Women like that usually just go from one relationship to the next, until they find a guy who makes them want to commit.
For example: A woman who suffers from a fear of commitment usually finds herself in relationships with guys who are good guys, but are missing something that she really wants.
In many cases, the missing piece to the puzzle is that she will want a guy who doesn’t put up with her crap and give her too much power in the relationship.
She will be confused about the fact that she is very attracted to bad boys, but also knows that a relationship won’t work with a guy like that.
She wants a good guy, but not a guy who is too nice to her to the point where she can walk all over him and be the boss of the relationship, so to speak.
She wants a good guy with balls, not a extra nice guy who is willing to do whatever she wants just to get to spend time with her.
She wants a guy who creates a relationship dynamic that causes her to respect him and try to impress him, rather than him always trying to live up to her expectations and impress her.
If a guy doesn’t understand that, he will often make the mistake of trying harder and harder to please her, not knowing that by doing that, he is turning her off at a fundamental level.
She wants a good guy and she wants to be treated well, but she doesn’t want to be in the power position in the relationship.
She wants a relationship dynamic that causes her to want to be a good girl for her man, to please him and to continually impress him.
If a guy can’t offer her that, she will say that she is afraid of commitment, needs time apart and a number of other common excuses that she will have given to other guys in the past.
She will then place him in the friend zone and say that she loves him or cares about him, but doesn’t want to commit to a relationship.
The guy is then left feeling confused and wondering what would make her want to commit.
So, what will make her want to commit?
Here’s how to do it…
1. Understand what really caused her not to want to commit to you
For a woman to not want to commit to a guy, it usually means certain aspects of his thinking and behavior are causing her to doubt whether she wanted to stick with him for life (e.g. he was too nice, too insecure, gave her too much power in the relationship, was clingy).
So, rather than allow herself to become too emotionally involved with him and then have to break up with him at a later stage, she ends the relationship and opens herself back up to dating new guys for fun.
Naturally, this type of behavior makes her come across as being commitment phobic.
Yet, in most cases that’s not the truth at all.
If a woman hooks up with a confident, emotionally strong man who knows how to make her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship with him (i.e. very feminine, like his girl, in love, feeling the need to impress him and maintain his interest), then her commitment phobia will naturally disappear.
The fact is, a woman doesn’t go through life dumping guys who are perfect for her because she fears commitment.
That would be crazy and most women aren’t crazy.
Women break up with guys who aren’t able to make them feel attracted in the ways that really matter to them (i.e. the guy she dumped didn’t make her feel like his girl and made her feel more dominant than him, or more like a friend).
So, if your ex broke up with you by saying something along the lines of, “I’m just too scared to make a serious commitment right now. Please give me some space to figure things out,” she was most likely just trying to let you down easily.
Most women are afraid that a man will react badly when broken up with, so they try to keep things light or blame themselves by saying things like, “It’s not you. It’s me. I’m messed up in the head. I had a bad childhood” or, “I have issues and need time to myself. I might go to a therapist. In the meantime, I can’t be in a relationship. I have to be on my own for a while.”
She doesn’t want her boyfriend (or husband) to start desperately trying to convince her to give him another chance.
So, she lets him down easily and creates some space between them for a while, so she can move on without him.
Not all women do that though.
Some women break up with a guy and don’t tell him the reasons because she just doesn’t know how to explain it to him.
He’s a good guy, has been treating her well and she wants to break up with him, so she doesn’t really have many or any bad things to say about him.
She just knows that it doesn’t feel right to her.
So, in your situation, your ex either didn’t want to tell you her real reasons for breaking up with you because she feared you might get angry at her or become desperate and try to convince her to give you another chance, or she just didn’t know what to tell you.
To get her back, you need to discover her real, hidden reasons for breaking up with you and then make those changes, without asking her to help you or explain anything to do.
For example: Some of the real, hidden reasons why a woman might fear committing to a guy, include:
- He is too much of a worrier and takes everything so seriously that she can’t relax and feel happy around him.
- He fails her confidence tests by becoming insecure or clingy (e.g. when she throws a tantrum, acts uninterested in him, stops being affectionate or teases him about his appearance or behavior).
- He leads a boring lifestyle and expects her to just put up with it.
- He has emotional issues that remind her of an ex (e.g. insecure, emotionally sensitive, needy), or her abusive father, so she wants to get out before she gets too involved in the relationship.
- Her family and friends (who are an important part of her life) don’t like him.
- She feels insecure about her attractiveness as a woman and fears he will dump her if he finds another woman. So, she dumps him first to lessen the pain of losing him.
- He is a good guy, but just isn’t manly enough for her (i.e. he’s too nice to her, too giving and unable to be the dominant one in the relationship).
