5 possible reasons why your ex has her guard up around you are…
1. She doesn’t fully trust you anymore
There are many reasons why a woman can lose trust in a guy.
- He was too jealous and controlling in the relationship with her, which caused her to lose trust in his ability to be a good guy and treat her well.
- He took her for granted by doing whatever he wanted (e.g. getting angry at her often, playing video games all the time and expecting her to just stick around in the background of his life, treating her with a lack of respect and expecting her to still respect him).
- He made promises to change and improve things that she complained about, but he always went back to his old behavior.
- He was disrespectful towards her and possibly even mentally or physically abusive, rather than being a respectful, loving, supportive boyfriend (or husband).
- He cheated on her.
- He wasn’t a man of his word.
- He was too emotionally weak and sensitive, so she felt that she couldn’t depend on him to be the strong one in the relationship.
Do any of those reasons apply to you and your relationship with her?
Don’t worry if you made some of those mistakes.
You can recover from it, impress her and get her back.
If you want her to drop her guard and open back up to you, it’s essential that you prepare yourself to properly re-attract her when you interact with her.
You’ve got to be able to let her sense and pick up on the fact that you really have changed.
You’re not just putting on an act.
You really have changed and she really does feel differently around you now.
That’s what counts.
The thing is, when a woman loses trust in a guy, she will keep her guard up around him and think things like, “He hurt me once, so what will stop him from doing it again? I’d be a fool if I let him get close to me after what he did. I have to keep my distance. I just don’t trust him. I saw how he changed in the relationship and I don’t believe that he’s any different. So, I’m going to steer clear of him.”
She will then keep her guard up, avoid her ex and potentially even avoid looking at him altogether.
She doesn’t want to give him the impression that she is open to getting back with him, because she doesn’t have any evidence to prove that he has changed.
In her mind, he’s still exactly the same guy she dumped and he hasn’t changed a thing.
So, if your ex has lost trust in you because you behaved in ways that turned her off during the relationship (or after the break up), you have to show her that you’ve really changed those things about yourself.
Another possible reason why your ex might have her guard up is…
2. She is testing your confidence
Women always test men to see how confident they really are.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was too insecure, needy and self-doubting in the relationship, she will want to see if that has changed since the break up.
One way to do that is to keep her guard up, not show any interest and even avoid looking at him altogether.
If she discovers that he’s now more confident and emotionally strong (e.g. he confidently walks over and talks to her and clearly believes in himself, even though she is being cold and distant), she will begin to drop her guard and open back up to him.
However, if he seems anxious, nervous, insecure or shows fear when talking to her, she will realize that nothing about him has changed and if anything, he’s actually gotten worse.
As a result, opening up to him again simply won’t feel right to her.
So, if your ex has her guard up around you and won’t even look at you, it might be because she’s testing your confidence.
She wants to see how you react now that she’s not making things easy for you.
What kind of man are you really?
Are you confident no matter what?
Do you need her to be nice and supportive in order to feel confident?
Does she need to help you get her back, or do you have the confidence to get it done no matter how cold or distant she is being.
In some cases, a guy will be very confident in the relationship, but after getting dumped, he might feel insecure and self-doubting about his value to his ex.
If that happens, she will feel turned off by him even more because women are attracted to emotional strength, not weakness.
He might then make the mistake of appearing sad, lost, insecure, rejected or confused because she is being so cold and distant.
Secretly, he hopes that she will notice how upset or lost he is, feel guilty and then start talking to him again.
Yet, she doesn’t because his reaction to her withdrawal is not attractive.
What she needs to see is him being confident, happy and forward moving with his life, with or without her.
She also needs to see that he has the balls to walk over and talk to her in a confident, easy-going manner, without expecting her or needing her to be really nice, open and friendly to make him feel confident.
He is confident no matter what she says or does.
Of course, most guys don’t realize that, so they end up appearing sad, rejected or lost without her.
For example: A guy might say to himself, “Why is she doing this to me? What am I doing wrong? I’ve apologized to her but nothing seems to be getting through to her. She always has her guard up around me and she won’t even look at me. How can I get her back if she won’t even give me the time of day? I’m losing her and I don’t know what to do to make her open up and give me a chance. Why doesn’t she care? It’s like she has turned into a completely different person. She’s not the sweet, loving girl I used to know. This is so unfair.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
By thinking in that way, he loses confidence in himself and makes the ex back process harder for himself when it doesn’t actually need to be.
