The approach you need to take right now depends on whether you and her have completely broken up, or are still together in a broken, troubled relationship.
If you are still together, here’s what you need to do to mend the relationship and get things back on track before she breaks up with you:
1. Start setting off positive chain reactions in your relationship
Setting off positive chain reactions (rather than negative ones) means that you need to turn situations that would normally cause frustration between you and her into something that actually brings you closer.
In other words, rather than creating negative emotions that push you and her further apart, you create negative emotions that draw you and her together and make you feel happy and in love.
Watch the video above for some examples, or read below…
In a relationship, a couple will sometimes encounter situations where they end up having a stressful conversation about something (e.g. they encounter a challenge, are misunderstanding each other about something important).
In one relationship, the man has the ability to steer the conversation back to a more relaxed, easy-going one, whereas in the other relationship, the man usually struggles to gain control of his emotions when under pressure and as a result, he often ends up in stressful arguments or misunderstandings with his woman, which drives them apart.
Positive chain reaction: Stressful conversation > Man remains confident, calm in control > He knows that they don’t need to feel increasingly stressed or annoyed during a conversation > He looks for an opportunity in the conversation to make them both laugh and be more relaxed, while still taking the conversation seriously > They both laugh, smile and relax a little as they remember that they are on the same team/in this together and are not enemies > Stress levels reduce > He continues to remain calm, listen and take the conversation seriously, but his emotional strength under pressure and ability to make them laugh in a serious moment gets rid of the stress of the conversation > This brings them closer together as a strong, capable couple who can handle challenges.
Negative chain reaction: Stressful conversation > Man becomes more and more irritated, frustrated and stresses > Becomes way too serious and intense > Both end up feeling more annoyed, stressed, frustrated and tense than they need to be > Potentially start blaming each other, or acting selfishly, which is out of character for them > Pushes them further apart > One or both of them may start to feel as though the relationship just isn’t working > May then result in threats to break up > Pushes them further apart.
So, if you want to mend a broken relationship, one of the most important things you need to focus on is to start setting off positive chain reactions while you still can.
If you leave it too late to begin, she will most likely break up with you.
On the other hand, if you begin and then continue to set off positive chain reactions, you and her will fall more in love than ever before and she will realize that she is with right man and needs to stick with him.
Mr. Right for a woman is essentially a good man who understands how to maintain a relationship properly.
It simple stuff once you get it, but if you don’t understand it, relationships with women will be frustrating, stressful and heartbreaking for you for life.
You will go through break up after break up, until you learn how to set off positive chain reactions that bring you and her closer together over time.
Another thing you can do to mend a broken relationship if you’re still together is…
2. Understand the pieces of the attraction experience that have been missing and start including them
When you understand what type of attraction experience she really wants in a relationship, you can then begin allowing her to experience it with you.
When she sees that you now get it and can make her feel the kind of attraction she has been longing for, it automatically begins to mend parts of the relationship (i.e. sexual and romantic desire, understanding of who she really is) that are important to her.
Watch this video for examples of the attraction experience and how important it is in a relationship…
Unfortunately, many guys end up losing their girlfriend (fiance or wife) because they never really understand what she wants and how to give it to her.
For example: A guy might find himself in a situation where his woman is complaining that he plays video games too much and doesn’t give her enough attention.
So, he naturally assumes that him playing video games is the main thing causing her to feel unhappy, so he begins to play less and spend more time with her.
Yet, rather than her becoming happy and satisfied that he is now gaming less and spending more time with her, she starts to complain about other things.
He might then feel frustrated and think, “What the heck does she want? Why isn’t she happy that I’m spending more time with her? I did what she wanted, but she still complains. It’s like nothing I do makes any difference. I almost feel like she doesn’t want to fix this relationship and I’m the only one trying. It’s like she is just trying to be annoying. I don’t get it.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
What he doesn’t realize is her complaints about him gaming too much are hints to the kind of attraction experience she really wants (i.e. to be with a man who has purpose and ambition, rather than a man who excessively uses distractions to avoid following through and reaching his true potential as a man).
There’s nothing wrong with gaming and most women are fine with it, but it’s when a man avoids rising through the levels in real life (so he can spend his time rising through the levels in an artificial life) that women start to lose respect and attraction.
If a man is heavily invested into a video game and it isn’t changing their life in real life for the better, then a woman will begin to feel unsafe about their future.
She knows that even if he scores well in a video game, it’s not going to benefit her or the life of their children (if they have any at that time, or if she wants to have any in future).
So, her survival instincts kick in and she begins to complain.
