5 possible reasons why your ex seems to get upset at anything that you say to her these days:
1. She is annoyed that you take her tantrums so seriously
Most women hate it when a man puts her in the position of power in a romantic, sexual relationship.
Women are totally happy to be in the position of power at work, but when in a romantic relationship with a man, she actually wants to be in the one down position.
So, if a woman’s ex guy is being on his very best behavior and sucking up to her to hopefully get her to take pity on him, it’s not going to work.
She’s going to be turned off by the fact that he looks at her as being the leader of the relationship and is hoping that she will gentle, nice and take pity on him because he’s such a good guy.
It seems like it should work the opposite way though, right?
The nicer you are to women, the nicer they should be in return, right?
That’s not how a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love are built over time in a relationship and it’s also not the way to re-attract her after a break up.
If you want her back, you need to have balls.
You’ve got to have the balls to laugh at her fake annoyance, rather than taking it so seriously.
As long as you laugh at her and the situation in a loving way (rather than a demeaning way), she will respect you for having the balls to do so and feel attracted to you as a result.
However, if you are worried that she might get annoyed at something and then cower when she does, she will lose even more respect for you and as a result, won’t be able to feel attracted to you.
Of course, most guys don’t know that about women, or they just don’t know what else to do other than be nice and try to treat her with the utmost respect.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “If I want another chance with her, I need to be nicer, sweeter and more polite to her than ever before. No matter how rude, mean or cold she is being, I need to keep being as nice as a I can and she will eventually feel guilty for treating me badly. She will realize that I am willing to do anything for her…I’m even willing put up with her bad moods, tantrums or selfish behavior. She will see that and it will dawn on her that no other guy could ever love her as much as I and she will want me back.”
Yet, that’s just not how women work.
Here’s the thing…
A woman will act like she wants a guy to take her temper tantrums seriously, but in reality, she’s not going to respect a guy who falls for her brattish behavior and rewards her by being extra nice, sweet and submissive around her, no matter how ridiculous she is being.
It’s directly linked to her breeding instincts, which is what attraction is based on.
If he can’t stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way and put her back in her place, then how can she rely on him to stand up to other people who are being mean to him in life?
Will she have to be the stronger one in the relationship and be the one who fights their battles?
Will he have the capability to get other people to respect him, without having to get into a fight or argument about it?
Does he have what it takes to make her feel protected and safe?
If not, she isn’t going to be able to respect him and as a result, she won’t feel attracted to him.
Her breeding instincts will tell her, “This guy can’t protect you. Run. Find a real man. He’s too soft. You need a stronger man than this.”
It won’t matter what he says to her, how nice he is or how much more of her BS he puts up with.
She just won’t feel the kind of attraction that is required to sustain a relationship between a man and a woman, so she will want out.
Here’s an example of a guy not being strong enough for a woman…
A guy calls his ex on the phone to apologize and ask her for another chance.
He says, “I’m so sorry for what happened. I stuffed up badly and I regret hurting you. Please forgive me. Just tell me what you want me to do to make it up to you and I will.”
She then says, “Sorry? Is that the best you can do? Well, it’s too little to late for that…and I don’t want to hear it! How dare you ask for my forgiveness after what you did. Do you really think saying you’ll do anything I want you to do is going to change how I feel about you? You don’t get it. It’s over. Leave me alone.”
He then feels shocked by her reaction and think something like, “Why is she being like this? What did I do wrong? I was just trying to make things right between us. She just seems to get upset at anything I say to her these days. Maybe I need to apologize more, or just continue being extra nice and sweet to her until she snaps out of her bad mood and gives me a chance.”
As a result, he might then apologize to her further and ask her to please listen to him and let him explain.
She then loses even more respect for him for letting her walk all over him like that.
So, if you want your ex to stop getting upset at you, then stop letting her get away with bratty behavior.
You don’t have to be mean to her and demand that she stop.
Instead, you simply need to have the balls to not take her drama so seriously.
A good way of doing that is to show her you’re not intimidated by her by using humor to guide the conversation back to smiling, laughing and other feel good emotions.
For example: You call her and she says, “Look, I don’t know why you are calling me. It’s over. I’m not getting back with you” and you then laugh and say something like, “Okay, let’s agree to never get back together. Before we part ways though, can you at least cook me up one of your beef stir-fries again? I’m hungry” and have a laugh with her about that.
Alternatively, you apologize to her and she says, “Sorry? Is that the best you can do? Well, it’s too little to late for that…and I don’t want to hear it! How dare you ask for my forgiveness after what you did” and you laugh and say, “True. How dare I ask for forgiveness. I’m the worst ex boyfriend in the world” and have a laugh at her for being such a drama queen about things and making you out to be worse than you actually were.