For example: As a result of thinking in that way, a guy might feel unwelcome to approach his ex and talk to her when she’s ignoring him.
Not knowing what else to do, he might turn to her family or friends for help, or send her e-mails, letters and text messages trying to get her to understand his point of view and express how much he cares for her.
Yet, rather than make her think, “Awww, he must really love me if he’s willing to do anything to get me back. I guess I’ve been too hard on him,” a woman will feel annoyed that he doesn’t have the balls to talk to her on the phone or in person and re-attract her.
Here’s the thing…
For a woman to feel motivated enough to want to give her ex another chance, she needs to feel like she will be getting something better than what she lost.
For example: A confident, emotionally strong man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, rather than an insecure, needy guy that she essentially has to take care of emotionally by being the stronger one in the relationship and leading the way to better times.
So, if your ex has her guard up around you and won’t even look at you, rather than get upset or annoyed about it, just use it as an opportunity to trigger her feelings for you.
Remain calm and relaxed and show her that you are a confident man who isn’t going to get nervous and fail her tests.
When she sees for herself that you’re not crumbling under the pressure she is applying to you (i.e. by ignoring you, having her guard up, acting like she doesn’t even care about you anymore), she won’t be able to stop herself from looking at you with more respectful eyes.
When that happens, her guard comes down and you can then guide her back into a relationship.
Another possible reason why your ex might have her guard up is that…
3. She has lost respect for you
For a woman to want to remain in a committed relationship with a guy, she needs to be able to respect him as her man.
She needs to see that he’s an emotionally strong, honest man that she can depend on to lead the way to a better future for both of them.
A better future is not all about financial security.
Instead, it’s about the potential of their future happiness, love, security, experiences and overall well-being if they stick together.
In other words, does it seem as though their life going to get worse over time and become stressful, unloving and unhappy, or does it seem like their life will get better and better over time?
Is he the sort of man that can guide her through all stages of a relationship and then keep it together for life, or is he only able to get the relationship to work and then has no idea how to stop it from slowly falling apart?
Is he a man that she can truly rely on, invest her time with and be totally in love with for life, or is he one of the guys who have no real idea how to keep a relationship happy, in love and committed for life?
That’s what really counts overall.
How about you and your relationship with your ex?
Were you able to maintain her respect in the relationship, or did you slowly chip away at it over time, until she pretty much lost most or all respect for you?
Here are some examples to help you understand…
Some of the main reasons why a woman will lose respect for a guy are:
- He isn’t confident around her, her friends or other guys, which makes her feel like she has to take care of him in social situations.
- He feels as though he got lucky with her and doesn’t really deserve her, so he fears losing her. As a result, he becomes clingy, needy and controlling.
- He cried to her during the relationship, or cried when she was breaking up with him.
- He stopped behaving in a manly way and ended up being a bit boyish, or he became emotionally sensitive like a woman.
- He desperately begged and pleaded with her to not break up with him.
- He bombarded her with texts, phone calls or social media messages after the break up.
- He regularly lost control of his emotions in the relationship (e.g. getting very angry at her).
- He needs her back so he can feel better about himself, because his life really doesn’t have much purpose or meaning outside of the relationship with her.
- He took her for granted in the relationship (e.g. treated her however he wanted to and expected her to just put up with it).
As you can see, there are many things that can cause a woman to lose respect for her man.
To some guys, it seems unfair that a man needs to be so well rounded to be respected by a woman, but that is life.
We men have to be strong, not women.
We are the ones with the balls.
We are the real leaders of the human race.
Women have always just going along with us, doing their thing (e.g. getting pregnant, raising children, cooking, cleaning).
Yet, as far back as you look into history, you will see men risking their lives to lead the way.
If you look around you right now, you will notice that pretty much everything practical that we humans use has been invented by men (e.g. phones, cars, the internet, TV, mass production of goods).
It’s only recently that women have been able to get involved and contribute because the world is a much safer place for them.
Women have made an amazing contribution to the modern world (i.e. getting men to be more loving, tolerant, understanding, fair, caring) and will continue to, now that they are playing a more equal part.
However, for almost all of human history, they have simply come along for the ride with us.
Women haven’t been leading the world and deciding which direction to head.
That has always been the responsibility of men.
So, don’t forget who you are.
You are a man.
It is not your role to follow a woman and hope that she is nice to you.
