If that’s you how feel, then here’s what you need to do:
1. Understand the difference between you knowing that she’s the one for you and her knowing that you are the one for her
It’s all good and well for you to say, “I want my ex back because I know that she is the one for me,” but if your ex doesn’t feel the same way, you’re simply setting yourself up for disappointment.
Here’s the thing…
Even though you might be convinced that you and your ex are made for each other, if you and her are currently broken up, she’s probably not feeling the same way.
Instead, she’s likely thinking things like, “I’m tired of being with a guy who doesn’t make me feel the way I want to feel when I’m with him. Sure he has some great qualities, but there are things about him that I’m not prepared to settle for. I’ll just have to keep looking for the guy who can truly give me the attraction experience I want in a relationship.”
As you would understand, trying to get her back based on your feelings for her simply won’t be enough.
The feelings have to be mutual and the good news is that you can CREATE that.
You can literally MAKE HER have feelings for you again.
Start by reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you by giving her the attraction experience she always wanted from you but never got (e.g. she wanted you to be more confident, but you were always so insecure or emotionally sensitive. Now, you are truly confident and she can see it and feel it).
When you do change and improve in the ways that really matter to her, she will start to wonder if it’s a sign and means that you are the one for her after all.
2. Understand the reasons why you believe that she is the only one for you
After a breakup, a guy will sometimes have an inflated idea of the feelings he has for his ex.
He literally goes from wanting to be with her normally on a day to day basis, to then desperately wanting to be with her when she dumps him.
Essentially, because he’s missing her and feeling the pain of being dumped, he puts her on a pedestal and begins to see her as being better than she really was.
He overlooks all of her flaws and the things about her that used to annoy him and instead, he makes her out to be perfect in his mind.
So, although you might feel 100% certain right now that your ex is the one for you, here are some questions you should ask yourself:
- If you could have any woman in the world right now, would you still believe that your ex is the one for you, or would you be okay with the idea of losing her and having another woman that you’re very attracted to?
- Do you actually want her back because she’s the one, or do you need her back to feel better about yourself and stop the pain of being dumped?
- Can you be happy and live a successful, productive life without her, or do you need her to give you a sense of purpose and direction?
- Are you afraid to acknowledge that she’s actually not as perfect as you make her out to be (e.g. she’s disrespectful towards you, she’s untrustworthy, she takes you for granted) because you don’t want to ruin your motivation to get her back?
- Do you want her back because you know she’s the one for you, or do you want her back because you’re afraid you won’t be able to find another woman who will love you?
When you can honestly answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of why you really want your ex back.
If you really feel as though she is definitely the one for you, then don’t waste anymore time thinking about it.
Get her back!
3. Prepare to properly re-attract her when you interact with her
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy and give him an excuse like, “Look, you’re a great guy but I need to be on my own right now,” or, “I’m just not ready to settle down with a guy right now. It’s better if we just break up now, because I don’t want to hurt you later on.”
Yet, those aren’t her real reasons for breaking up with him.
She’s saying it’s all her fault and that she’s not ready, but it isn’t what she is really thinking.
So, if you want your ex back, you first need to understand her secret reasons for breaking up with you (i.e. the ones she didn’t tell you about but expects you to know) and then make some attractive changes to yourself, so that you can properly re-attract her when you interact with her.
If you’re not sure where to start, consider the following…
What were the missing pieces to the attraction experience in your relationship with her (e.g. you were a good guy, but weren’t ballsy enough for her, or you ended up treating her more like a friend and she then lost the spark she originally had for you)?
What subtle things about how you thought, talked, felt, behaved and took action were turning your ex off?
For example: Some of the hidden reasons why a woman might break up with a guy include:
- He assumes that because he loves her and thinks she’s the one for him, she will stick with him regardless of how much he turns her off (e.g. he is clingy and needy, he is emotionally dependent on her, he lets her wear the pants in the relationship and dominate him emotionally, he lacks confidence and self-belief).
- He is too serious and tense about things all the time and she can’t seem to relax and feel happy around him as a result.
- He puts her on a pedestal and treats her as though she’s too good for him, which in turn makes her wonder if she can do better than him.
- He lives a boring lifestyle and doesn’t do much, or anything fun.
- He wants different things in life to her (e.g. he wants to settle down and be in a serious, committed relationship with her, whereas she wants to have more fun and enjoy being a carefree couple).
- He treats her more like a neutral friend than an attractive, sexy, feminine, girly woman.
- He ends up acting a lot like her and letting go of his masculinity, so the natural, sexual spark dies out between them.
- He expects her to lead in the relationship because he is either too afraid to mess up, too lazy to do it or unaware of how to do it.
- He gets nervous in social situations (e.g. around her friends, family or co-workers) and she feels embarrassed about that.
If you can relate to any of these reasons for your ex breaking up with you, then you are one step closer to getting her back.
By understanding her real reasons for the break up, you can then prepare yourself to get her back for real.
You can quickly make some attractive changes to the way you think, act and behave, so that when you contact her (on the phone and then meet up in person), you will naturally make her feel respect and attraction for you again.
