Here are 5 common reasons why a woman will say that to her ex boyfriend:
1. He was trying to work things out via text and it ended up becoming too stressful for her
Although there’s nothing wrong with texting an ex woman, using it as your number one method of getting her back, usually won’t work.
Relationship problems can be complex and trying to discuss all of it via texts can be very exhausting for a woman, especially when she really isn’t motivated to be interacting with her ex anymore.
The thing is, when a woman is in love with a guy and really wants to be with him, she will happily spend time texting back and forth and it usually won’t become a problem.
Yet, when a woman has broken up with a guy and no longer wants to be with him, his ongoing texts can end up feeling annoying, irritating and even unwanted.
A woman may feel as though continuing to communicate with him is a waste of time and energy, because she still doesn’t want to get back with him.
So, she will say that she doesn’t want him to contact her anymore.
Of course, that doesn’t mean he can’t get her back.
In almost all cases, he can.
Instead, what it means is that he’s just pushed way too hard via text and she’s had enough of it.
If he wants her back, then he’s going to need to get to an in person interaction, so he can properly re-attract her and let her see that he has already improved and as a result, the same old relationship problems aren’t there anymore.
When she can see that for herself in person, it can cause her to begin having feelings for him again within a minute or two, compared to weeks or months of exhausting texting, which usually ends up with the guy getting blocked, ignored or the woman telling him not to contact her anymore.
So, don’t try to get her back and work everything out via text.
You have to get to the next stages of the ex back process, otherwise you simply won’t get her back.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex boyfriend not to contact her anymore is…
2. He was trying to get her to want a relationship before he had reactivated her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction
To get a woman back, you have to make her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, so she naturally wants to get back with you.
If it’s just about you wanting her back because you feel so much for her, then she’s going to feel annoyed and turned off.
What’s most important at this point are her feelings.
You have to make her have real feelings for you again, so she then wants to have a relationship with you, or at least hook up with you again to see how she feels afterwards.
This is why, if a woman’s ex guy keeps talking about how he wants to fix things so they can get back together, she will often get to the point where she doesn’t want to interact with him anymore because she simply doesn’t feel the same way.
Initially, she might try to be gentle with him by saying things like, “I’m not ready for that right now. Please don’t push me” or, “Give me more time. I am still processing my feelings” or, “I need space for a while to figure out what I want.”
Even if he gives her some space, it won’t mean that he will get her back.
What gets a woman back for sure is when you reactivate her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you.
It’s a 3 step process and any guy can do it with any woman in any ex back situation.
I’ve literally lost count of the amount of guys who’ve contacted me saying something like, “I didn’t think I could get her back because my situation was different other guys. I followed your advice and it worked!”
I hear that all the time.
It simply doesn’t matter how different your situation is.
What matters is making her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you, so she naturally wants to get back together.
She doesn’t want to lose you and end up feeling regret as she sees you move on, while she still has feelings for you.
She wants to give the relationship another chance and see how it goes.
Guys all over the world are able to do this with their ex woman and you really can do it too.
So, don’t try to get your ex back by pushing for a relationship before she is attracted to you again and even when she is attracted to you again.
Make her feel so attracted to the new and improved you that she wants to be back in a relationship with you and you then allow that.
Don’t be the one pushing, pleading and begging for it.
Put yourself in the position of power with her.
It might seem impossible for you right now, but you really can do it.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex boyfriend not to contact her anymore is…
3. She just doesn’t believe that things will work out
Sometimes a guy is a really good guy and truly wants to work things out with his ex girl, but she just doesn’t feel like he has what it takes to do it.
She tried to get through to him in the relationship and convince him to change, but he was never been able to do it (e.g. he always remained insecure, he was never able to step up and start being more manly around her, he didn’t know how to handle her tantrums, he was afraid of reaching for his true potential as a man and hid behind her or other distractions and excuses so he didn’t have to take action, he didn’t know how to bring out her good girl side and instead brought out a cold, mean side to her that she doesn’t want to experience in a relationship).
She loves him and she thinks he’s a good guy, but he just doesn’t understand women at the level it takes to truly attract her and make her respect him, love him and treat him well for life.
Alternatively, may be was the opposite.
