Your girlfriend’s heart will remain closed off to you until you can actively make her feel a renewed spark of respect and attraction for you when you interact with her on a phone call or in person.
On a phone call or in person, she will be able to feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, which will make her open up and let you into her heart again.
However, even though it would be nice (because it’s so easy) you can’t fully reopen her heart via text, e-mail or social media messages if she has dumped you after losing a lot of respect and attraction for you.
Texts and messages just aren’t enough when she is done with the relationship, completely turned off by you and no longer wants to give you another chance.
If she only “kind of” dumped you and is still in love with you, then it’s fine to send her a text, e-mail or social media message to say sorry and ask to see her again.
Since she still loves you, she will be open to communicating with you and won’t look at your texts or messages in a negative light.
On the other hand, if your girlfriend has properly dumped you and no longer wants to be with you, she will be looking at your texts and messages with suspicion.
You might act confident and emotionally strong via text, but she will be thinking, “Well, would he have the balls to say that to me in person?” or, “That sounds nice, but I doubt he really means it.”
This is why the only way to fully reopen her heart is to let her experience a spark of respect and attraction for the new and improved you over the phone, or preferably face-to-face.
It’s only in those interactions that she can personally sense and notice the changes in you.
When she sees that, she can then believe that you are different to the guy she broke up with and deserve another chance.
Avoid Sending Her Long Texts, E-mails or Social Media Messages
Women hate getting long, written (or typed) messages from an ex guy that they no longer have feelings for.
To a woman, it’s like receiving a message from an emotional woman or a confused guy who still hasn’t yet worked out how to be an emotionally strong man who can get to the point and not go on and on about his feelings in a letter, text or message.
Women actually see long texts, messages or letters as being a selfish act because the guy is essentially talking about himself, what he wants, what he has realized, what he wants her to realize and so on.
It’s all about him getting what he wants from her (even though he might include loads of compliments to her in the texts or letters), so she sees it as a selfish act.
For example: A guy might text his ex woman something like…
“I just want to say that I’m really sorry for what happened between us. No matter what you might think of me, I need you to know that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. You mean the world to me and I’ve felt like half a man since we broke up. Just thinking of you feeling sad makes me feel sick to my stomach. I am so sorry for what I put you through. I was so wrong to act in that way. I can’t go on like this knowing that you despise me. Please give me a chance to make things right between us. Yes, I stuffed up, but I’m truly a changed man and I’ve learned from my mistakes. Will you please consider letting me into your heart again? I promise I won’t let you down again.”
Although his intentions may be good, if his ex doesn’t see, hear and experience these changes first hand (i.e. over the phone and in person) she will likely just assume the worst of him and see his actions as selfish.
After all, she has lost respect and attraction for him and that caused her to break up with him, so at this point, she just doesn’t care what he wants.
Rather than give him the benefit of the doubt and say to herself, “That was a really well worded text! He seems like he means it! Maybe I should give him another chance. After all, a text is everything! Who cares if what he is texting doesn’t match up to who he would be in person. He texted so well!” she will likely think, “Anyone can type “I’m sorry…please give me another chance,” but it’s just a bunch of useless words on a screen. Actions are what count and right now, him sending me a text/e-mail/social media message to ask for forgiveness and tell me how much he still cares, is not the type of thing a man who feels genuine remorse would do. Instead, it’s something a coward would do because he’s hiding behind a screen and hoping I won’t catch him out. He’s hoping that he can trick me with his texts, rather than facing up to me on a call or in person. If he was genuinely sorry for what happened and if he had really changed, he would have the balls to call me up, or see me in person and show me. I don’t believe that he’s being sincere and I don’t care that he still loves me. My feelings for him are dead and it’s going to take a lot more than a text/e-mail/social media message to bring them back.”
So, if you want to get your girlfriend to open up to you and let you into her heart again, don’t put yourself in a position with her where she feels as though you’re hiding behind texts and trying to achieve your own selfish aims with her.
You have to make her see that you really have changed before she will allow herself to open her heart up to you again and the easiest way to let her experience the new you is on a phone call and face-to-face.
Over the phone, a woman can hear the sincerity and confidence in your voice.
Likewise, if you are feeling insecure and nervous (e.g. stumbling over your words around her, only saying what you think she wants to hear so that she will give you another chance with her, doubting your attractiveness to her), she will pick up on that too.
For your girlfriend to open up and let you into her heart again, she needs to be able to see that you believe in your attractiveness to her no matter what she says or does to make you feel insecure.
Of course, be relaxed about it when you display that kind of confidence.
Don’t act arrogant and don’t say that you believe in your attractiveness to her.
Just relax, believe in your attractiveness to her without putting on any kind of act.
Let her sense and feel that confidence coming from you as you interact with her on the phone.
Then, get her to meet up with you in person.
Face-to face, she can pick up on your body language (e.g. Are you relaxed and at ease around her, or are you fidgeting and avoiding eye contact? Do you believe in yourself, or are you secretly panicking and hoping that she gives you another chance even though you don’t feel worthy anymore).
