Here are 4 things you can do:
1. Understand that the amount of respect she feels for you, changes based on what you say and do when interacting with her
Your ex’s level of respect for you isn’t set in stone and unchangeable.
Instead, her feelings of respect are a reaction to what you say and what you do when you interact with her, other people and how you approach your life in general.
So, even though some of your actions and behavior caused your ex to lose all respect for you, it doesn’t mean you can’t regain that respect.
The way to do it is by interacting with her and letting her experience a completely new version of you.
A version of you who understands where you were going wrong and have already transformed, changed and adjusted your behavior, conversation style and actions as a result.
Don’t tell her that you’ve changed and are hoping that she will respect you again.
Just let her experience it for herself, by talking to her and allowing her to sense the changes in you.
For example: Imagine that a woman lost all respect for her boyfriend (or husband) because he became too needy and clingy, which resulted in him behaving like an emotional wimp, or trying to control her to avoid losing her (e.g. telling her who she can and can’t speak to, monitoring her phone).
To regain her respect, he needs to show her that he’s no longer that guy and that he’s now an emotionally independent man (i.e. he is happy, fulfilled, confident and is making progress in his life without her).
He shouldn’t tell her that, especially in a way where he is hoping that by telling her, she will take pity on him and give him another chance.
Instead, he should let her pick up on it throughout a conversation and sense that he doesn’t need her approval, pat on the back or “good on you” to feel like he is doing the right thing by being so emotionally independent.
When she picks up on it, she will naturally begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him because he has been able to quickly get over his neediness and start being his own man, for his own reasons.
He didn’t need her support or encouragement to make it happen and now doesn’t need her pat on the back to keep going.
This makes her respect him and feel attracted to him in new ways, which causes her to begin questioning her decision to break up with him.
Suddenly, she feels as though the relationship might not really be over because she no longer feels like she is over him.
She is feeling drawn to him.
You can have that effect on your ex.
So, don’t lose hope simply because your ex has currently lost all respect for you.
Always remember that her level of respect for you will change, based on what you say and do when you interact with her.
In other words, you have a lot of control over how much (or little) respect she feels for from now on.
When you make her feel a sudden rush of respect for the new and improved you, she can literally go from hating you (or feeling disappointed and resenting you), to feeling like she loves you again and wants to open up to the possibility of getting back together.
When she is thinking like that, she wants to forgive you for her own reasons (i.e. she doesn’t want to lose the new, more attractive version of you and regret it), which results in her being willing to explore her new feelings for you.
Another thing you can do is…
2. Level up your ability to attract her, so she feels motivated to respect you again
You were initially able to attract her into a relationship, which is great.
She probably felt a lot of respect, attraction and love for you in the beginning, which is also great.
Yet, if you want her to feel motivated to forgive you and respect you again, you almost certainly won’t be able to do that by trying to attract her the way you did back then.
You literally have to use a new approach to attraction.
For example: If a guy got a woman into a relationship with a nice, charming approach, she isn’t going to respond well to that when she is feeling turned off by him and no longer respects him.
So, what he would need to do is have the balls to be a bit of a challenge (in a playful way) when interacting with her, rather than just being a nice, ex boyfriend.
Here are some other examples of what guys might need to do, in their specific case:
- He believes his attractiveness and value to his woman, rather than feeling like he’s not good enough for her, or like every other guy she meets is better than him. He sees himself as the man and her as his girl. They are meant to be together and no other guy compares to him. He is the best man out there. End of story. No doubt. No question. He is the man.
- He laughs at how silly he was behaving and briefly, but sincerely apologizes to her about it, rather than behaving in a timid, meek, unworthy way around her and constantly apologizing to hopefully get her to take pity on him.
- He is now able to communicate with her in a way that makes her feel loved, appreciated, attracted to him and in love with him, rather than making her feel annoyed, irritated, misunderstood and turned off.
- He no longer needs her emotional support because he is a man who doesn’t get emotionally sensitive about things and instead, focuses on solutions and then follows through on it, without sulking, seeking pity, complaining or wasting time. In other words, he approaches life like a real man.
