6 possible reasons why a girlfriend will say that to her boyfriend:
1. He caused her to become purpose-oriented because he wasn’t
If a guy doesn’t have a clear purpose in life where he is actively following through on his biggest dreams, goals and ambitions, a woman will begin to feel lost and uncertain about the future.
As a result, she will start to feel like she needs to find some direction in life, which she may describe as needing to find herself, discover herself or explore life on her own.
A lot of guys simply don’t know that a woman doesn’t ever want him to make her his main purpose and focus in life.
Women don’t go around admitting it, but they really want to be with a guy who can follow through on his biggest dreams, goals and ambitions in life, so she can be his woman.
She doesn’t want to have the strong one in the relationship and always be striving to achieve something big or important in life.
Of course, some women are purpose-oriented, but the majority of women aren’t and simply get involved in a career until they get to experience what they really want; to be a mother.
Again, most women don’t go around admitting that, but it’s at the core of what a woman really wants to be.
She might be going through life saying that she doesn’t even like kids, but she will always feel lost and confused when she is trying to find happiness in her career, until one day, her biological clock kicks in and starts pushing her to get pregnant before it’s too late.
This doesn’t mean that to get your ex back, you have to make her pregnant.
Instead, it just means that you have to be the sort of man that she can look up to, respect and rely on to lead the way to a better future, rather than making her feel like she is responsible for all that.
Deep down, a woman wants to feel the safety of being with a man who will continue to make progress in life, rather than just wanting to hang out with her 24/7 and waste time.
She wants a man who is setting himself up to be a good provider in the future, should they decide to have children.
Again, women don’t go around admitting that, but it’s what they want.
Most guys don’t really think about that side of things too much, so he ends up making the classic mistake of making a woman his purpose in life.
For example: He gives up his interests or hobbies (other than the ones he can do at home with her around, such as playing video games or watching TV), so he can spend more time with his girl.
He might also stop hanging out with his friends, unless he can bring her along too.
Eventually, everything he does revolves around her.
He thinks something like, “This is what a woman wants. She wants to see that her man loves her and is 100% devoted to her and no one else. I’m just being a good boyfriend here by showing her that nothing else matters in my life more than her. Besides, I don’t really care about anything else other than her. Who cares about achieving things or becoming a bigger and better man over time? We are in love! That is all that matters. I just want to spend time with her because that’s when I’m the happiest.”
Yet, while he’s thinking that, his woman is usually wondering, “When is he going to man up and go after his goals and dreams in life? When is he going to find his life purpose and go after it? Why does he always just want to hang out with me? What will happen if I get pregnant? Will he be able to support me and the child? Why isn’t he thinking about that?”
If he doesn’t start following through on his biggest dreams and goals (and actually making real progress), she will eventually feel as though she needs to get focused about her future, with or without him.
Initially, she might start striving to make a better future for him and her, but that usually doesn’t last for long in most relationships.
The woman ends up feeling like more of the ‘man’ in the relationship and starts looking at her guy as not being man enough for a girl like her.
As a result, she starts feeling attracted to other guys who are more manly and purpose-oriented and begins to fall out of love with her boyfriend.
Eventually, she will decide that she doesn’t want to be responsible for her boyfriend’s emotional well-being anymore and she will then say something along the lines of, “Sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore. I want to discover myself without you.”
His life is about her.
A man’s life is supposed to be about his dreams, goals and ambitions first and foremost and everything else after that.
Essentially, a woman should be the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing.
You might want to read that last sentence again.
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, you need to get to the point where you see her as being the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing.
You should be actively pursuing your life purpose and making real progress with it, so she doesn’t feel like she needs to be the leader and guide the way to a better future.
When she can see that you’re moving forward in life without needing her support and encouragement, she will naturally feel respect, attraction and love for you for life for being your own man now.
On the other hand, if you continue trying to get her back because you feel lost and directionless without her (e.g. telling her that your life wouldn’t be worth living without her), it’s not going to work.
