To get your ex interested in being a couple again you need to:
1. Understand how to make her feel attracted to you again
Right now, you may not know all of the secret reasons why your ex felt turned off by and decided to end it.
She probably didn’t give you a full explanation when she broke up with you and instead said something along the lines of, “I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore,” or “I need some time to find out what I really want to do with my life.”
As you would know, vague reasons like that don’t help you get her back.
…and women do that on purpose.
They don’t want to give you things that you can cling on to or say that you’re working on to get another chance.
Instead, most women want to just leave you and move on, unless you are able to figure out how to properly re-attract them.
To get clear about what you need to start saying and doing to properly re-attract her, ask yourself…
- What is it about me that turned her off?
- What do I think I was missing?
- Did she want me to behave in a way that I wasn’t aware of?
- Was I trying to get her to accept things about me that just aren’t attractive to her?
For example: A guy might initially attract his woman because he’s confident, emotionally strong and independent.
Yet, after they get into a relationship together, rather than maintain her feelings of respect and attraction for him by continuing to be the confident, self-assured guy that she fell for, he becomes insecure, jealous and controlling.
He starts to track her every move, questions her about her friends and constantly asks her if she still loves him.
Over time, she begins to wonder, “What happened to the confident man I fell in love with?” and she starts to feel turned off by his needy, insecure behavior.
He then gets angry at her for changing how she feels about him and expects her to just accept him as he is, even though he’s no longer the confident guy that she fell in love with.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that women simply cannot retain feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for a guy that lacks confidence.
Some women (usually unattractive women, or women who are only staying with the guy until something better comes along) will put up with a lack of confidence and insecure behavior.
However, relationships like that can end in a second if the woman finds a confident man who is able to make her feel the way she really wants to feel when in a relationship.
She can go from putting on her act as though everything is okay, to a sudden break up by saying something like, “I’m in love with someone else. I can’t be with you anymore” and leaving her guy behind in ruins.
It’s a horrible thing to go through, but it’s also a very important wake up call for you as a growing man.
It doesn’t matter if you’re 50, 40, 30 or 20; you are always capable of growing up further and becoming an even more attractive man to your woman.
There is always an opportunity for you to be more emotionally masculine and confident around your woman and in life.
When you do that, you always become more attractive to your woman and generally speaking, life becomes easier and more enjoyable for you.
So, if a guy got dumped for losing his confidence in the relationship, he needs to go back to being the self-assured, emotionally mature and independent guy she originally fell in love with and then stay that way when they become a couple again.
Another example of what may turn a woman off in a relationship is when she tests her guy (e.g. by throwing tantrums, being moody and sulky) and he just accepts her bad behavior, rather than standing up to her and putting her back in her place in a loving, but assertive manner.
A guy who doesn’t understand how to be the man in a relationship might say to himself, “I don’t want to upset her even more, so I’m just going to be extra nice to her and hopefully she will calm down and then everything will be okay again.”
Yet, that kind of thinking just makes a woman lose respect for him because if he’s not being man enough to stand up to her, it makes her feel more dominant than him emotionally and also makes her feel like he isn’t someone that could keep her safe around challenging people.
When that happens, she stops feeling respect for him because she is the one with the most power in the relationship and doesn’t feel like he could protect her or make her feel safe.
Think of it this way…
If a boss submits to his employee and is nervous around him, it will be a lot more difficult for the employee to then look up to him and respect him.
In the same way, in a relationship with a woman, the man needs to be the boss, otherwise the woman loses respect for him.
Being the boss doesn’t mean that he has to be overly domineering and controlling, make all of the decisions, or treat her disrespectfully.
Instead, it simply means that he is always the emotionally stronger one who takes on the role of leading the way to a better life for both of them.
If he doesn’t do that and allows his woman to dominate him emotionally and make all the decisions for both of them, she will struggle to feel respect for him, because in her eyes, she’s the “boss” and he’s the “employee,” so to speak.
If a woman doesn’t respect her guy, it then starts to feel weird to submit to him sexually.
She feels awkward about opening her legs and letting a guy who is less powerful than her have his way with her.
It just doesn’t feel right.
When she feels that way, she stops feeling attracted to him and then begins to disconnect from her feelings of love.
So, if you want to get your ex to be interested in being a couple again, you’ve got to change the things that really matter to her so she can feel naturally attracted to you again.
