5 possible reasons why your ex said that she doesn’t see a future for you and her as a couple, are that…
1. She can see that you still don’t understand what she really wants in a man
She has tried to give you hints and clues based on what she has said to you and how she has reacted to behavior of yours that she found unattractive.
Yet, despite her attempts to get you to understand her and what she really wants in a man, you’re still using pretty much the same old approach as before.
As a result, she’s just not feeling it with you.
She might see you as being a good guy, but that’s just not enough.
You’ve got to be able to give her the feeling that she really wants to have in a relationship.
If you’re unable to do that, she’s just not going to feel like there’s any point giving you another chance.
- Did she want you to be more ballsy around her or in life in general, or did she see you as being confident and manly enough already?
- Do you know what kind of male behavior really turns her on, or were you just being a good guy to her and hoping that it would be enough?
- Did you make her feel more like your friend in the relationship, rather than your girl who could look up to you and respect you as her man?
- Did she want to see you being more ambitious and following through on big goals, or were you already an ambitious, successful guy or an ambitious guy who was on his way to success?
- Do you know what kind of power dynamic she would really prefer in the relationship (e.g. you clearly in the position of power), or did you just do whatever you felt like and expected her to simply enjoy it even though it wasn’t what she really wanted?
- Were you able to remain confident and in control of your emotions when she tested you by being difficult, throwing a tantrum, teasing you or changing her mind all the time?
- Were you able to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to how masculine you think, talk, feel, behave and act around her and in life, or did she feel neutral in comparison to you?
By answering those questions, you will realize that there’s a lot more to relationships and keeping a woman happy than just being a good guy to her.
The love between a man and a woman is something that needs to be taken care of, nurtured and deepened over time.
If you do that properly (it’s easy to do when you know how it’s done), you and her will get to Stage 5 of a relationship, which is what I call Blissful Love.
When you reach Blissful Love and keep the relationship there, both you and her won’t ever want to break up.
It feels so good to be there with each other and nothing else compares.
Unfortunately, most guys aren’t aware of how to build on a woman’s love over time, which is one of the reasons why there’s such a high break up and divorce rate out there.
It’s not men’s fault though.
We don’t get taught this kind of thing in school and in most cases, our parents have no idea about it either.
So, you are pretty much on your own as a man.
You have to figure out for yourself.
Of course, I am here to help you and show you the way.
Unfortunately, a guy will often avoid seeking help when the relationship with his ideal woman is falling apart.
This is particularly true with intelligent men.
An intelligent man is usually able to figure things out for himself and get through life.
Yet, when it comes to his woman and the relationship that is falling apart, he just doesn’t know what he can do to stop the pending break up.
Not knowing what else to do, a guy might begin to be more and more insecure, controlling, jealous, irritable, selfish or emotionally sensitive.
He won’t feel safe in the relationship anymore and will be continually worried about the possibility of her leaving him.
His woman will notice the changes in him and feel turned off by his inability to get things back on track.
She will lose respect for him and begin to wonder, “Is this really the guy I want to be with for life? Is he really the best that I can do? Do I have to stay with him, even though he’s continually turning me off and making our relationship feel annoying and stressful? Is it okay for me to just break up with him?”
She will then either then break up with him right away, or begin the process of breaking up with him (i.e. stop showing as much affection, spend more time away from him, begin flirting with other guys, make plans to go out with her single girlfriends after breaking up with him).
When she finally breaks up with him and says something like, “I don’t see a future for us as a couple,” it can be devastating and heartbreaking to the guy.
Many guys have no idea how to fix the problem and end up losing their woman completely.
So, don’t be afraid to seek help with this.
You can fix the problems between her and get her back.
However, you have to make sure that you do it right.
For example: Don’t try to talk to her and fix the problems between you by discussing them.
That’s not what works.
You’ve got to focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and romantic and sexual attraction for you.
When you do that, she naturally starts to open back up to you and begin imaging a future with you.
However, if you are trying to get her back by discussing the relationship before even re-attracting her, she’s just not going to feel the same way you do.
She won’t feel the motivation to fix things like you do and will just keep rejecting you.
The real secret to getting an ex back and to keeping a relationship together for life is to maintain and build on the woman’s feelings for you.
