If your ex doesn’t want to work on the relationship and give you another chance, here are 5 possible reasons why…
1. She can see that you don’t even know what to change to make her happy
In most cases, a woman won’t just break up with a guy without first giving him at least a few chances to change and improve the things about himself that have been making her feel unhappy.
For example: When a woman starts noticing things about her guy’s thinking and behavior that turn her off (e.g. he has become too insecure or emotionally sensitive), she may initially try to get him to change by discussing her feelings and making suggestions on how he might improve himself.
For instance, if she feels that the relationship is becoming too boring, she might say things like, “Why don’t we do something different this weekend? A friend of mine is throwing a party that we’ve been invited to. Do you want to go?” or “I’m tired of watching TV all the time. Why don’t we try something different for a change?” to motivate her guy to spice things up a bit.
If he takes the hint and starts being a bit more fun around her (e.g. surprising her after work by whisking her off for a dinner date, planning the occasional weekend away, taking up a hobby that they can do together), things will settle down and she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him for being man enough to understand the problem and caring enough to fix it.
However, if he fails to get the message and continues turning her off, she will then start getting into arguments with him and maybe even throw angry tantrums as a way of getting her point across.
If that also doesn’t work, a woman will usually get to the point where she starts thinking, “Is this as good as it’s going to get between us? I guess he’s just not capable of changing and becoming a better man. I’m not happy settling for second best like this. I have to move on and find myself a guy who can give me what I really want in a relationship.”
She will then either break up with him, distance herself from him and hope that he loses interest or she may even cheat on him and tell him about it as a way of breaking up the relationship.
Here’s the thing…
Most guys are good guys and they don’t intentionally go out of their way to make their woman feel unhappy.
It’s just that quite often, a guy simply doesn’t realize what he’s doing wrong in his relationship and has no idea how to fix it.
He might have gotten the relationship off to a good start, but he simply loses his way and ends up turning her off completely.
Some guys are proactive about it and seek help online to fix their relationship problems before it’s too late, whereas other guys just let it unfold and hope for the best.
Some guys also just write it off as the woman being crazy, having emotional problems, needing to see a therapist or being unreasonable because she used to be so loving, caring, forgiving and warm.
So, a guy like that will see the problems in the relationship as her fault because he assumes that she is messed up emotionally and is taking it all out on him.
If she senses that he doesn’t get that her arguments and tantrums are a warning and that he is blaming the problems on her, she gets even more angry and frustrated.
When she decides to break up with him, he may then panic and try to offer to change anything she wants if she’ll just give him another chance, or he may start offering to change things about himself that she doesn’t really care about.
For example: A woman might want her guy to become more assertive, take the lead in the relationship and make things a bit more interesting between them by being more ballsy in how he approaches her, but he may offer to spend more time at home with her, take her on nice dates and treat her even more nicely in the hopes that the extra attention will make her happy.
When she realizes that he doesn’t even know what to change to make her happy, she will just break up with him and try to move on.
So, the first step to making your ex want to work on the relationship and to give you another chance is to fully understand what she really wants you to change about yourself.
Then, the next time you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call, or in person) she will recgnize that you truly understand where you went wrong and are no longer the same guy that she broke up with.
When she can see that you’ve figured out where you went wrong and have already taken steps to improve yourself, she will instinctively feel herself respecting you once again.
When she respects you, she can also feel sexually attracted to you and when she feels these two things, the idea of working on the relationship and giving you another chance starts to make sense to her again.
However, if you are just trying to get her back by attempting to convince her that you will change, you will most likely get rejected.
Another reason why your ex might not want to work on the relationship and give you another chance is…
2. You’re asking her for a relationship before making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again
Note: Flowers and other sweet gestures don’t mean anything to a woman unless she has sexual and romantic feelings for you.
One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with is to quickly try and convince their ex to give them another chance.
Sometimes that will include him buying her flowers, gifts or writing her a letter to express his love for her, in the hope that she realizes how much he loves her and how silly she would be to let him go.
Alternatively, a guy might plead with his ex to talk to him about the relationship in the hopes that they can iron things out between them.
Yet, if he doesn’t first spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, she will usually just keep saying things like, “Forget about it. I don’t want to work on the relationship and I don’t want to give you another chance. What’s done is done and it’s time that we accept that we’re not right for each other and move on. We had our chance, it didn’t work and now it’s over. Please just accept that.”
So, don’t make the mistake of getting into long discussions about the relationship with your ex in the hopes that you can talk things out enough that she eventually says, “Yeah, you’re right! We are meant for each other. Let’s get back together!”
