Here are 9 of the most common reasons why a woman will break up with her boyfriend for lying to her, plus some proven tips on how to get her back:
1. She worries that today’s little lies will turn into bigger lies from him in future
Most people tell white lies (White lie (noun): A harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings) from time to time and in most cases, they really are pretty harmless (e.g. “Your asparagus dip was delicious!” or, “Of course I love watching love drama shows on Netflix with you, rather than playing video games” or, “No, I don’t want the last chocolate in the box, you have it.”)
Yet, when it comes to being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, white lies can eventually add up to her losing trust in who he really is and how he really feels.
For example: Imagine that a guy lies about enjoying his woman’s cooking.
He doesn’t really like it and she’s just okay at cooking.
Initially, it doesn’t seem that big a deal to say, “Yes, it tastes great” because he believes that he’s just being nice to avoid hurting her feelings.
Yet, over time, that small white lie can also lead to him feel unhappy when he’s forced to eat her mediocre cooking night after night.
He might then say hurtful things like, “You’re cooking is okay. You could do a lot better.”
All that time, she thought he really liked it, but he was lying.
Naturally, she will not only feel hurt about being lied to, but will also lose respect for him for not having the balls to tell her how he really felt in the beginning.
She may then begin to wonder things like, “If he lied to my face about my cooking all this time, what’s going to stop him from lying about other, bigger and more important things in the future?”
As a result, she stops fully trusting him, which then creates a disconnection between them.
The thing is, in a relationship, a woman needs to be able to trust her boyfriend (or husband) to be a man of his word all the time.
It’s not enough to just be honest most of the time.
You have to be a man of your word at all times, so she can put her full trust in you (i.e. totally commit to you, totally support you, totally feel as though you and her are going to be together and support each other for life).
Without that, she just can’t ever truly open up, love you and commit to you completely.
Some women choose to stick around and see if the guy will do it again, whereas other women believe that lying is a ‘deal breaker’ and they simply cannot accept it.
A woman like that firmly believes that if a guy has lied once about something (even if it was small), he will inevitably do it again later on and this time, it might be over something big (e.g. he lies about not being attracted to another woman when he is, tells her their finances are fine when in fact they are in debt).
So, rather than allow things to get to that point and end up being hurt even more, she might just decide to end things and move on now.
This is why, if you lied to your girlfriend and she broke up with you, to get her back, you’re going to have to get her trust back first.
How can you do that?
Not by saying, “I promise I will never lie to you again! No matter how small something might be, I give you my word that I’ll tell you the truth. You can trust me this time, things will really be different,” because it’s unlikely that she’ll believe you.
A better way to go about it, is by showing her that she can trust you through your actions and behavior.
She will naturally and automatically pick up on it, based on how you talk to her, what you say or don’t say, how you react to her, behave and approach interactions with her overall.
When a woman can see that you really have changed, she will usually drop her guard and open back up to giving you another chance, as long as you are interacting with her in ways that make her feel attracted.
Another common reason why a girlfriend will break up with her boyfriend for lying to her is…
2. She worries that her lack of trust for him will cause her to become insecure and stressed and she just doesn’t want that
Living with the fear of being lied to, can definitely cause a woman to feel insecure and stressed out.
At the back of her mind she will likely always be wondering, “Is he telling me the truth, or is this another one of his lies?”
Even seemingly trivial things like her guy saying he will call her later, or that he will pick her up at a certain time, makes her feel unsure of whether she can trust him or not.
If he then accidentally gets delayed and he doesn’t call her all day or he arrives late to fetch her, she will likely have spent all that time feeling anxious and stressed and wondering if he lied to her, even though he didn’t.
The fact is, when a woman finds herself in a relationship where she always feels as though she’s on guard because she can’t fully trust her man, she will start to believe that it’s just too much for her to handle or deal with.
As a result, she may think, “This just isn’t working out for me. What I don’t need is a boyfriend who makes me feel tense, stressed out and agitated, because I don’t believe what he’s saying half the time. Relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard. I think it’s time for me to move on and find someone else to be with who doesn’t stress me out in this way.”
She will then usually break up with her guy, to protect herself from having to go through future periods of insecurity and stress, even though in his eyes he likely didn’t do anything that should have been so unforgivable.
Another common reason why a girlfriend will break up with her boyfriend for lying to her is…
3. She has been lied to before and it didn’t turn out well for her
Sometimes, a guy might get broken up with for lying to his ex, not because his lie was so inexcusable, but because he’s paying for someone else’s past wrongs.
For example: If his woman came out of a relationship with a guy who used to lie to her often, even a small lie from her current guy will not be taken lightly.