Remember: A woman wants to be with a man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love (i.e. a guy who is confident and emotionally strong enough to stand up to her, reactivate her feelings and get her back), not a guy who annoys her by looking at her as though she is the leader of the relationship.
She doesn’t want to be the leader or feel like you are sucking up to her and always bending to her will.
You are the one with the balls, not her.
She wants to bend to your will because you deserve it (not because you force her too).
A woman will bend to a man’s will if he is a man that she can genuinely look up to and respect (i.e. because he is always emotionally strong, isn’t intimidated by anything or anyone and at the same time, is a really good man who loves her and cares about her).
So, man up and stop looking at her as being in control of the situation.
She hates it when you look at her in that way.
You have the balls, not her.
So step up to the plate and be the man at all times.
Even though she might be acting upset at anything you say these days, she secretly wants you to believe in yourself and use your confidence to guide you and her back into a relationship.
She will try to mess with your confidence and make you feel unworthy along the way, but that’s her job as a woman.
Her instincts are driving her to align herself with the most emotionally strong, emotionally masculine man she can find.
So, don’t sit around expecting her to suddenly stop throwing tantrums and start being Miss Sweety or Little Miss Nice all the time for you for no reason.
It’s not going to happen.
She wants you to man up, rather than expecting her to soften up and make things easy for you.
Ironically, when you do man up, a woman slowly softens up and becomes more and more girly and sweet around you.
You get to see a side of her that other guys can never bring out of her because you are a real man.
That’s what a woman really wants.
She wants to be free to be the woman she really is, rather than having to put up with an insecure guy who can’t handle the pressure she applies to him.
When you offer her that, the amount of tantrums and bad moods will begin to diminish.
They won’t ever go away completely though because a woman will always be a woman and test her man.
However, when she has enough consistent evidence that she can trust in you, she will gradually soften up and stop being so hard on you.
The ultimate benefit though is that she will know that she cannot find another man like you out there, so she will respect you, feel attracted to you, love you and stick with you for life.
When she interacts with other guys, she will see very clearly that they simply do not have the kind of emotional strength and emotional masculinity that you have.
She will know that letting you go will be the biggest mistake of her life.
As a result, she never will.
Another reason why your ex may be getting upset at pretty much anything you say or do lately is that…
2. She just doesn’t respect you enough at the moment
Being able to respect her man is essential for a woman.
Without it, she cannot feel attracted to him or be truly in love with him.
So, if you want to get her back, you must first get her respect back.
Here’s the thing…
A woman usually doesn’t break up with a guy on a whim.
It’s almost always something that builds up over time and she eventually decides to pull the plug.
Over time, she loses respect and attraction for him (i.e. because certain things about his thinking and behavior are turning her off, such as him being too insecure or emotionally sensitive) and then falls out of love with him.
She eventually gets to the point where she can no longer justify staying in a relationship with a guy that she doesn’t respect, feel attracted to or truly love anymore, so she ends it.
This is why, if a guy wants to get an ex back, he has to first get her respect and attraction back before she will open up to the idea of giving him another chance.
So, if your ex seems to get upset at anything you say to her these days, it may be because the way you’re talking to her, interacting with her and coming across to her, isn’t triggering those feelings inside of her right now.
Here are some examples of what can cause a woman to lose even more respect and attraction for her ex guy:
- He begs, pleads or even cries for another chance.
- He tells her that he hasn’t been able to eat or sleep properly since the break up, or is having trouble concentrating at work or university.
- He tells her that she is his reason for living and without her, life seems pointless and not worth living.
- He sulks, throws tantrums and acts like a little boy when she doesn’t listen to him.
- He pours his heart out to her in long letters or e-mails, going on and on about his feelings, wants and needs.
- He tries to make her feel guilty or feel pity for him by telling her how hurt he is about her leaving him.
- He does whatever she orders him to do (e.g. you can call me, but only once a week and we will only speak for 5 minutes) and hopes that she will take pity on him because he’s being such a good boy.
- He gets angry or frustrated at her and accuses her of being stubborn, being a bitch or being selfish.
- He sucks up to her by being on his very best behavior.
When a guy is offering that to a woman after a break up, it only highlights to her that she made a good decision for herself to leave him.
After all, he has no idea how to be an emotionally strong man and re-attract her.
He’s just begging, pleading, explaining, guilt tripping, hoping, pleading and needing.
He’s not offering her anything that she can feel rushes of sexual and romantic attraction for.
So, it’s no surprise that she remains closed off and gets annoyed or upset at pretty much anything he says or does.
She’s just had enough of it.