Maybe she loves him, but she believes that he’s a bit of an asshole.
He’s selfish, he took her for granted and expected way too much of her, without giving enough love back to her.
Either way, in a case where a woman is telling her ex boyfriend not to contact her anymore, she has gotten to the point where she is tired of him trying to get her back before changing.
For example: She may think to herself, “I don’t things would really be different if I gave him another chance. He’s still unable to make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him. Instead of feeling happy, attracted and in love, he makes me feel annoyed, turned off and like I can’t get away from him fast enough. That’s not how I want to feel about the man in my life. This isn’t going to work out, so for my own emotional wellbeing I need to let go of the idea that we’ll ever get back together again and get on with my life without him. I’ve got start moving on. I will find myself a new man who will love me and make me love him the right way.”
This is why, if your ex told you not to contact her anymore, you need to quickly upgrade your ability to attract her and make love flow in interactions between you and her.
To begin with, if you haven’t done so already, stop all interactions with her for a few days and just allow for things to calm down.
I don’t recommend that you stop contacting her for 30 or 60 days.
Those approaches don’t work well for men who want to get a woman back.
They can work well when a woman has been dumped and is trying to get a man to feel rejected, but not the other way around.
In almost all cases, if a man stops contact for 30 or more days, his ex woman will simply move on.
This is why, after years of testing and successful results with clients, I only recommend 3-7 days of space before you start the ex back process and get her back.
Watch this video of mine for more info on what to do…
What’s important to understand for your situation, is that at the moment, your ex is probably feeling a bit agitated and annoyed by you.
So, any attempts you make to talk to her and try and convince her to give you another chance are probably going to be met with resistance, frustration and possibly even a bit of anger.
By giving her a few days of space (or up to a week if you feel it’s necessary in your situation), you are allowing her enough time to calm down, breathe and see that you aren’t chasing her and annoying her.
She can then stop focusing on things about you that she doesn’t like and begin missing some of the things she does like (e.g. the way you always treated her so well, how funny, cool or interesting you are, how you really are a good guy and just made some simple relationship mistakes that could have been avoided, that you have a great sense of humor and always know how to make her smile and laugh, that you really do care about her, that you and her used to have good sex and enjoy hanging out, that you aren’t that bad after all).
She may still be remembering negatives about you, but giving her 3-7 days allows her time to calm down and start remembering some good things, which opens her back up to interacting with you.
Then, after the 3-7 days, get her on a phone call and let her experience the new you.
If she doesn’t answer when you call, simply wait a day and then try again.
If she doesn’t answer the next time, simply send a message saying that you are just calling to say goodbye.
“Hi Sandra. I accept that it’s over between us. I just want to call and say goodbye. I’m sure we’re mature enough to do that. So, I will give you a call to say goodbye. No hard feelings.”
Then, after a few minutes, give her a call and then let her experience the new and improved you (i.e. be confident, use some humor to lighten up the situation, be masculine in how you talk and interact with her to make her feel girly in comparison to you, be a bit sweeter if you became a bit of an asshole in the relationship, or be a bit playfully challenging if you became too soft int he relationship).
Letting her experience the new you also means that you don’t start discussing the relationship and where you went wrong, in detail.
Instead, you use an approach to the interaction that naturally warms her back up to you and makes her want to see you in person.
There are so many ways that you can make an ex woman feel attracted to you and warm back up to you as you talk to her.
The more attracted she feels, the quicker she will change her mind about you not contacting her anymore.
Rather than pushing you away, she will open back up and hope that you have the balls to arrange to catch up in person, re-attract her further and get the relationship back together.
Another reason why a woman will tell her ex to stop contacting her is that…
4. He has made her feel way more valuable than him and she doesn’t like it
In almost all cases, a woman wants to feel as though she is lucky to be with her man, while also seeing that he treats her well and appreciates her.
She doesn’t want to feel as though she is way more valuable than him, or feel like she is doing him a favor by being with him because she really could do better.
She wants to see that her man feels more than worthy of her, while still treating her well.
Yet, although some guys understand that instinctively, many find it difficult to act on that knowledge and remain confident around a woman that they see as being high value, or high quality.