You have to lead the way and make things happen by using your confidence and emotional masculinity.
Don’t expect your ex to start looking at you, approaching you and talking to you, being really nice to you and helping you get her back.
You have to stand up and take control of the situation.
Remember who you are, at all times.
You are the man.
As a man, it is your responsibility to be someone that a woman can look up to, respect and follow when in a relationship.
What a woman really wants (many modern women are embarrassed to openly admit this) is a man who knows what he wants and where he is going, so she can relax into his masculine direction.
She doesn’t want to have to think of everything herself, be the strong one and be consistent like a man.
Of course, that’s not to say that women are hopeless without men.
Women are just as intelligent as men and are perfectly capable of doing whatever they want in life.
However, when it comes to romantic, sexual relationships, a woman wants to be with a man that she can look up to and respect.
She wants to be able to relax into his masculine direction, rather than having to be the leader of the relationship.
If you can’t offer your masculine direction to a woman (and be so emotionally strong and consistent that she relaxes and follows your lead), her sexual and romantic feelings for you will naturally begin to fade away.
It doesn’t matter how intelligent, successful or independent she is; her instincts will cause her to feel turned off if you are unable to be the kind of man that she can look up to and respect.
That’s just how life works.
You’ve got to be the man if you want a woman to be the woman and stick with you, love you, respect you and feel attracted to you for life.
So, rather than thinking, “Oh, it’s all too hard. Women have it so easy. Why do men have to be the strong ones? Why do we have to be consistent?” you need to harden up.
Accept and embrace your position as a man in this world.
As a man, you need to be able to handle the challenges of life (including the confidence tests that a woman puts you through in a relationship by throwing tantrums to see how you will react), without crumbling under the pressure and saying that it’s all too hard.
If you can be a man that your ex can now look up to and respect, she will naturally feel attracted to you and want to be in a relationship with you.
She will know that you are one of the rare men who actually know how to be a man and aren’t going through life whining and complaining about it, hoping that someone will take pity on him.
You’re not like that.
You’re an emotionally strong, emotionally masculine man and as a result, you are more than worthy of a woman’s respect.
So, if your ex to drop her guard and open back up to you and the relationship, you must begin by getting her respect back.
The more respect you make her feel, the more attracted she will feel.
When her feelings come flooding back, keeping you at arms length becomes very difficult for her because a little voice in her head is telling her, “Come on…he’s not that bad after. You’re being too hard on him. Just give him a chance to show you that he really has changed. He’s obviously not the same as he used to be. There is a difference and you feel it. Let this happen.”
However, if you don’t get her respect back and just try to convince her to give you a chance (e.g. by seeking pity from her by saying things like, “How can you do this to me? I feel like I’m on trial around you…and nothing I say or do is going to please you. I’m trying my best, but you won’t even look at me or give me a chance”), she will just continue to keep her guard up around you and try to move on without you.
Of course, right now you might be asking, “How do I get my ex’s respect back if she won’t even look at me?”
You need to use every interaction that you have with her from now on (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, on a phone call and in person) to show her that you really have changed since she broke up with you.
It’s not about telling that you’ve changed, writing about it in a letter or texting it to her.
It’s about showing it to her.
Interacting with her and letting her sense and pick up on the changes in you, based on how you now communicate with her, behave, react to her and the overall vibe you give off.
When she senses the changes, her guard will naturally begin to come down and she will be more open and willing to communicate with you and be around you.
Another possible reason why your ex might have her guard up is because…
4. She knows that you don’t understand what she really wants
If a guy doesn’t know what his ex woman really wants him to change (and she can see that), she will keep her guard up around him, rather than explaining how to get her back.
If he can’t work it out for himself, she feels as though he’s either not capable of being the kind of man she wants, or he can’t be bothered putting in the effort and just wants another chance because he loves her and cares about her.
For example: When talking to his ex girl, a guy might say, “Why are you being like this? I just want to talk to you. Why won’t you even look at me? Just give me a chance to make things right. Tell me where I went wrong and I promise that I’ll change and fix it. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Just tell me what you need me to do and it’s done. I want to make things right between us. I want to make this work. I love you. Please.”
Yet, that approach rarely, if ever, convinces a woman to change her attitude towards her ex.
