5 reasons why you shouldn’t ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a break up:
1. The feelings have to be mutual for a relationship to happen
Sometimes a guy might try to shock his ex woman into giving him another chance by saying something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I still love you and want to be together. I can’t just friends with you because it would be too difficult for me. So, this has to be a relationship or nothing.”
He’s hoping that when she realizes she could lose him forever, she will say something like, “Okay, okay…let’s give our relationship another try. I can’t bear the thought of you not being in my life. Let’s make this work.”
Yet, that almost never happens and the reason is because…
The love, respect and attraction between a man and a woman has to be mutual, otherwise the woman won’t care about how much he cares for her, or what he wants from her.
In other words, he feels attracted and in love with her, but she doesn’t feel that way about him, so why should she give him what he wants when she’s not getting what she wants?
She just doesn’t see it as fair.
It’s not only women who that though, of course.
A man who wants to break up with a woman, will often find himself in the same situation where he’s offering a friendship to the woman and she’s demanding a relationship.
Unless the feelings are mutual, or at least close to mutual, it’s not going to feel fair for the person trying to end the relationship.
So, back to a guy getting dumped by his woman…
When a guy who is being dumped gives a woman a ultimatum of a relationship or nothing, she will usually just say something along the lines of, “Okay, if that’s how you feel, then let’s go with nothing. Let’s agree that it’s 100% over between us and that we’ll never see or talk to each other ever again. I’m going now. Goodbye.”
The guy is then left feeling shocked and confused about how to get her back, after literally pushing her out of his life with the old, “It’s everything or nothing” ultimatum.
So, here’s what you need to remember…
If your ex has disconnected from her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you, she’s probably not going to care if you decide to walk away from her completely.
Instead, she will focus on fully getting over you, moving on and finding herself a replacement man who will make her feel the way she wants to feel (i.e. attracted and in love).
On the other hand, if you accept your ex’s decision to be broken up and just remain friends, you can then use the so-called friendship to get her back.
Use the friendship to stay in touch and interact with her, so you can actively re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
By approaching it in that way, it won’t take long before she starts feeling the same way you do (i.e. she wants to commit to a relationship with you and doesn’t want to be just friends anymore).
Another reason why you shouldn’t ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a break up is…
2. Asking her to change her mind is different to changing how she feels
In your mind, it probably makes total sense why your ex should commit to a relationship with you again.
You know that you’re a good guy who simply made some mistakes in the relationship.
You know that you can do better this time.
Yet, if your ex girlfriend or ex wife doesn’t believe you or care, it’s because you’re trying to convince her with your words and reasoning, rather than focusing on changing how she feels (i.e. using interactions that you have with her to turn her on and make her want you sexually and romantically).
For example: Sometimes a guy will try to convince his ex woman to give him another chance by saying things like, “Be honest…you can’t deny we had some really good times together. It wasn’t all bad, you have to admit that. If you can focus on the fact that we did share some good times, you will see that we can be happy again if you give me another chance to do better. I’m ready to change and be a better man for you, so all that is needed now is for you to give us another chance. We can go back to how it was before everything went wrong. We just have to replicate what we did in the beginning when we were happy together. It can work. Please see that, rather than turning your back on what we had and just walking away.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
If a woman has lost respect and attraction for her ex, she won’t want to change her mind.
He has to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him, so she begins to feel romantically drawn to him again.
If he doesn’t do that and just focuses on trying to convince her to change her mind, she will remain closed up.
She will then say something like, “Look…yes, it’s true that we had some good times together in the beginning, but whether you like to admit it or not, there were more bad times than good times. Most of our relationship revolved around me trying to tell you to change and how unhappy you were making me feel. I’m sorry, but I can’t change how I feel. What I feel is that you and I are wrong for each other. Please accept that it’s over between us and stop asking me to commit to a relationship with you again.”
While it might suck to hear your ex woman say something like that, the good news is that her feelings aren’t permanent.
A woman will usually only say that if a guy tried to get her back before reawakening her feelings.
Essentially, he’s trying to get her back for his own reasons, but she doesn’t care what he wants.
To get a woman back after a break up, you have to focus on her feelings (i.e. make her feel a renewed sense of respect, sexual attraction and love for you).
You can change her mind, but only if you first change the way that she feels.
Rather than wasting loads of time and energy trying to convince her (by telling her all the reasons why you think she should give you another chance), just focus on using every interaction you have with her to actively re-spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you.
The next reason why you shouldn’t ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a break up is…
3. Women don’t like to feel like they are being forced into having a relationship
Many guys don’t know how to handle being broken up with by a woman they love and really want to be with.
For example: When a woman is breaking up with him, a guy might become annoyed and say, “Was your love for me even real, or were you lying to me all that time we were together? How can you go from loving me to being so closed off and cold towards me? It’s not possible to love someone so much one minute and then not love them at all the next. How could you do that to me? What kind of person are you? I’m sorry, but I can’t be like you. I can’t switch my feelings off and pretend that I don’t love you. I value what we had enough to want to try and make things right. Why don’t you? If you really loved me, why won’t you even give us another chance? How can you just walk away like this? It doesn’t make sense. Please don’t throw away what we had together like it meant nothing to you. All I ask is for you to give me one more chance… please.”