For example: Sometimes a guy will date a woman and see her as being too good for him because she is more beautiful than women he has dated in the past, she is more educated than he is, she comes from a good family, has a better career than him and so on.
This can cause him to feel insecure about his value in comparison to her and as a result, he might be nicer than he really is or wants to be, put up with her bad treatment of him, try to buy her love with gifts and financial assistance (e.g. paying her bills) and generally try to suck up to her.
Essentially, he doesn’t feel worthy of her and hopes that if he is very nice to her, allows her to get her way and puts up her bad behavior then she won’t ever dump him.
Yet, the opposite is true.
The reality is that women don’t respect, feel attracted to and truly love guys who let a woman walk all over them.
It’s just not attractive to women, especially to pretty women or women who see themselves as being high quality.
A woman who sees herself in that way, will usually have a sense of entitlement to a great relationship, whereas a woman who sees herself as low value will sometimes feel like she can’t expect too much from a man.
So, if your ex was a pretty girl, a beautiful woman or a woman who saw herself as being high quality, or high value, then she won’t like it if you have been making her feel like she is way better than you.
A woman like her prefers to be with a man who is more of a challenge, where she feels she needs to work hard to impress to keep him interested in her.
She wants a man who will make her friends envious and jealous because he is so confident and sure of himself, but is also a good man.
What she doesn’t want, is a guy who is so insecure about his worthiness that he allows her to push him around and treat him badly, without ever standing up for himself, or a guy who is too afraid to be a challenge in case she dumps him.
When a woman can’t feel proud of her man, respect him, feel attracted to him, then she just won’t feel motivated to stick with him in a relationship.
This is why, if you want your ex back, you need to make her feel like she would be winning by being your girl again, rather than making her feel like she might be settling for second best.
That means you need to show her (not tell her) during every interaction you have with her from now on that you’re a confident, emotionally strong man who believes in himself and in his attractiveness to her.
Don’t tell her that.
Instead, just let your confidence come through in how you talk, behave, act and respond when interacting with her from now on.
It is especially important that you remain confident if she tries to make you feel unsure of yourself when you’re interacting with her (e.g. she puts you down, acts uninterested, acts offended or annoyed, blames you of things, says that you won’t be able to win her back).
When your ex can see that you remain confident no matter what, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you for being so emotionally strong under pressure
If she sees that, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again.
As a result, she will want to stop saying that she doesn’t want you to contact her anymore and instead, will begin to open back up to interacting with you to see where things go.
Another reason why a woman will say that to her ex boyfriend is…
5. She can see that he still doesn’t understand why she really broke up with him
A woman doesn’t want to tell a man how to be the man that she wants.
It might seem unfair, but women have their reasons for it (e.g. she doesn’t want to be his teacher, she doesn’t want to tell him what to change and then see him change it like a good, little puppy dog, she doesn’t want him to pretend to have changed what she has asked for just to get her back and so on).
Apart from giving him some hints along the way during the relationship (e.g. complaining that he’s not manly enough, saying that he has been taking her for granted, telling him that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore and might end up breaking up with him if he doesn’t change), a woman will want her man to figure things out on his own, so he can be his own man for his own reasons.
This is why, even though certain aspects of a guy’s thinking and behavior might annoy a woman and turn her off, she will rarely tell him about it (in detail).
She may give him hints or get into arguments with him about the relationship, but she will rarely explain her deep, secret reasons for feeling turned off by him.
Instead, she will want him to care enough about himself, her and the relationship to put in the effort required to understand how to be the kind of man that a woman respects, feels attracted to and loves for life when in a relationship.
If he does that, then she will feel a tremendous amount of respect, attraction and love for him and begin being a more loving, attentive, devoted woman to him.
Yet, if he continues to make the same old mistakes, then she will eventually break up with him and try to find a man who can give her what she really wants when in a relationship.
The good news is that, you can still be that man for her.
One of the main reasons why is that most guys she will meet out there will not be able to keep a relationship together for life.
For example: According to Stanford University in California, 60% of unmarried relationships break up within 2 months and 70% end within 1 year.
So, if she tries to move on without you, she has a 70% chance of failing.
On the other hand, if you can level up and be the man that a woman actually wants to be with in a relationship, then you will have an incredibly high chance of being one of the couples who happily remain together in a relationship for life.