- He no longer becomes flustered, angry or defensive when she is being moody, challenging him during a conversation or being a little bitchy. He now has the balls to laugh it off because he knows that he is the man and doesn’t need to take the fluctuating moods of a woman so seriously. He is still respectful and loving, but he doesn’t get dragged into her drama. He remains in control of his emotions like a real man, which turns her on at her core, even though she may act like she is pissed off about it. He doesn’t worry though because he knows that she is simply testing his masculinity and making sure that he really is the man now.
- He stops talking about his feelings all the time (i.e. stops being so feminine when it comes to relationships) and simply focuses on making her have feelings for him by displaying attractive traits (e.g. confidence, emotional masculinity, emotional independence).
- He is able to be a good, loving man, without sucking up to her or being too nice.
- He is able to make her feel the need to impress him, show him respect and be nice to him, based on him being such a well-rounded man now (i.e. he is aware of all of the above and she picks up on that as she talks to him and interacts with him. He doesn’t tell her. She picks up on it).
How about you?
Can you relate to any of the items listed above?
Were you too emotionally sensitive, jealous, controlling, needy or insecure?
Is that what caused her to lose respect for you?
Whatever the case is for you, just know that admitting to yourself that you made a mistake (or mistakes) with her, doesn’t mean that you’re a bad guy.
You simply messed up and as a result, the amount of respect she had for you decreased, or was destroyed.
From this moment onwards, you can increase and repair her respect for you.
It all comes down to what you say and do when interacting with her from now on.
On that note…
3. Don’t make getting a relationship your number one priority right now
Even though your number one priority is a relationship, don’t make it seem that way to her.
If she gets the sense that your motives for interacting with her are solely to get her to forgive you and respect you again, so you can then get another chance, she will feel pressured and keep her guard up.
If you want her to let her guard down, you have to focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you again, while not seeming to be pushing, hinting at or even trying to get her to commit to a relationship.
When she is feeling respect and attraction for you, but notices that you’re not pushing for a relationship, she will begin to feel like she is wanting a relationship more than you, which will attract her more.
Women always want to be in a situation where they are more attracted to a guy and more keen to be in a relationship than he is (i.e. he is a challenge).
When a woman finds herself in a situation like that, she then has to try to use her charm to win him over and want what she wants (i.e. a relationship) and in the process of doing that, it makes her want him even more.
She ends up feeling like she has to get him back, or at the very least, she really wants to get him back and not have to see him walk away and hook up with a new woman and then forget all about her.
On the other hand, if you approach her in a way where it’s obvious that you’re just trying to get her to commit to a relationship, she may end up thinking things like, “Doesn’t he understand that I don’t have feelings for him at the moment? Why would I want to get back with a guy that I don’t have feelings for? I’m sure I’ve made my feelings clear to him, but he’s acting as though my feelings don’t even matter at all as long as he gets what he wants. That just makes me even more convinced that I made the right decision to break up with him. He is too selfish and doesn’t know how to treat a woman in a relationship. Maybe it’s time for me to cut him out of my life completely, rather than continuing to talk to him and give him the impression that I might change my mind.”
That can then lead to her blocking your number, unfriending you on social media and avoiding going to any of the places where she knows there’s a chance she might accidentally bump into you.
So, don’t push her to that point by making it seem like a relationship is your number one priority.
Remember: A relationship is the LAST step of the ex back process.
Before you get to the last step, you first have to get your ex to the point where her feelings for you are as strong, or almost as strong, as your feelings are for her.
It can’t be all about you loving her and wanting her back.
She will see that as selfish on your part, even though you’re not really being selfish and are simply trying to get her back.
Yet, she will see it as selfish because it’s all about you wanting her back and trying hard to get her to give the relationship another chance.
To successfully get her back, it has to be about both of you loving each other and feeling as though not being in a relationship together will be something you’ll regret later on.
