7 common reasons why a woman will say that to her boyfriend as an excuse for the break up are:
1. He was too controlling
If guy feels insecure about his value to his woman (e.g. he thinks she’s too good for him, he worries that she might find other guys more attractive and leave him), he will often become jealous and controlling in the relationship.
For example: He will tell her not to mingle with certain friends, he will check her phone or regularly ask her questions to find out where she’s been, with who and why.
Naturally, a woman will usually try to reassure her guy by saying things like, “I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you and break your trust in me,” or “Relax. I’m with you aren’t I? I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you.”
However, if nothing she says gets through to him, she will inevitably start feeling smothered by him.
She might then react by becoming secretive and having to lie about her whereabouts, which is something that she doesn’t like doing.
As a result, she starts to feel stressed out and unhappy.
If she sees how happy her girlfriends and work colleagues are with their boyfriends, she will begin to wonder why she’s wasting her time trying so hard to make it work with a guy who doesn’t even believe he’s worthy of her.
Then, rather than put up with his controlling behavior and over-protectiveness, she will try to reclaim her sense of freedom by breaking up with him.
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her boyfriend is…
2. He spent way too much time with her or was texting and calling her all the time
As a result, the relationship ended up feeling like work that she had to do, rather than a relaxing, enjoyable experience of being in love.
If they were together, he always needed her affection and attention and if they were apart, he always needed to text with her or call her to feel okay about himself and not worry that she might be straying.
He may have also turned her off by constantly sending her updates of what he was doing and where he was (e.g. via text message, Snapchat, photos, video calls).
Eventually, she just got tired of how much effort seemed to be required to be in a relationship with him.
It felt as though she was working for him to make sure that he always felt loved, wanted, needed and assured that she was his girlfriend.
As a result, she got tired of the relationship and wanted to reclaim her sense of freedom.
Another reason why a woman will break up with her boyfriend to reclaim her sense of freedom is because…
3. He lacked purpose and direction in life, so she needed to find a purpose for herself outside of the relationship
Most women want to be with a man who has purpose and direction in life (e.g. big goals, dreams and ambitions that he is actively following through on), so that she can then relax into being his woman and enjoy the love and life that they have together.
A woman wants to know that if she eventually decides to become a mother one day, her man will be able to keep their life moving forward, because he is deeply passionate about his ambitions and is always making progress towards them.
So, in a situation where a guy doesn’t have any big goals, dreams or ambitions and is instead stuck in a rut in his life (e.g. he doesn’t have a job, or is stuck job that he hates, he’s a loner and doesn’t have many, or any friends, or he makes his entire existence revolve around his relationship and feels lost without his woman’s support and encouragement), it’s only natural that he will become clingy and needy over time.
He will cling to his girlfriend because she is the one thing that seems valuable and worthwhile in his life and without her, he’d be lost, sad and have to face up to the world once again on his own.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Women hate to feel responsible for a man’s emotional state in a relationship.
So, although she wants her guy to be loving and attentive and make her feel like the most important person in his life, she doesn’t want to be the most important thing in his life.
The most important thing to a man should be his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions and he should always be making progress towards them.
If he can do that, a woman will naturally respect him and follow his lead throughout life, rather than thinking that she needs to reclaim her sense of freedom so she can start making progress in life.
Yet, if a woman comes to the realization that her guy is stumbling through life without a clear purpose or direction, it will cause her to feel insecure about her future.
She will then start thinking things like, “If he can’t get serious about the future then I guess I will have to do it. I can’t just sit around and hope that one day he will man up and lead the way to a better future for us. What if I fall pregnant next week? Will I then have to take care of a guy and a baby at the same time? Will I have to be the strong one and lead the way for us? When I think about my future with him, I just don’t feel safe and protected and like I can rely on him. Instead, I feel like he’s just going to keep leaning on me for direction and support. That’s not how I see myself living my life in a relationship with a man. I need to reclaim my sense of freedom now, before it’s too late. If he gets me pregnant, then I’m stuck with him. If he proposes and I say yes, then it will be harder to break up with him. So, I have to get out now while I can. I need to focus on what I want for the long term, rather than settle for a relationship and a guy who makes me feel lost and confused about my future with him.”