She wants a man who understands how to be the kind of man who she can respect, feel attracted to and love.
If he can’t be that man for her, she has to move on for her own benefit, rather than remaining stuck with a guy who just doesn’t know how to make her happy.
So, of you want your ex to stop getting upset with you, you have to give her a reason to look up to you and respect you again as a man.
You can do that by adjusting the way that you talk to her and interact with her from now on (e.g. reacting differently to what she says and the way she behaves).
When you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, her attitude towards you will naturally change.
Rather than getting upset with anything you say to her, she will begin to calm down and enjoy talking to you again.
It will feel good to her to be interacting with you.
She will feel the urge to hug you, kiss you and have sex with you once again.
Before long, you and her will be back in a relationship, in love and enjoying great times together once again.
On the other hand, if you continue to interact with her in ways that turn her off, then she will feel the need to get away from you.
When you interact with her, she will continue taking everything you say in the wrong way and getting upset, because you’re not saying and doing things that are making her have sexual or romantic feelings for you.
So, make sure that you approach her correctly from now on.
No more turning her off with your old approach.
Change up your approach, re-attract her and get back.
Another possible reason why your ex seems to get upset at anything that you say to her these days is because…
3. She’s just testing to see if you will panic
For example: A guy calls his ex on the phone and asks, “How have you been?”
In most instances a woman will respond with something like, “Fine,” or “Fine thanks and you?”
However, to test her ex, she might say something like, “Why are you asking me that? It’s none of your business.”
A confident guy will realize that she’s testing him and will playfully say something like, “Gee, well someone is a great mood today” and have a laugh at her for being so snappy.
He might also add in, “You’re funny when you’re in a bad mood” just to mess with her and make her question why.
She might then ask, “Why?” and he can say, “You just look funny when you frown or seem annoyed about something. You have a funny looking face” just to mess with her even more.
He’s saying that in a playful way of course.
The point is that he has the balls to get her out of her bad mood and into a more playful, light-hearted mood, rather than getting scared and starting to suck up to her in the hopes that she begins to be nice to him on the call.
That’s what woman really wants to experience from a guy when she’s being a bitch to him.
She doesn’t want him to bow down to her, suck up to her or tip toe around her like a wussy.
She wants him to have the balls to put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
Not in a dominant, angry way.
Dominant, but loving.
You’re still being a good guy.
You’re not being an asshole about it or trying to intimidate her with your masculine anger.
That’s not what a real man does.
A real man has the balls to lead a situation, while still being a good man.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t fall into the trap of being guarded or scared to say what you really want to say in any given moment.
Show her that you are a confident, emotionally strong guy, by having the balls to say or do whatever you want, while still being a good guy.
This is especially important when she is testing you by playing hard to get or acting upset at things you say or do (when she really isn’t).
When you have the confidence to calmly do whatever it takes to get her back, regardless of what she says or does, you tap into her instinctive nature which tells her, “He’s a real man. No matter how much I test him and try to make him lose his cool, he just laughs and stays in control. He’s the kind of man I can look up to, respect, love and feel attracted to. I have to stick with him. This is the kind of man that women struggle to find. I don’t want to struggle to find a new man and waste time. I already have him…and he’s now so much more of a man. I’ve got to give him a chance.”
She then begins to soften up and open back up to you and as a result, getting her back is an easy, natural process.
Another reason why your ex might be behaving in that way is because…
4. She doesn’t feel attracted to you anymore
If a woman stops feeling attracted to her ex and believes that he won’t be able to make her have feelings for him again, she will feel as though it’s just a waste of time to remain in contact with him.
As a result, she will then start behaving in a cold, distant way to make him lose interest in interacting with her.
If he continues calling her (or if they happen to work together, or go to the same university) and keeps trying to make her listen to him, she might get upset and say things like, “I don’t want to hear what you’ve got to say. We are broken up. It’s over. Don’t you get it? Just leave me alone.”
Naturally, a guy may feel hurt and confused by her behavior and feel as though she is being selfish, stubborn or unreasonable.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that if she doesn’t feel sexual attraction or respect, she will disconnect herself the love she used to feel for him and do whatever she can to push him away.
If a woman feels like her ex doesn’t have what it takes to change and re-attract her, she will usually just cut off communication or be very difficult to talk to, until he eventually decides to leave her alone.
She might also become rude, cold or mean as a way of getting him to react in an angry or insecure way, so she has more reasons why she wants to remain broken up.
So, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to make sure that you maintain control over your emotions from now on, to ensure that you are making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
You can do that by always being confident and never feeling insecure when she tries to make you doubt yourself or feel unworthy.