Yet, even though the guy is being honest about his feelings, trying to make a woman feel guilty for how she feels (i.e. turned off, no longer in love) isn’t what will make her reconnect with her feelings and want to commit to a relationship.
To her, his behavior actually comes across as being selfish because it’s all about him and what he wants from her.
She may then think to herself, “Me, me, me, that’s all he ever talks about. It’s all about his feelings and how he was such a wonderful boyfriend/fiancé/husband to me, while I was a terrible woman who never really loved him. Not once has it occurred to him that his actions, attitude and behavior are what caused me to fall out of love with him in the first place. If he could just admit his mistakes and show me that he’s making an effort to change and improve, I would open up to giving him another chance. Instead, all he’s doing is using emotional blackmail to try and make me change my mind, which makes me want to get away from him even more. I won’t be made to feel guilty for leaving him. I know how I feel and I’m not going to ignore that.”
How does she feel?
Turned off, not in love anymore and no longer able to look up to him and respect him.
If he wants her back, he has to focus on interacting with her in a way that instantly or very quickly regains her feelings of respect, attraction and love.
When he does that, her thoughts change and it suddenly feels like it makes sense to give him another chance.
In other words, when you change how she feels, she changes her mind.
Don’t try to change her mind, to hopefully change how she feels.
That’s backwards and it doesn’t work.
You’ve got to make her feel like she wants you again, based on the changes you make to how you think, feel, talk, behave and act around her or when talking to her.
In other words, how you come across to her, how you react to her and how you respond to her.
That is what counts.
When you interact with her in a way that sparks respect, attraction and love, she naturally begins to change what she thinks about you and the potential of giving the relationship another chance.
What you always need to remember is that a woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing a guy a favor by being with him because he’s too emotionally weak, insecure and lost to be on his own without her.
A woman wants to feel like her guy is the kind of man that she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love (i.e. because he always learns from his mistakes and becomes a better man as a result).
So, if you really want to convince your ex to commit to a relationship, you need to make her reconnect with her feelings of respect, love and attraction for you, rather than trying to pressure her into it by making her feel sorry for you.
The next reason why you shouldn’t ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a break up is…
4. It can sound desperate to ask for it
Sometimes, a guy assumes that it will seem tough and manly if he gives his woman an ultimatum (i.e. “It’s a relationship or nothing”) and like he’s putting his foot down.
Yet, in most cases, a woman will see right through it and know that he is simply trying to trick her into thinking that he would actually accept nothing, rather than a friendship.
She will realize that he that he can’t deal with the rejection of being labeled a friend or giving her space for a week, to figure out what she wants.
So, he tries to stop her in her tracks by saying, “I love you too much to just be friends. I want a relationship with you. I don’t want to just be your friend. If you can’t give me that, then we will go our separate ways and never speak to each other again.”
Yet, rather than make the woman think, “Wow, he’s being so emotionally strong and masculine all of a sudden! He’s so attractive when he stands up to me like that! I definitely want to commit to a relationship with him now!” she thinks something like, “Does he honestly think that I’m going to crumble under that pressure and give him another chance? I’m breaking up with him, so I would be happy to accept nothing. I was only going to be his friend to be nice.”
She then accepts nothing, cuts off communication with him (and possibly even blocks him) and it’s then a lot more difficult for him to get her back.
Here’s the thing…
When a guy tries to force a woman into a relationship without reawakening her feelings first, she’s usually going to perceive whatever he does in a negative way.
Instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt (i.e. he’s being emotionally strong and decisive), she’s going to assume the worst of him (i.e. he’s being clingy, desperate or selfish).
So, don’t risk turning your ex woman off even more by asking her to commit to a relationship or nothing.
Instead, naturally make her want to commit to you by actively sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love first.
When you do that, she will be open to giving the relationship another shot, because it will feel like the right step for her to take.
The next reason why you shouldn’t ask a woman to commit to a relationship or nothing after a break up is because…
5. You should use a friendship after the break up to re-attract her
Rather than telling your ex, “It’s all or nothing,” (and risk losing her completely), it’s best to keep her in your life as a friend.
You can use the interactions you have with her to re-attract her and hook up with her sexually, to get the relationship back together.
The more you reawaken her feelings of respect, attraction and love, the faster she will want to be in a relationship with you again.
When you’re her friend, you can get her back away, within days, with a week or within a couple of weeks (in cases where a woman hates the guy that she is dumping and needs a bit of space), but you really can do it.
You take control of the situation by making sure that she can’t seem to get over you because she is suddenly feeling more attracted to you than she has in a long time.
That is what works and gets a woman back quickly.
On the other hand, if you’re completely out of the picture, chances of her suddenly missing you and wanting you back are slim at best, because if she’s like most women, she will move on by finding a new guy or enjoying the single life (i.e. hooking up with new guys for fun).
