No, because that would be irresponsible as a parent and will make her angry at you.
She may then decide that along with being unhappy with you as a boyfriend/husband, she now also thinks that you’re a bad father for ignoring her and the children after the breakup.
She may then close herself off from you even more (e.g. not respond to your calls or messages, refuse to meet up with you, block your number), which will make it difficult for you to get her back.
In some cases, a woman might even use it (i.e. her ex man not contacting her and leaving her to take care of the child on her own) against him to get full custody of their child.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, here’s what you should do instead:
1. Only contact her or reply to her when absolutely necessary
Even though using the No Contact Rule to get your ex back isn’t a very good idea because you have a child together with her, chasing after her and making yourself available to her 24/7 isn’t the best option either.
At the moment, your ex is probably thinking about you in a negative way due to the breakup, so you don’t want her to add needy or desperate to her list of complaints about you.
This is why a better approach is to keep your distance and only contact or reply to her when necessary.
That allows you to still be there for your child, but also gives her time to start missing you being in her life.
She can then calm down and begin to remember some of the things about you she likes (e.g. you’re a great father to your child, you could usually make her laugh and smile when she was sad or annoyed about something, you are driven and ambitious, or a hard worker and were a good provider to your family), rather than just focusing on your past mistakes (e.g. you took her for granted, you stopped making her feel like a desirable woman, you weren’t manly enough, you became too insecure).
2. Use the limited contact you have with her to re-attract her
Attraction is the main thing that makes a woman drop her defenses and open up to the idea of getting back with a man sexually and romantically.
It’s not just about being a nice friend, or a helpful ex boyfriend, husband or father.
That doesn’t work.
You have to focus on sparking her feelings of sexual and emotional attraction.
If you’re only being friendly and nice, while other men she meets or interacts with are being attractive, then you’ll seem like old news to her.
She will feel alive again when interacting with other men who flirt with her and create sparks of attraction and as a result, your efforts to be extra nice and helpful won’t get you what you really want.
This is why reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again is essential if you are serious about getting her back for real.
You can’t skip over attraction and hope that she will want you back because you’re being nice, friendly, helpful and supportive.
That just doesn’t cut it when it comes to getting a sexual, romantic relationship back together.
If you try to skip past attraction and only behave in a nice, friendly and supportive way, before asking for another chance, or hinting at it, she just won’t be feeling the same way you do.
As a result, you will almost certainly hear something like this from her, “Look, I appreciate what you’ve been doing and I know you mean well, but what we had is over. Yes, we have a child together and that means we have to keep some level of communication between us, but that’s as far as it will go. We are no longer a couple, but we can be friends. For the sake of our friendship, as well as our child, you need to accept that it’s over.”
So, make sure that you focus on making her feel attracted and drawn to you in a sexual and romantic way, so she stops focusing on things about you that turned her off and becomes open to being your woman again.
For example: While interacting with her, ask yourself…
- Is my attitude, behavior and conversation style making her feel attracted to me, or am I turning her off by being insecure and unsure of myself?
- Am I making her feel feminine and girly while interacting with me because I’m being very manly, or does she feel neutral like a friend because I’m just being friendly?
- Can she see that I’ve leveled up as a man and no longer make the same mistakes I made when she broke up with me (e.g. not manly enough, too jealous or possessive, immature, needy, insecure), or am I still essentially stuck at the same level as I was back then?
3. Use a different style of communication to allow her to experience a new kind of relationship dynamic
If you keep using the same approach to attraction that she became bored of in the relationship, she will most likely remain closed off and distant.
To get her back, you need to be willing to adjust how you communicate and interact with her, so she feels attracted to you in a new, interesting and appealing way.
Here are examples of 4 different types of communication styles that men often use with women and what they can do instead to create feelings of attraction.
#1 Neutral vs. Flirty
Most guys who get dumped or left by a woman, usually end up behaving in a neutral way when interacting with her.
In other words, he’ll talk to her and interact with her as though they are just friends, roommates, housemates or ex’s who aren’t attracted to each other in any way.
A guy like that will often justify his behavior by thinking things like, “I don’t want to scare her off. I’m already in her bad books. If I come on too strong and give her the impression that I’m still attracted to her, she will get annoyed and might then cut me out of her life completely. I then wouldn’t be able to get her back at all. So, by just acting like a good friend, I can stick around and hopefully, over time she will realize that I’m a good guy who is reliable. She will also realize that she enjoys having me in her life and then we can get back together. So, I’ve just got to play it cool, be her friend and be patient.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a guy doesn’t actively spark a woman’s sexual and romantic feelings for him, rather than feel attracted to him again and begin to doubt her decision to divorce/break up with him, she usually only experiences neutral (i.e. non-sexual) feelings for him.