She will then be able to see that you have already improved in the days (or weeks) since you and her broke up.
Note: I don’t recommend waiting for weeks or months to get a woman back if you can.
It’s always better to quickly change, re-attract her and get her back, or else you run the risk of her moving on, falling in love with a new guy and then having to get him out of the way.
So, if you have recently been dumped, then get started and get her back now.
If it happened a while ago, don’t waste any more time.
Get her back.
Start by interacting with her and re-attracting her based on the new and improved you.
When you do that, she won’t be able to stop herself from thinking, “He really is a different guy now. I feel drawn to him in a new and exciting way. Maybe we can work things out between us after all. Maybe he truly is the one for me. If he is, I better make the most of this opportunity while I can. I should just give him another chance.”
On the other hand, if you don’t change and just continue to make the same old attraction mistakes (e.g. you’re still insecure, still too emotionally sensitive, lack emotional masculinity), it’s highly like that she will keep saying things like, “No. I’m sorry, but we’re just not right for each other.”
So, once you’ve prepared yourself to properly re-attract her, you need to…
4. Contact her to regain her respect and attraction
One of the best ways to successfully get an ex back is by getting her on a phone call with you and making her laugh, smile and feel happy to be talking to you again.
The more ‘feel good’ emotions you can get her to experience when she’s talking to you (e.g. laughter, happiness, excitement, curiosity), the more her guard will come down.
When that happens, she then naturally begins to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the man you have become since the break up.
You feel good to her now.
It’s interesting and she likes it.
From there, you can get her to meet up with you, re-attract her in person and hook up with her if possible.
Just make sure that you get to a phone call though and don’t hide behind texts for weeks or months.
So many guys make that mistake and end up losing their opportunity to get her back.
Call her, meet up with her and get her back.
Face up to a potentially bad reaction to her and then turn it around by being confident and using humor.
A guy is talking to his ex on the phone and she says something like, “Look, I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. You’re not the right guy for me and I don’t see the point of dragging things on any longer. Let’s accept that it’s over so we can both move on and find someone else more suitable for us in the long term.”
A response that will cause her to lose even more respect and attraction and convince her that he’s not the one for her, is if he says something like, “No, no, no! Please don’t say that! I still love you and I know you’re the one for me. You mean everything to me. I’ve never loved a woman as much as I love you. I promise we can make things work. Please just give me one more chance to prove it to you!”
That’s not going to work.
This is better…
“You know, I think you’re right. I almost forgot how your terrible your cooking was…you also almost killed me a few times before. You’re the only person I know who can burn water! Thanks for the reminder! I’ve been eating so well since we broke up” and then laugh with her about it.
By making a joke in response to her statement of, “You’re not the right guy for me and I don’t see the point of dragging things on any longer,” you instantly take the edge off the seriousness of the situation and bring it back to laughter and love.
She then begins to wonder, “Why is he reacting so differently? Why isn’t he getting upset and begging and pleading with me to change my mind? He’s suddenly so much more confident and emotionally mature than he used to be before. All of a sudden I feel drawn to him again. What’s going on? Could he really be the one for me?”
By using humor to make her smile and laugh on a phone call, she will naturally feel attracted to you, whether she wants to or not.
She will begin to reconnect with her positive feelings for you (e.g. respect, attraction and love) and then when you ask her for a meet up, she will be much more open to the idea.
At the meet up, you can then continue building on her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, by letting her experience the new and improved you face-to-face.
If you do that, she will naturally want to hook up with you and see what happens from there.
Just remember though…
5. Make her want to get back with you based on how she feels, not on your reason of knowing that she is the one for you
If she is going to give you another chance, it will based on her feeling respect, attraction and love for you.
When you make her feel that way, it will then be her who will be wondering whether you are the one for her.
She will begin to fear that you are going to be the one that got away and will end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
That is how to approach the ex back process.
It has to be about making HER have feelings for you, rather than you telling her that you know she is the one for you and any other personal, romantic feelings for her.
So, whether you’re talking to your ex on the phone, or seeing her in person, make sure that you don’t make the interaction about you getting her back because you see her as the one.
Instead, make it about her having the emotional experience (i.e. feeling respectful of you attracted to you, feeling love for you and wanting to be close to you) that she wants in a relationship.
- Do you make her feel feminine and girly when you interact with her (this is what she wants), or do you make her feel more like a neutral friend around you or worse, like she is the more dominant one?
- Can she look up to you, respect you and feel proud of you because you are a man who is reaching for his true potential in life, or does she feel embarrassed by you because you have no goals and ambitions, or because you have goals, but are too afraid to follow through like a man and make them happen?
- Do you display characteristics and traits that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. confidence, charisma, sense of humor, emotional masculinity) when you’re with her, or do you her off by being insecure, self-doubting and overly serious?
- Does she feel good in your presence, or does she feel tense, annoyed or stressed out?
When you make her feel the way that she (and pretty much every other woman on the planet) wants to feel around a man, she will naturally open to you and begin to see you as the one for her.
