When a woman goes from saying, “I love you and want to stay with you for life,” to saying, “Leave me alone. I never want to see you again,” it’s understandable that a guy might ask, “What the? How can she go from truly loving me to not caring about me so quickly?”
It hurts, but there is a reason why she is doing it.
Here’s the thing…
It’s not that she doesn’t care about you anymore.
Yet, she is simply trying to avoid giving you any positive signals that there’s a chance to get back together with her again because she doesn’t see much or any hope for you and her anymore.
Based on the mistakes you made in the relationship and after the break up (e.g. begging, pleading, crying, getting angry, trying to convince her to change her mind rather than changing how she feels first), she doesn’t believe that you have what it takes to change and be the man that she wants now.
However, that doesn’t mean she’s going to stay stuck thinking like that forever.
In fact, you can change how she feels pretty quickly.
By making her feel the type of attraction experience she always wanted to feel with you, but was missing in the relationship so far.
For example: Sometimes a woman wants a man to be more ballsy with her, but he’s just too soft, nice and self-doubting around her and she doesn’t like it.
She feels turned off by the fact that she feels stronger than him emotionally and just wishes that he’d man up and make her feel like a real woman.
So, if a guy like that tries to get her back by telling her how much he cares about her, how he promises to change, or worse, by asking her what he should change – it’s just not going to happen.
Instead, she will lose even more respect for him because he’s not being his own man.
He’s simply trying to follow her instructions and hoping that it will please her enough to want to give him another chance.
Yet, that’s not what a woman wants.
After a break up, a woman wants you to figure out by yourself (not with her help, instructions or advice) where you went wrong and make the necessary adjustments to your thinking and behavior because you want to improve yourself, not just because you’re trying to impress her.
If you just say and do whatever she tells you like a puppet, it won’t feel real to her.
It will feel as though she is manipulating you into being someone you’re not, or that you are putting on an act to win her over.
So, she will wonder, “What happens when he’s had enough of doing whatever I tell him? Is he just going revert to his old, unattractive behavior again? Will I have to keep instructing him on how to be the man I need for our entire lives? Can’t he just be his own man and work it out, rather than looking to me for guidance? I don’t want to be that person for him. I want a man that knows how to be a man. So, I just have to remain broken up from him. I need a real man.”
That’s not what you want her to be thinking.
You want her to make her reconnect with her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you and feel drawn to you in a new and exciting ways.
That’s is the best, easiest and most effective way to get a woman back after a break up, especially if she has changed and become cold to you lately.
As long as you focus on giving her the missing attraction experience she always wanted with you when you next interact with her, she will feel a spark and her perspective of you will immediately begin to change.
She will start to care about you and the relationship again and will feel drawn to you for her own reasons.
4 Common Mistakes That Cause a Woman to Act Like She Doesn’t Care After a Break Up
When a guy is thinking, “I don’t understand how a woman can go from truly loving a guy to not caring about him after a break up,” it’s not unusual for him to make some of the common mistakes mentioned below.
1. He tries to make her pity him
He might say something to her like, “How can you go from truly loving me one day to not caring about me at all? Was your love even real, or were you just pretending to care? Well, I just want you to know I’m not like that. My love for you was 100% genuine and the thought of losing you forever is so sad. I can’t eat or sleep because I keep thinking about how you could be so indifferent towards me when you used to tell me how much you loved me. I can’t accept that you don’t care about me anymore just because we’ve broken up. You’re not that cold and heartless, are you? Do you actually enjoy seeing me like this? Please don’t throw away what we had together like it meant nothing to you. All I ask is for you to give me one more chance… please!”
Yet, even though the guy is being honest about his feelings, trying to make his ex feel bad for causing him pain isn’t what will make her reconnect with her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him and make her want to give him another chance.
To her, his behavior just comes across as being selfish and possibly even a little bit immature and childish.
