappreciated.
Yet, he may also be very goal oriented and working towards providing a good future for himself and his woman.
So, if she only focuses on his lack of affection and breaks up with him because of that (and then refuses to give him another chance), she will be losing out on a great provider who could potentially take really good care of her and their children in the future.
She’s not giving him the chance to change and improve himself into the more caring, loving man that she wants, now that he realizes his mistake.
The truth is that a perfect, conflict-free relationship only exists in fairytales.
I know this because I have an amazing relationship with my wife (i.e. we’re in love, have awesome sex, respect each other, laugh and enjoy each other’s company), but we still have random disagreements.
The difference between her and I and so many other couples though is that we don’t run when there is a problem.
I am the more emotionally stronger one (even though she sometimes says something that annoys me and I want to get angry at her about it) and bring the interaction back to love and laughter, while fixing the disagreement.
That way, any potential fights turn into opportunities to deepen the respect, attraction and love that her and I feel for each other.
In the real world, most couples need to have some arguments, disagreements and even break ups to make the appropriate adjustments to be compatible with each other.
Once they do, the relationship feels amazing and it really is so much easier.
So, ensure that when you interact with your ex, you make her understand that the break up is not the end of the world and can in fact, make your relationship even stronger and better than before.
As long as you can show her that you’ve put in the effort to learn from your mistakes and become a better man as a result and you both forgive each other for what happened in the past, then getting back together is not only a good idea, it would actually be a big mistake if you don’t.
This time around, your relationship is going to be so much better and feel so much better for the both you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Not changing your behavior because you think she will put up with break up after break up for life
In some cases, because a woman really loves her man and doesn’t want to lose him, she may be willing to forgive him time and time again.
She might say, “Okay, I’ll give you one more chance, but if you don’t change I’m really going to break up with you.”
When that happens, a guy might get into the habit of taking her commitment to him for granted.
For example: He may think to himself, “She’s always saying that to me, but she can never stay mad at me for long. I know her. She’ll throw a little tantrum and maybe even stop talking to me for a few days…then she’ll get over it and forgive me. She loves me and she isn’t going to break up with me for real.”
What he doesn’t realize is that patience and forgiveness has its limits.
Regardless of how much a woman loves a man, if she gets a sense that he’s just making the same mistakes over and over again and not even trying to change and improve himself (because he believes she will put up with it), she will eventually get fed up.
When she breaks up with him and says, “No” to him attempts to get her back, he might think, “Huh? Why doesn’t she want to give me another chance? I thought she loved me? Isn’t it normal for couples who love each other to get back together after a break up?”
Here’s the thing…
It’s not enough to just want your ex woman back.
For her to want you back you need to show her that you’ve stopped taking her love for granted and have actually made an effort to fix your past mistakes.
Note: You don’t have to fix everything and be perfect for her to open herself up to giving you another chance.
Instead, you just need to show her that you’ve learned from your past mistakes and now behave in a way that is more loving, attractive and respectful.
Of course, don’t make the mistake of being super nice to her and trying to suck up to her, because she will see that as desperate and it will turn her off.
Instead, just remain cool and be a better man than you were before.
When she interacts with you and sees for herself that your thinking and behavior has changed and improved, she will start to feel respect for you again.
When that happens, she will also feel attraction for you again, which will make loving you again so much easier.
Fact: Falling Back in Love After a Break Up Can Be an Amazing Experience For Both of You
If a man and a woman break up and then get back together as a new and improved version of themselves, it makes the relationship even better than it was before.
They know they have survived the worst of it and that the love, respect and attraction they feel for each other now is real and enduring.
For a woman, getting back with an ex who has really changed and can now make her feel attracted in new ways is an amazing, unforgettable experience.
It makes her feel like she’s won the relationship lottery.
Even though it is perfectly normal for couples to break up and get back together, if you want your woman to give you another chance, you need to focus on making her feel so much respect, attraction and love for you that she can’t stop herself from wanting to get back together again.
Don’t listen to people who tell you that it’s a waste of time and that it can never work.
It can work and you will prove it to them.