Where a lot of guys go wrong is by asking an ex woman to give him another chance, even though he doesn’t know what parts of the attraction experience she was missing with him or how to give that to her.
For example: If one of the things about him that turned her off was his inability to plan and invest for the future, she isn’t going to want to take him back if he offers to take her on a romantic holiday.
It’s just not the thing that really matters to her.
Alternatively, if one of her reasons for breaking up with him was that he was moving too fast for her, then asking her to marry him isn’t going to make her want him back.
Remember: Your ex will be interested in you and her being a couple again if you change what she really wants.
That is what counts, so focus on that, rather than trying to get her back in ways that simply don’t matter to her.
After understanding how to properly re-attract her, you need to…
2. Interact with her on a phone call or in person to create a spark of attraction
Even if she is currently saying things like, “Leave me alone. It’s over between us and I’m not interested in us being a couple again,” it’s up to you to be strong enough to change how she feels.
Of course, you can’t do that if you are not interacting with her and are just sitting around hoping that she changes her mind.
Watch this video for more info…
So, it’s very important that you get your ex on a phone call (and preferably meet up with her in person), where you can let her experience the new and improved version of you (e.g. by maintaining your confidence when she’s being cold and unfriendly, showing her via your body language that you don’t feel intimidated by her when she tries to create drama and blames you for everything that happened).
Keep the conversation light and easy-going and steer clear of trying to make her feel interested in getting back together again.
Asking for another chance at a relationship only works if a woman is missing her ex, is still in love with him and hasn’t been able to move on.
On the other hand, if she has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love, then him bringing up all the happy memories from the past and asking for a relationship will make her think, “He’s right. We really did have a lot of good times together and then he stuffed it all up by becoming needy and insecure/not being serious about our future together/becoming too annoying/making me carry his emotional baggage. Thinking about how happy we used to be in the beginning only makes me feel sad and disappointed about the way things turned out. I know he means well, but I’m just not interested in being a couple again. It sounds like too much work because he clearly doesn’t understand what I need from him. He’s just interested in getting me back to feel better about himself. I’d be better off trying my luck with a new man, who will hopefully be able to attract me in the ways that really matter to me.”
So, if you want your ex back, don’t waste time trying to convince her that you’re the right guy for her based on good memories from the past.
How you make her feel now and from today onwards on is what really counts and makes her become interested in being a couple again.
Do you make her feel respect and attraction by not become nervous or unsure of yourself when she is being difficult and refusing to give you another chance, or do you turn her off by being self-doubting and insecure?
Do you make her feel feminine and girly by being emotionally masculine around her, or does she dominate you because you let her call the shots when you’re interacting on the phone or in person?
Can she see that you’ve changed and improved on the things about you that were turning her off (e.g. insecurity, possessiveness, immaturity, neediness), or are you still stuck at the same level you were at when you broke up?
Remember: A woman needs to feel respect and sexual attraction for you based on who you are right now, not who you used to be.
So, forget about all the good times you shared together in the past and start interacting with her and making her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you right now.
Who you are now and how that makes her feel is what really counts.
3. Meet up with her in person and get her to forgive your past mistakes
For your ex to be interested in being a couple again, you have to get her to forgive you for your past mistakes.
How can you do that?
By getting her to forgive you for her own benefit.
You can do that by telling her that if she forgives you, it’s going to make her feel better about herself.
Tell her that when she can truly let go of her negative feelings about you and what happened, she will be able to move forward without carrying a whole bunch of anger, bitterness and mistrust with her into a future relationship.
Rather than feeling weighed down by the emotional baggage of her past relationship with you, she will be able to say to herself, “Yes, we broke up, but it’s a lesson learned and at least we were mature enough to deal with what happened and part as friends, rather than letting one bad relationship make me jaded towards all men in the future.”
Note: When you say something like that to her, you’re not actually encouraging her to move on and find another guy!
You’re simply giving her the opportunity to move forward without carrying the excess baggage from her past relationship with you.
When you give her permission to move on and be happy with another guy if she wants to, something interesting happens…
She doesn’t want to.
Suddenly, she stops thinking of you as the guy who stuffed up and broke her heart and she starts seeing you as the man who is confident enough in himself and in his value to her, that he can let her go if it is what she really wants to do.
Without even realizing it, she stops being so defensive around you and begins to feels good about forgiving you.