She’s will feel as though her newfound purpose or direction in life is more appealing than you and as a result, she will keep saying things, “No. I want to discover myself without you. It’s over. You need to let me go.”
Another possible reason why a woman might say that that she wants to discover herself without her boyfriend is…
2. She doesn’t feel like a feminine woman with him and is confused about why she has changed
In a relationship, it’s primarily up to the guy to keep the spark alive between him and his woman.
If a guy does that, his woman will naturally respond by being a better woman and helping to keep the spark alive too.
However, if he continually ruins the spark, the woman will begin to shut down and will know that it’s not her responsibility to be the stronger one and lead them both out of that situation.
Some women will do it for a while (i.e. if they really love their guy), but when she realizes that he is supposed to be the emotionally stronger one as the man and lead the way, she will begin to shut down.
If the guy notices that, he might then become angry, clingy, needy or controlling, which will make her shut down even more.
So, what’s a guy to do?
Essentially, a guy needs to ensure that he makes his woman feel feminine, by being much more masculine than her.
The types of masculinity that are the most important are your mental and emotional masculinity.
In other words, you think, feel, talk, move, behave and act like a masculine man.
Physical masculinity (e.g. muscles, a beard) is fine, but it doesn’t mean anything to a woman if a guy is mentally and emotionally wimpy in a lot of ways (e.g. he’s emotionally sensitive, soft, easily upset).
To a woman, what really matters is whether or not you have the balls and the desire to be a man at all times.
You can do that when you are skinny, overweight, athletic or an average body type.
What matters is how manly you are in the inside and how that comes through on the outside in your behavior, actions and vibe.
A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that being the man isn’t necessary because their girl is so in love with them.
Yeah, but for how long?
There’s only so much a woman can take before she eventually says something like, “I need to discover myself” or, “I need to be on my own for a while” because her guy just isn’t man enough for her.
A lot of guys don’t realize that and end up thinking that they’re doing the right thing by giving a girl pretty much all the power in a relationship.
She then takes on the more dominant, masculine role (i.e. because she’s now making all the decisions, is in control) and he takes on the more passive, emotionally weak role (i.e. because he’s letting her wear the pants, doesn’t know how to be the man or thinks he’s doing the right thing by taking a back seat approach to the relationship and just letting her drive).
When that happens, the woman slowly starts to lose touch with her feminine, girly side, because she’s too busy leading and essentially being the ‘man’ in the relationship.
Over time, she starts to think to herself, “What’s going on with me? I used to be gentle and womanly, but now all I ever seem to do is boss my guy around and act like a bitch. I miss being a feminine woman who can relax and let a man lead the way. I don’t like this dominating, masculine side to myself. I’ve changed because of him. I have to leave him to rediscover my real self. I don’t like who I am in a relationship with him. I want to be happy again. I want to be me again.”
Initially, to save the relationship, she might try to shift the balance back towards her man (e.g. suggest that he make decisions, hint by saying that her girlfriend’s boyfriend is very manly and her girlfriend likes it, get annoyed when she is the one leading the way).
Yet, if he continues to miss the point and just say things like, “Whatever you want is fine by me,” or “I’ll go along with whatever you want. I’m cool. Whatever you decide is fine” she will eventually lose too much respect and attraction for him that she will literally stop loving him.
A break up will then happen and her aim will be to rediscover her feminine side and be a girl again.
When the break up happens, a guy might try to change her mind by saying things like, “I’ll change. Just tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do whatever it takes if you will just give me another chance.”
What he doesn’t realize is that he’s simply turning her off in the exact same way that caused her to want to break up with him in the first place.
She doesn’t want to have to teach him how to be the man she needs.
She wants a ready-made man who already understands what it takes to be a masculine, emotionally strong and dominant man in a relationship, rather than having to guide him and teach him.
