The best way to communicate with your ex now that she has a new boyfriend (and you want her back) is to:
1. Flirt and joke around with her as though she is still your girlfriend
When a guy has been dumped by his girl and she now has a new guy, he will often be unsure whether he should still be showing her that he feels sexually attracted to her and wants her back.
Yes, he should!
An alpha male (the kind of man that women are the most attracted to) does not look at other guys as being competition for a woman.
He is the man and no other guy is on his level.
He doesn’t have to say that though.
It comes across in how he thinks, talks, feels, behaves and acts.
Women pick up on it and they naturally feel attracted to it.
Of course, a lot of guys don’t know that, or fear that it isn’t true.
As a result, a guy will worry that his ex girl might get upset if he shows interest (especially if she has a new guy) and will refuse to talk to him ever again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
The only way to get the spark back between you and your ex is for you to CREATE some sexual tension between you and her.
You CREATE it by interacting with her and displaying personality traits and behaviors (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, humor, charisma) that women naturally feel attracted to.
As a result, she feels some attraction for you and begins to doubt her feelings for the new guy.
One of the best ways to display a combination of attractive traits is to confidently flirt and joke around with her every time you interact with her from now on.
For example: Imagine that you’re talking to your ex (e.g. on a phone call or in person) right now.
After a having quick chat and a laugh together about something, you can say, “Anyway, so when are you going to come around and cook me some dinner? I haven’t eaten your awesome mac and cheese with bacon in a long time. You’re not a very good ex girlfriend, are you? You have to take better care of me than this. I’ve gotta eat” and have a laugh.
If she complains and says something like, “Hey! You can’t talk to me like that now. We’re broken up. I don’t cook for you anymore. I have a new boyfriend, remember?” just laugh and say something along the lines of, “Hey, there’s no need to be so uptight and make up silly rules about ex’s not being allowed to joke around with each other. We can joke around about things like that. We don’t have to be on our best behavior now and act all formal now that we’re broken up. That would just be weird. We can still have a laugh together. It’s no big deal. Besides, even ex boyfriends deserve to eat a good meal once in a while, don’t you agree?”
If she then says something like, “No, we can’t do that. I’m with a new guy now and it would be disrespectful to him,” just laugh, tell her to relax and assure her that you were only joking and she doesn’t need to take everything so seriously.
Then, continue on with the conversation and make sure that you keep making her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you.
Be confident and flirt with her, without worrying about what she might think or if the new guy might get jealous or upset.
Here’s the thing…
Flirting and laughter makes a woman feel attracted; especially when she is your ex.
Most guys don’t have the balls to flirt with their ex after being dumped because their confidence has been ruined as a result of the break up.
So, if you let her see that you are still 100% confident in yourself regardless of the fact that she left you and now has a new man, she simply cannot stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you.
The more you make her feel attracted to you, the more doubts she will have about her new boyfriend.
She may begin to think to herself, “I’m so confused. I thought I was truly over my ex, but now I’m not so sure. I actually enjoy talking to him a lot more now and if I’m honest with myself, my heart sometimes skips a beat when I first hear his voice on the phone. He just seems so different now. If he was like this before, we probably wouldn’t have ever broken up in the first place. I do like my new boyfriend, but I’m clearly still attracted to my ex. I don’t know what to do.”
That’s what you want her thinking and feeling.
It plants that seed of doubt in her mind where she starts looking at him and thinking of you and wondering, “Why am I feeling this way? Why do I miss my ex?”
Important: A huge mistake that a lot of guys make these days, is in thinking that they can attract their ex back via text only.
For example: A guy might think, “I don’t know how to talk to my ex now that she has a new boyfriend. It already feels like it’s too late for me to get her back. I don’t want to lose her though, so maybe if I stay in touch with her via text and be her friend, she will see that I’m being a good ex who isn’t being pushy or disrespectful of her new guy. Then, if she has a fight with him, she’ll come right back to me because I’ve been there the whole time.”
It sounds like a good plan, but it almost never happens in cases where a woman dumped a guy because she no longer felt attracted to him (e.g. because he became too insecure in the relationship).
Texting her like a friend doesn’t make her feel sexually attracted and turned on, especially if she is still turned off (e.g. because he became a bit of an asshole in the relationship, ruined her self esteem, made her feel unattractive).
So, rather than think, “Oh my ex is being so sweet by texting me like this! He’s being so respectful of my new relationship too because he’s just being nice and friendly. I feel so much respect and attraction for him for being such a cool ex boyfriend! I want him back so badly!” she rolls her eyes and either ignores the texts, or messes with her ex’s head by stringing him along for a while.
All the while though, she is kissing and having sex with her new guy and enjoying life without her ex.
This is why it’s so important that you don’t take a back seat to your ex’s new boyfriend.