You can’t just make her feel good at the start and then expect her to stick with you for life even though she doesn’t feel good around you anymore.
If you want to get her back and keep the relationship together, you’ve got to be able to maintain and deepen her feelings over time.
If you don’t give a woman that experience, she begins to feel uncertain about her future with you.
Let’s have a look at some examples to put it into context…
A woman might want to have a boyfriend (or husband) who is always striving to reach for his true potential and rise through the levels of life.
She wants to know that if she decides to have a family with him, he will be emotionally strong enough to continue striving to succeed and be able to support them and their offspring.
So, if she notices that her guy is drifting through his life (e.g. he doesn’t have a clear purpose or direction, he has a low-paying job, he doesn’t have a job and relies on her for financial support, he wastes most of his free time watching TV, playing video games or chatting on social media sites) she will naturally start to feel insecure about her future with him.
Initially, she might make excuses for his behavior and she may even say to herself, “It’s okay. We’re still young. I don’t want to be one of those nagging women who push their man to be overly responsible and not have any fun. I’m sure that he will mature soon enough and start being the man I want him to be.”
Yet, when she realizes that months or years continue to pass by and he’s no closer to becoming the kind of man she needs him to be, she will start to feel insecure and anxious about her future with him.
When that happens, she will begin to lose respect for him and eventually decide to break up with him by saying something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t working out. I just don’t see a future for us being together as a couple.”
Another example is when a woman finds herself in a relationship with a guy who is very driven and is always working hard to provide for her, to the point where he becomes neglectful, doesn’t spend much time with her and expects her to just wait around in the background for years or decades until he achieves the level of success he’s aiming for.
Even though he is working hard and setting himself up to be a great provider for her and any offspring they may have, it’s just not fair on the woman.
She’s not his property and doesn’t have to wait around and get little bits of his attention a couple of times a week.
She has to be able to feel loved, appreciated and wanted.
If he’s able to strike that balance, she will be an amazing woman for him and will make him feel loved, appreciated and wanted too.
Yet, if it’s all just about his career or business and hardly ever about him and her enjoying life, she’s just not going to be happy.
Deep down, she might feel bad for being ungrateful (especially when her friends or colleagues talk about their lazy boyfriend or husband), but she just won’t be able to stop herself from feeling taken for granted.
Unfortunately, in cases like this, a woman will often cheat on her man if she is left to wait in the background of his life for too long.
She will need a guy to make her feel loved, wanted and appreciated.
She will also just need to feel like she is living her life and enjoying it, rather than waiting around in the background for a man who might even decide to dump her later on when he become successful.
Here’s the thing though…
A woman doesn’t want to have to get to the point where she cheats on her boyfriend/husband or flirts with other guys for attention and validation because she’s not getting that from her relationship.
If she’s like most women on the planet, she just wants to be with one man for life.
She wants to feel like the man that she’s with understands what she wants and is giving that to her in the best way that he can.
He doesn’t have to be perfect, but he does need to ensure that he strikes a balance in life (i.e. doesn’t work too hard and neglect her, or doesn’t become too lazy and cause her to feel unsafe about a future with him).
By keeping things balanced, he will naturally avoid making his woman feel as though her loyalty, commitment and dedication to him is being taken for granted.
As you can see, there are many different reasons why a woman might feel unsafe about a future with a guy.
If your ex has said that to you, don’t worry.
You can change how she feels about you and make her see a clear, exciting, rewarding future with you.
When you understand her real reasons for breaking up with you (e.g. She wants you to be more focused and driven in your life, rather than messing around. She wants you to treat her more like an attractive, desirable woman rather than a friend or roommate. She wants you to be more confident and emotionally strong, rather than always letting her dominate you emotionally), you can then make the right changes and adjustments to yourself.
Then, when you interact with her and she expects in the same old ways, you can surprise her by thinking, talking and behaving like the new, more confident and more emotional masculine version of you instead.
When she can see for herself that not only do you understand what she really wants in a man, but you are also giving it to her now, it then becomes difficult for her to deny the fact that a future with you actually seems good to her now.
She doesn’t look into the future and feel dread or feel like it would be a huge mistake or waste of time to be with you.