Instead, she will likely begin thinking things like, “This is how it started with my ex. First it was a small white lie about something insignificant and then over time, he was lying to me all the time about everything. This is definitely a red flag for me. I’m not going to stick around until it’s too late and get hurt again. It’s a pity, because I really thought we had something special, but I simply can’t risk it. I have to walk away now while I still can.”
She will then likely break up with her guy, even though it might seem like she’s totally overreacting.
Remember: For a relationship to last, there has to be mutual trust.
So, if your ex has had that trust broken before, it’s going to be difficult for her to be able to believe that you’re not going to put her through the same pain as her ex.
Of course, you’re not her ex and making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad guy.
It also doesn’t mean you have to pay the price of her ex hurting her with his lies.
However, you do have to show her via your actions and behavior (not by telling her) that you really aren’t like her ex.
Yes, you made a mistake by lying to her, but you’ve learned your lesson and you’re not going to do that again.
Don’t say that to her.
Show her by always being honest with her, even if she puts you on the spot.
When she can see for herself that you are not the same as her ex who hurt her with his lying, she will slowly be able to drop her guard.
4. She was already unhappy in the relationship and was looking for a good enough reason to break up with him
In some cases, a woman may have disconnected from her sexual and romantic feelings for her guy and is looking for a way to break up with him, without him being able to talk her out of her decision.
So when he lies to her, she sees it as the perfect excuse to end the relationship, all the while knowing that he will be feeling guilty for his actions, thereby making it difficult for him to argue with her decision.
She can then easily move on without any hassles and focus on finding herself a new man to get into a relationship with.
Here’s the thing though…
Just because your ex may have stopped feeling sexually and romantically attracted to you to the point where she was looking for an excuse to break up with you, it doesn’t mean you have to give up on getting her back.
You really can change how she feels and get her back, if you want to.
That means, you need to interact with her every chance you get over the phone and most importantly, in person and re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Just don’t put any pressure on her to want a relationship again right away.
Instead, focus on making her laugh and smile and feel good to be interacting with you.
Show her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you react and respond to her that you are now at a different level than when she broke up with you.
The more drawn to you she feels in a good way, the more willing she will be to forgive you for lying to her.
She will then naturally open back up to the idea of giving you another chance, because the idea of being with you again makes her feel good.
5. It made her lose trust in his ability to be a man that she could rely on to protect her and provide for any offspring that he and her might have eventually had together
Part of being in a relationship is being able to trust the other person to be there for you when you need them to be.
This is particularly important to a woman, because sometimes, she may be in a situation where her safety depends on it (e.g. she’s working late at night and she needs her man to pick her up at a specific time so that she doesn’t have to wait out in the street in the dark all alone).
So, when he lies to her, regardless of how small that lie might be, she will lose her ability to feel safe knowing that her guy has her back and will take care of her and their children if they have them.
Even though he likely is a very reliable guy and will take good care of her and their family if they have one, his lying to her dissolves her trust in him.
She might then begin to wonder things like, “Maybe I’m making a big deal out of all this, but what if this is just the start of a long line of lies. Then one day, he might promise to pick up our children at school and then forget about them, leaving them in a potentially dangerous situation where they could be alone, scared and vulnerable to being hurt or even kidnapped. I know it sounds far fetched right now, but a lie is a lie and I just don’t know if I can feel safe with a guy who could let me down at any moment.”
She may then decide to break up with him and focus on finding herself the kind of man she can totally relax with, knowing that she will always be safe and taken care of by him (i.e. honest, reliable, emotionally mature).
6. It made her feel as though if another attractive woman was interested in him, he might be the sort of guy to just go for it rather than remaining loyal to her
When a guy lies to his girl, it might not seem like that big a deal to him, but to her it can bring up a whole bunch of worries and questions.
For example: She might ask herself, “If he’s okay with lying to me, what else will he be okay with doing behind my back? What will stop him from cheating on me if the opportunity presents itself and he feels that he can get away with it? Right now I’m dealing with just having been lied to, but eventually, I might have to cope with being betrayed and is that really something I will be able to handle? Is this relationship worth holding on to, or am I better off moving on and making a fresh start with a guy I can give 100% of my love, respect and trust to?”
If she senses that he’s not really as trustworthy and loyal to her as she wants him to be, she may then decide to break up with him to avoid getting hurt even worse later on if he cheats on her, or even dumps her for another woman.
Of course, that might not be the kind of man you are at all.
However, you’re going to have to prove that to your girlfriend through your actions and behavior, not your words.
So, rather than go on and on about how sorry you are and promise her that you will never hurt her again, right now, it’s more important to focus on making her reconnect with her feelings of respect, trust, attraction and love for you.