Then, if he stops gaming as much, but just spends a lot of time with her doing nothing, then she still won’t be satisfied.
A woman’s instincts always push her to urge her man along to achieve things in the real world, to help ensure their survival and the survival of any offspring they may have.
By the way…
If you don’t know what part of the overall attraction experience is missing in the relationship with your woman, ask yourself: “What have I been doing that is making my woman feel unhappy in the relationship with me?”
- Maybe you are somewhat romantic when it comes to special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine’s Day. Yet, the rest of the time, you don’t really feel any need to make her feel special and assume that she should be happy that she gets a few special days a year. The relationship then becomes boring, predictable and the displays of romance and affection seem fake, forced or superficial. Some women are okay with that, but most women want to feel like a man’s romantic gestures are based on real love and desire for her, not obligation.
- Maybe you’re too giving to her and are always doing nice things for her, but you don’t ever make her feel the need to do nice things for you. You just accept her lack of effort in the relationship and hope that if you keep giving and giving, she won’t leave you. Yet, if she’s like most women, she wants the attraction experience of feeling the need to impress her man, be good him, treat him well and maintain his interest as well.
- Maybe you’re really nice and sweet to her in public, but when you’re alone, you become more critical of her, or possibly even aggressive and controlling. Women don’t feel safe with a guy like that and always begin plotting on how they can exit the relationship without getting hurt, or even potentially killed in the process.
- Maybe you spend too much time hanging out with your friends, rather than making progress in life on projects or endeavors that could really improve your life and hers.
- Maybe you do a lot of or even all of the housework for her, to hopefully make her happy. Yet, almost all women don’t respect men who take on a traditionally female role. Almost all women want to be able to be the woman in a relationship, which traditionally comes along with being the one who happily does most of the housework. If you get that dynamic wrong, it can turn a woman off to her core and as a result, she will feel restless and will often want to cheat or break up the relationship so she can find the type of attraction experience she really wants deep down.
- Maybe you’re very confident and assertive at work, but when you’re at home with her you become wimpy and submissive and allow her to walk all over you.
Once you are clear on what is making your woman unhappy, focus on showing her that you’ve already changed.
When she experiences your new, attractive behavior, she will naturally begin to feel more respect and attraction for you.
As a result, she will be more motivated to mend the relationship and make it work, rather than wanting to give up and move on without you.
If you and her have already broken up, here’s what you need to do to get her back…
1. Understand what really caused her to break up with you
Some of the things that can cause a woman to fall out of love with a guy and then want to break up with him are…
- He was confident when she met him, but after a while, he started doubting his attractiveness to her, which then caused him to become more needy and clingy. This turned her off because she only wants to be with a guy who believes in himself and in his value to her. She wants to feel like she’s lucky to have him, not like she’s doing him a favor by being his girl.
- She initially felt drawn to him because he was nice and sweet, but she soon realized that he wasn’t manly enough for her. He just allowed her to walk all over him and get away with treating him badly, just so he could be with her. This caused her to lose a lot of respect and attraction for him because she only wants to be with a good man who has the ability to keep her in line (i.e. make her treat him well, put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way when needed). She doesn’t want to be with a guy who sucks up to her all the time in the hope that she won’t dump him.
- There was a spark between them initially, but it faded because he behaved more like a good friend to her, rather than as her man. She wants a guy who has the ability to keep the spark alive between them over time (e.g. by maintaining his masculine role no matter what she says or does to test his, by making her feel girly in comparison to his masculine vibe and behavior).
- He put a lot of effort into initially chasing her and getting her to be his girl. It was fun and exciting at the beginning of the relationship, but over time, his approach became very boring and predictable (i.e. he was always trying to win her over, always putting her needs in front of his own, always being very romantic). She wants a guy who is more of a challenge, so she feels the need to impress him too, rather than it being so one-sided.
When you fully understand where you went wrong with your ex, you can then change your approach when interacting with her and get her back.
When your approach is different, her response to you will be different as well.
For example: Rather than feeling turned off, annoyed or indifferent, she feels interested, open and attracted.
You are the same guy, but are simply using an approach that creates attraction rather than dissatisfaction.
When she feels attracted, her guard automatically comes down and she feels drawn to you in a sexual and romantic way.
This renewed feeling allows her to honestly believe that you really are different now and that if she got back with you, things really would be different and better than before.
As a result, she opens up to mending the relationship with you, rather than wanting to move on and finding a new man.
So, right now, you need to…
2. Prepare yourself to interact with her and let her experience the changes
If you don’t prepare yourself to offer her a new and improved attraction experience and instead, just try to get her back with your old approach to attraction, then you will almost certainly get rejected.
