If you still live with your ex, you have the perfect opportunity to get her back by interacting with her often and re-attracting her.
Re-attracting an ex is the key to getting her back because it makes her feel drawn to you in a sexual and romantic way again.
By using that approach, rather than just being friendly or staying out of her way, you can literally turn things around in days, or at the latest 1-2 weeks and have her wanting to be back with you.
So, here are 3 things you can do to re-attract her and get her to change her mind about the break up:
1. Start setting off positive chain reaction effects during interactions
Essentially, everything that you say or do around your ex is setting positive or negative chain reaction effects in the relationship.
Here’s an example of a negative chain reaction effect:
- You want her back, but feel insecure about your chances.
- This causes to you seem nervous and unsure of yourself when interacting with her.
- Not knowing what else to do, you start being extra nice to her, or take on more of the household chores or expenses. You hope that it will impress her, get her to take pity on you and start being nicer to you, or feel as though she owes you another chance.
- Yet, from her perspective, she looks at your approach to her as being weak and desperate. She starts to look at you as a pushover (i.e. because she can now get away with contributing less and you’ll just put up with it).
- She realizes that you have no idea how to be the man in the relationship anymore, have lost most of your confidence around her and are hoping she will take pity on you.
- Women don’t want to be with a man out of pity and desperation and insecurity aren’t turn ons.
- She loses more and more respect and attraction as the days go on and feels increasingly certain that she wants to leave you as soon as she is able to move out on her own, or get you to move out.
- Meanwhile, she begins feeling very attracted to other men who seem confident and emotionally strong compared to you, which further reduces your chances of getting her back.
Now, here’s a positive chain reaction effect:
- You want your ex back and believe in your ability to re-attract her and make her want you again. If you don’t currently believe you can do it, you learn how to do it, so you can have the confidence that comes with it. Either way, you now feel confident and self-assured when interacting with her.
- You display attractive qualities (e.g. emotional strength, courage, charisma, ambition) and use attraction techniques (e.g. flirting, being a bit of a challenge, using ballsy humor).
- Even if she tries to hide it, she can’t stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
- She begins to think, “What’s going on? He seems so different all of a sudden. I actually look forward to seeing him around the house now, rather than dreading our interactions, or looking for ways to avoid him. I’m now making excuses to be around him more often than before. Maybe we can fix our relationship and get back together after all. I certainly feel okay about it.”
- You continue using attraction techniques and displaying attractive qualities and she continues looking at you in a whole new light.
- She begins to feel sexually attracted to you again and since you’re not kissing or having sex yet, sexual tension begins to build up between you.
- She begins imagining hugging you, kissing you and being intimate again, which makes her want to flirt with you and be around you more.
- When you are around each other, you continue building on her feelings (e.g. by being confident, regardless of how warm or cold she is being towards you in any given moment, showing her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you interact with her that you’re at a different level now than when you and her broke up).
- She then begins to realize that it’s pointless to break up, because she feels like she loves you again.
- This then results in you and her getting back into a relationship that is even better than it was before.
- Hopefully you can clearly see the difference between using one approach vs. the other (i.e. being insecure and sucking up to her vs. being confident and re-attracting her).
When you focus on setting off positive chain reaction effects, it’s almost a certainty that you will get back together.
She will realize that breaking up is just going to be pointless because she’s going to miss you and probably won’t be able to find a man who is able to make her feel the way you now do.
Another tip on how to get your ex back when you still live together, is to…
2. Flirt with her to build up sexual tension
Sexual tension happens when the desire for sex is there, but it’s not happening due to an obstacle of some kind.
With you and her, the obstacle is that you’re currently not back together yet.
So, when she is feeling sexually attracted to you, but can’t just walk over and kiss you and start having sex with you, sexual tension will build up inside of her so much that she will feel compelled to just give in to her desires and have sex with you again.
One of the many ways to build up sexual tension is via flirting.
Flirting is essentially where you behave as though you’re attracted to her, but only in a playful way, rather than being too serious about it all.
Flirt (verb): To behave as though you’re attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement, rather than with serious intentions.
So, how can you flirt with an ex that you still live with?
Imagine that you and her are in the kitchen at the same time to make a cup of coffee.
In this case, it’s the morning.
Rather than just being quiet and staying out of her way, talk to her as though you are totally welcome and ‘allowed’ to flirt with her.
You can say one of the following (or your own variation), in a playful, easygoing tone of voice:
- Good morning ex girlfriend / Good morning ex wife.
- Good morning beautiful.
- Well, someone’s looking pretty this morning.
- Oh, you’re making me a coffee. How sweet, thank you! (Then smile and laugh).
- Oh, you’re making a coffee too. Well, they say ladies before gentleman, so you go first…and make me one while you’re at it. (Then smile and laugh).
- Good morning my beautiful ex girlfriend. How are you?
- Coffee time. Great minds think alike.
You’ve got to feel welcome to talk to her like that.
So many men make the mistake of thinking that they’re allowed to flirt with their ex, or it’s ‘inappropriate’ or it’s not their place or role anymore to do that.
Don’t be so serious!
Additionally, don’t be so worried about how she might react.
If you want her to feel attracted to you and for sexual tension to build up between you and her, then you have to have the balls to flirt with her.
If she senses that you’re afraid to flirt with her, then she will lose even more respect and attraction for you based on you being intimidated by her.
