5 common reasons why a woman will say, “I feel like my heart isn’t in it anymore” and then break up with her man are that:
1. He hasn’t been able to attract her in the ways that she really wants
For a guy to maintain and build on his woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction over time in a relationship, he needs to be able to attract her in the ways that she really wants.
Sometimes, a guy will try to make a woman love him in ways that he thinks are important (e.g. buying her flowers, doing lots of nice things for her, being romantic all the time, spending all of his time with her).
Yet, if that’s not the way that she wants to feel attracted to her man, it just won’t mean much to her at all.
She might see it as sweet and kind, but it won’t make her melt and feel madly in love with the guy.
So, what will?
Some of the things that a woman may want from her guy are that:
- He is loving, caring and attentive, but he doesn’t let her push him around and get away with bad behavior or be disrespectful towards him.
- He maintains his confidence when she tries to make him feel insecure by teasing him, throwing a tantrum or creating drama.
- He uses humor to change her mood from angry to happy, rather than getting dragged into her fake drama and losing control of his emotions.
- He makes her feel like she’s the sexiest, most desirable woman in the world in his eyes, rather than treating her like a neutral friend that he wants to hang out and do “guy” things with.
- He has a plan for his life (and by association hers) and he’s motivated, focused and active in pursuing those plans, rather than being a grown man who still behaves like a teenager (e.g. immature, doesn’t take responsibility for his life, wastes his spare time by watching too much TV or playing video games for too long).
- He believes in himself and in his value to his woman and the world, rather than feeling like he’s not good enough for her, or like everyone else is better than him.
- He is secure in his masculinity and doesn’t doubt that his woman will remain faithful to him, rather than being a jealous and controlling boyfriend who constantly lives in fear that some other guy might attract her away from him.
- He’s a real man all the time, rather than be domineering at home with her and then submissive when he’s around other men.
- He knows that in order for a woman to want to stay with him for life, the attraction between them needs to be mutual, rather than him feeling attracted to her, but not doing anything to make her feel the same way about him.
These are just a few of the things that a woman looks out for in her relationship with a man.
So, the question that you should ask yourself is, “Did I do those things for her or did I do pretty much the opposite most of the time?”
Note: Admitting that you made a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy, or that you can’t change and then give your ex what she really wants from you.
In fact, when you discover where you really went wrong, you can then quickly make attractive adjustments to yourself and interact with her to re-attract her.
When you interact with your ex on a phone call and in person, she will be able to sense the changes in you simply by listening to how you talk and observing your body language.
You don’t even need to tell her that you’ve changed.
She will notice it herself.
When she does, she will feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and open back up to having feelings for you again.
Approaching the ex back process that way means that you don’t need to beg and plead for another chance.
She wants to give you another chance because her heart suddenly is in it.
She feels drawn to you and wants to explore how she feels around the new you, which leads to hugging, kissing and having sex again.
Another reason why a woman might say to a guy that her heart wasn’t in it is that…
2. She thought she’d be happy to settle down with him, but it’s just not exciting enough
Gone are the days where a woman would stay in a relationship with a guy regardless of how unhappy she felt, simply because it was expected of her (i.e. for the sake of her family and because it was frowned upon socially).
In today’s world, a woman will break up with a guy if he can’t make her feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship with him (e.g. he’s nice, but he just lacks the confidence of real man, so she doesn’t feel attracted to him).
A modern woman is continually influenced by what she hears from friends and acquaintances, reads on the Internet and in women’s magazines and sees on TV sitcoms and movies.
When she watches TV, she sees dramatic relationships full of excitement and spontaneous, wild sex, women dumping guys and moving on to a better life and celebrities talking about how much happier they are being single.
It’s not like what women were exposed to in the 1800s or early 1900s where it was all about being a loyal, stick-by-your-man kind of woman.
These days, women are essentially free agents and can get up and leave if they don’t feel like they’re in love.
So, when a woman finds herself in a relationship that’s lukewarm at best (e.g. they feel more like friends), she’s usually been so negatively influenced by what she’s seen, heard and read, that thinks something like, “My relationship has become so boring. I don’t know if I’m ready to settle down and be stuck with just one guy for the rest of my life if it feels like we’re just nice friends. I used to think he was “the one,” but my heart just isn’t in it anymore. I don’t feel the spark. I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach when I’m around him. I’d be better off being single and playing the field. After all, I’m still young and there are just so many eligible guys out there, so why settle for one who doesn’t make me feel attracted and in love?”
Here’s the thing…
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and build on the love, respect and sexual attraction between him and his woman.
If he fails to do that (e.g. because he takes her love for granted and just assumes that the relationship will stick together because it used to be so good) she will eventually begin to feel frustrated and want out.