Another possible reason why a woman might say that to a guy is because…
3. He has been clingy and needy for too long and she now needs to get away and be herself, on her own terms
For a woman to maintain sexual attraction for her man, she has to feel as though he is the kind of man she can look up to, respect, feel proud of and feel attracted to.
This is why women are naturally attracted to men who are confident, emotionally strong, emotionally independent and emotionally masculine and turned off by men who are insecure, needy, clingy, emotionally weak and self-doubting.
So, when a guy becomes clingy in his relationship with a woman, she instinctively starts to lose respect for him, because she is sensing his emotional weakness.
Initially, she may try to shake him up a bit by saying things like, “Hey, why don’t you make some plans with your friends for the weekend? It might be nice for you to spend some time with the guys,” or “You used to really love running/hiking/golfing before we met, but you haven’t been doing any of that lately. Why not start again? It would be good for you to get out and do something you enjoy.”
However, if he just brushes her off by saying something along the lines of, “No thanks! That was before I met you. Now that I have you in my life, nothing else is worth my attention. You are much more fun than my friends/hobbies,” she will eventually start to question her reasons for sticking with him.
Likewise, if she can see that he wants to go, but is afraid of leaving her side for too long (i.e. because he’s worried that she will cheat or realize that she is happier when he’s not around), then she will begin to lose respect for him and be turned off by his emotional clinginess.
Here’s the thing…
When a guy becomes too clingy and needy and cannot make a move without his woman by his side, she begins to feel smothered by him and the relationship.
Rather than relaxing into being a feminine girly woman around him, she starts to feel like she has to take care of him emotionally.
She might put up with that kind of neediness for a while, but she will gradually lose so much respect for him as a man that she will say something like, “Look, I just can’t be in a relationship with you anymore. I want to discover myself without you. I want to be on my own for a while. I need to figure things out and understand what I want.”
Mistakenly, the guy might then start pleading with her and saying, “Why do you want to break up with me to discover things? We can discover things together as a couple, if that’s what you want. I am open to doing whatever you want. I love you. Please don’t do this.”
Yet, that only highlights his neediness to her and makes her want to be on her own even more.
Another possible reason why a woman might say that to a guy is because…
4. She has grown up faster than him
Quite often, a couple will start off being at the same level emotionally.
For example: A guy and a woman might meet at work when they are in similar level positions, but she then might get promoted and start thinking and behaving a lot differently. While he is happy to remain at his lower level position, she now sees the benefit of rising up the ladder of success and achieving.
She might be fine to carry him along with her for a while, but if he is turning her off in other ways (e.g. he’s insecure about her success, jealous about guys at work who are making more money than him), then she will begin to feel very turned off and wonder what she is doing with him.
Likewise, a a couple might meet way back in high school, start dating, go to the prom together and then continue seeing each other after graduation.
Yet, while she starts to become more serious and goal oriented about her future (e.g. goes to university, stops partying so much, starts investing some of her money for the future), he remains stuck thinking, talking and behaving like the carefree, irresponsible boy he was in school.
For example: He might…
- Spend most of his time watching TV, playing video games, or partying with his friends.
- Avoid making a commitment to study further or get a job and instead, he just keeps fooling around with unimportant things (e.g. hobbies that aren’t going to secure a future for either of them, but which are fun for him because he doesn’t have to grow up and take responsibility for bigger things).
- Be broke and depend on his family (or even his woman) to support him financially.
- Still live at home with his parents and not be trying to move out and get a place with her.
- Act irresponsibly (e.g. driving his car while drunk, taking too many recreational drugs to the point where he is high most of his free time outside of work).
- Refuse to think about the future and what he wants to do in his life.
- Refuse to make a commitment to her (e.g. move in together, get engaged)
- Flirt with other women and try to hook up with them behind her back.
- Act like a child when things don’t go his way (e.g. sulking, throwing a tantrum and possibly even crying).