On the other hand, if she senses that even if she gives you a bad reaction (e.g. rolls her eyes, says that you and her aren’t getting back together, says you’re not funny, says she doesn’t like it), you are able remain confident and continue to feel free to flirt with her in a playful, non serious way, then she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t admit it.
She will realize that you really are being the man and nothing she says or does, will knock you off balance.
That is attractive to women and it is attractive to her, but just don’t expect her to admit that to you.
Of course, each situation is different and sometimes a woman will admit what she is feeling, or say that she likes the change in her man.
For example: Sometimes a guy will start flirting with his ex girlfriend at home and they’ll immediately begin feeling a spark again, smiling and laughing a lot more around each other.
She will feel like getting back with him and will openly admit that she likes the changes in him, or may even say something like, “Why weren’t you like this before?”
Yet, in other cases, a man will be flirting with his wife of 20 years and she will be as cold as ice for the first few times he does it.
Eventually though, she will crack a smile and then open up to laughing and flirting back with him.
Before she knows it, she will be actively flirting with him and the spark will be back between them.
She will begin looking forward to her interactions with him and even planning how she’s going to flirt with him in advance (i.e. what she will say and do).
So, make sure that you are ready for whatever reaction she might give you initially and just know in advance, that it’s not wrong to flirt with an ex that you live with.
Remember what flirting actually is: It’s a playful display of interest for amusement/fun.
It’s not a serious thing.
Yet, it works.
Flirting is extremely powerful because the confidence, charisma, charm, humor, social intelligence and masculinity you display while flirting, automatically makes a woman feel attracted and drawn to you.
When she feels attracted to you, but you and her aren’t having sex yet because you’re still broken up, then sexual tension will build up inside of her.
She will start feeling drawn to the idea of hugging you, kissing you and having sex with you.
When that happens, her whole thought process changes (i.e. she realizes that she doesn’t want to break up, realizes that you’re not so bad after all, realizes that the spark isn’t dead between you and her) and as a result, her behavior changes (i.e. she initiates conversations, wants to sit next to you on the couch, flirts with you, touches you and is receptive and open when you touch or hug her).
Before you know it, you and her will be hugging each other with love, kissing and having sex to reconcile the relationship.
3. Let her see that you aren’t chasing a relationship, but still find her attractive
When she feels attracted to you, but notices that you’re not chasing a relationship, hinting at it or trying to pressure her into it, there will be a space open there for her to be the one wanting it to happen.
She will get to take on the role that a woman truly wants, which is to want to be with you even more than you want to be with her.
Not many women will ever admit that because they don’t want a man to take it the wrong way (i.e. say to her, “I don’t really care about you. I could take you or leave you”).
She obviously doesn’t want to hear that because it’s disrespectful, unloving and doesn’t make her feel safe about a future with him.
Yet, what she does want to feel is an intense desire to be with you, impress you and maintain your interest, so she gets to keep you.
Unfortunately, a lot of men take that away from women by taking on the role of the one who is trying hard to impress her and maintain her interest, so he gets to keep her.
As a result, later on in a relationship, the woman will usually start to feel bored, take the man for granted and think about cheating or leaving because there’s no challenge for her.
There’s no desire to want to impress him because he will stick with her no matter what she does, how little effort she puts into looking for him or how much she disrespects him.
So, it’s important to know that about women.
It’s not something they will tell you, or that you need to discuss with her, but you should know it as a man.
In the case getting your ex back that you still live with, you need to start making her want the relationship more than you do.
Don’t say that you don’t care about a relationship, or don’t want it.
Instead, just avoid talking about the relationship and focus on making her feel attracted to you in new and exciting ways.
Build up sexual tension to the point where she can’t stop herself from wanting to hug, kiss and have sex with you.
Then, don’t push for, hint at or even ask about having a relationship, or getting back together.
Let her be the one thinking or asking you, “So, does this mean we are back together?”
Also, be prepared for her to say something like, “This doesn’t mean we are definitely getting back together” to maintain her position as the dumper (i.e. the one who broke up the relationship and is in the position of power as a result).
If she says something like that, you can say, “I know. We’re never getting back together and that’s fine” in a relaxed, easygoing tone of voice.
Let her see that her pretend lack of interest in the relationship hasn’t rattled you, or knocked you off balance.
Instead, it has left her feeling a little rejected because she is secretly feeling attracted to you again.
She then instantly realizes that she doesn’t want the relationship to be over, but probably won’t admit that to you right away.
So, from then on, just continue to flirt with her, remain confident and not push for a relationship, hint at it or even ask about it.
Just let her desire for a relationship build up to the point where she stops talking about her plans to move out, or asking you about your progress on moving out.
Instead, she becomes more open to being around you, flirting, discussing the future and acting like a normal couple once again.
Eventually, she will bring up a question like, “So, do you want to get back together or not?” and you can playfully say, “Absolutely not!” to make her feel attracted to your confidence and humor in that moment.
You can then smile, have a little laugh and say, “Well, I do love you, but if you want to remain broken up, then that’s how it is” and she will then start to feel compelled to stop the games and just get back with you.
She will realize that if she doesn’t get back with you and either of you move out, she’s going to regret it and want you back.
Additionally, if either of you move out and you end up dating and falling in love with a new woman, then she is going to feel like the one who has been dumped and left behind.
As a result, she will want to get the relationship back together while she still can.