Initially, she may just hint at her unhappiness (e.g. by saying things like, “Why do we always do the same things? It’s just so boring,” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if we did something wild and crazy in the bedroom for once?” or, “I’m starting to feel like one of your buddies. Can we do something romantic for a change rather than go to a sports game/stay home to watch TV/play video games again?”) in the hopes that the guy will catch on and do something to spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
If she notices that nothing changes, she will then break up with him and look for excitement elsewhere (e.g. by finding a replacement guy, going out partying with her single friends, having a lot of casual sex).
Some guys might ask, “Why doesn’t she just say exactly what she wants if she’s unhappy? Why must she play games and hint at things? Why not just be clear and tell me what to do?”
The thing is, a woman doesn’t want to give her man too many instructions on how to talk and behave in the relationship with her, because if she does, she will then feel like she’s forcing him to be someone he’s not, which takes the romance out of what he does.
In her mind, she may then begin to see him as somewhat of a “robot” who does whatever she wants, which then makes her lose respect for him.
When she reaches that point in the relationship, rather than stick around feeling bored or unhappy, a woman will usually just break up with her guy and move on.
So, if your ex broke up with you because she didn’t feel like her heart was in it, to get her back, you need to re-spark her feelings by making her feel respect and attraction every time you interact with her.
You can do that by maintaining your confidence with her and using humor to get her laughing and smiling to melt her defenses, especially when she’s being cold or aloof towards you.
You can also do it by being emotionally masculine around her and making her feel feminine and girly compared how masculine you think, talk, behave and act now.
The more she can see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with (e.g. boring, predictable, always on your best behavior around her, hesitating, insecure, self-doubting), her curiosity will get the better of her.
She will want to hang out with you more to experience the new and improved you for herself.
It is intriguing, exciting and enjoyable for her to experience herself around the new you and watch how she feels.
As she is doing that, she will naturally convince herself that she wants to hug you again, kiss you and have sex with you.
When that happens, the relationship automatically gets back together and you continue on together from there.
Another common reason why a woman might say to a guy that her heart wasn’t in it is that…
3. He always treated her so well even though she treated him badly
One of the biggest reasons why a woman will lose interest in a guy is if she starts to feel more emotionally dominant than him.
This usually happens when the guy is super nice and sweet around his woman and allows her to get away with treating him badly.
For example: A woman might throw tantrums, talk rudely to him, refuse sex or insult him when she doesn’t get her own way.
She may belittle him in front of others (e.g. call him an idiot or a loser, say that he’s useless, compare him to other guys in a negative way) and generally treat him like crap.
In some cases, a woman will even flirt with other guys in front of her man just to get a rise out of him.
Yet, rather than calmly, but confidently standing up to her and making it clear that he’s not going to put up with her bad behavior (which will cause her to feel surges of respect and attraction for him), a guy might try to be even nicer to her in the hopes that she’ll eventually feel guilty and begin to treat him better one day.
Women hate that because it shows her that the guy has no backbone and is unwilling to stand up for himself, which makes her feel unsafe around him.
Although women don’t go around admitting this, they actually want a guy who will confidently, but lovingly put her back in her place when she gets out of line.
So, if a woman feels more emotionally dominant than a guy and feels like she can walk all over him, it becomes very difficult for her to respect him.
If she can’t respect him, she also can’t feel enough sexual attraction for him anymore.
Then, if she tests him (i.e. by treating him badly) and he just puts up with her bad behavior, she will begin to think something like, “This isn’t working out. He’s just not the man I need him to be. I can’t look up to him and respect him, so why stick around?” and she then breaks up with him.
Here’s the thing…
Even if a woman initially acts like she enjoys doing it, she doesn’t actually want to be with a guy she can dominate.
She wants to be with a guy who knows how to confidently lead the way in the relationship, take charge and allow her to relax into feeling totally feminine and girly around him.
So, when you next see your ex, don’t be afraid to stand up to her and show her that you’re no longer the kind of man she can push around and disrespect.
It’s not about being rude to her, being aggressive or anything silly like that.
Instead, it’s about standing up to her in a calm, confident, loving, but assertive manner to remind her of her place in the relationship (i.e. beneath you in terms of dominance).
It’s not about making her feel beneath you in terms of value, intelligence or worth.
Instead, it’s about making her realize that she is beneath you in terms of dominance.
Remember: That’s what she actually wants.
So, you will get more respect and attraction from her if you confidently laugh and tease her when she’s being rude towards you (and even hang up the phone or walk away from a conversation if necessary), than if you try to placate her by being nice, sweet and submissive.