On the other hand, if you turn her off by saying and doing things that are emotionally unattractive to her (e.g. being romantic before you’ve reactivated her feelings, being insecure or self-doubting, trying to discuss the relationship to hopefully work things out), she will keep pushing you away.
3 Common Mistakes That Guys Make When They Believe She is the One
It’s very clear to you that your ex is the one for you.
I believe you, but what about her?
To convince her to feel the same way and see you as the one, you need to focus on triggering positive emotions inside of her (e.g. respect, attraction, excitement, joy, delight, curiosity), rather than negative feelings such as indifference, disgust, annoyance or pity.
To ensure that you make her feel positive emotions and get her back, be sure to avoid the following mistakes that other guys make in your situation.
When a guy doesn’t know what else to do, he might:
1. Tell her that she’s the one for him via letter, e-mail, text or social media message
Firstly, declarations of love are always best done face-to-face where a woman can hear the confidence in your voice, observe your body language and see that you’re being sincere.
Text or e-mail is not the place to declare your love for an ex.
Secondly, your ex will only care that you think she’s the one after you have reactivated her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you first.
Remember: Her feelings first and everything else after that.
If you try to skip reactivating her feelings, you will be met with rejection after rejection from her because the feelings won’t be mutual.
Rather than think, “Oh my goodness! What an amazing text (or e-mail)! He really loves me!!!! I was so silly do dump him. Oh my, I almost lost the perfect man. If he thinks that I’m the one for him, then he must be the one for me too. It’s fate! It’s our destiny! Oh my! We have to get back together again right away,” an ex woman (who is still turned off by her ex because he hasn’t interacted with her and reactivated her feelings) will usually think something like, “Hah! He thinks that I’m the one for him. Good for him. I don’t feel the same way. As far as I’m concerned, he’s not the one for me and I don’t care what he has to say. It’s over and if he thinks sending me a message is going to change how I feel, he’s sadly mistaken.”
Obviously, that’s not how you want to make your ex feel about you.
You want her to feel sparks of respect, attraction and love, so she naturally begins to miss you and consider it as meaning that you probably are the one for her and she will regret it if she doesn’t give you another chance.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t waste your time telling her that she’s the one for you unless you FIRST make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
Remember: Her feelings first and everything else after that.
If she’s not feeling much or any respect and attraction for you right now, then hearing that you still have feelings for her just isn’t going to matter to her.
It’s going to make her think something like, “Whatever. Good for you. Bye!”
Another mistake that guys often make in your situation is to…
2. Think that telling her she is the one will make her swoon and want him back
Initially, a woman might feel flattered by the idea that her ex thinks she’s the one for him and can’t seem to move on from the break up.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that those selfish feelings are only temporary for her.
If he doesn’t do anything else to regain her respect and attraction for him as a man, she’s not going to remain flattered for very long.
Eventually, she will realize that he’s just saying the words (i.e. “You’re the one for me”), but his actions don’t back it up.
She will notice that he is still the same guy she broke up with who is making the same unattractive mistakes (e.g. he’s still insecure, still can’t get her to feel like a feminine woman in comparison to his masculinity, still gives her too much power, still doesn’t know how to make her feel attracted again).
In some cases, a woman will string her ex along for a while to make herself feel better about the break up, but knowing that he sees her as ‘the one’ isn’t going to make her swoon, be swept off her feet and make her come running back to him.
The feelings aren’t mutual!
He has to MAKE HER have feelings for him first, by interacting with her and actively making her feel sparks of respect, attraction and love for him again.
When he does that, she then starts to care and worry about the idea of losing the man that she is still so attracted to and curious about.
So, rather than waste a lot of time trying to convince your ex to change her mind about breaking up with you by telling her she’s the one for you, just focus on making her experience feel-good emotions (e.g. respect, attraction, love, happiness, sexual desire).
The better she feels when she interacts with you, the more she will start to wonder if you are the one for her too.
Another mistake that guys often make in your situation is to…
3. Not regain her respect and attraction before attempting to get the relationship back together
When a guy gets dumped, it’s often a huge blow to his self-esteem, confidence and happiness.
He feels so shocked, hurt and sad about being dumped that he starts behaving out of character.
For example: He rushes to tell her how much she means to him and how he only wants to be with her because she is the one for him.
It’s like a scene from a typical Hollywood romantic movie, except in real life, women hate getting that reaction from a man.
It is seen as desperate and self-serving (i.e. he needs her back and wants that to happen, even though he hasn’t changed anything about himself), so the woman feels turned off and puts her guard up.
This is why it’s absolutely essential that you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved you, before you attempt to get her to commit to the idea of giving you another chance.
In other words, make her want you back, before you try to get her to agree to give you another chance.
Even then, I don’t recommend pushing her to give you another chance.
Many women don’t like to feel like they are being pressured to make a decision to commit to a relationship again after a break up.
So, the best approach is to make her want it, hook up with her, enjoy hanging out together and let the relationship get back together naturally.