Here are 8 common reasons why a woman will break up with a boyfriend when they become too close:
1. She senses that he is the sort of guy who could dump her quite easily. So, she dumps him first because she is afraid of getting her heart broken
This usually happens when a woman has been dumped multiple times in the past, or at least once by a man she really loved and thought was committed to her.
So, this time, she’s trying to be proactive and end the relationship before her boyfriend has a chance to dump her.
Depending on how the boyfriend reacts, she can change her mind and get back with him, or feel compelled to continue moving on without him.
For example: A man in a situation like this is usually a cool, confident guy, which is one of the main things that she finds attractive about him.
If he suddenly stops being that cool, confident guy and begins chasing after her and begging and pleading for another chance, she will feel turned off by how emotionally weak he now seems.
She will then stop feeling like she was lucky to have been chosen by him and may even begin to believe that she’s better than him and he was actually the lucky one after all.
On the other hand, if he maintains his confidence, accepts the break up and honestly believes that she is the one losing out, she will sense that.
She will realize that, even though she is trying to break up with him, she still feels like the one being broken up with, or losing something.
She will then want to change her mind and stick with the relationship, rather than losing him and then regretting it when he easily finds a new attractive woman to date, or have a relationship with.
2. She’s using that as an excuse to not tell him that the feelings aren’t mutual
This often happens when a woman notices that her guy is way more into her, than she is into him.
So, when she senses that he’s making plans to be with her for life and imagining them being married and starting a family, while she only views the relationship as temporary, it can cause her to want to get out of the relationship while she still can (e.g. before she accidentally falls pregnant to him, or reluctantly accept a marriage proposal from him).
So, she will dump him now and use the excuse of, “we’re getting too close and it scares me” to hopefully get some space away from him, which she will then use to meet other guys.
If she meets a new guy that she likes, she can then say, “Sorry, but I’ve met someone else and I want to be with him. I hope you can respect that. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It just happened. I wish you all the best and I know you will find the right girl for you one day.”
3. She only wants casual sex and he wants a committed relationship
Sometimes a woman simply isn’t looking to settle down for life yet, regardless of how great the guy is that she’s dating.
He might be perfect in every way, but at this point in her life, she just wants to have casual sex, hang out and do fun things together as a ‘couple.’
If he doesn’t understand that and keeps pushing for a relationship, she will eventually feel compelled to break up with him and may use the line of, “We’re getting too close. We need to slow down” or, “We’re getting too close. We need to spend some time apart.”
If he then clings on even tighter, expresses his undying love for her and asks for commitment, she may decide to fully break up with him.
4. He is too romantic, sweet and nice and she likes a guy who is more of a challenge or bad boy
A woman will rarely, if ever, admit that to a guy.
If she does admit it to him, it can change his behavior and make things feel awkward, forced or unnatural.
For example: He might start being very bossy or aggressive with her because he thinks that’s what she wants, or assumes that’s how a bad boy behaves.
Alternatively, he might begin asking her what he needs do to be more of a challenge to her, which then turns her off because asking a woman for instructions on how to behave is the opposite of how to be a challenge.
A guy who is a challenge, is a guy who allows his interest in a woman to rise and fall based on how good, or bad her behavior is.
Yet, sometimes, even if she is behaving well, he still has the wisdom to playfully tease her, or playfully say no when she is asking something of him.
In other words, she never truly knows how he is going to behave, but always does know that he likes/loves her and that she can get more of his love if she impressed him further.
Women don’t want to explain that to a guy though, because it can make him suddenly start acting very arrogant around her, disrespecting her and being way too much of a challenge, to hopefully have even more of an effect on her.
Yet, being a challenge is not about going overboard with the behavior, to the point of treating a woman badly, or being sincerely disrespectful towards her (much different to being playfully disrespectful, or pretending to be disrespectful as a joke that you and her can then both laugh about).
It’s about being a good guy who loves her, but who is also a challenge, so she feels compelled to treat you well and maintain your interest.
That’s what women really want, but they can’t say it.
One of the additional reasons why they can’t say it, is that by saying, “You’re not enough of a challenge” or, “I prefer a guy who is more of a bad boy, than a nice guy” can result in a guy trying to change her and what she likes (e.g. he tells her she deserves a good man, not a bad boy who doesn’t care about her, because he doesn’t understand what it means to be a challenge or ‘bad boy’).
A guy might also say that she’s crazy for wanting that and needs to go see a therapist, or psychologist to work on her issues, because he simply doesn’t understand how a woman’s attraction really works.
He’s hoping that a woman will like him, love him and desire him for life due to being nice.
A guy like that might get a woman to stay with him for life, but their sex life will dry up very quickly and she will always secretly wish she could be with a man who is more of a challenge.