To do that, you need to use every interaction that you have with her from now on, to make her experience new feelings of respect, attraction and love for the new and improved you.
She might not admit that she is feeling it, but she WILL be feeling it if you:
- Maintain your confidence around her, regardless of what she says and does to make you feel like you don’t have a chance with her (e.g. she’s cold, distant, says that she’s happy being single, says that she is moving on, tells you that she hates you for what you did, says that she can never respect you again). When you maintain your confidence and don’t fall into the trap of doubting yourself, she will see that you really are different now. You are so much more confident than you ever were. That will make her feel respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t admit it. When she feels respect and attraction, she will begin to question her decision to break up with you.
- Use humor to ease the negative tension or awkwardness between you, rather than being timid, extra nice, polite or reserved because you’re worried about how she might react.
- Flirt with her to create some sexual tension, rather than making the mistake of feeling as though you’re not allowed to do that now because you’re her ex. You are currently her ex, but you will be back with her soon and one of the fastest ways to get back with an ex is to behave as though you and her have ALREADY made up (i.e. you flirt with her like a boyfriend and girlfriend do when they are happy, in love and attracted to each other). There are other fast ways to get her back, but that is one of the easy ones, if you know how to flirt that is.
- Stand up to her in an assertive, but loving way when she is out of line, rather than letting her dominate you (or even bully) you with her confident, independent personality.
- Show her (via your attitude, conversation style, actions and behavior) that you’ve leveled up as a man, rather than saying and doing the same kind of things you did before and convincing her that she made the right decision to break up with you.
- Be more emotionally independent and show her (don’t tell her) that even though you want her back, you don’t need her back to be happy and fulfilled in your life.
When you interact with her and display some or all of the above traits, she naturally starts to feel respect and attraction for you.
She then realizes that her feelings for you aren’t dead.
She is feeling drawn to you and feels as though if she doesn’t give you another chance, she’s going to regret it in the weeks, months and possibly even years to come.
Rather than living with that regret, almost all women will decide to open themselves back up to their ex and see where it goes.
So, be ready for that sudden change her and be prepared to guide her through the rest of the ex back process.
Another thing you can do to get an ex back who has lost all respect for you is…
4. Increase your emotional masculinity
One of things that matters most to a woman about her man, is how he responds and reacts to the more challenging situations he encounters in life (e.g. if he loses out on getting a job or promotion, fails an important exam, loses money in an investment, is in the middle of an argument with her in the relationship).
Is he the sort of man who can maintain control of his emotions, look for a solution and then apply that solution, or does he lose control of his emotions (e.g. get angry, sulk), give up and think that it’s just all too difficult?
This is important to a woman because women aren’t like men.
Women tend to lose control of their emotions very easily and cry or feel sad and depressed over little things.
Women also tend to not be as competitive and driven as men.
So, women naturally feel more attracted to a man who has a competitive, driven, ambitious, emotionally strong nature to him.
When a man is like that, she can then trust in him to remain strong and ensure that the both of them keep striving forward to achieve what they want in life.
Yet, if a man tends to crumble under pressure, be too emotionally sensitive about things, not follow through on his goals to completion or blame everyone else around him for his lack of success, then a woman just won’t be able to truly respect him and feel attracted to him.
She may love him as a person, or have pity for him due to him being such a good guy, but the respect and attraction that she needs to feel to remain in love and want to be in a lifetime relationship with him, just won’t be there.
This is why, if you want to regain your ex’s respect, you must to show her via your attitude, actions and behavior that you are a much more emotionally masculine man now.
The more emotionally masculine you are (i.e. courageous, brave, driven, fearless, confident, assertive), the more respect and attraction she will for you.
It will happen right away.
As I mentioned earlier, she might not admit it, but she WILL feel it.
When she feels it, she will naturally begin to open back up to you and you can then quickly guide her back into a relationship.
This time though, the relationship will be so much more mature, fulfilling an and enjoyable for the both of you because you will have completely leveled up as a man.
As a result, her feelings for you and her desire to commit to you, will be so much stronger than it ever was before.