You need to be present in her life (on a phone call or in person, not just via text) and be the one who is joking with her, flirting with her and making her feel surges of respect and sexual attraction for you.
If you can make her have strong or building feelings for you again, she will naturally begin to question her dedication to the guy and possibly even agree to meet up with you, or suggest that you catch up and then open up to kissing and having sex with you again.
Don’t try to achieve that via text.
Text feels easier, but it is not as effective as a phone call or in person meet up.
Another thing to keep in mind when communicating with your ex now that she has a new boyfriend, is…
2. Don’t ask too many questions about the new guy
For example: The ex guy might ask…
- How serious is the relationship with your new boyfriend?
- Did you meet him after we broke up, or did you already know each other before?
- Where did you meet him?
- What does he do?
- What does he look like?
- How much money does he make?
Here’s the thing…
As tempting as it might be to want to get as much information out of your ex about her new guy, asking too many questions about him only makes you look like the insecure, jealous ex boyfriend.
She will then lose even more respect for you and she will instinctively feel drawn to her new man.
Women are naturally attracted to alpha males.
Alpha males do not look at other guys as being competition.
An alpha male sees himself as the man and doesn’t even consider other guys to be on his level.
So, this new boyfriend of hers should be looked at in the same way.
He’s not on your level.
You are the man and he’s just some random guy who thinks he can keep your woman happy.
Yet, he is going to be in for a shock when he finds out that she is leaving him and going back to you.
So, don’t ever look at this guy as being better than you in any way.
Don’t even worry about what he does for a living, how tall he is, what he looks like or whatever else.
He is nothing compared to you.
So, just relax and focus on re-attracting your ex by interacting with her and displaying personality traits and behaviors that are naturally attractive and appealing to women.
Show her that you believe in your value to her (even though you’re not together anymore) and use every interaction to regain her respect, attraction and love for you.
When you believe that you are a better man than her new boyfriend and act accordingly, she will realize it too.
Don’t tell her that you’re better than him.
That would be insecure.
Just be confident, charismatic and flirt with her and make her laugh and feel good when talking to you.
Let her pick up on the fact that you aren’t doubting yourself one bit.
That is what works.
On the other hand, if you interact with your ex in an insecure, self-doubting way, she will naturally feel even more attracted to her new guy and feel even more turned off by you than ever before because she now has a new guy to contrast you again.
3. Talk about the progress you’re making with your life purpose
One of the things that makes a woman feel a tremendous amount of respect and attraction for a guy, is in knowing that he has a big purpose in life that he’s working towards and won’t give up on.
In other words, he has huge goals, ambitions and dreams and is actively making progress towards them.
This is essential when in a relationship and results in a woman feeling safe about the future with her guy, which then makes her want to stick with him for life.
If a guy doesn’t offer a woman that feeling of safety, it will be one of the reasons why she breaks up with him.
After getting dumped, he needs to ensure that he immediately gets to work on making some progress on his big goals, dreams and ambitions.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that and assume that showing her he is lost without her, is the way to get her back.
A guy like that might say to himself, “When she sees that I have no life without her, she will feel flattered that she means more to me than anything else in the world. Then, hopefully she will realize that her new guy cannot possibly love her as much as I do. She will then change her mind and give me another chance.”
Yet, in almost every case, the complete opposite happens.
Rather than be impressed by his lack of a life without her, she feels even less respect for him for not being able to stand on his own two feet without her.
This is why it’s important that you become emotionally independent and start living a happy and fulfilled life without your ex.
A guy doesn’t have to do that for long to make a great impression on her.
Even a week’s worth of effort in a case like that (i.e. when she has a new boyfriend and has dumped her ex because he lacked purpose and direction) is enough.
She just needs to see some evidence that he is for real now, so she can believe in the changes and begin to open up to the idea of potentially being with him again.
Of course, just doing that isn’t enough to get a woman back on it’s own.
What matters in addition to that is how he makes her feel when he talks to her on the phone or in person (i.e. does he make her smile, laugh and feel attracted, or does he make her feel annoyed, unhappy and turned off?).
How about you?
Was part of the reason why she left you because you lacked purpose and direction in life and essentially made your life about her and the relationship?
Did you end up becoming too emotionally dependent on her to the point where you became clingy, needy, controlling or jealous?
If so, you need to start making progress towards being a more balanced, emotionally independent man.
Look at your purpose in life (i.e. your biggest goals, dreams and ambitions) as the most important thing in your life, rather than looking at her for your sense of identity or purpose in this world.
She can be the most important person in your life, but not the most important thing.
If you can let her get that sense about you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling surges of respect and sexual attraction for you again.
At the same time, if her new boyfriend happens to be stuck in a rut in his life and doesn’t have much purpose or direction, you making progress on your life purpose will become very appealing to her.