If you want her to want to give you another chance, you have to focus on making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
You can do that by making her smile, laugh and feel good when she’s talking to you (especially when she is being cold towards you), so she can be reminded that you are the more dominant one in the relationship and are not intimidated by her recent rejections of you.
You are confident in your attractiveness to her, you know that you’re the man and you know that she loves you.
When you have that kind of confidence, you will naturally talk, behave and take action in a way that is naturally to her (and to other women).
You will be the kind of confident guy that all women love to be around.
For example: If your ex says something like, “I don’t want to work on the relationship. I’ve tried for so long to help you understand how to be the man that I want and I’m now at the point where I’ve given up. It’s too late for us. I think its better that we go our separate ways,” rather than get upset and emotional about it, you can use it as an opportunity to make her smile and laugh by reacting in a way that she isn’t expecting.
For example: You might say in a joking way (be playful, light-hearted, easy-going), “You know how hard of hearing I can be sometimes. I missed the first 100 times you told me it was over, but I think I’ve got it now. I hear you loud and clear! We’re finished! It’s over! Goodbye and good riddance!” and then have a little laugh with her about that.
You can then say something like, “Seriously though…I understand why you don’t want to work on the relationship and give me and you another chance at being together. I made a whole bunch of silly mistakes like (mention a few – e.g. I took you for granted, was immature and childish, became boring and predictable), but I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t expect you to believe me right now, but that’s okay. I know that actions speak louder than words, so I will let my actions speak for themselves from now on. All I ask is that we stay friends and then see what happens from there. I promise, no more pressure to get back together again. If you eventually decide that you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, I will respect your decision and leave you alone. I’ll stop contacting you completely and I will get out of your life 100% if that’s what you want. You have my word on that. So, what do you say?”
In this way, not only are you making her smile and laugh by making a joke about your past behavior, but you’re also showing her that you’re an emotionally mature man who has taken responsibility for what happened between you and her and are respecting her right to be able to move on if she wants to.
All of this means that you take the pressure off your ex to give you another chance right away and you focus instead on letting her experience the new and improved you for herself, at her own pace.
She then stops putting up walls every time you interact with her, which then allows her heart to feel some of the positive emotions she’s been trying not to associate with you anymore (e.g. respect, sexual attraction, romantic love).
From there, just focus on making her feel good when talking to you (e.g. get her laughing and smiling) and she will naturally feel a desire to work on the relationship and give you another chance.
Another possible reason why your ex keeps saying, “No,” to the idea of working on the relationship is…
3. You haven’t gotten her to properly forgive your past mistakes yet
To make your ex open herself up to the idea of working on the relationship and giving you another chance, you have to get her to forgive you for real.
She can’t just say, “Yeah, I forgive you” and not mean it.
If she doesn’t forgive you for real, she will continue focusing on why you and her shouldn’t be together anymore and will be looking for reasons to reject you.
Any time that you do something she doesn’t approve of, she’ll say to herself, “See? He’s still the same jerk I broke up with. He was just putting on an act to make me give him another chance and now he’s back to his old ways. Well, that’s the last time I put up with this. I’m walking away from this relationship and I’m not going to ever make the mistake of giving him another chance again, no matter how much he tries to sweet talk me.”
On the other hand, if you can get her to the point where she really does forgive you, it makes her drop her guard and allows her to see you in a more positive light.
She stops seeing you as the emotionally unattractive guy she broke up with and starts to look at you as the new you; a guy she can actually feel respect, attraction and love for again.
Another possible reason why your ex doesn’t want to work on the relationship and give you another chance is because…
4. You’ve been trying to get her back via text
Naturally, if a woman is refusing to meet up with you in person, or even talk to you on the phone, the best way to break the ice and make her open up a little can be via text messages.
However, only using text as your main way of trying to get her back simply doesn’t work.
If your ex doesn’t even want to answer your calls right now, what makes you think she will be happy that you’re asking her for another chance via text?
Instead of thinking, “That’s so sweet. Even though I’ve been ignoring his phone calls and refusing to see him in person, he hasn’t given up on our love. He’s doing whatever he can to make me want to work on the relationship and give him another chance. So, how can I refuse?” she will think something like, “Once again he’s only thinking about what he wants. What I need hasn’t once entered his mind. He hasn’t even realized that I’m still mad at him for what happened between us. He’s just trying convince me via text that he is the man I should see myself with for life, even though he hasn’t yet shown me that he really has changed in the ways that are important to me. Of course, I haven’t told him about the subtle things about him that turn him off, but that’s up to him to figure out if he wants me back. He’s just hoping a few messages via text will wipe the slate clean and then we can go back to the way things were. Well, he’s got another thing coming! It’s over and he can send me texts until his fingers turn blue, but I am done for now. It’s going to take more than a silly text to make me believe that he really has improved as a man and change how I feel about him.”