Let her see that you have more balls now and she will naturally feel attracted to you again.
Another reason why a woman will say something like, “My heart just isn’t in it” when referring to the relationship is that…
4. She cheated on him, felt more for the other guy and now doesn’t see the point in sticking with the relationship
Sometimes, a woman might cheat on her guy (e.g. because the relationship has become boring, she’s an untrustworthy woman, he doesn’t know how to give her the attraction experience she really wants) and then realize that she felt more for the other guy and is probably better off without her boyfriend/husband.
She may then let him down gently by saying something along the lines of, “You’re a really great guy, but I just don’t feel like my heart is in the relationship anymore. I need some time apart to figure things out.”
In some cases, a woman may even say, “Maybe sometime in the future we can get back together again,” as a way of softening the blow and giving the guy some hope, so that he will let her go without a fight.
However, she knows that she’s just going to hook up with the other guy as soon as she breaks up with him and is only saying things like that in the hope that he’ll think all she needs is time apart.
He may then generously give her 30, 60 or even more days of space, while all the while he’s likely thinking, “This is exactly what our relationship needs to get back on track. As soon as she realizes how much she misses me, her heart will be mine once again!”
Yet, when he eventually contacts her after a few weeks, or even months, rather than tell him she wants him back, a woman will usually say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry. You took so long to get in touch with me, so I assumed you had forgotten about me and moved on. I’m with another guy now and I’m happy. Please accept that what we had is over and focus on finding yourself another girl too. You and I are never going to get back together again. Please don’t contact me again. I don’t want this ruining my new relationship. Goodbye.”
Finally, another common reason why a woman might say that her heart wasn’t in it is…
5. The love was good at the start, but he didn’t deepen it over time, so it faded away
In a relationship, it’s the guy’s responsibility to guide both himself and his woman into deeper feelings of love, respect and sexual attraction.
If he fails to do that, the relationship with slowly grow stale and then it will likely go from sizzle to fizzle in no time at all.
A relationship is almost always feels great in the beginning.
A couple is usually full of hope and excitement for the future and any flaws that might be present are often overlooked or ignored, because the exhilaration of new love is enough to make them both think, “It’s okay. Nobody is perfect. Our love will overcome any obstacles we might encounter in the future. I love her/him for who she/he is, flaws and all.”
Yet, once the initial thrill wears off, those seemingly insignificant flaws suddenly become glaring, obvious problems.
For example: In the beginning of the relationship, a guy might come across as being mysterious to his woman because he doesn’t open up emotionally.
Yet, over time, she may realize that what she initially thought was an attractive quality (e.g. because she read about all those mysterious strangers in romance novels when she was a teenager), is now something that she feels turned off by.
Rather than feel excited about how mysterious he is, she starts to see him as being someone who doesn’t have the emotional range to commit to a relationship because of his deep insecurities (e.g. he was hurt as a child, dumped a woman he really loved, abandoned).
Initially, she might try to push him into opening up to her, but if she sees that he can’t or won’t, her feelings for him will begin to fade and eventually she’ll break up with him.
When the guy then sees that he’s losing her, he might desperately try to make her have feelings for him again by completely opening up about his emotions and possibly even crying to her.
Although she might be supportive as he cries, she will secretly be disgusted and deeply turned off by his emotional weakness.
To be politically correct, women often say that it’s okay for a man to cry, but in reality, women find it absolutely unattractive when a man can’t control his emotions to the point where ends up crying like a little boy.
Alternatively, rather than crying, a guy might become very romantic and sweet by sending her love letters, a poem or flowers.
He may also start promising to change and ask something like, “What do you need me to do to make you change your mind? Just name it. I will do anything for you. Please just give me one more chance and I promise things will be different this time. I love you with all of my heart and soul.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that romantic gestures mean nothing if a woman doesn’t feel respect and sexual attraction for a guy.
Romance has to be wanted by both sides. It’s not a one-sided thing.
A woman has to feel respect and sexual attraction for a guy to be wooed or seduced by his romantic gestures.
So, when a guy desperately tries to be romantic to get a woman back after a break up, it almost always backfires and makes her feel even more repelled by him.
She may even label his romantic gestures as “selfish,” because she can see that it’s all just about him trying to get what he wants from her.
He needs her back and is willing to say and do pretty much anything to hopefully win her over.
Yet, she sees right through it and remains cold, closed off and emotionally numb to his attempts to get her back.
So, if you want to get your ex back, make sure that you’re making her feel useful emotions such as respect, attraction and happiness when she’s around you.
The more positive she feels when she’s interacting with you or around you (because you make her laugh and smile, have changed the things she wanted you to change and are a better man now), the more her heart will open up to you again.