Remember: If you’re not making her feel respect and sexual attraction, some other guy will.
So, don’t let your stubbornness or hurt feelings get in the way of you getting her back.
Take control of the situation by accepting a so-called ‘friendship’ with her and then use that as a perfect way to re-attract her and get her back.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When She Doesn’t Seem to Want a Relationship
Quite often, a break up is a huge wake up call for a guy.
He suddenly realizes how much he loves his woman, how badly he has messed up and how horrible it will feel to lose her.
Unfortunately, he will often make a bunch of mistakes that will push her away even further.
Don’t let that guy be you.
Here are some common mistakes that other guys make, which you should avoid if you want to get your ex woman back…
1. Sulking and appearing emotionally lost without her, unless she commits to a relationship
Watch this video for more info…
Sometimes a guy mistakenly thinks that his woman will feel flattered to see how lost and emotionally broken he is without her.
He hopes that she will think, “Wow, I must mean the world to him if he’s falling apart in this way. I’m really lucky to have a guy who loves me as much as he does! Maybe I should give our relationship another chance. After all, I wouldn’t want to risk losing a guy who adores me like that. What if I never found someone else to love me the way he does? I just have to give him another chance!”
It would be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn’t.
When a woman notices that her ex is sulking and is emotionally lost without her, she begins to perceive him as being childish and immature, which turns her off even more.
Women hate to feel responsible for a man’s emotional state in a relationship because it makes them feel as though they are taking care of a boy.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like her guy needs her support and commitment to be able to feel confident about himself.
What a woman wants is for her man to be happy, confident and forward moving in his life, with or without her support, reassurance or commitment to him.
She can then look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him and love him, because he’s now behaving like a real man, not a boy.
Note: This applies even if a man is 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60.
Women refer to men who need them as being boyish and still not grown up.
Being boyish in a woman’s eyes isn’t about age.
It’s about your character.
You either have a manly character when under pressure or going through a challenging situation, or you don’t.
If you don’t (i.e. you get emotionally sensitive, insecure, needy), then a woman will naturally see you as being boyish and judge you as being a guy who hasn’t yet worked out how to be a man.
As mentioned, this applies no matter what age you are.
So, whatever you do, make sure that you don’t appear lost, confused, hurt or needy of her attention and approval to feel better about yourself.
Let her see that you are happy, confident and forward moving in life regardless of what is going on between you and her at the moment.
If you do that, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and begin to feel drawn to you and the idea of having a relationship with you again.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
2. Thinking that walking away will get any woman back
Although walking away from an ex completely to hopefully shock her into coming back might seem like a good idea, the fact is, when a woman has disconnected from her sexual and romantic feelings for a guy, she’s not really going to care about him anymore.
Rather than think, “Oh no! What have I done?! I’ve lost him forever by being so stubborn and not committing to a relationship with him,” she’s more likely to shrug it off and think something along the lines of, “Well if that’s how he wants to end it, fine by me. See ya.”
She then gets to action to move on without him (i.e. hooks up with a new guy, goes out with her single girlfriends to flirt and hook up with new guys, starts dating a guy who had a crush on her while you were in a relationship with her).
Here’s the thing…
When it comes to getting an ex to commit to a relationship, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face (i.e. try to punish her and end punishing yourself instead).
If you want the highest chance of getting her back, you actually need to be in her life to do it.
Talk to her on the phone or see her in person and show her (via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to what she says and does) that you really are a different man now.
More importantly, she really does feel differently around you now.
As a result, she opens to a relationship by first opening up to kissing and having sex with you again.
Another mistake that other guys make in your position is…
3. Trying to get her to commit to a relationship before he has re-attracted her
Imagine what it would feel like if a woman you were no longer attracted to and in love with approached you and said, “If you won’t commit to a relationship with me right now, I’m going to walk out if your life forever!”
Would you get upset about it and quickly say, “Oh no! Please don’t go! I want us to be together,” or would you look at her as if she’s acting a little bit crazy?
Chances are, you’d think she’s a little bit nutty.
She’s demanding that you have a relationship with her, even though you’re not attracted to her.
In most cases, of course you’d say no to that.
Now put yourself in your ex woman’s shoes in your current situation (i.e. she has dumped you and you want to be with her).
At the moment, she doesn’t feel much (or any) respect, attraction and love for you.
So, if you ask her to commit to a relationship of nothing, she’s likely just going to think you’re a little bit crazy and say no.
This is why, before asking for another chance, you must first reawaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.
When you do, she then has a reason to get back with you now and in most cases, she will.
If she’s the kind of woman who plays a bit hard to get, she might pretend to be unsure for a few seconds or minutes, but if you remain confident, she will drop her guard and open back up to you.
She will then be back in your arms where she belongs.
Best of all, she will really want to be in your arms.
You will be turning her on sexually and romantically in new and exciting ways.
So, it will be an amazing experience you and her, not just you.
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