It makes her feel emotionally mature and more open and loving towards you, rather than acting cold and holding a grudge against you.
4. Focus on getting her smiling, laughing and feeling good around you
It has been said that laugher is the best medicine and this is definitely the case when it comes to making an ex feel interested in being a couple again.
So, make sure that whenever you interact with your ex (whether it’s via text, e-mail, on social media and especially over the phone and in person) you make her smile, laugh and think, “I’m having such a great time talking to him. I never thought it was possible to feel like this after what happened between us, but I think I’m falling for him again.”
When you make a woman smile and laugh when she’s being cold towards you, or is creating drama by saying things like, “I don’t see us being a couple ever again,” she can’t hold onto her negative opinion about you for long.
It makes her respect you and see you as the man.
She begins to think, “Hmm…interesting. This isn’t how I thought he’d react. I was expecting him to become nervous and insecure around me, not laugh at my attempts to make him uncomfortable and then turn things around to make me smile and feel good to be talking to him again. What has gotten into him? Have I unleashed the real man with him? Other women are going to notice this and like it. Maybe I need to give him another chance, rather than losing him and letting some other woman experience his new found manliness.”
She then opens up to being a couple again and stops playing so hard to get about it all.
So, if you want her back, make sure that you use humor to break down her walls and allow her to see the strong man that you’ve become all of a sudden.
When she feels sexually attracted to you, but isn’t kissing or having sex with you, it will build sexual tension.
She will wonder what it would be like to kiss you and have sex with you and will be hoping that it happens.
So, go ahead and…
5. Release the built up sexual tension with kissing and sex
If you’ve triggered your ex’s feelings of sexual attraction over the phone and during your meet ups with her (e.g. by flirting with her and using humor to create sexual tension, by making her feel girly and feminine in contrast to your masculine vibe), she will probably be giving you clear signs that she’s feeling open to you again (e.g. touching you often, playing with her hair, laughing at your jokes, licking her lips, appearing to be aroused or turned on).
When that happens, it’s up to you to be the man and take the lead, rather than expecting her to say something like, “Kiss me!” or, “Let’s go back to my place and have sex.”
Just be the man and release the built up sexual tension between you and her by giving her a hug and then following through with a kiss.
If that goes well, you can then suggest going back to your place, or hers and then hook up sexually.
Remember: No matter how great things might be going between you and your ex, she won’t be interested in being a couple again until you and her have had sex again.
Sex gets rid of the uncertainty about how you feel about each other and opens the door to discussing giving the relationship another chance.
What’s really cool is that when you re-attract her in person and then have sex with her again, she begins to feel a new type of respect, attraction and love for you.
It’s a more meaningful, complex love that makes her feel like real love does exist and maybe you and her have found it.
On the other hand, if you’re just ask her for a relationship upfront rather than re-attracting her first, hooking up and then talking about what might be next for you and her, she will probably just keep saying, “No. I’m not interested in you anymore. Please just move on. It’s over.”
So, don’t waste anymore time sitting around and wondering, “How do I get my ex to be interested in us being a couple again?”
Instead, focus on using every interaction that you have with her from now on (e.g. via text, e-mail, social media, over the phone and in person) as a way of re-sparking her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Let her experience the changes that you’ve made to yourself since the break up (e.g. you’re now more confident and self assured, you give her the attraction experience she always wanted from you) and then meet up with her, make her feel attracted and have sex to get rid of the distance between you.
When you pass that stage of the ex back process, everything changes.
Suddenly, her doubts about you begin to fade away and the idea of losing you starts to bother her.
She worries that another woman would really enjoy being with the new you and that it might hurt her to see you hook up with a new woman, who may be more attractive than her.
So, she holds on and tries to give the relationship another chance.
By the way…
If she doesn’t want you to kiss her, or if she refuses to go back to your place right away, don’t worry about it.
It simply means that she is testing your confidence to see if you’ll become nervous and doubt your attractiveness to her, or you simply haven’t built up enough sexual tension and she’s just not feeling it yet.
The key is not to give up.
Just keep making her feel attracted to the new you and before you know it, you’ll be a couple again.
Getting back together is an amazing feeling for both the man and woman.
So, if you want her back, just know that she is going to enjoy the process too.
Falling back in love is a beautiful thing and usually makes a couple go on to stay together for life, as long as the guy really has changed and can now make her feel the way she always wanted to feel with him.