3 common reasons why a woman will say that to her man are…
1. She treated him badly and he put up with it because he saw her as being way more valuable than him
There are guys go through their entire life never feeling good enough for a beautiful woman (e.g. he believes that he’s not good looking enough, doesn’t have enough of money, is too overweight or skinny).
So, when a guy like that hooks up with a beautiful woman, he may begin to think, “What’s a beautiful woman like her doing with a guy like me? I really got lucky here. My luck probably isn’t going to last forever with her though. I have to make sure that no matter what, I treat her like gold and make her feel like she’s the most important and special person in the world to me.”
He may then begin to suck up to her, put up with her bad treatment or try to buy her love with gifts and financial assistance (e.g. paying her bills, paying her rent), because deep down he doesn’t believe that he deserves her.
He hopes that if he is super nice to her, she won’t break up with him and find a guy who (in his eyes) is better than him (e.g. better looking, richer, more successful, has bigger muscles).
He also hopes that if he puts up with her bad treatment of him, she will take pity on him and won’t have the heart to ever leave him because he’s so good to her.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that lacking confidence in himself and feeling unworthy of her love actually turns her off more than any other fault he may have.
A woman likes the idea of being with a man that she feels will be the envy of her friends, family and other women, because he is always confident in himself and believes in his attractiveness and value to her.
No matter what anyone says or does to put him down, or what he is going through in life, he always feels confident about himself and knows that he is worthy of her and of anything else he wants in life.
A woman wants to be able to feel proud of her man, respect him and feel attracted to him, rather than look down on him and feel pity for him based on how insecure and self-doubting he is.
So, when a guy allows his woman to walk all over him, treat him badly and disrespect him because he doesn’t believe in himself and his worth to her, instead of thinking, “Awww… he’s just such a great guy. Look at how badly I’ve treated him and yet he still loves and adores me. I’d better hold on to him, because I’ll never find another guy who will love me the way he does!” she will think something like, “He’s really sweet, but I can’t spend my life with a man who has so little respect for himself that he’ll allow me to treat him so badly. I know that he means well and that he really cares for me, but that’s not enough. If I can’t look up to him and respect him, I just can’t imagine myself building a life with him either. It’s best if I break things off and find myself a real man who I can look up to and respect.”
So, if your ex broke up with you because she said you deserved more, to convince her to give you another chance, you need to make sure that she feels like she’ll be winning by being your girl again.
She needs to feel good (e.g. respectful, sexually attracted, hopeful), rather like she’s settling for second best.
The only way to make her feel that way, is by being confident around her and standing up to her (in a loving yet firm way) when she’s being cold, distant or treating you badly in some other way.
On the other hand, if you continue to put yourself down in terms of value and possibly even saying to yourself, “Why would she want me back? I’m not worthy of her love. She’s too good for me” your lack of confidence will keep turning her off.
When that happens, it simply won’t matter to her that you still care about her and want her back.
She will see that as your issue and something that only you want, rather than it being a mutual thing.
A relationship needs to have mutual respect, attraction and love for it to last.
It can’t be one-sided and all about you wanting to be with her.
So, if you want your ex back, you have to believe you are good enough for her, rather than feeling like she’d be doing you a favor by being with you.
If she gets the sense that you are lost without her and need her, she will see that as desperation, insecurity and lack of self-worth and it will turn her off.
To get her back, you have to know that you are good enough for her and then just relax and confidently interact with her from now on.
Just know that she is lucky to have a man like you who is still interested in her.
Don’t tell her that though.
Just let that kind of confidence shine through in how you talk, behave and act, so she can see that you are a confident man who believes in himself.
If she sees that, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you again.
She will see that she is lucky to have a man who is not only so confident in himself, but he’s also a really good, honest guy who loves her and is committed being with her.
2. She cheated on him (often more than once) and didn’t want to break his heart by telling him
Sometimes a woman will get into a relationship with a guy even though she doesn’t believe he’s the one for her.
For example: A woman and a man might get to know each other through work, university, or because they hang out together in the same social circle.
The man feels sexual romantic feelings for the woman and wants to start a relationship with her, but she doesn’t feel the same way about him and she initially says no.
He doesn’t give up and over time, her resistance starts to crumble and she begins thinking things like, “Why am I being so stubborn? I know I don’t really feel a lot of sexual attraction for him, but he’s a nice guy. I could definitely do a lot worse than him. What the heck…I’m going to say yes next time and see what happens from there. Maybe he’s the guy I’ve always wanted. Maybe you can build a great relationship from a friendship.”
Essentially, what she’s experiencing is what I call the “Grow On” effect (i.e. she wasn’t attracted to him at the start, but he slowly grew on her over time).
Although some relationships can’t work when started with the Grow On effect, they usually end up in a break up when the woman gets bored of his unattractive approach (e.g. he’s too nice, too neutral, gives her too much power).