- He doesn’t seem like he really wants to commit to her for life and she doesn’t want to end up as a single mother or divorcee.
- He doesn’t learn from his mistakes and keeps failing at life.
- He gets nervous and unsure of himself around confident guys, so she doesn’t feel safe with him.
As you can see, there are many subtle reasons why a woman will really break up with a guy.
Understanding your ex’s real reasons for not wanting to commit gives you a clear idea of exactly what you need to change about yourself to reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction.
Then, when you interact with her again and she experiences the new and improved you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect and attraction for you in ways she can’t explain.
She will feel drawn to you and want to be with you for her own reasons (i.e. she doesn’t want to stop experiencing the love, sexual attraction and respect that she now feels for you).
She will want you back even though she may have previously said she didn’t want to commit to you.
Another tip to make your commitment phobic ex come back is to…
2. Prepare to attract her in the ways that she can’t find in other guys
If you want your ex to commit for real, you need to offer her something that no other guy can.
For example: Imagine that a woman broke up with a guy because she secretly believed that she wasn’t good enough for him.
She doubted her attractiveness as a woman and was worried that her guy would eventually dump her for a more attractive woman when he had the opportunity.
That insecurity may have been created in her when she was a child (e.g. if her father left her mother, remarried and had another child and loved that child more than her).
As she grew up, she may have convinced herself that her parents splitting up was her fault because she wasn’t loveable enough as a child.
Alternatively, her first love might have cheated on her with another woman.
As a result, all her future relationships are tainted by the fear that her guy will find a new woman more attractive and leave her behind.
So, to compensate for her fear, she tends to only go for guys who are totally devoted to her and madly in love with her.
Yet, deep down, she doesn’t want to be in a one-sided relationship where she is in the position of power.
She wants a guy that she is totally devoted to and madly in love with, who also loves her and is devoted to her.
If she can’t find that guy, she will accept guys who are madly in love with her and devoted to her, but she won’t ever feel the same way about them.
Then, when the guy tries to get her to commit (e.g. asks her to move in with him, asks her to marry him), she will say no and claim to be afraid of commitment.
Yet, the reality is that the feelings just aren’t mutual.
She likes the guy, but isn’t madly in love with him because he can’t attract her in the ways she really wants (e.g. he gives her too much power, he’s not confident enough).
In some cases though, a commitment phobic woman really does love the guy she is with, but she is worried about him leaving her one day.
So, if he slowly stops making her feel loved and appreciated like he did at the beginning of the relationship, her phobia will kick in and she will feel compelled to break up with him before he breaks up with her.
She will think something like, “I knew it! He’s just like every other guy I’ve dated in the past. He pretends that I’m the one he wants, but after a while he loses interest in me. I’m not good enough for him and he’s just too nice to tell me that. He doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Yet, if I stick around much longer, he will hurt my feelings by dumping me and breaking my heart in the process. I can’t let that happen to me. I need to break up with him first.”
She then breaks up with him because she can’t handle the pain of losing him, or the pain of being the one who gets dumped.
To get her back, some guys will make the mistake of saying things like, “I promise you that I’m different. I’m not like other guys. I would never hurt you. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me and nothing can change that. I want us to be together forever.”
She might believe him the first time and give him another chance, but if she gets the sense that he’s only putting on an act to keep her a little longer, she will then go through with the break up.
If that happens, how can he get her back the second time?
He needs to show her by the way he talks to her, interacts with her and responds to what she says and does that he really does see her as the most beautiful woman in the world.
To him, she is more than enough for him.
She is so beautiful and so attractive that he wouldn’t ever want to leave her for another woman.
He can’t tell her that though because she won’t believe him.
He needs to show her.
At the same time, he needs to reawaken her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him and then maintain and grow those feeling over time.
When she can see he is continuing to be loving, attentive, affectionate and loyal to her no matter how many weeks, months or years they’ve been together, she won’t want to leave him.
Suddenly, her commitment phobia will fade away and be replaced with total dedication and commitment to him and their future together.
The next tip to make your commitment phobic ex come back is to…
3. Interact with her on a phone call or in person and re-attract her
One of the biggest mistakes that guys make when dumped by a commitment phobic girlfriend, is to give her too much space (e.g. 30 to 60 days after a break up).
As you will discover from the video above, you don’t need to wait 1-2 months before you attempt to get her back.
If you do, she will most likely move on by beginning to date and have sex with new guys for fun.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.
For example: A guy might think something like, “I don’t want to scare her away. She’s already running from me, so the best approach is probably to leave her alone for a while. That way, she may start to miss me and realize that we are meant to be together.”