A big part of leveling up as a man is understanding where you went wrong with her, so you can make the right adjustments and then interact with her and make her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you.
For example: Some of the main reasons why a woman will fall out of love with a guy are…
- He started off being a confident and self-assured man, but over time he became an insecure, clingy or needy guy.
- He stopped treating her like a sexy, desirable woman and made her feel more like his buddy, big sister or one of the guys.
- He stopped making her feel loved and appreciated because he assumed that she would stick around due to how good things were at the start.
- He allowed her to make most of the decisions and be the boss in the relationship, so she ended up feeling more emotionally dominant than him and as a result, lost respect for him for not being man enough.
- He started out being a good guy, but turned into a bit of an asshole, or became very controlling of her.
- He seemed open and ready for love when she met him, but he never really opened up to her. She tried to get him to be more real, vulnerable or unrestricted in the way he communicated with her, but he pretty much always remained closed up, so she couldn’t really connect with him in a meaningful enough way.
- He has so much potential to succeed in life, but he hides from it behind TV, video games, drugs or alcohol, wasting time with his buddies and so on.
- He seemed like a manly type of guy initially, but he turned out to be a softy and ended up acting a bit too feminine in the relationship, which turned her off.
By understanding her real, secret reasons for the break up, you can then make improvements and adjustments that immediately show her you have learned from your mistakes and have already become a better, more attractive man.
When she experiences the new and improved you for herself, she will naturally feel some respect and attraction for you based on you being able to figure out where you were going wrong, fix it and then get on with being a better man.
You didn’t need her to help you and you didn’t need to tell her about your “journey” to improve yourself, or therapy that you might have gone to.
Instead, you just got on with figuring out where you went wrong, fixing it and then simply being a better, more appealing and attractive man.
That is what works when re-attracting an ex woman.
4 Mistakes to Avoid Making if You Want Her Back
Getting your ex back really comes down to whether or not your approach to her turns her on or off from now on.
So, if you want to turn her on, make sure that you don’t make any of the following mistakes:
1. Assuming that it’s completely over now and then losing confidence in your attractiveness or appeal to her
Just because your ex is saying that she doesn’t want you to contact her anymore, it doesn’t mean she will stick to that decision for life.
Feelings can change.
When you interact with her again and make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she naturally feels like opening back up to you, even if it’s just temporarily to see how she feels.
You can make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction when you…
- Make her laugh and smile, especially if she starts off an interaction seeming distant or cold.
- Remain confident, calm and in control no matter what she says and does to make you feel insecure.
- Show her via your actions, behavior and attitude that you’ve understood her secret reasons for breaking up with you and already improved.
- Flirt with her and create some sexual tension between you.
- Make her feel girly in comparison to your more masculine approach to the interaction (i.e. your vibe, behavior, style of conversation, tone of voice, the way you react to her).
- Be a good, loving man and remain confident is she tests you by temporarily being bitchy towards you, to see if you become angry.
There are so many ways to make her feel respect and attraction as you talk to her.
That is where your power is.
When you make her feel respect and attraction, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good.
Initially, she might try to ignore her feelings and try to convince herself that she doesn’t care and wants to continue moving on, but the feelings will remain in the background.
She will literally lose sleep over you.
She will be tossing and turning at night thinking about you.
Then, even though she previously said not to contact her anymore, she will change her mind and become open to communicating with you again.
She will want to explore her new feelings for you and see if they will grow or fade away after you’ve kissed and had sex again.
As long as you have properly prepared yourself to re-attract her, then you will be successful and get her back.
She will feel more attracted to you than she ever has and it will be so much more meaningful because you will be now attracting her in ways that she wished you had all along.
It will be a totally new and exciting experience for her and for you.
Yet, if you lose confidence in yourself because it seems “over” now that she is telling you not to contact her, then you will end up going down an insecure path that will lead to more mistakes and less and less of a chance of getting her back.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Not doing anything to make her miss you while you’re not communicating with each other
If you don’t talk to her over the next few days or a week, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do anything to get her back.
- Post up photos on social media of yourself having fun with new people. If she has unfriended you, or isn’t following you on social media, simply posts the photos or videos as “public” so she can see them from the outside.