She will think something like, “Why is he being so selfish? He doesn’t care about me. It’s all about him and how he feels. Not once has he stopped to ask himself what he did to make me break up with him. Instead, he’s just going on and on about how terrible he feels and what a bitch I am for not caring about him anymore. He just doesn’t get it. He’s acting like a little child and hoping that if he makes me feel guilty enough, I will then take pity on him and get back together again. Doesn’t he realize that his insecure, needy behavior is actually turning me off even more? If he could just admit his mistakes and show me that he’s making an effort to change, I would open back up to him without a second thought. He doesn’t understand how easily we women can change, if the guy is able to change. All he’s doing is using emotional blackmail to try and make me change my mind, which makes me want to get away from him even more. I guess he just doesn’t know how to be the man I want him to be and by the looks of it, he never will. I seem to have made the right decision by breaking up with him. I now just need to distance myself from him even more and find a man that knows how to make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m in a relationship with him.”
Here’s the thing…
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing her ex a favor by being with him.
She wants to feel like he’s the kind of guy she can look up to, respect and be proud to call her man (i.e. because he has made the necessary adjustments to his thinking and behavior and is making her feel attracted in ways that she never thought possible), not like she has to take care of him because he’s too emotionally weak, insecure and lost without her.
So, if you really want make your ex reconnect with her true feelings of love for you again, don’t try to make her feel sorry for you.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you again and show her that you’re now the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. by maintaining your confidence around her, using humor to get her out of her indifferent state when talking to you, talking to her as though you and her are totally cool with each other).
When she can see that you really are a different man now and are able to get rid of the awkwardness between you and her, she will be happy to allow herself to reconnect with her true feelings of love for you again.
It will feel right to her and like something she wants, rather than feeling like she’s being blackmailed into being with you again.
2. He feels like she has to treat him well because they were once together
Sometimes, when a guy asks, “How can my ex go from truly loving me to not caring about me after the break up?” it’s because he feels entitled to her love and a relationship with her.
At the back of his mind, he may be thinking, “If she really loved me before, then it’s only right that she treats me well now. That love has to count for something after all, right? It can’t be okay for her to treat me badly now just because we’re broken up. That’s not right. She owes it to me to give me another chance. After all we’ve been through, she can’t just turn her back on me like this.”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that a man and a woman only stay together if today feels good and their future also looks promising, not because it used to feel good, or because they used to love each other before.
In the old days, a woman would stick with a guy she didn’t truly respect, love and feel attracted to her because it was taboo to get a divorce.
However, that’s not the way the world works anymore.
These days, if a woman loses too much respect and attraction for a guy, she can break up with him or divorce him if she wants to.
He doesn’t own her and it’s no longer shameful to break up, so women are free to leave a guy and open themselves up to a new man who will hopefully do a better job of maintaining her feelings love, respect and attraction.
Today’s woman can now choose to get in and out of relationships as often as she wants, until she finds the right man for her.
So, if you want your ex to reconnect with her original feelings of love for you, you have to show her that you really have changed, rather than expecting her to treat you well and give you another chance based on the fact that she loved you before.
Another common mistake from guys who are trying to get their woman back after a break up…
3. He doesn’t realize that her reasons for acting cold are to avoid giving him hope
In most cases, when a woman breaks up with a guy, she will go through a period where she tries to decide whether or not she can see herself giving her ex another chance.
For example: She may ask herself questions like…
- Will he change and become the man I want him to be, or is he just going to remain the same, because he doesn’t even know what really caused me to break up with him in the first place?
- Do I feel good when I interact with him now (e.g. because he maintains his confidence and makes me smile and laugh), or does he turn me off by behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. begging, pleading, whining, being self-doubting and insecure)?
- Does he understand what really caused us to break up and is he taking positive steps to change and improve himself, or does he assume that I’ll just give him another chance based on my past feelings for him?
- Do we have the same long-term goals, dreams and plans for the future (e.g. to move in together, get married, start a family, see our children become parents, enjoy being grandparents, have a relaxing retirement), or do we want different things?