If she has the opportunity to do so, she might even cheat once, have an ongoing affair or leave him for a man who makes her feel the kind of sexual and romantic love she truly craves as a woman.
5. He hasn’t been respecting her boundaries
In a case like this, she is the sort of woman who doesn’t like a guy becoming too involved in her life.
That can happen when a guy:
- Reads her emails, texts or social media messages behind her back, or asks for permission to see them to check if she has been loyal.
- Shares his social media passwords with her and expects her to do the same in return.
- Doesn’t like it when she spends some quiet time alone in a room in the house. He always wants to be in the same room, or will regularly come in and check on her when she’s alone.
- Constantly shows signs of affection (e.g. touching, holding hands, kissing), even though she’s clearly not comfortable with that, or is the sort of woman who doesn’t like being so touchy feely. She only likes affection here and there, not all the time.
- Goes through her personal belongings and uses her things without asking.
- Doesn’t like it if she spend time alone with her family and friends.
- Asks her to text or call him when she gets home from places (e.g. she goes to the supermarket and he says, “Okay, call me when you get home” or “Text me when you get home, so I know you got home safe.” Yet, he’s really doing that to hopefully ensure she doesn’t cheat on him. Alternatively, he’s doing it because he’s an overly protective, suffocating nice guy and she doesn’t like that. She wants a guy who gives her a chance to miss him, or makes her want his protection rather than despising how much control he has over her life).
As a result, she feels smothered by him and decides to break up with him, saying something like, “We’re getting too close. I can’t do this.”
6. He’s been texting her way too much
As a result, the relationship started feeling like hard work to her, rather than a relaxing enjoyable experience of being in love.
She got tired of how much effort seemed to be required to be in a relationship with him (e.g. good morning texts, texts about what he’s eating for lunch, or questions about her day, text discussions at night, goodnight texts, romantic texts, etc).
Initially, she felt the need to reply, but eventually, it felt like work.
She had to make him feel loved, wanted, needed and assured that she was his girlfriend, or else he’d send more texts, become insecure and want more of her time and attention.
So, rather than put up with it, she decided to break up with him and reclaim her sense of freedom.
7. She knows it can make a guy feel insecure when she says that, so she said it to hopefully gain some power in the relationship
Women often play mind game to influence and even control the behavior of men.
If a woman is worried about a guy potentially dumping her, or a guy losing interest if she commits too much, she may decide to use a trick to get him to fully show his love for her and begin to see her as ‘the one’ for him.
Sometimes the trick will work, but other times, it can suddenly turn a cool, confident guy into a confused, lovestruck guy who is then unattractive to her.
He says something like, “Please, don’t do this. I’ll do whatever you need, if you give me chance. I can change. We can make this work” or, “I promise to back off and give you space, if you just don’t break up with me. I love you. I want to be with you more than anything. So much, that I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
Alternatively, he might overwhelm her with romantic gestures (e.g. flowers, gifts, promise to take her on an expensive holiday) in the hope that she will change her mind.
Unfortunately, by doing that, he will be doing the opposite of what attracts a woman like her, which will then make her feel more compelled to go through with the break up and move on without him.
8. She was initially leading him on and pretending to want a relationship, but he took it way too seriously
A woman will sometimes get into a ‘relationship’ with a guy because the sex is great, they have fun together and get along well.
She may even lead him to believe that it’s her intention to settle down with him, or be his loyal, devoted girlfriend.
Deep down though, she knows that she doesn’t really want to commit and just wants to have a short fling and then move on.
Guys who have a lot of experience with women can easily tell when a woman is just playing vs. when she is totally serious about wanting a committed relationship.
When a woman is just playing, she will often do many of the things that a woman who is serious about a relationship would do (e.g. she’ll talk about getting married and having a family one day, introduce him to her friends, date him exclusively, act like an ‘in love’ girlfriend, cook for him, cuddle into him on the sofa and so on).
A guy who has a lot of experience with women, or who is a natural at understanding the behavior of women, will sense that she’s just having fun and enjoying the ride for a while, so he won’t get attached.
He’ll just see her as a random girl he’s hooking up with, know that she would be lucky to get him to commit and not worry about how things work out.
She will then sense that, feel more attracted to him (i.e. because he’s not needy or clingy like other guys) and actually start wanting to commit to him.
Before long, she will begin seeing him as the one, stop wanting to just have flings and want to settle down with him.
On the other hand, a guy who lacks experience with women, or who struggles to understand the psychology behind women’s behavior, will get sucked into believing that he’s building a future with her, only to be crushed when she breaks up with him because they are getting too close.
He can still get her back, but he has to be willing to understand more about how women like her tick.
If he doesn’t and can only offer her the naive (in terms of understanding the psychology of women and what they really want) version of himself that she dumped, then she will continue moving on without him.
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