When his woman realizes that she’s grown up and matured and her boyfriend is still stuck thinking, behaving, talking and acting like a boy, she’s going to start questioning whether or not the relationship is for her.
Likewise, if she notices that other guys his age are acting like men and making real progress in life, she will gradually lose respect for boyfriend and start getting ready to break up with him (e.g. flirting with other guys behind his back to find a ready replacement, moving out if they live together, getting a higher paying job so she can afford to pay rent on her own).
If the guy notices her pulling away, he might then make the mistake of accusing her of being selfish and not caring for him anymore.
He might then become even more jealous, controlling, insecure or boyish (i.e. sulking) in his behavior.
Yet, rather than make her think, “Oh, how sweet. He’s like a lost little boy. He needs me. I should help him grow up,” she’s going to be thinking, “Well, that’s another sign he’s not man enough for me. He doesn’t even know how to be a man without my help. I’m tired of being like a mother to him and having to take care of him. While other women can sit back and relax, knowing that their man has grown up and knows how to manage a relationship properly, I’m stuck with a guy who thinks he’s Peter Pan and doesn’t want to grow up. It’s not fair. I can’t stick around and hope that he will change one day. I’d rather just break up with him and discover myself without him. Who knows…I might even find a man who makes me feel like a girl again. Wouldn’t that be nice? I miss who I used to be. I want to be a girl around a guy again.”
From then on, anything that her boyfriend says or does that isn’t manly will make her feel more convinced that she has to leave him and move on.
Of course, if he were to change and become more manly all of a sudden, then she would feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him and not want to leave.
Another possible reason why a woman might say that she wants to discover herself without her boyfriend is because…
5. He has become too emotionally sensitive and has potentially cried to her on a number of occasions. So, her instincts are telling her that she’s not with a real man and needs to get out of the relationship
It would be great if life was easy and there were never any problems or worries.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
Well, that’s not how life works here on Earth.
We humans encounter problems and challenges and we either use them to better ourselves and our relationships, or become insecure, give up and ruin relationships.
In other words, one of the most important things to do in life is to be strong and use challenges and problems to become a better man and experience an even better relationship with your woman.
If you take that approach to life, your life and your relationship literally gets better all the time.
That’s how it works.
It doesn’t matter if a guy is rich, good looking and successful, or poor, unattractive and ordinary, nothing can stop him from experiencing some problems in his life from time-to-time (e.g. a business deal goes wrong or he loses his job, he’s faced with an illness, he has an accident, he and his woman have an argument).
It happens to everyone.
However, it’s how you handle it that matters.
A woman wants to see that you remain emotionally strong and keep making progress and getting smarter, better and more effective, no matter what she or life throws at you.
She doesn’t want to see you break down emotionally and need her help to support you because you can’t handle the challenges of life.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit upset or annoyed about a problem or challenge in life and talking to your woman about it.
However, if a guy falls apart emotionally, cries or loses motivation and needs him woman to keep propping him up, she will naturally lose respect for him.
She won’t look at him as being a man, but as being a boy in a man’s body.
As a result, her feelings of sexual attraction will disappear and she will begin to fall out of love with him.
Here’s the thing…
What a woman needs to see that her guy is emotionally strong enough to quickly pick himself up and get on with fixing a situation/problem or looking for a solution like a man.
She doesn’t want him to remain stuck in being upset, crying and acting like a lost little boy who needs a pat on the back from her.
Women don’t go around explaining this to men (because they don’t want to teach guys how to be men), but it’s what they secretly want in a guy.
When a woman can see that her man is emotionally strong enough to cope with the hurdles of life, she then feels as though can depend on him to be the man, so she can then be the woman (i.e. feminine, girly, emotional, vulnerable, sensitive).
If he is consistently being a man, her feelings of respect, attraction and love will grow and she will never want to leave him.
On the other hand, if he is too emotionally sensitive and cries or sulks at every bump in the road (e.g. he loses some money from an investment, he has a disagreement with a coworker), she will feel as though he’s not man enough for her and will then lose respect for him.