If she then breaks up with him and he starts begging her for another chance, rather than make her change her mind, the only thing he accomplishes is to remind her of how emotionally dependent he is on her.
So, she just keeps saying, “No. It’s over. Accept it. I want to reclaim my sense of freedom. I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Please understand that.”
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her boyfriend is…
4. The relationship became boring
Gone are the days where a woman was forced (by pressure from society) to stay in a relationship with a man regardless of how miserable or bored she felt.
In today’s world, it’s no longer a social taboo for a woman to have multiple relationships throughout the course of her life.
Most families don’t expect their daughters to stick with a guy if he makes her unhappy and most women can take care of themselves and find a replacement guy whenever they want (e.g. get on Tinder or online dating, go to a bar or club, go speed dating, ask friends to set her up).
So, rather than remaining stuck in a relationship with a guy who makes her feel bored or trapped, today’s woman will break up with him if he can’t make her feel the way she wants to feel (e.g. respectful, attracted and in love).
Most women today are negatively influenced by what they see on TV or read about on the internet (e.g. Reading about celebrities talk about how much happier they are being single. Watching exciting, passion-filled relationships that never get dull on TV shows. Watching women dumping guys and moving on to find their Prince Charming who is charismatic, romantic and exciting).
So, when a woman finds herself in a relationship that’s lost it’s spark and is dull and boring (e.g. her guy treats her more like a buddy than a desirable, sexy woman, they’re always doing the same things, the romance has died), she won’t always just put up with it and stay.
For example: She may begin to think, “This is it? Is this really the best I can do for myself? Our relationship has become so boring. All we ever do is watch TV and hang out. I feel like we’re roommates rather than lovers. There’s just no spark between us anymore. This isn’t how I want to spend the rest of my life. I want to be with a man who makes me feel butterflies in my stomach every time I’m near him. I think I’m better off breaking up with him and reclaiming my sense of freedom, than going forward like this feeling trapped and bored.”
When a woman gets to that point, she will usually break up with her guy and try to move on as quickly as possible, to avoid feeling the need to get back with him to end the pain of breaking up.
So, if your ex broke up with you because she felt bored, to get her back, you need to quickly re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you every time you interact with her from now on.
You can do that by maintaining your confidence around her (especially if she is being cold, distant or mean towards you) and using humor to get her laughing and smiling to bring down her protective walls.
You can also re-attract her by being emotionally masculine around her and making her feel feminine, girly and desirable in your presence.
The more she can see that you’re not the same guy she broke up with (e.g. you’re no longer as boring, predictable, insecure or self-doubting), the more her curiosity will grow.
She will want to see more of you to experience the new and improved you for herself.
When that happens, the relationship automatically starts to get back together because the way you make her feel is more attractive to her than being single and potentially lonely.
Another more reason why a woman will say that to her boyfriend is…
5. She grew up faster than him
Initially, when a couple gets together it may be because they are on the same level emotionally.
For example: A guy and woman might meet at university and their common interests are to hang out with friends, go to parties, drink a lot of alcohol and have as much fun as possible without worrying so much about responsibilities or the future.
Yet, as the time passes and they graduate from university, it’s only normal that their priorities in life may begin to change.
If a woman realizes that she’s ready to get more serious about her life and focus more on her career or getting a good job, settling down, being in a more serious and committed relationship, but her boyfriend is still stuck at the same level he was at when they were in university, she will inevitably start to question if he’s the right guy for her.
She may then begin to think, “There’s just too much of a gap between my emotional maturity and his. He’s still acting like a boy or a teenager who likes the idea of going through life without any responsibilities. I’ve grown up, have set real goals and have made real plans for the future. Maybe it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”
She might then say to him, “Why don’t you grow up and think about what you want to do with your life? Stop acting like this. You need to get serious about life, otherwise you’re going to lose me.”
If he doesn’t listen and remains stuck at the same level, she will lose too much respect and attraction for him to want to stay in the relationship.
She will then break up with him and say that she wants to reclaim her freedom and be herself again.
Another common reason…
6. Partying with her single girlfriends seemed more exciting than being with him
If a woman is unhappy in her relationship with her boyfriend, she may start to get jealous when she sees her single friends having so much fun partying, dating different guys and being free to do whatever they want.