Face-to-face, she can also observe your behavior and determine whether you’ve changed some of the things that caused her to break up with you.
For example: If a guy displayed unmanly behavior around his girlfriend before (e.g. he often acted a little too cute like a girl would, he was too emotionally sensitive, he let her dominate him too easily), she will be looking to see if he’s now a more masculine guy.
If he was too emotionally sensitive before for example, she might treat him coldly or say things to get under his skin (e.g. “Nothing you can ever do will make me give you another chance,” or “You look ugly today,” or “Why are you wearing that? It’s gross”) to see if he will respond the way he used to.
If he remains calm, laughs off what she is saying and just believes in his attractiveness to her, she will naturally open up to him again.
So, if you want your girlfriend to take you seriously, you have to let her see that you have already changed the things that were turning her off.
Letting her see and experience that in person will convince her more than anything you could ever write in a text, e-mail or social media message.
Remember: Written text messages have only been around for a little while.
As for writing letters, that may have been around for thousands of years, but it’s still not as effective as talking on the phone or in person.
When a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy and broken up with him, she no longer looks at his texts, letters or messages with feelings of love in her heart.
Instead, she looks at his communication with suspicion and feels turned off anytime she notices insecurity, self doubt or desperation.
She may continue texting back and forth with him for a while, but she will know that he is turning her off more and more as it goes on.
In his mind, he may be thinking that he still has a chance because she is texting back and forth with him.
Little does he know, women hate it when guys (especially guys they’ve broken up with) send long texts, e-mails or messages explaining their feelings, talking about the relationship and trying to get another chance.
So, don’t waste time trying to get your girlfriend to open up to you and let you into her heart by sending her messages, because she’s most likely not going to believe you or give you the respect you deserve.
Instead, get her on a phone call and start triggering her feelings for you again, by allowing her to experience the new you.
Then, meet up with her in person and shock her (in a good way) by thinking, talking and acting in a completely different way from what she is expecting (e.g. Relaxed and confident vs. tense and insecure. Laugh at her attempts to make you feel uncomfortable vs. losing your composure and getting upset, anxious or agitated).
When she can see for herself that you’re not going to crack under her fake pressure and revert back to the old you, she won’t be able to stop herself from opening up to you again, because you are now the man she wanted you to be all along.
Attraction is Key
Everything that you say or do around your ex girlfriend from now on will either turn her off further or turn her back on and make her open up to you again.
Don’t worry though…
Re-sparking your girlfriend’s feelings of respect and attraction is easier than you might think.
As long as you’re saying and doing the types of things that are instinctively attractive to women (e.g. being more confident around her, using humor to lighten the mood between you and her, especially when she’s being cold and unfriendly), she won’t be able to stay closed off to you for very long.
On the other hand, if you fall into the trap of trying to get her back by making some of the following mistakes, she’ll just keep pushing you away and saying things like, “No. I don’t have feelings for you anymore. Please accept that and leave me alone.”
Mistakes such as…
1. Trying to make her feel pity for you
Sometimes a guy might say to his girlfriend, “How can you do this to me? Did what we had mean anything to you? I gave you my whole heart and you’re ready to walk away just like that. How can you be so cold and closed off? I wish I could be like you and switch my love off, but I’m not. I actually care about what we had. How can you not care? Doesn’t it matter to you that I still love you and that I will never be able to move on and find another woman because of my feelings for you?”
He’s likely hoping that by making her feel sorry for him, she will change her mind and give him another chance.
Yet, it just doesn’t work like that.
A woman doesn’t want to be manipulated into giving her ex another chance simply because he can’t deal with the idea of being dumped by the woman he loves.
Additionally, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for her ex, she stops caring about how he feels or what he wants.
What he wants just doesn’t matter to her so much anymore.
Sometimes, the woman doesn’t allow herself care at all because she doesn’t want to be dragged back into a relationship that she knows will just end in another break up.
She worries that he might get her back into a relationship, make her love him again and then dump her.
Then she will be the one who is feeling horrible.
So, she tries to stick with her decision to break up with him and focus on the unattractive qualities he has been displaying since the break up (e.g. insecurity, self doubt, anger, desperation).
When he tries to make her feel pity for him, rather than make her change her mind, she just uses his desperation as another reason to close up even more and try to move on without him.
So, don’t bother trying to make your girlfriend feel pity for you and focus instead on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Another mistake that guys make when trying to get an ex woman to open her heart up again is…
2. Sending her flowers or a poem to be romantic
Some guys assume that to get an ex back, they need to become very romantic and show her how sweet they really can be.
The thing is, almost everyone has seen a movie or TV show where the guy gets dumped and then gets his woman to let him into her heart again by sending her bunches of flowers, serenading her with a romantic song (often outside her bedroom window when she’s on the 2nd floor of a house), or writing her an emotional love poem.
Yet, real life is not like the movies.