She can see that you have already changed and will almost certainly continue to become an even better man day by day now.
Another possible reason why your ex said that she doesn’t see a future for you being together as a couple is that…
2. She doesn’t want to have to teach you or guide you
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher about how to be a man in a relationship.
She wants a guy who already knows how to maintain and build on her feelings of love, respect and attraction, without needing to lean on her for guidance and support.
Essentially, she just wants to be in love, rather than trying to make a relationship work with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be the kind of man she needs.
For example: When a woman decides to get her own house, she usually doesn’t want to build the house herself.
Instead, she just wants to buy the best house that she can find, so she can move in right away and enjoy it stress-free.
She wants the house to be a real house, in excellent working condition and with no nasty surprises.
So, imagine how she might feel if she then discovers that her nice, new house springs a leak in the kitchen and bathroom and all the walls begin to crack all around the house.
Naturally, she will feel like she’s been cheated and sold a house that wasn’t as good as she though initially.
She was promised a great house, in excellent working condition, but it is full of problems that are taking away from the joy she wants to experience in it.
In the same way, most women don’t want to discover that their guy needs a lot of fixing before he can be a real man that she can look up to and respect.
She also doesn’t want to have to expend the time and energy improving him and teaching him how to be the kind of man she needs him to be.
She just wants a man who understands how to be a man and is that way, so she can get on with enjoying a real, loving, committed, lifetime relationship with him.
So, an important question for you at this point is…
Do you know exactly what is causing your ex to say that she doesn’t see a future for you and her being together as a couple?
If your answer is “No,” don’t worry – you can figure this out now.
Here are some possible reasons that she isn’t telling you about because she doesn’t want to teach you how to get her back.
She doesn’t see a future with you as a couple because…
- You became too insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship.
- You stopped making her feel like a desirable, sexy woman (e.g. you weren’t affectionate enough, the sex became too neutral or even dried up completely).
- You placed her needs ahead of your own, despite her bad behavior, so she felt emotionally more dominant than you.
- You became too annoying (e.g. you stopped listening to her, you made fun of her ideas and opinions, you pestered her for attention).
- You didn’t want to be mature and commit to her and the relationship in the same way she did.
- You weren’t following through on your big goals, dreams and ambitions in life and were using the safety of “spending time with her” to hide from making progress as a man.
- You made her feel as though you needed her way more than she needed you.
- You made her feel as though you’d be a burden that she would have to carry throughout life.
- You and her always seemed to end up arguing and fighting about things that other couples handle so easily.
- She couldn’t be herself around you because you were either too emotionally sensitive and needed her to be nice and gentle with you, or you were too selfish and expected her to just put up with whatever you said or did around her.
- She felt she was just too cool for you, or you were too cool for her.
- She felt like you didn’t have the same kind of value to offer her as she was offering you (e.g. she was smart, attractive and interesting and you were smart, annoying and boring).
Of course, not all of the examples above will apply to you.
Those are just examples to help you get clear on where you might have been going wrong with her and how you can adjust and change to get her back.
It’s only when you understand your ex’s real reasons for leaving, can you then begin to make the right changes to yourself.
For example: If you and her always seemed to end up arguing and fighting, she’s not going to care if you get a new shirt and add some muscle at the gym.
What will matter to her is when she interacts with you and notices that she feels so much happier now around you.
Conversations create smiles, laughter and feel good emotions.
It’s no longer how it used to be.
When she can see that you figured out what has been turning her off without needing her to tell you and have also taken steps to change those things, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She will then begin to imagine a much better future if you and her were to get back together and be a couple again.
At that point, you just need to build on her feelings as you interact with her and she will keep dropping her guard and opening up.
Many guys are able to achieve that during the first interaction with their ex woman.
However, in some cases (e.g. where the woman is completely turned off by her ex and doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore), it can take 2-3 interactions to accomplish.
Another possible reason why your ex said that she doesn’t see a future for you being together as a couple is…
3. She thinks that you and her will want different things in the long run
At the start of a relationship, a couple will usually focus on the excitement of falling in love and getting to know each other, than on any differences they might have.