Even if she tries to have a serious discussion with you about what happened and what you would do if another woman came on to you, don’t get caught up in that.
Instead, just steer the conversation back to humor, flirting and feel good emotions, so she can see that she is feeling happy and relaxed around you again.
Her guard will then naturally start to slip down and she will open up to at least talking to you on the phone and meeting up with you in person more often to see where things go.
7. She’s just over-reacting to a small lie that he told her and she will soon calm down about it and want him back
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, a woman might say, “Forget it! You lied to me and I’m not going to take that kind of treatment from you. It’s over! I don’t want anything to do with you anymore!”
Yet, when her anger dies down, she realizes that she probably overreacted.
She may then start thinking things like, “I think I just made a terrible mistake. I don’t know why I reacted like that over a small lie. It’s not like it was the end of the world and to be honest, I’ve told white lies before too. It was silly of me to break up with him, when the truth is, I still love him. What should I do now to fix it? Should I tell him that I made a mistake, or wait for him to contact me so that we can fix things?”
In some cases, a woman might then make the first move and call her ex to apologize to him for overreacting and try to patch things up with him.
However, quite often a woman won’t do that, because she feels too embarrassed for reacting the way she did.
She may also fear that if she does call her ex and admit that she made a mistake he might say something along the lines of, “It’s too late now. You were the one who blew everything out of proportion and dumped me, so I’m moving on. I don’t need a drama queen for a girlfriend. Bye!”
She will then end up feeling rejected by him, which she doesn’t want to risk.
As a result, she doesn’t contact him.
If he then doesn’t make a move either, they may both end up regretting what happened and missing each other for months and even years, all because neither one had the courage to take the first step to reconciliation.
This is why, if your ex broke up with you in the spur of the moment over a small lie, you need to be courageous enough to make the first move.
Contact her, preferably on a phone call, rather than text and begin rebuilding her feelings of respect, trust and attraction for you again.
Start off by briefly apologizing for lying to her and then have a light-hearted conversation with her where you focus on making her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
Note: Don’t make a big deal about the break up and don’t ask her to get back together.
Instead, just focus on breaking down the walls between you and her so she starts to feel better about what happened.
Then, get her to agree to meet up with you in person.
When you meet up in person, continue reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. by being confident around her even when she’s being closed off and reserved, using humor to break down her defenses, flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you and her).
From there, you can then progress to hugging, kissing, sex and a new and improved relationship based on mutual love, respect and most importantly, trust.
8. She’s angry and resentful because she feels like she wasted valuable time in her life with a guy who wasn’t the right man for her
Many guys don’t know this, but women hate wasting their time on a guy who is pretending to be an emotionally mature, emotionally strong, trustworthy man.
This has a lot to do with a woman’s natural instincts of wanting to find one man, get him to fall in love with her and then stick with him for life.
This is why most women will put up with a lot from a guy before they make the decision to break up with him.
Basically, it’s because most women don’t want to have to break up with a guy and have to start all over again.
A woman doesn’t want to waste her valuable time with a man who isn’t everything she wanted him to be and risk not finding a real man in time to start a family with.
So, of a woman finds out that she’s been with a guy who is a liar, she gets really angry with him, because he’s been wasting her time.
She will then break up with him and try to move on as quickly as possible, rather than stick around and waste even more of her time with an ‘unsuitable’ match for her.
9. She’s angry because it feels like she put way more into the relationship and sacrificed a lot more for him, but in the end, he betrayed her trust anyway
Sometimes, a woman feels that she’s spent most of her time in the relationship with her guy making compromises and putting his needs ahead of her own.
In the meantime, he always seems to be the one taking and stuffing up and she keeps making excuses for him and forgiving him.
In her mind she might say to herself, “I know it seems as though he’s always taking, while I’m always giving, but he’s not a bad person. He does love me in his own way and I’m sure he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”
So, when he actually lies to her, it feels like a slap in the face to her.
She naturally feels angry, resentful, taken for granted, unloved and even used and she doesn’t hesitate to break up with him.
Of course, the guy might feel confused and wonder things like, “What just happened? Why did she overreact like that? Why did she have to break up with me over such a small lie?”
The answer is that it was the final straw for her after suppressing her emotions for so long and feeling she put so much more into the relationship than she got back.
If that applies to your situation with your ex, then you need to show her via the way you now act and behave that you have learned from your mistakes and have become a better man as a result.
Of course, don’t go into a big speech about how sorry you are and how you’ve learned your lesson.
Just be brief about those kinds of things and then focus on making her smile, laugh and feel attracted and in love with the new you.
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