That may sound like a crazy, emotional and even selfish woman, but it’s pretty standard.
She has dumped her guy and he wants her back even though he really hasn’t even changed.
He’s just hoping that she falls for him over text, forgives his mistakes and wants to be with him again.
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that SMS texts were only invented back in 1992, whereas vocal communication between humans has been going on for a long, long time.
Texts on a little screen don’t have the same impact as words spoken over the phone, or in person where she can see your body language and assess how you are reacting to her.
Texts aren’t you.
They are just words on a screen trying to represent you, but never, ever coming close to expressing the real you like what would be expressed on a phone call or in person.
You can get a positive reaction from an ex via text, but if you want her back for real, you have to re-attract her on a phone call or in person.
Only then can she really get a clear picture of who you are now and see that you have changed.
When you do that, she will naturally start to have feelings for you again.
In most cases, an attempt to get an ex back needs to start off with an apology over the phone (unless you live together of course) and then be followed through with a meet up, where she can observe your confident body language and see that you really are a different man now.
When you make her have feelings for you again, you then don’t have to ask her to work on the relationship because it’s something she wants without you needing to motivate her.
Giving you another chance becomes something she feels good about.
She wants you back for her own reasons, rather than because you’re trying to convince her that she has to be with you based on the fact that you were once in love.
The thing is…
Sometimes a guy feels that because he and his woman loved each other before, he is somehow entitled to her love and a relationship with her for life.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that people stay together if it feels good for the both of them, not because it used to feel good.
He doesn’t own her and she can choose to leave him if he isn’t giving her the attraction experience she really wants from a relationship.
So, if you want your ex to want to work on the relationship, don’t hide behind texts in the hope that she will think, “Even though he’s not really doing anything to show me that he’s changed and that he’s the emotionally strong, confident man I really want him to be, I should just get back with him. Based on the fact that we had feelings for each other once, I’m going to put all my needs, wants and desires away and give him another chance. Who cares if he hasn’t changed and will continue turning me off? He has been sending me a lot of texts. That means everything to me! Texts are everything!”
Texts are nothing without feelings of romantic and sexual attraction running through her veins.
So, get her on a phone call with you right away and spark her feelings for you (e.g. by using confident humor to break down her walls).
Then, get her to meet up with you in person where she can experience the full force of the new you (e.g. you’re more emotionally masculine now, you make her feel girly in comparison to how masculine you think and talk, you confidently stand up to her when she tries to make you feel insecure by acting like she’s not interested).
That’s what really works to get a woman back.
She doesn’t want to sit down, talk and work on the relationship.
That sounds like too much work and it is too much work!
You’ve just got to get back to making her feel love, respect and attraction for you again based on how you interact with her.
Something else that makes a woman not want to work on the relationship and give you another chance is…
5. She hasn’t experienced the new and improved you, so she still sees you as being the guy she broke up with
If a guy keeps saying and doing the same old things that turned a woman off, it makes sense that she’s not going to want to give him another chance to keep experiencing the same old things!
So, here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to want to work on the relationship and give you another chance, you have to make sure that when you interact with her (over the phone and in person) you’re letting her experience the new you, rather than the guy she originally broke up with.
For example: Imagine that you’re meeting your ex for a quick cup of coffee to catch up and talk as friends.
To prove to herself that she’s wasting her time and that you’re still the same jerk she broke up with, she might test you by being cold, unfriendly, moody or even argumentative.
The old you would naturally take this is a sign that she’s not interested anymore and you would probably feel anxious, nervous and may even think that she is just being stubborn and unreasonable.
Yet, that’s not really the case at all.
She’s just testing to see if you can handle the heat, or if you will crumble under the pressure she is putting you through.
She wants to see that you believe in yourself and your attractiveness to her no matter what she says or does.
If you remember that, the new and improved you will actually feel glad that she is testing you, because you will have the perfect opportunity to show her your improved confidence and emotional strength, by using humor to get her out of her bad mood and back into feelings of love, happiness and relaxation around you.
The more she can see that no matter how much she tests you, you don’t revert back to being the guy she broke up with, the more respect she will feel.
As her feelings of respect grow, so to will her attraction for you and then, the desire to work on the relationship will become so strong that she just has to give you another chance.
She will want to give you another chance, because it will feel enjoyable and arousing to talk to you, be around you and have you back in her life.