So, if they don’t agree on something, it’s easy to write it off by saying, “We can fix that later. I’m sure that things will change,” or, “Right now, none of those things are important to me. I’m certain that when the time comes, we’ll work everything out.”
Yet, months or years into the relationship, the things that were initially ignored now start to become annoying and unwanted.
For example: A woman might be very focused on her career and be looking forward to rising through the levels in her chosen field, before she decides to settle down and start a family.
On the other hand, her guy is always talking about how wonderful it will be when they are married, how much he loves children and how he can’t wait to have a big family of his own.
Naturally, this is not something that will bother a woman when she’s just met a guy because she’s not yet sure if she will stick with him for life.
However, in a long-term relationship where he and her seem to want different things, she will begin to wonder whether the relationship should continue.
For example: She may think something like, “While I’m focused on my career, all he seems to be aiming for is having a family. He wants me pregnant and at home, but I want to continue on with my career as long as I can. Maybe we just need to break up because if we stay together, one of us will have to compromise and I don’t want to be the one to do that. I want to continue on with my career, without being made to feel selfish about it.”
If he keeps pestering her about starting a family and she just can’t seem to change her mind about wanting to continue on with her career, she will be forced to break up with him.
She might then say something like, “I don’t see a future for us being together as a couple. We want different things and it’s just not working out.”
Another possible reason why your ex said that to you is…
4. You haven’t made her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you yet
After a break up, most guys feel unsure about how to approach their ex to get her back into a relationship.
As a result, all kinds of classic mistakes are made, which simply don’t help the guy’s chances of getting her back at all.
For example: A classic mistake is writing a long letter or e-mail to an ex woman to explain your feelings and try to work things out.
A guy might send his ex woman and e-mail and type something like, “I just want you to know that I love you and care about you more than anything else. You said that you can’t see a future for us being together as a couple, but I can. I just can’t see a future without you in it. You mean the world to me and I will do anything to make this work between us. What we had was special. You have to admit that. It was. You and I were so good for each other before we started having problems. I want to get us back to that place. Just tell me what you want me to change or do and I will do it. Tell me what will make you see a future for us together and I will make it happen.”
The guy means well, but it’s just not what works on a woman.
A woman doesn’t want to have to teach a man or help him to get her back in any way.
As a result, she will think something like, “He doesn’t get it. He thinks that talking about what he wants from me is going to change the fact that I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. He doesn’t even know why my feelings have changed. Well, I’m tired of having to help him understand how to be the kind of man that I need. I’ve given up trying to teach him and guide him. I’m simply not willing to take on the responsibility of shaping him into the man that he needs to become. I have to get away from him and find myself a man who understands what a woman really wants.”
She then closes up and it becomes a little more difficult for him to get through to her and get her back.
He can still get her back, but he has to change his approach right away and stop saying and doing the things that turn an ex woman off.
There are so many classic mistakes to avoid and most guys simply do not know about them until after they’ve made the mistake and felt the consequence.
A final possible reason why your ex said that she doesn’t see a future for you being together as a couple is…
5. You’re asking her for a relationship before you’ve fully reactivated her original feelings for you
One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with by a woman, is to quickly try and convince her to give him another chance.
For example: A guy might send his ex flowers and write a note like, “I’m sorry. I know that I stuffed up, but we can make this work. Please give me another chance. I love you so much. Peter, xoxoxo”
Another guy might write his ex a love poem, pouring his heart out to her and asking her to take him back.
Another guy might try to list of reasons why they are good as a couple and why she should give him another chance.
What these guys don’t realize is that without first reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction, none of those romantic gestures will mean much to her at all.
The feelings aren’t mutual.
If he doesn’t reactivate her feelings for him first, she’s not going to feel motivated to give him another chance.
So, if you want your ex to see a future for you being together as a couple, don’t try to convince her by being romantic (i.e. sending flowers, gifts, love letters), because those things rarely change a woman’s mind.
Additionally, don’t try to make her realize how good you and her couple be by talking about all the positives of your previous relationship.
What matters is how you make her feel NOW.
Are you making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you NOW based on the changes you’ve made to yourself?
Have you changed the things about yourself that really matter to her, or are you just trying to get her back in the same old ways, without changing your approach to her?