Instead, thinks something like, “Why is he whining to me about his feelings and what he wants? He’s doesn’t even understand what I want. Doesn’t he realize that getting me back is going to require giving me what I want, without needing my help to make that happen? Doesn’t he realize that a woman hates having to teach a guy how to be a man? He doesn’t get it. He’s just hoping that I will take pity on him and give him another chance because he loves me so much. What he doesn’t realize is that his feelings don’t matter anymore. It’s about me now. It’s about how I feel. If he can’t make me feel what I want to feel, then I don’t see any reason why I should give him another chance. If I give him another chance, he will just be making me feel turned off in the same old ways as before. He doesn’t get it.”
She then puts her guard up even more and tries harder to move on without him.
So, rather than asking your ex things like, “Why do you have your guard up around me?” or “Why won’t you even look at me?” just focus on changing how she feels by making her feel attracted in ways that she actually cares about.
- Does she want you to be more manly and stop giving her so much power over you?
- Does she want you to stop being so serious and start making her smile, laugh and feel good around you again?
- Does she want you to become more emotionally independent, rather than being so clingy of her love and attention?
Those are the kind of things that really count to a woman.
So, start by asking yourself questions like:
- Was I too jealous and controlling?
- Did I take her for granted?
- Did I become too annoying?
- Could she depend on me to be the man in the relationship, or did she feel like she had to take care of me and make most of the decisions?
- Were her expectations of the relationship being fulfilled, or did we want different things (e.g. she wanted to get serious and settle down, whereas I wanted to take things slow)?
- Did she get tired of all the fighting and arguing?
- Did I stop making her feel appreciated and just expect her to put up with whatever way I treated her?
- Did I give her too much power in the relationship to the point where she no longer looked up to me as her man?
- Did I turn the relationship into more of a friendship and as a result, the spark died out and she lost interest in me in a sexual, romantic way?
- Did I become too irritable, moody or emotionally sensitive?
Do any of those apply to you and your relationship with her?
If so, that’s what you need to focus on fixing about yourself.
You don’t need to be perfect in each of those areas though.
Instead, you just need to be a lot better, so she can pick up on and sense it as she interacts with you.
She will be able to detect the changes based on the difference in how you now speak, behave, react to her and your overall vibe and approach to interactions and conversation.
As a result, she will automatically begin to feel respect and attraction for you again.
Her guard will come down and the idea of giving you another chance will begin to make sense to her again.
She will realize why she loved you in the first place and feel excited about her new, more developed love and attraction for you.
Finally, another possible reason your ex might have her guard up is…
5. She wants you to get angry at her, so she can use that as a reason for wanting to remain broken up
Sometimes a woman might not know how to get her ex to leave her alone and move on, so she starts behaving rudely towards him to hopefully get him to react in an angry way.
When he does, she can then say that she is afraid of him and doesn’t want to speak to him anymore.
Here’s an example…
A woman is nervous about coming right out and saying, “Look it’s over between us. I don’t want to get back with you and I want you to respect my feelings and leave me alone,” so she acts cold and distant around her ex in the hopes that he might give up and leave her alone.
If he continues trying to get her back, she might then start getting angry at him and change into a completely different woman than he once knew.
She might say, “Leave me alone! Why you keep contacting me? It’s over! I feel nothing for you and I never did!”
She’s hoping that he reacts angrily to her saying that she felt nothing for him.
If he does react in an angry way, she can then say something like, “Oh my…look at how you’re behaving. You’re out of control. I can’t be in a relationship with a guy who gets so angry all the time. I’m afraid of you now. I mean, what’s to stop you from getting really angry and hurting if we get back together again? What will happen if I dare to disagree with you about something? Will you get angry and hit me? I’m not going to let that happen to me. You’re out of control. So, you need to leave me alone now.”
She can then walk away knowing that it will be difficult for him to defend himself after the way he behaved.
If he tries to apologize for getting angry, she can say, “It’s too little too late. You’ve shown me your true colors. I’m scared of you now. Stop contacting me and leave me alone.”
So, whatever you do, make sure that you don’t lose your temper and get really angry at your ex (e.g. for ignoring you, talking disrespectfully to you).
Instead, show her that her actions are not affecting your confidence.
Let her see that you’re an emotionally strong, mature man who doesn’t get angry when a woman is being silly.
Rather than getting angry or annoyed, just use interactions that you have with her as an opportunity to make her smile, laugh and feel good in your presence.
When you do that, her guard will come down and you can then get her back with you where she belongs.