She will then begin to have doubts about her new guy and start wondering something like, “Maybe my new boyfriend isn’t the right guy for me after all. My ex seems to have gotten his act together and that’s what I really want in a man. I’m so confused all of a sudden. Maybe I do want my ex back. Maybe I did make a mistake. I hope it’s not too late for us. Will he forgive me for getting a new boyfriend?”
She then opens herself up to interacting with you more via text, on the phone and in person.
As long as you remain confident and make her feel attracted, getting her back should be very easy at that point.
By the way…
Although you should talk to your ex about the progress you’ve made in life since the break up, make sure that you don’t talk in a way where you’re essentially saying, “Now do you like me? Am I better than your new boyfriend? Are you impressed? Do you approve? Can I get another chance now?”
That’s unattractive to a woman because it makes her feel like the more dominant one, or the leader that you are following, which isn’t what a woman wants.
So, be a self-approving, masculine man instead.
This doesn’t mean that you should be arrogant, be rude or put her new boyfriend down in anyway.
Instead, just decide that you approve of yourself.
Like who you are, with or without the approval, compliments or acknowledgement of her or anyone else.
Know that you are a good man who is worthy of respect and love.
You are so self-approving and self-loving that don’t need the respect and love of your ex (or others) to feel good about yourself, but you certainly have earned it and are more than worthy of it.
As a result of thinking like that, not only do you automatically become more attractive to your ex, but you also realize that you are perfectly capable of having a great life without her.
This doesn’t mean that you will then go and get another woman.
It’s just about being emotionally independent, which is what a woman really wants to see in a man.
4. Bring up old, private jokes
Whether your ex cares to admit it or not, you and her have a past together that she will never share with her new boyfriend.
Even though there are definitely some bad things that she probably won’t want to think about or remember regarding her relationship with you, there still are many positives that you can help her remember.
For example: Most couples have little private jokes that only they understand and that make them feel unique, positive emotions.
So, make sure that you aren’t afraid to bring some of them up while talking to her.
By bringing up positive emotions that remind her of the good times, you’re connecting with her in a happy, familiar place that can make her miss what you and her had.
If you are also making her feel attracted while talking to her (e.g. by being confident, charismatic, ballsy), the private jokes will cause her to forget about her reasons for breaking up with you and start missing you.
This then makes interacting with you something that she really enjoys doing again.
It might also highlight that the relationship with her boyfriend is still too new to have these types of special connections and possibly might not ever.
Of course, just saying an old, private joke isn’t everything.
You’ve got to make sure that you’re backing that up by making her feel attracted to you in other ways while you talk to her.
5. Be happy, confident, positive and forward moving
Most guys lose a lot of confidence after being dumped, especially if their ex woman hooks up with a new boyfriend pretty quickly.
So, it can be difficult for a guy to feel happy, confident, positive and moving forward without her.
Yet, if you want to get your ex back (even though she’s with another guy right now) you must make yourself feel happy, confident, positive and forward moving.
How will that make your ex want you?
Women are naturally attracted to the type of men who have the emotional strength to cope with the problems that life throws at them in a positive way, rather than crumbling under pressure and losing confidence.
So, when a guy picks himself up, dusts himself off and gets on with living a happy, productive life after being dumped, a woman can’t help but feel respect for him.
She almost certainly won’t ever admit that because she doesn’t want to hint at what is working or boost his ego, but she will feel it.
When she starts feeling respect for him again, she also starts to feel sexually attracted and then it’s not long before she will start to feel sparks of love for him again.
On the other hand, women are turned off by men who fall apart when things get difficult and can’t move forward because she is no longer by his side to support him and encourage him.
So, the next time that you interact with your ex (over the phone and in person), make sure that she senses your confidence and emotional independence.
Let her see, hear, feel and notice that you are happy and living a good life without her.
It’s not about rubbing her face in it or trying to make her feel bad.
It’s simply about being confident, happy, positive and forward moving, while also having the emotional maturity to actively make her feel good about herself when she’s talking to you (e.g. giving her the occasional compliment, making her laugh and smile).
When you do that, she won’t be able to stop thinking about you in a very different way than she has lately.
When your ex realizes that you haven’t been sitting around moping, feeling sorry for yourself and being jealous of her because she’s been moving on, she will naturally begin to develop feelings for you again.
As a result, she may begin to wonder, “Have I made the right decision by breaking up with my ex? What if he’s the one for me and I’ve now gotten myself into a new relationship? What if I made a mistake? I’ve heard about other couples getting back together after a break up and it working. Maybe that’s us. Maybe I should just follow my heart and give him another chance. If I don’t, I’ll probably regret if he moves on with another woman and commits to her instead.”
All you have to do at that point is keep building on her feelings for you and before long, her new boyfriend will be history and you will be the one she wants.