She may begin to wonder, “Maybe I’m just too young to settle down at this stage of my life. Maybe I should be single for a while and enjoy my life while I still can. I can always settle down at a later stage, but I can’t suddenly start partying and having fun at 50. I’ve got to do it now, otherwise I will waste my life being unhappy in a relationship with him. I might get pregnant and have to raise a family with him. Then I’ll be stuck. I’ve got to get out now while I can.”
She will then break up with her guy by saying something along the lines of, “Look, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m just too young to get serious with one guy right now. I need to reclaim my sense of freedom and experience the single life while I’m still young.”
After the initial shock wears off, a guy might hope that giving her space will make her realize that she should be with him.
For example: He may think to himself, “Maybe she’s right. Maybe she is too young to settle down with me right now. So, I’m just going to give her some time to party it up and then when she’s had enough of the single life, she will see that I’m still here waiting for her. She will then come back to me and we can be together again.”
Yet, that approach rarely, if ever works because the woman usually has sex with a new guy who is more confident and emotionally masculine that her ex.
As a result, she just doesn’t feel like downgrading and getting back with her ex who lacks the kind of confidence and emotional masculinity that really turns her on.
A lot of guys don’t realize that and just hope that giving her space will make her miss him and coming running back.
It does work in some cases, but in the majority of cases, the woman just moves on and doesn’t feel the need to go back to her ex.
So, when a guy doesn’t hear from his ex girlfriend for months or even years and decides to call her up to see why she’s not coming back to him, she will often say something like, “Huh? Why are you still waiting for me? That’s crazy! We’ve been broken up for so long. Why haven’t you moved on? I moved on a long time ago and so should you. What he had is over and you need to accept that.”
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want your girlfriend back, you must focus on actively sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you again NOW, before it’s too late.
Every time you interact with her from now on, you can make her smile, laugh and feel attracted and turned on by your approach to the conversation and interaction.
This will make her feel happy and attracted to you.
The happier and more attracted that she feels around you, the less influence her single friends will have over her.
All of sudden, getting back with you will feel more exciting that being like her single friends who just sleep around and don’t get to experience real, lasting love.
A final reason why a woman will say that to her boyfriend is…
7. She thought she wanted to settle down, but the relationship just wasn’t fulfilling enough for her
Initially, a woman might get into a relationship with a guy with the belief that she’s ready to settle down.
This is especially true if the relationship is very exciting (e.g. the sex is great, they have a lot of fun together, her and her man are into the same things).
She might think, “Wow! This is it. This is the guy I’m going to be with for life. He’s the one.”
Yet, that belief won’t remain if the guy is unable to build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him over time.
For example: If a guy often feels insecure in the relationship and worries, “What if she breaks up with me? What if she suddenly realizes she can do better than me? I can’t lose her. She’s my life. I have to keep her away from other guys” he might then start to become clingy and needy as a result.
Initially, she might think it’s romantic that he needs her so much, wants to protect her and that she’s just so important to him.
However, when she realizes his actions are based on insecurity, her respect and attraction for him will begin to fade.
Women are hardwired to respect and feel sexually attracted to emotional strength in men and to feel turned off by emotional weakness.
So, when her instincts kick in and let her know that she’s with a guy who is behaving the way he is due to insecurity, he may then start asking herself, “I thought I was ready to settle down, but now I’m not so sure anymore. This isn’t working out. Something isn’t right. Maybe I have to break up with him.”
If his behavior continues, she will break up with him to reclaim her sense of freedom and get rid of the instinct feeling that has been bugging her for weeks, months or maybe even years.
Here’s the thing…
Even though your girlfriend may have once said something like, “I want us to be together forever,” she’s not obligated to stick with that statement, if you can’t build on her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you over time.
So, if your ex broke up with you because she wants to reclaim her sense of freedom, you need to prove to her that being with you now will be so much better and more worthwhile to her than before.
How can you do that?
By using every interaction you have with her to make her smile, laugh and feel attracted to you again.
When she feels attracted to you in new and exciting ways (i.e. because you’re now more confident, emotionally strong and masculine than ever before), the idea of the single life will stop being so appealing to her.
She will feel drawn to you again and her heart will open up.
She will want you back and you can then confidently guide her back into a relationship with you.