Don’t do that in an arrogant way though.
Just be easy-going and relaxed about your unbreakable belief in yourself.
That’s what women respect.
When a guy can be confident at all times, while also being a good guy, women can’t hold anything against him because he’s not doing anything wrong.
He’s just being a good guy and displaying the all-important trait of confidence, which she can’t help but feel attracted to.
You can also make her feel attracted to you by using humor to get her out of her bad mood, rather than feeling nervous or unsure of yourself and getting upset with her for being in a bad mood, talking to you in a mean way or being difficult.
Let her see that you are a strong, good man and she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you, even if she tries to hide it from you.
When you trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for you by being a confident, emotionally strong, masculine man around her, regardless of what she says and does, she starts to see you with different eyes.
It happens naturally and automatically whether she wants it to or not.
She starts to think, “Why am I feeling attracted to him all of a sudden? Why do I miss having him in my life now? Why do I look forward to talking to him? Why am I worried about him finding another girl now?”
She then stops trying to push you away and becomes open to the idea of getting back together again.
The final reason why your ex seems to get upset at anything that you say to her these days is because…
5. You don’t understand the type of attraction experience she wants
Generally speaking, a woman will break up with a guy because something about his behavior caused her to lose respect and attraction for him as a man.
For example: He became very insecure and as a result, started being controlling, jealous and selfish in his behavior.
Alternatively, he became too arrogant and as a result, start taking her for granted, treating her badly and expecting her to just put up with it.
In most cases, a woman will put up with it for a while because a woman’s natural instinct is to try to make a relationship work, rather than having to sleep with additional men.
Yet, when her guy doesn’t change or just gets worse over time in other ways (e.g. in addition to being jealous, he now starts to take her for granted or makes her feel like a mother figure in his life rather than being a manly man for her), she eventually breaks up with him.
How about you?
Where did you go wrong with your ex?
What did you do, or what kind of guy did you become that eventually made her feel like she’d had enough and just had to leave you?
It’s important that you get really clear on what turned her off, so you can then adjust, improve and change the correct things about yourself.
When you do that, you will be able to effectively re-attract her because you will be offering her an attraction experience that actually connects with her and what she really wants.
Where some guys go wrong is by offering a woman things that she doesn’t want or a care about, as a way of hopefully getting her back.
For example: A guy might decide to improve his physical appearance to attract her back.
He might change his style of dress (e.g. from t-shirts and jeans to wearing designer pants and shirts), get a new haircut, lose some weight or go to the gym and build some muscle.
He’s hoping that the next time his ex sees him, she’ll think, “Wow! He’s so much hotter and sexier now! I can’t believe that I let him go. I’ve been such a bitch to him since the break up. I need to apologize to him right away and give him another chance.”
Yet, she doesn’t.
While she might appreciate the effort that he put into improving himself physically, if he has neglected to improve himself emotionally (e.g. the way he thinks, acts and behaves), then the changes to his physical appearance are not going to really count.
She will feel turned off by him emotionally (e.g. because he’s still insecure, still giving her too much power) and as a result, she will look at his physical appearance in a negative light.
Even though his new haircut might be the latest style or his shirt might be very expensive, she will look at it as dorky, try hard or feel as though it just doesn’t look good on him.
Not knowing what else to do, a guy might then try to make her feel pity for him by saying something like, “I did all this for you. I didn’t want to buy new clothes or get my haircut, but I did it anyway. I want to show you how much I care. I want to show you that I’m putting in the effort.”
Yet, that only annoys her even more because she realizes that he has no idea how a woman’s attraction really works.
He’s trying to attract her with his improved appearance, which is what a woman needs to do to get a man back.
To get a woman back, you have to attract her with your improved emotional attractiveness (e.g. you’re so much more emotionally strong now, you’re able to take charge and be the man, you’re more charismatic now because you’re not suppressing your personality out of fear of being judged).
So, make sure that you’re focusing on the right things.
Additionally, make sure that you’re not giving her the impression that you’re trying to manipulate her into getting back with you (e.g. by wearing new clothes, acting nicer than you actually are).
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is being manipulated into giving a guy another chance with her.
She wants to see that he now truly understands the type of attraction experience she really wants from a man and is now able to give it to her.
For example: He thinks that she wants him to be even nicer to her, but she actually wants him to be more real and manly and stop putting up with bad behavior.
She wants him to put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way, but he thinks she wants him to suck up to her even more and essentially beg for another chance.
If you want her back for real, you’ve got to truly understand what she really wants and start offering that to her when you interact with her from now on.
For example: Don’t tell her that you can’t live without her when she really wants is for you to be more emotionally independent.
Give her what she really wants.