- Does he make me feel respect and attraction for him because he displays some of the behaviors and personality traits that are naturally attractive to women such as confidence, emotional masculinity, maturity, or does he make me feel annoyed, stressed out and turned off because of his insecurity?
- Is he the kind of man I can look up to, respect and feel proud to call my man, or do I feel a bit embarrassed to admit that we’re a couple?
- Will he be able to give me the attraction experience I’ve always wanted, or is he just going to keep saying and doing the same old things as before, but hoping for a different reaction from me?
If she discovers that there are more no’s than yes’s, she will naturally begin to disconnect herself from any positive feelings of love she may still be feeling for him.
She will then become cold and distant towards him, because she doesn’t want to give him false hope.
The guy may then ask, “How can a woman go from truly loving a guy to not caring about him after a break up?” and feel like she never even loved him at all.
Yet, that’s usually not the case.
A woman simply doesn’t want to waste her time with a guy, if she gets a sense that he hasn’t changed since the break up and won’t be able to change in the future.
If she senses that she’s with a guy who is unwilling to man up and become the man she needs, she will just disconnect her feelings for him and open herself up to meeting a new man.
So, if you’re serious about getting your ex back, you have to focus on letting her experience the new and improved you.
When you interact with her on a phone call or in person and she can see that you maintain your confidence around her (especially when she’s being cold and distant), her icy approach will melt and she will become open to you again.
She will then begin to feel motivated to give you another chance because it feels good to her too.
On the other hand, if she interacts with you and you keep making the types of mistakes that turn her off (e.g. allow her to dominate you emotionally because you fear losing her, become insecure by her coldness, act extra nice around her in the hopes that she will open back up to you), she will just maintain her Ice Queen persona and try and push you away for good.
The final common mistake of guys trying to get a woman back after a break up is…
4. He doesn’t realize that there is no reason for her to change her mind if he hasn’t truly changed his ways
Albert Einstein supposedly said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
In the same vein, if you don’t take a different approach to making your ex reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, chances are she’s not going to change her mind.
For example: A guy might try getting his ex back by begging and pleading with her, offering to do whatever she wants him to do and telling her how much he loves her and how he can’t believe that she has gone from love to not caring about him after the break up.
He’s basically hoping one of these things will break through her defenses and cause her to think, “He’s right! It’s not possible to go from truly loving him to not caring for him so quickly. I am just kidding myself. My feelings for him are still there, stronger than ever and I don’t want to lose him. We should get back together again.”
Yet, she just keeps saying, “No” whenever he asks for another chance.
Then, rather than thinking to himself, “Okay, this approach isn’t working. What do I need to do to really change how she feels?” he just keeps begging, pleading, trying to convince her, asking, going on and on about the same old things.
She then gets to the point where she shuts herself off from him and seems like she doesn’t care and possibly never even loved him enough to want to care.
Yet, she’s just turned off and annoyed by his hopeless approach to getting her back.
So, if you want to make your ex change how she feels, you need to start saying and doing the things that will renew her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
That is what counts.
If you interact with her and talk and behave in ways that naturally attract women (e.g. maintain your confidence, make her smile and laugh, make her feel feminine and girly in contrast to your masculinity), she will feel excited about reconnecting with her original feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
On the other hand, if you keep making the same old mistakes over and over again, she won’t see any reason to go back to loving you.
So, make sure that you stay positive around your ex, regardless of how she is behaving (e.g. being cold and distant towards you, saying she doesn’t have any feelings for you anymore).
When she can see for herself that you’re not reacting like she’s expecting you to (i.e. you remain confident when she tries to make you feel insecure), she won’t be able to stay disconnected from the respect, attraction and love that’s lying dormant in her heart.
Instead, she will want to be close and get physical with you again, because it will now feel so much more enjoyable for her to be around the new and improved you.