Yet, that rarely (if ever) happens with commitment phobes.
In most cases, the woman is just going to use the time apart to run to the next relationship that feels safe, or to date and have sex with new guys for fun like she has in the past.
Then, if she meets a guy and things start to get serious, she will dump him and move to the next guy if he isn’t able to attract her in the ways that she really wants deep down.
As a result, the cycle of getting into relationships and breaking up continues for her.
In her mind, she is doing the right thing and is simply following her heart, even though to her ex’s, she seems a little bit crazy.
After all, she will have dumped good guy after good guy after good guy.
She will have then hooked up with a bad boy or two for sex and chased him for a while and eventually gotten rejected.
It’s an ongoing cycle that won’t end until she meets a good guy with balls.
So, unless that is you, don’t think she is going to come running back to you simply because you cut off contact and ignore her for 1-2 months.
Commitment phobic women rarely go back to the same guy twice, unless of course, he does something to make the reconciliation happen.
In other words, he contacts her, re-attracts her, hooks up with her and makes her want to be in a relationship with the new and improved him.
She then wants to give him another chance for her own reasons, rather than being turned off by yet another ex who is begging and pleading with her for another chance.
Another tip to make your commitment phobic ex come back is to make sure that you…
4. Don’t try to get a relationship right away
When a woman is commitment phobic, she will continue being that way until you create a relationship dynamic that puts her in the one down position.
If she is in the one up position (i.e. the more valuable, prized person), then she will continue on playing her old games of being Miss Unavailable, Miss Unsure About Everything and Miss Nothing You Do is Good Enough.
So, don’t play into her games because you really can’t win that way.
What you need to do is re-attract her and make her really want to be with you again, but not push for a relationship or a commitment.
Let her be the one who is hoping that you and her get back together and then commit to each other.
This leads me onto the next point….
5. Be the challenge that she is looking for in a man
Commitment phobic women want a guy who is a challenge.
It’s not about treating her badly, being a jerk, a bad boy or anything like that.
Instead, it’s about being the sort of man that she feels the need to impress and maintain the interest of.
That’s what excites a commitment phobe and keeps her hooked for life.
So, with that said, one of the quickest ways to scare off a commitment phobic ex is to give her the impression that you are waiting by your phone for her to call and are willing to text, talk or see her at any time of day or night.
You are essentially hoping to get a bit of her time, because it makes you feel so good to be around her.
No, no, no.
She is bored by guys like that.
She wants to be the one who is hoping to get some of your time.
Making her feel that way isn’t about being completely unavailable, not answering her calls or being rude.
Instead, it’s about making her feel so attracted to the new and improved you, while also not giving her the impression that you’re hoping it will make her want you back.
You need to give her the impression that you are happy with or without her.
Don’t tell her that though!
Give her the impression based on how you think, feel, behave, act and respond to her.
Think about a time when you were interacting with a girl who really liked you, but you didn’t feel the same way about in return.
How did you behave with her?
That’s how you need to behave with your ex.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get a Commitment Phobic Ex Back
By now you’ve probably realized that getting your ex back is not as difficult as you may originally have thought.
It’s essentially all about re-attracting her and making her really want you again.
That’s something that pretty much any guy can do with his ex girlfriend or ex wife.
You just need to approach it correctly.
With that in mind, here are two common mistakes that you should avoid making if you don’t want to lose her:
1. Assuming that not contacting a woman will make her want to come back
If your ex is commitment phobic woman, it’s understandable that you might be thinking, “If I try to get her back, she will pull away from me even more. So, maybe the best option is to wait until she starts missing me and then wants me back herself, right? In a way this will also prove to her that I’m a loyal, reliable guy and that she can depend on me to be there for her no matter what. She may then want to commit to me because of that, right?”
Not contacting a woman to get her back only works on a very small percentage of women.
The cold, hard truth is that most women just move on if their ex guy doesn’t contact them and re-attract them.
In most cases, all it takes is for the woman to meet a new guy that she finds more interesting and attractive and she stops looking back.
She moves on, enjoys herself and doesn’t really care about her ex anymore.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get your ex back, get in touch with her, re-attract her, hook up with her and make her really want to have a new relationship with you.
That’s what works.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
2. Not understanding that the real issue is the fact that she hasn’t been getting the attraction experience she wants from you
A fear of commitment might be the excuse she’s giving you, but it isn’t the real issue.
I guarantee you that she will commit when a man understands what she really wants and gives her that experience (e.g. he is more manly in his behavior, makes her feel more girly, makes her respect him and look up to him, doesn’t put up with her BS).
Don’t let another guy give her that experience when you can do it.
Level up as a man, give her an upgraded attraction experience and enjoy the great times ahead with her.