As a result, she opens herself up to meeting a new man who does spark her sexual and romantic feelings.
If she meets a man who does that, her ex suddenly seems boring, unappealing and she wonders what she ever saw in him at all.
When she starts dating the new man, her ‘good friend ex’ is then left feeling confused and possibly even feeling a bit betrayed by her.
After all, he was so nice, so supportive, helpful and friendly towards her, but she just turned her back on him anyway.
Not because she is a selfish woman, or cold, evil and manipulating.
Instead, her ex simply wasn’t making her feel attracted because he was just being neutral.
For a woman to open back up to giving her ex another chance, she needs to feel sexually and romantically attracted to him again.
She still wants him to be a good guy to her of course, but being good doesn’t get you laid or loved by women if you don’t also make them feel attracted.
A better way to approach interactions with an ex is to flirt with her.
In other words, make her feel attracted (i.e. by being confident, assertive, playfully challenging) and show interest in her in a playful, innocent way at the same time.
When you approach interactions in that way, she feels attracted and interested and also doesn’t have to play hard to get due to feeling unsure about your interest.
You are showing her interest via flirting, which is a language that women understand naturally, but most men have no idea how to do.
Flirting is the easiest way for a man and a woman to say, “I like you. I want to be with you” without actually having to say it.
#2 Serious vs. Humorous
In some cases, a guy uses the serious approach with his ex as a way of showing her that he’s 100% committed to working things out with her.
He might also be worried that if he jokes around and isn’t being serious, then she might get angry and not want to talk to him again.
Yet, making a woman laugh, smile and feel good is one of the fastest ways to get her to open back up and want you back.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t realize that until after being way too serious with their ex woman.
So, rather than her laughing, smiling and thinking things like, “I’m really enjoying talking to him and interacting with him again. This is fun. I can’t believe I’m feeling like this, but I actually don’t want to completely cut things off with him anymore. I kind of miss you,” she only feels tense, annoyed and uptight because he’s being too serious when talking to her.
The reality is that humor makes people relax and open up, which is what you want your ex to do when it comes to you.
So, don’t be afraid to make her smile and laugh when you talk to her.
When you do, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to hold on to her negative feelings.
She suddenly starts feeling respect and attraction for you again, due to you having the confidence and courage to joke around and get her to laugh, even though she isn’t being nice, open and friendly.
As a result, her guard comes down and she becomes more open to giving the relationship another chance.
#3 Irritable vs. Easygoing
Sometimes a woman will go out of her way to be cold or bitchy towards her ex when they have a child together.
She may even use interactions to tear into him and blame him for the breakup.
She feels empowered to do that because if he gets angry in return, she can threaten him with never seeing the child(ren) again.
Naturally, this can cause him to feel attacked and disrespected and he might then react by getting annoyed and being irritable with her.
As a result, he dragged into the unnecessary drama she is creating between them and ends up behaving in ways that he regrets.
On the other hand, when a guy maintains control of his emotions and remains easygoing and calm, regardless of what his ex woman says or does to get a negative reaction out of him, it automatically sparks her feelings of respect and attraction.
She realizes that he is a good, strong, dominant, loving man that deserves her respect and if she doesn’t give it to him, another woman gladly will.
She also realizes that she’s the only one being unreasonable, mean and unloving, which then begins to weigh on her conscience.
Before long, she begins to feel as though she might actually be the problem and he is a good man that she is losing.
However, don’t expect her to say that, or suddenly change and start being nice.
In many cases, a woman feels like she needs to continue being bitchy, mean and cold until her ex finally cracks and gives her a reason to point the finger of blame on him.
In the meantime, if her ex wants to get her back, he should not only focus on being easygoing and flirtatious, but he should also add in humor to break up the negative tension that currently exists between them.
He should give her many chances to just relax, smile, laugh and finally let go of the ‘angry ex woman’ act she is putting on.
Give her a chance to look at him, smile and want to hug him and be back with him.
When he notices those changes in her, he can simply say, “Come here…bring it in for a hug” and move towards her, with arms open and bring her in for a hug.
#4 Submissive vs. Assertive
Sometimes a guy will mistakenly think that if he lets his ex woman call all the shots from now on, she will take it as a sign that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
She will then perceive him as a good guy who only cares about her feelings and decide to give him another chance with her based on that.
Yet, just like in the dating scene where nice guys get rejected, women also reject men when in relationships or in ex back situations when they are being too nice, soft and submissive.
Women are attracted to confidence, emotional strength and loving dominance in men, not insecure, emotional weakness and fearful submissiveness.
So, if you want her back, make sure that you are coming across to her in an attractive way and also have the confidence and courage to reconcile the relationship when the moment is right.
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