Alternatively, if she doesn’t reject you right away, she will stall and say, “I’m not sure yet. Give me more time.”
That is usually code for, “I can see that you still can’t offer me the attraction experience I want, so give me more time to move on. I will start dating and find myself a replacement guy, so I can then tell you it’s over for real. I will have moved on before you, so you end up being the dumped one and the one left behind. That will be better for me. So, give me more time.”
A woman doesn’t want to hint at that though because her ex might get angry, or rush to move on before she does.
So, a woman will usually speak in code and string a guy along, making him feel like he has a chance, when in reality, she knows that he doesn’t understand what she wants and is planning on moving on without him.
Of course, that doesn’t mean he is stuffed now and doesn’t have any options.
He can stop using his old approach that doesn’t work and start using an approach that does and will work on her.
When you have properly prepared yourself and know exactly how you will make her feel a lot of attraction for you, then go ahead and…
3. Interact with her in person to properly re-attract her
You can make an ex woman feel some attraction via text and a lot of attraction on a phone call, but nothing compares to interacting with her in person.
So make sure that you get to an in person meet up.
When interacting with your ex, if you feel unsure whether or not you are making her feel enough attraction, ask yourself things like:
- Am I turning her on right now (i.e. by being confident, emotionally masculine, charming, funny), or am I turning her off (i.e. by being insecure, unsure of myself, submissive, needy or wimpy)?
- Does she feel relaxed and happy to be talking to me, or does she feel tense, stressed out and like she wants to get away from me as quickly as possible?
- Am I making her feel like a sexy, feminine woman in my presence, or do I make her feel more like a friend now?
- Does she feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for me based on my attitude and on how I now talk, act, behave and respond to her, or does she feel like she could get a better attraction experience from another man?
- If you are approaching attraction correctly, she will naturally start to feel drawn to you again in a way that feels really good to her.
It will feel like a breath of fresh air to her, where you and her are finally able to connect in the way that she wished you always did.
At that point, she may feel worried about getting right back into a relationship with you, but the attraction she is feeling will overpower it.
Attraction makes both men and women want to ignore all possible problems and just proceed to kissing, sex and love.
It’s an ancient instinct, force and feeling that influences what both men and women say and do when interacting, dating, having sex and being in a relationship with each other.
With a lot of attraction, the relationship feels fun, it feels right and feels good.
It’s extremely hard to ignore.
With a lack of attraction though, the relationship feels boring, wrong and broken.
That is also extremely hard to ignore.
Some women put up with a lack of attraction for months, or even years, but they eventually get tired of it.
So, make sure that when you interact with her in person, you let her feel a strong, renewed sense of attraction for you based on all of the subtle changes you have made to how you now interact with her.
When you do that, she automatically senses the changes without you having to tell her and naturally feels attracted to you.
Then, getting her back becomes easy and practically automatic because it’s something she wants to do, rather than you being the only one who wants to mend the relationship and get back together.
By the way…
When you see that she is feeling attracted to you again…
4. Bridge the physical gap between you with a hug, kiss and then sex
If you have been re-attracting her during the interaction, chances are high that she will be open to at least giving you a hug.
So, go ahead and initiate it by saying something along the lines of, “Well, I’m happy that we’re getting along again. It doesn’t mean that we will get back together, but at least we are getting along now. We deserve a hug for that. Come here and give me a hug.”
Then, move towards her with your arms open in a relaxed, confident manner.
When hugging her, if she seems open to a kiss (e.g. she stays in your arms longer than necessary, she snuggles into your neck, she looks up at you and smiles), just lean in and give her a kiss.
Then, head to her place or yours and hook up sexually to speed up the process of mending the relationship and getting back together.
Mend the Relationship Faster By Avoiding These 4 Mistakes
Here are some mistakes to avoid when attempting to get her back.
1. Cutting off contact and hoping that she will miss you and want you back, even though you haven’t changed anything
Cutting off contact and waiting (for weeks or months) can work sometimes, but in most cases the woman will just move on.
Remember: Most break ups happen because a woman disconnects from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy.
In other words, she no longer has strong feelings for him.
So, if he then disappears from her life, rather than missing him and then chasing after him, she usually feels relieved that he’s not contacting her.
She simply uses the time apart to find herself a new man to hook up with, date and fall in love with.
On the other hand, if she does come back as a result of him cutting off contact (very rare, especially if the woman no longer has strong feelings), she will see that nothing has changed and just break up with him again.
So, he won’t get her back for real.
He will just get dumped again.
This time around, she will even more determined to start dating and moving on without him.
