So, what should you do if you ignored your ex for a month and now she’s saying that she’s gotten used to being without you?
Here are the 5 steps:
1. Realize why the No Contact Rule doesn’t work on most women
There are times when the No Contact Rule works to get an ex woman back (i.e. if a woman is still deeply in love with her ex and can’t deal with not hearing from him anymore).
In almost all other cases, if a woman has disconnected from her feelings for a guy, then when he ignores her for a month (or more), it only adds more negative feelings (e.g. anger, annoyance, resentment) and makes her not want to be with him even more than before.
For example: If a woman breaks up with a guy because he stopped making her feel appreciated in the relationship, she usually isn’t going to come running back to him if he ignores her for a month or more.
Rather than making her think, “Oh, I miss him so much! What was I thinking when I broke up with him? This time apart has shown me that I was being too hard on him. He is the man that I want,” she will instead be thinking something like, “I can’t believe he’s still doing this to me? He’s trying to mess with my head one more time, even though we’ve broken up. He doesn’t respect me at all. By not contacting me, he’s showing me how little he cares about my feelings.”
If he then calls her after a month to try and get her back, she’s usually built up so many walls around her to protect herself from getting hurt by him again, that she will say something along the lines of, “Sorry, but you’ve been gone for so long that that I’ve gotten used to being without you. I don’t need you anymore. It’s over between us. I’ve moved on and you should too.”
A guy might then ask himself, “Why has this happened? What did I do wrong? I thought the No Contact Rule was supposed to make her want me back. That’s what everyone says on the internet, so I thought it was true.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
For a man to get a woman back, he almost always needs to be ACTIVE, rather than PASSIVE about the ex back process.
In other words, he needs to actively interact with her (e.g. on the phone and in person) and actively make her feel strong surges of respect, sexual attraction and love for the man he has become since the break up.
The more she interacts with him and feels good to be talking to him again, the easier it becomes for her to start seeing him as the man he is now, rather than the man she remembers him being before.
She can then forgive him for his past mistakes and accept that he’s no longer the same guy she broke up with.
However, if a guy ignores a woman for a long time and then tries to get her back, she will usually be a lot more resistant to seeing him in a positive light again – even if he has truly changed and become a better man.
In some cases, this will be because she has hooked up with another guy and realized that she can be happy without him, so she doesn’t feel much or any need to get him back.
So, if you’ve ignored your ex for a month and now she says that she’s gotten used to being without you, what you need to understand is that she’s had a lot of time to disconnect from her feelings for you.
Yet, that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost and that it’s over.
You can still change how she feels, but to do that you have to man up and do something about it, rather than continuing to ignore her and hope that she changes her mind.
You have to start interacting with her right away and make her feel something for you again.
Even if she’s currently all closed up and is pushing you away, you have to stay strong and use any interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, social media, e-mail and especially on the phone and in person) to actively reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
2. Call her or meet up with her in person to let her experience the new and improved you
Note: The above headline does not say, “Continue to text her.”
I am recommending that you call her or meet up with her in person.
So many guys hide behind texts when trying to get an ex woman back and end up losing her.
You’ve got to have the balls to call and the courage to re-attract her in person.
That’s how a man really gets his woman back.
Regardless of how convinced your ex might be that she’s gotten used to being without you, if you become a regular presence in her life from now on (e.g. you call her on the phone to chat, you meet up with her for a friendly catch up), she won’t be able to block her feelings for you anymore.
If she interacts with you and experiences the new and improved man you’ve become in the month that she hasn’t had any contact with you (e.g. you’re expressing your confidence around her now and don’t lose your cool when she’s being cold or unfriendly towards you. You’re now emotionally independent and aren’t just sitting around hoping for a chance with her again), then she is going to feel differently about you.
All of a sudden, she will begin thinking something like, “Maybe him ignoring me for a month wasn’t that bad after all. I thought he was playing games and trying to make me come running back to him, but instead he’s obviously used that time to change and become the kind of man I always wanted him to be. I can’t be angry with him for that. In fact, rather than feeling annoyed and resentful, I actually feel respect and attraction for him again. Maybe we can get back together again after all.”
You can make her feel that way if you want to.
So, don’t give up just because she said that she has gotten used to not having you around.
You can get her back.
However, as mentioned, don’t try to do it via text.
You have to interact with her on the phone (where she can hear the confidence in your tone of voice) and meet up with her in person (where she can experience the new you in person) if you really want to re-spark her feelings for you.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is that they first ignore their ex for a month and then, rather than getting her on a phone call and sparking her feelings of respect and attraction again, they try to get her back via text.
Texts rarely work to get an ex back because they can easily be misunderstood or misinterpreted.
For example: You might think you texted her in a cool, confident way, but she might be sitting there, rolling her eyes and thinking, “That’s it? That’s all he can think of to text me? Does he think that I will tell him that I will miss him now? Well, I’m not going to be that easy. I’m going to ignore his next few texts and see how confident he really is now.”
Then, a guy will often feel like he is losing her, so he will begin being a bit insecure via text, which will turn her off and make her close up even more.
This is why you just have to get your ex on a phone call or meet up with her in person.
It’s the only way you’ll be able to convince her (without using words) that you really have changed and become a better man since the break up.
She can hear it and see it for herself and know that it’s not an act.
You really have changed and become such a better man that she now feels so attracted to.
3. If she says no to meeting up, just tell her that it’s a quick coffee as friends
If a woman has lost a lot of respect and attraction for a guy and is even feeling a little bit hurt or annoyed with him because he ignored her for a month after the break up, she might initially be resistant to seeing him again.