So, if the guy fails to nurture and grow her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him, the Grow On effect won’t last.
As soon as another man comes along and makes her feel strong surges of sexual attraction for him, it usually doesn’t take long before she’s kissing him and having sex with him.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a bad person (although there are some untrustworthy women out there who enjoy cheating on their guy).
Instead, it simply means that she’s not getting the attraction experience she wants from her man, so she starts looking elsewhere to fulfill her sexual and emotional needs.
At the same time, she doesn’t want to hurt her guy, so rather than break his heart by telling him that she met someone else, a woman will usually just break up with him and say something like, “You’re a great guy. I really do care about you, but you deserve more. I’m just not capable of giving you the kind of love you want from me. I think it’s better if we break up.”
In a case like that, to get her back, the guy needs to make her feel so much respect and attraction for him as a man, that the idea of losing him forever because of a casual attraction she may have felt for other guys will make her feel sick to her stomach.
He’s got to get her to the point where she wants him back for her own selfish reasons.
For example, he re-attracts her and she then begins thinking things like, “It’s nice when other guys flirt and give me attention, but what I have with my guy is a cut above the rest. It’s so special and so valuable that nothing else comes even close to being good enough. Maybe I just need to give him another chance. Otherwise, I will probably lose him. He is more attractive now and women are going to notice that. I’ve got to get him back now.”
So, if you serious about getting your ex back, just know that she may be the sort of woman who may cheat again.
Some women are natural cheaters and enjoy playing the field, dating and having sex with many different guys (even when in a serious relationship).
If a woman like that gets to the point where she feels bored with her guy, she will usually cheat and then break up with him by saying that he deserves more from a woman and she can’t offer him that.
Note: A woman might also say, “You deserve more” to avoid getting into a big argument with him (e.g. by pointing out how he has turned her off), or to not have to deal with him becoming emotional and begging, pleading and crying with her for another chance.
He might then make the mistake of giving her a few weeks, or even months of space to “figure herself out,” in the hope that she misses him and comes running back.
Sometimes, a cheating woman will do that because she just wants to mess with his head even more.
However, in most cases, she will just move on and fall in love with a new guy to avoid having to back to a guy who didn’t make her feel much attraction and love.
If you want to get your ex back, it’s almost always better to actively make her have strong feelings for you, rather than just staying out of her life and hoping that she doesn’t find a guy who is more attractive and interesting.
If you want, you sit back and hope she will “come to her senses” one day and come back to you, but it doesn’t usually happen when a woman dumps a guy and gives the reason of, “You deserve more.”
In cases like that, the woman is essentially saying, “Look…you’re too soft and sweet for me. You are a great guy, but I need a guy with more balls. I need a guy who will put me back in my place, rather than letting me walk all over him.”
She doesn’t want to tell you that because she doesn’t want to give you the secret to re-attracting her.
So, she just tries to make you feel good about yourself by saying something like, “You deserve more” rather than telling you that your soft, gentle and wimpy approach to her turns her off.
Another reason why a woman will say, “You deserve more” as her break up reason is that…
3. She was initially attracted to his nice guy approach because her ex boyfriend treated her badly
Sometimes, a woman might still be emotionally hurt from a previous relationship, so she hooks up with a guy who is the opposite of her ex and uses him to make herself feel whole again.
- Her ex was overly domineering and controlling, while her new guy allows her to make all the decisions in the relationship.
- Her ex was mean and disrespectful towards her, while her new guy is nice, sweet and treats her like a princess.
- Her ex was untrustworthy (e.g. he broke his promises to her), while her new guy is honest and reliable.
- Her ex was sexually bold and exciting, while her new guy is stable and predictable.
Initially, the idea of being with a good guy who is the opposite in almost every way to her ex will appeal to her because her self-esteem has taken quite a beating.
However, as soon as she starts to feel good about herself again, she begins to see that he’s not really the guy for her.
She realizes that even though he treats her like a princess, unlike her previous ex who treated her so badly, she needs a man with more balls and who is not a pushover like him.
Yet, rather than hurt him by saying why she is really breaking up with him (i.e. he lacks balls around her), she will let him down gently by saying something along the lines of, “I’m sorry. I really do care for you, but I truly believe you deserve more from a woman. I can’t give you that because (of some excuse), but you deserve it. I know you will find a woman who will give you that one day. I’m sorry that I can’t.”
The guy is then left thinking, “Huh? I’m a great guy and she doesn’t want me? What is going on here? Do women want a bad boy or a jerk or something?”
If your ex broke up with you because you were too much of a nice guy, you don’t have to become a jerk and treat her badly to get her back.
Instead, you simply need to show her that you’re now more confident, ballsy and assertive, while still being a good guy.
In other words, become a more balanced, well rounded man, rather than being on either extreme.
Show her who you are now every time you interact with her on the phone (e.g. by using humor to get her out of a bad mood when talking to you), or in person (e.g. by calmly, but confidently standing up to her if she tries to test you by being rude or disrespectful towards you).