So, if you want to mend your broken relationship and get your woman back for real, just focus on using interactions that you have with her to re-spark her feelings for you, rather than cutting off contacting, waiting and risking losing her for real.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying to work things out via text
Although texting works well when in a relationship with a woman, it’s not a good way to try to get a woman back.
When a woman has broken up with you and is almost certainly thinking about you in a negative way, she usually won’t be looking at your texts in a positive light.
This is why many guys find that their ex girlfriend (or wife) suddenly changes and becomes cold, bitchy and distant.
He can’t work out why.
After all, he is a good guy and is honestly trying to fix the relationship.
Additionally, she is a good woman and doesn’t usually act like a cold, distant, bitchy type of woman.
Yet, what he fails to realize is that the majority of communication between humans is body language and tonality and when those two things are missing, the person reading the commutation has to assume what the writer’s body language or tone might be.
For example: Imagine what you’d think of me (the writer of this article) if I didn’t include any videos of myself.
You would have to make assumptions on what type of tonality I’d use, how confident I am, what body language I’m using, what kind of person I am and so on.
Of course, your ex knows who you are and has experienced your body language.
However, after a break up, if you only text, then she has to assume what type of mood you are in, how you would say what you are texting her if you spoke in person, how confident or insecure you would seem and so on.
If your ex currently has a negative perception of you (based on how you behaved leading up to the break up, during the break up and after it), she will naturally be looking at your texts in a negative light.
She will be assuming all sorts of negative things about you and as a result, even though you might be feeling very confident when texting, she can be imaging you appearing desperate, lost, confused and insecure, which are all unattractive traits to women.
Women are attracted to confidence and emotional strength in men and when getting an ex woman back, you need to have the balls to at least let her experience that on a phone call (audio or video), or in person, rather than trying to hopefully work everything out via text.
So, even though it’s perfectly fine to use some text when getting an ex back, the majority of the ex back process should be done over a phone calls and in person.
There is only so much you can achieve via text.
At some point, you need to get on a call with her (audio or video) and then get to an in person meet up.
Don’t hide behind texts and end up getting ignored or blocked.
It’s such a common mistake these days.
So many guys miss out on getting an ex girl back because they stick to trying to work things out via text.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Sending her a long email or letter to explain what you have realized, how sorry you are for the mistakes you made and how much she means to you
Just like a woman can ignore your texts, she can also delete your email or throw away your letter without reading it.
She can also scan read it and roll her eyes and at it.
The thing is, even if she does read it all, in most cases, she ends up feeling more annoyed and misunderstood by him.
He’s writing about himself.
He’s writing to explain what he has realized, how sorry he is and how much she means to him.
Yet, when a woman has broken up with a guy, she usually stops caring about him and what feels.
She becomes focused on how she feels.
So, the key to getting her back is reactivating her feelings, not talking about your feelings and your struggles to become a better man.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Asking her what she thinks you should do to mend the relationship
Although that might sound like a smart thing to do (e.g. because she is the one who is unhappy and wants you to change certain things), it’s actually a bad idea.
In most cases, she won’t tell you her secret, deeper reasons for feeling turned off because it’s just not something like to talk about with men.
Many men become sensitive or upset when women say things like, “You’re not manly enough” or, “I don’t feel turned on because you’re just too neutral. I want you to be more manly when you touch me. I want to see your masculinity when you talk to me. All I see and experience is a neutral type of guy who feels more like a friend. I want to be with a man, so I can be a woman.”
In some cases though, men don’t become upset.
Instead, a man will start saying, “Okay, great I will do that. I promise to be more manly.”
Yet, to most women, that seems forced, fake and weak on the man’s part.
She loses respect for him for not being able to be his own man and instead, being controlled and taught by a woman all the time.
She doesn’t want fake masculinity being displayed.
She wants his masculinity to be displayed based on his deep understanding of how to be a man.
She doesn’t want it to be an act to shut her up and avoid a break up.
If she gets that sense, it’s just not attractive.
It has to be real and that is why most women will stop themselves from explaining the details.
The reality is that a woman wants you to figure it out on your own, rather than leaning on her for guidance and support.
She just wants to be in love.
So, if you ask her for guidance and support, she will instinctively try to avoid it and will continue trying to move on without you.
This is why you have to figure out how to mend the relationship and re-attract your ex without asking her for instructions.
Be a man without her help and she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you.
When she feels that, she opens back up and wants to be with you, rather than losing you.
This is something that you can achieve today, within days or at the latest, within 1-2 weeks.
It doesn’t have to take many weeks or months.
Most men are able to get an ex woman back immediately, or very quickly when they use the right approach.