She will then start wondering things like, “Why is he always crying to me? Why can’t he face his problems like a man? Is this how life is going to be for me if I stick with him?”
If he doesn’t change, she will break up with him.
If he then tries to get her back by sulking to her and pleading with her to give him another chance, he will simply make her feel glad about her decision to leave him because he will be displaying emotional weakness and neediness.
Rather give him another chance, she will think something like, “Even though I initially had my doubts about breaking up with him, I now realize that it was the right move. He’s too emotionally weak for me and is just going to keep sulking to me not matter what life throws his way. It’s better that I get out of the relationship now and find myself a real man who can actually cope with the problems in his life, rather than be stuck with a wimpy, weak-minded man.”
Essentially, if a man is emotionally weak, he is going to lean on his woman for emotional support, which is going to make her feel more like a mother than a lover.
So, rather than get stuck in a relationship like that, she will just break up with him and move on.
Another possible reason why a woman might say that to a guy is because…
6. She feels like he is stuck and isn’t really going anywhere in life with him
Sometimes, a guy simply gets stuck in a comfortable place in his life (e.g. he has a good enough job, lives in a good enough house, drives a good enough car) that he stops trying to level up in life.
He is content because he feels that he has everything that he needs (i.e. a job, a beautiful woman, a car, a house that he is paying off or renting).
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that a woman isn’t going to feel happy about that because she doesn’t want to follow a guy who isn’t going anywhere.
If he’s not aiming for something, then life starts to feel boring for her and she starts to think that she should be aiming for something.
Making progress, exploring, bettering ourselves and making breakthroughs is big part of what it means to be human, so if a guy just stops and isn’t really trying to level up, a woman’s instincts kick in.
She might not know what else she wants to do, but her instincts will be telling her to do something other than just waste away, stuck at a certain level of life with him.
Here’s the thing…
In a relationship, it’s the man’s responsibility to maintain and build on the love, respect and attraction between him and his woman.
If he fails to do that (e.g. because he just assumes since he’s content with where he is in his life, his woman should be too), she will eventually begin to feel frustrated and want out.
Initially, she may just hint at her unhappiness by saying things like, “Why don’t you apply for a promotion?” or “Why don’t we do something different for a change?” or, “All my friends’ boyfriends are going places in life. Why can’t you be a bit more like them?”
Essentially, she’s hoping to shake him up a bit, so he will then do something to reignite her feelings of attraction for him.
If he just shrugs it off and says, “What for? We’re fine the way we are. Why do we need to change anything? I don’t care about success or material things. We have enough. Why can’t that be enough for you? Let me relax! I love you. Doesn’t that mean enough?” she will gradually start to feel as though he is taking her commitment for granted.
If he doesn’t change and start making some real progress in life, she will break up with him, either to teach him a lesson and hopefully get him to change, or to hook up with a new guy she has recently met who seems to be more of a go-getter in life.
Getting Her Back
Regardless of your ex’s reasons for saying that she wants to discover herself without you, the main key to getting her back is to show her (not tell her) that you’re a completely different man from the one she broke up with.
You can do that by…
- Maintaining your confidence around her and using humor to make her laugh, smile and feel good to be interacting with you again.
- Having a clear purpose that you’re working towards achieving (i.e. your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions), other than getting back with her.
- Making her feel feminine and girly by being more emotionally masculine than her.
- Wanting her back, but not needing her back to be happy, fulfilled and forward moving in your life.
The more she can see that you really have changed, the less she will be able to resist interacting with you and feeling attracted.
She will naturally want to talk to you and see you more, so she can experience the new and improved you for herself.
From there, all you need to do is be courageous enough to lead her back into your arms and into your life as your girlfriend once again.
The best thing of all though is that she will want it too because you will be now attracting her in ways that she always wanted to experience with you.