When she sees for herself that you have transformed yourself into the type of man she always wanted you to be, she will start feeling attracted to you in the ways that have always been secretly important to her.
Her guard then comes down and the idea of losing you starts to make her feel scared, sad and worried.
She realizes that you are a now a complete man and that other women will begin to notice that and want you.
3 Things to Avoid Doing if You Want to Get Her Respect, Attraction and Love Back
The quickest way to get your ex to want you back is by reawakening her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
You can do that by showing confidence every time you interact with her and making her laugh, smile and feel happy.
On the other hand, the fastest way to turn her off even more is by making any of the following common mistakes…
1. Saying that you don’t want anyone better and that she is more than enough for you, because you don’t know the real meaning of what she is saying
Although a woman will sometimes break up with a guy by saying, “You deserve more,” it’s usually just her way of letting him down easy, so she doesn’t have to give him a long explanation or get into an argument about the break up.
So, when a guy says, “No, no! Don’t say that about yourself! You are perfect for me. You are everything I’ve always wanted in a woman and more,” rather than make her change her mind, she will be thinking, “He just doesn’t get it. Maybe I’m the perfect woman for him, but he’s definitely not the right guy for me and until he can give me the attraction experience I really want (e.g. become more ballsy, stop being so wimpy and weak-minded, find a purpose and direction in his life) I will be moving on.”
Remember: To make your ex change her mind and make her want you back, you have to make her feel the way she really wants to feel around you (i.e. respectful, attracted, happy and excited), rather than telling her about how good she makes you feel.
Getting her back is not about telling her how much you love her and need her.
She already knows that.
She is breaking up with you because you don’t make her feel the way that she really wants to feel around a man (e.g. because you might be too insecure, lack balls around her, are too nice to her).
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Telling her that you’re lost without her and need her, to hopefully make her realize that she is good enough for you
When a woman breaks up with a guy by saying that he deserves more, he might try to persuade her to change her mind by saying something like, “You are saying that I deserve more because you don’t realize how much I need you and how important you are in my life. You mean the world to me. Everything I do is for you. Can’t you see that? Please baby, give me another chance with you. I’m lost without you in my life. I need you. You are so important to me. My life isn’t enjoyable without you in it. I need you. I feel lost without you. You are everything to me.”
Although a woman appreciates it when a guy places a high value on her and loves and respects her as his woman, she doesn’t want to take on the role of being his sole purpose in life.
So, when a guy is begging, pleading and crying with her and saying that he needs her and can’t go on without her, rather than feel flattered by his neediness, she instead feels turned off by it.
A woman doesn’t want to be responsible for supporting a guy emotionally and making him feel worthy, happy and confident in his life.
She wants him to be happy, confident and have high self-esteem on his own and for his own reasons, rather than needing her to give him that feeling.
If she has to do support him emotionally in that way, not only can’t she relax and be a feminine woman around him, but at the back of her mind she’s also usually wondering, “Will I have to take care of his emotional well-being for life? Is he going to become even more insecure and emotionally sensitive over time? Have I got myself a man here, or is he a boy in a man’s body?” and she pulls away from him even more.
So, if you want your ex to want you back, focus on getting to the point in your life where you truly believe that you can be happy with, or without her.
You do not have to waste weeks, months or years to achieve that.
You can literally change your way of thinking within days and be ready to get her back.
Don’t waste time trying to slowly heal yourself or become emotionally independent.
Do it quickly or else she will most likely move on and close herself off to you even more.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Trying even harder to impress her by helping her financially, doing favors for her and being even nicer than ever before
Sometimes a guy might try to make his ex woman change her mind about breaking up by overwhelming her with attention, gifts and romantic gestures.
He might make himself available to her every beck and call, help pay for her bills and run errands for her.
Secretly, he’s hoping she will realize how necessary he is for her survival and she will then give him another chance with her.
Yet, although a woman might smile and look happy when he does something nice for her, what he doesn’t realize is that these feelings are only temporary.
If he doesn’t do anything else to regain her respect and feelings of sexual attraction for him as a man (e.g. by becoming more emotionally strong and confident, being more ballsy around her), she’s not going to change her mind based on his niceness or generosity.
The fact is, a woman doesn’t love, respect and feel sexually attracted to a guy because of what he can do or buy for her.
So, don’t waste time offering your ex the type of things that aren’t actually going to make her fall back in love with you.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for who you are as a man now (e.g. you are more confident, charismatic, emotionally masculine, ambitious).
The more she can see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with, the more she will begin thinking that she doesn’t deserve you.
Then, she will jump at the idea of getting back with you because she will feel like she just won the relationship Lottery!
You know that you are a good man and she knows it too.
However, to get her back, you have to focus on making her feel respect for you (i.e. look up to you) and sexual attraction (i.e. the desire to have sex with you).
That is what really gets an ex woman back.