For example: She might say, “It’s too late. I’ve gotten used to being without you and I don’t see the point to opening up old wounds again,” or “I don’t think it’s a good idea. Let’s accept that we haven’t even spoken to each other for a long time and that it’s better this way.”
Yet, regardless of what excuse your ex might use to avoid meeting up with you, just make sure that you don’t take no for an answer.
Remain calm, be easy-going and be nice about it, but don’t take no for an answer.
If you want to get her back, you will have to meet up with her to make that happen, so you’ve just got to get to a meet up.
So, if you’re talking to your ex on the phone and she says something along the lines of, “Sorry, but I think we should forget about each other and move on,” rather than get upset, give up, or seek pity from her because you still miss her while she’s doing fine without you and say something you might regret (e.g. “How can you be this cold? Didn’t our love mean anything to you? I’m not the bad guy you’re making me out to be. I just gave you some space to figure things out without being a nuisance and now you’re holding it against me. Can’t you see how much I miss you? Don’t you even care?”), you can instead use it as an opportunity to show her the new confident, emotionally strong version of you.
For example: If your ex says “No” to meeting up, you can say to her, “Look, I understand that you might initially feel like it’s not the best idea in the world for us to catch up, but it’s just a quick catch up over a cup of coffee. It doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to get all emotional on you and assume that we’re going to get back together again because we’re having an innocent coffee. These days, it’s no big deal for ex’s to be able to meet up as friends. We’re mature adults. We can do that. So, let’s try to catch up in the next day or so and have a friendly chat again. What do you say? A quick catch up as friends. No strings attached. Just a fun chat and that’s all.”
Usually, when a guy says something like that to a woman and remains calm, relaxed and confident, she will likely say “Yes,” (even if it’s only out of curiosity to see for herself if he’s really changed).
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet her at a time that suits you both.
Just remember though…
When you meet up with her in person, you’ve got to continue sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you if you want to change how she feels.
4. Build up the sexual tension at the meet up and at least get a goodbye hug
To build sexual tension between your ex and yourself at the meet up, you need to alternate between moments where you’re flirting with her, making her laugh, smile and feel attracted and then stopping and going back to talking normally with her for a few minutes (e.g. being more neutral around her).
By going from flirting, to normal conversation and then flirting, time and again, you effectively build up anticipation inside her and make her wonder, “Why am I feeling so excited to be around him again? Am I not really as over him as I initially thought I was? Is he going to kiss me? Why am I even thinking things like this?”
Now, that is what you should be doing, but what about what you shouldn’t be doing at the meet up?
At the meet up, make sure that you don’t sit there feeling insecure, doubting your attractiveness to her, being a good little boy who is on his best behavior around her, or allow her to dominate you, push you around, or control you because you feel bad for ignoring her for a month and now want her back.
If you approach the meet up in those ways, she won’t be able to respect you and will just think, “This was a bad idea. Nothing has changed and I’m actually better off without him in my life.”
So, make sure that you don’t waste the meet up with your ex by being unattractive.
Instead, remain confident and believe in yourself (regardless of how challenging, cold or distant she is being) and make her feel excited to be around you again.
Then, when she’s feeling happy and you can sense that her walls have come down, you can say to her in a joking, light-hearted way, “See, this isn’t so bad after all. We’re awesome exes. We’ve even managed to drink our coffee without throwing it in each other’s faces. That has to be something worth celebrating, don’t you agree? So, how about we hug on that? Come on over and give me an awkward ex hug” and have a laugh with her about that.
Of course, don’t make it an awkward hug.
That was just a joke.
Make it a warm, loving, relaxing hug that makes her think, “Huh? Why do I want him all of a sudden? This isn’t awkward…this is nice! I like it!”
If you’ve built up enough sexual tension, she will want to hug you as much as you want to hug her.
So, just go ahead and pull her gently into your arms and give her a warm, loving, relaxing hug for a few seconds.
In most cases, the hug will then transition into a kiss and often sex.
However, don’t focus too much on the sex and instead, just try to get a kiss if you can.
Her kissing the new you will cause her to remember how good she felt when you and her first kissed.
She then becomes open to getting back together again, because she suddenly feels that being without you isn’t as nice as the feeling of being back in your arms.
5. If she doesn’t want to get back right away, at least agree to stay in touch as friends
In some cases, a woman might not be open to getting back together again after the first meet up, so don’t panic.
She might say something like, “I just don’t know if this is a good idea. I don’t want to rush back into a relationship with you and then end up having to go though the pain of breaking up again.”
Unfortunately, a lot of guys believe that what she is saying is permanent and he can change how she feels.
What he doesn’t realize is that her love for him is still there in the background and he just needs to bring it back to the surface by reactivating her old feelings of respect and attraction.
So, he just gives up and walks away from his ideal woman, even though he could have gotten her back if he just focused on making her have feelings for him again.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If your ex doesn’t want to get back together right away, just remain confident and say to her (in a friendly, easy-going way), “I understand why you feel the way you do right now and that’s perfectly fine with me. We don’t have to get back together, but I’m sure that we can at least be friends. How about that?”
She will most likely say, “Okay” because you’re taking the pressure off her to make a decision about the relationship right away.
Of course, don’t then act like a friend.
Being her friend isn’t about being just a friendly, nice, ex guy.
Instead, it’s about using your access to her to trigger her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you again.
That way, it goes from a so-called friendship to a sexual, romantic relationship once again.