- Hang out with mutual friends and let them see that you’re confident and happy without her. This might then be passed onto her during conversations or interactions she has with your mutual friends.
If you think that she won’t be checking up on your social media, then think again.
Women always check up on their ex via social media now, for various reasons (e.g. Are you moving on faster than her? Are you making the mistake of posting sad, “pity me” type of posts? Do you seem lost and lonely without her? Do you seem to be happy, confident and enjoying life without her? Is there a new woman in your life already?)
When your ex can see that you’re not sad, desperate and lonely without her, she will become much more open to interacting with you again so she can find out why you are so confident and happy without her.
You being confident and happy without her makes her feel as though she is being rejected and left behind by you, which makes her want to stop you feeling that way (i.e. she contacts you and asks if you still miss her and if you say, “Yes, I’ve been missing you every day” she knows that she still has that power over you).
It may seem cruel, but in many cases, to get a woman back, you do need to make her feel some painful emotions, as well as pleasurable emotions.
So, if she asks if you have been missing her, it’s best to give her a mix or pleasure and pain, by being playfully challenging.
Her: Do you miss me?
You: No, of course not.
Her: Huh? Really.
You: [Laugh and say] I’m kidding. I’ve missed you a bit, but not as much as you’ve missed me.
Women love being playfully challenged like that.
It keeps things exciting and makes a woman feel attracted to your confidence, social intelligence, balls, ability to create a moment like that and so on.
You don’t have to always be playfully challenging, but you do need to have the balls to add that kind of thing in to spice things up and keep things interesting.
The reality is that when it comes to getting an ex back (especially one who has told you not to contact her anymore), if you are too afraid to make her feel any painful emotions (i.e. regret, rejection, feeling of loss, insecurity), then she probably won’t feel enough motivation to get back with you.
Don’t be afraid of mixing pleasure with pain when interacting with her.
Women love it and it draws them to you like a magnet.
3. Hoping that if you just wait long enough, she will eventually change her mind and contact you
That has to be one of the biggest ex back myths out there.
Just wait and if it’s meant to be, she will come back.
The reality is that, as a man, you have to go after what you want in life and with women.
That doesn’t mean chasing women or chasing an ex, but it does mean purposely attracting women to you, so you get what you want with women.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that and assume that just cutting off contact will work.
The reality is that, unless a woman is still in love with her man and secretly wants to get back with him, then she just won’t care if he doesn’t contact her anymore.
She might be curious about why he isn’t contacting her and she may then end up chatting with him via text to confirm that he is still missing her and wants to get back together.
Yet, in most cases, a woman just moves on for many reasons (e.g. she doesn’t want to contact her ex and get rejected if the real reason he isn’t contacting her is that he over her, or she doesn’t feel motivated to contact him because she isn’t attracted to him anymore, or she feels like it’s the man’s role to get a relationship back together and if he doesn’t try, then it means he doesn’t care and so on).
This is why, you shouldn’t just wait around hoping that your ex changes her mind and coming running back to you one day.
If you use that approach, you will probably end up feeling shocked, disappointed and rejected when you find out that she’s in love with a new guy.
If you want your ex back, man up and interact with her, reactivate her feelings for you and then get her back.
You are man enough to that.
You have it within you.
You are strong enough to do that.
Don’t doubt yourself.
Step up to the plate and hit the home run.
You can do it.
Don’t just wait around hoping that she comes back on her own.
If she didn’t feel enough attraction for you in the relationship and dumped you because of it, then she’s almost certainly not going to feel enough attraction for you if you just wait around doing nothing.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Not even knowing that you could change her mind today or tomorrow, if you were to use a different approach
Most guys that I hear back from get their ex woman back immediately, within days and within 1-2 weeks.
Those guys re-attract their ex woman and naturally make her want to get back together.
It’s a natural, simple process and it works on women all over the world.
Yet, you have to be wiling to start making her feel attracted in new and improved ways as you interact with her.
If you just keep using the same approach that hasn’t been working on her (e.g. promising to change, offering to do anything she wants, trying to make her feel pity for you), then she’ll probably continue telling you to stop contacting her.
If you are serious about getting her back, then try something different that will actually work on her.