Yes, a woman might enjoy getting flowers or a love poem, but deep down she’s usually going think, “That’s nice, but all he’s really doing is putting a band aid over a big wound and hoping that it will be enough to heal the pain. Flowers and poetry are fine if we hadn’t broken up because I would see it as romantic. Yet, him trying to patch things up in this way simply highlights to me that he doesn’t get why we broke up and what I really need from a man. He doesn’t understand that a woman doesn’t care about romance unless she feels respect and sexual attraction for a guy. Without respect and sexual attraction, romantic gestures are awkward, weird and unwanted.”
So, even though your intentions are probably in the right place by trying to be sweet to your ex girlfriend, she won’t necessarily see it that way.
If you want to get your girlfriend back, you need to show her through your thinking and your behavior that you’ve changed and become the man she always wanted you to be.
For example: Can you maintain your confidence around her, even when she’s being cold, distant or even bitchy towards you, or does she make you nervous now?
Do you make her feel feminine around you by being masculine in how you think, behave and talk, or are you always being a nice, neutral guy because you’re afraid of being the man around her?
Have you identified her real reasons for losing respect, sexual attraction and love for you, or are you just hoping that saying “sorry” will be enough to change her mind?
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Asking her to tell you what she needs you to change
Naturally, when a guy gets broken up with and doesn’t immediately know why, the next logical step will be to ask his ex girlfriend.
Yet, asking a woman what you need to change is the worst thing you can do.
When a guy says, “Please forgive me. Just tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it,” what a woman usually hears is, “Please teach me how to be a man because I haven’t got a clue. I need you to take the lead in the ex back process and tell me what to do and I’ll be a good little boy and follow your instructions.”
As you may already have guessed, a woman doesn’t want to do that for her man.
She just wants to be in love naturally, rather than trying to make a relationship work with a guy who doesn’t yet understand how to be the man she needs.
4. Saying that you will do whatever she wants
Just like the mistake above, telling a woman you will do anything she wants you to do is the quickest way to turn her off further.
If a woman has to tell a guy what to do, she fears that she will end up taking on the dominant role in the relationship, while he will then takes on a more submissive role and essentially becomes her woman (or her “bitch”).
When the roles in a relationship get switched like that, a woman automatically stops feeling feminine and girly around her man and she starts looking down on him for not being man enough to take the lead and be the man in the relationship.
This causes her to lose even more respect and sexual attraction for him.
She then stops wanting to have sex with him and will even begin to despise him for being such a wimp around her.
5. Telling her how lost you are without her
Sometimes a guy might try to convince his ex to give him another chance, by telling her how lost he feels without her.
For example: A guy might say, “Please baby, don’t do this to me. Can’t you see that I’m broken without you? I just can’t function anymore now that we’re no longer together. Please think about what you’re doing to me. I need you. Please have a heart and think about giving me another chance. You are everything to me. Without you, my life just doesn’t make sense. I need you in it to feel whole again.”
In most cases, rather feel flattered that her ex is so dependent on her, a woman just feels even more turned off by him. Why?
Even though a woman definitely wants to be loved and appreciated by her man, she doesn’t want to be his main reason for living, or his main source of happiness.
If she senses that he can’t be a man without her, she will feel as though he isn’t an emotionally strong man and it will cause her to lose respect and attraction for him.
The fact is, most women want to be with a man who is confident, happy and forward moving with, or without her.
So, the best thing you can do to get your girlfriend to open up and let you into her heart again is to make sure that you become emotionally independent (i.e. you have a strong purpose in life outside of just wanting to be in a relationship with her. You are making progress towards achieving your big goals in life that are important to you. You have hobbies, interests and friends of your own).
When she sees that you’re a happy, more balanced man and moving on with your life without her, she will begin to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
6. Talking about her “heart”
When a man asks a woman things like, “What do I have to do to make you open up to me and let me into your heart again?” it’s actually a turn off to pretty much every woman on the planet.
It’s just too soppy and romantic for most modern women.
Additionally, coming from an ex boyfriend that she no longer feels a lot of (or any) respect and attraction for, it’s not something that she is eager to hear.
So, rather than make a woman think, “It’s so amazing that he’s such an emotionally sensitive guy. I find that so attractive. He’s like a woman and I like women. I don’t like men who are manly. I like men who are sensitive like a woman!” she will think something like, “My heart? What is this? A romantic movie or real life? A masculine man would never talk about me letting him into my heart again. Ewww! Even if I had any doubts about breaking up with him, when he talks like that it just turns me off even more. He talks like a woman or like a tacky character from an old school romantic movie. It’s so outdated.”
The bottom line is this…
If you want your girlfriend to open up to you and let you into her heart again, you’re going to have to do it by focusing on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again.
You can do that by behaving and talking in ways that display confidence, masculinity, charisma and wit.
Don’t try to win her over with sweet words about being let into her heart again.
In most cases, when guy’s talk about their ex girlfriend’s heart, they have usually been dumped for being too much a softie to begin with.
So, don’t become even softer and more romantic by talking about her heart and being a hopeless romantic.
It just doesn’t work.
Show her that you are now the confident, emotionally strong and masculine man that she always wanted you to be.
That’s the key to her heart.