If your girlfriend wants to see other people, it means that she’s not feeling enough respect and attraction for you to justify remaining committed to you anymore.
She doesn’t really think that staying in a committed relationship with you is a good investment of her time, so she is thinking of replacing you.
She may have also met a new guy recently who has the ability to make her feel the type of attraction she really wants, so she is starting to value the attraction experience with you less and less.
As a result, she would be thinking that she’d be cheating herself out of a great opportunity if she didn’t see what it feels like to be with him for a while.
She knows that something isn’t quite right with your relationship, but may not know exactly what it is.
She just has a feeling that you’re probably not the one for her because she’s not falling more and more in love with you over time.
Instead, she is starting to feel like you just don’t make her feel that attracted anymore.
So, your girlfriend might really like you as a person and feel some attraction for you, but something about you or your relationship is telling to her that you’re not the guy that she should settle down with right now.
- She might have just wanted to be with you for a short while to make herself feel better after breaking up with another guy who she really cared about.
- You might find it difficult to attract women and she has now realized that you got lucky with her.
- She has been feeling turned off with the approach that you’ve taken to the relationship (e.g. if you’ve been too clingy, needy and emotionally sensitive around her).
- You might not have much purpose and ambition in life and she’s worried that over time, you will become more of a burden than benefit to her.
- She might have been hoping that your relationship would progress to the next levels (e.g. engagement, moving in together, marriage, children, etc), but nothing was happening, so she gave up on that with you and opened herself up to other guys.
- You might have wanted to settle down with her too quickly, whereas she still wants to be young and free with you for a while, without having to think about getting engaged, married and having children.
I know that it might suck to have to think about those possibilities when it comes to you and her, but if you want to stop her from feeling the desire to see other people, you’re going to need to focus on improving your ability to make her feel the way that she wants to feel.
Your girlfriend hasn’t fully broken up with you yet, but if she’s interested in seeing other people, then it’s only a matter of time before she does.
At this point, you have a few options:
- Dump her a let her feel the immediate pain of losing you. Then, when she comes back to you, make sure that you focus on deepening her love, respect and attraction for you.
- Hang in there and hope that she doesn’t find another guy to replace you.
- Focus on making her feel more respect and attraction for you than she ever has before, therefore making other guys seem like a less appealing option.
If you’re interested in giving number 3 a go, then watch this video to understand where you might have been going wrong with her and what you can do to change that…
As you will discover from the video above, you have a lot of control over how much or little attraction your girlfriend feels for you.
As a man, you need to actively make a woman feel attracted to you based on what you say and do around her.
For example: If you’re being insecure, needy or clingy around her, it means that you are actively turning her off.
She’s Probably Not Going to Tell You the Real Reason Why
When a girlfriend tells her boyfriend, “I want to see other people,” he’s usually taken by surprise and shocked that she would be thinking in that way. He will often feel as though this has come “out of the blue” and that she’s making a rash decision, or making a mistake.
Yet, in most cases, a woman will have given her boyfriend plenty of “hints” (e.g. with her body language, by telling him to stop annoying her, by arguing with him over seemingly unimportant things, by saying that she isn’t sure why she got with him in the first place, etc) to let him know that she is unhappy in the relationship.
Unfortunately, most guys either miss these “hints” completely, or simply write them off to her being a moody woman. A guy will often think,“Ahh, she’ll get over it” because he assumes that once he gets a woman into a relationship, she is now “his woman” and she will never leave him.
Then, seemingly out of the blue, his girlfriend says, “We need to talk,” and tells him that she wants to see other people. If he then asks her why, she’ll simply brush him off by saying something like, “I’m just not ready to be in a serious relationship with just one guy right now,” or “I’m just too young to have a serious boyfriend” or “I don’t know…I just think that we should see other people.”
Whatever the reason your girlfriend gave you when she told you she wants to date other people, you can be sure that she didn’t tell you the real reason.
Why? A woman doesn’t want to teach a guy how to be a man because if she teaches him once, she’ll have to teach him twice and then that type of dynamic will grow in their relationship. After a while, she will feel like a bit of a “mother” figure, big sister or friend to him, which will ruin her feelings of sexual attraction.
Women also have a natural instinct to let a guy down as softly as possible and give him a feeling of hope that if he just keeps his distance, she’ll eventually change her mind and come back to him.
Why? For most of human history and even to this day, a woman could be hurt or even killed for breaking up with a guy.
Women know that even the nicest of man has the potential to snap and become violent and since she probably won’t be able to defend herself, she simply lets him down lightly and tries to find another guy who will hopefully be able to keep her ex boyfriend away.
If your girlfriend wants to see other people, it means that she is most-likely trying to find a replacement guy, so she can eventually say to you, “Sorry, I don’t want to see you anymore. I have a new boyfriend and I am in love with him. Never contact me again.”
If you want to avoid getting to that point, you have to work out where you’ve been going wrong in the relationship (e.g. taking her for granted, being clingy or insecure, etc) and correct that. You also need to focus on making her feel attracted to you in new and exciting ways (e.g. by being more charismatic, confident, fun to be around, masculine, etc).
3 Common Mistakes to Avoid
If your girlfriend wants to see other people, it essentially means that she is breaking up with you…slowly.
So, like a typical break up situation, make sure that you don’t make any of the following mistakes, which will turn her off you even further…
1. Begging and pleading with her to change her mind
Sometimes, the shock of potentially being dumped gets the better of a man and he ends up begging and pleading with his girlfriend for her to change her mind.
Some guys even try to make their girlfriend feel guilty, by telling her, “I can’t live without you. If I can’t be with you then I’d rather die.”
Yet, this type of behavior is not going to make her change her mind and will simply make her feel more turned off. Women want to be with a man they can look up to, respect and admire…not a guy they look down on, disrespect and dislike.
Although begging and pleading is a classic “how to get your girlfriend to take you back” technique in romantic comedy movies, in the real world it only makes a woman lose even more respect and attraction for a guy.
So, rather than begging or pleading with her, just take it like a man.
Accept it, but then switch into making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
2. Promising her that you will change if she gives you a chance to prove yourself
In an effort to get his girlfriend to change her mind, some men will promise to change anything that she wants.
He will tell her that if she just gives him a chance to prove himself, he will show her that he is the man for her.
Yet, the problem with that approach is that women don’t want to feel like they are doing a favor for a guy by being with him. A woman wants to be with a guy who makes her feel lucky to be with him and who she has to continually impress, not the other way around.
Since a woman will rarely give her boyfriend advice on how to be the type of man that she really wants, he will end up offering her things that don’t hit the mark.
For example: A boyfriend might say to his girlfriend, “Let’s just go away together. I know we’ve been busy at work/college so this will help us reconnect with each other.”
Yet, she might have felt that he was always being clingy, needy and insecure in the relationship and to her, this is just another example of his needy behavior. She perceives it as him just wanting to be around her more, so he can feel good about himself, but she knows that she’s not going to be feeling the way that she wants to feel, because he doesn’t know what she really wants from him.
Without understanding the actual attitudes and behaviors that you really need to change to make her feel the way she wants to feel, most of the things that you promise will not connect with her.
3. Trying to make her jealous by lying about being with other women
Although going out, dating and having sex with other women is definitely a good way to make a woman feel jealous, what sometimes happens is that a guy will lie about it to his girlfriend to “shock” her into wanting him back.
He might say something like, “Sure, no problem if you want to see other people, go ahead. I’ve already got other women who are interested in me and I’ve already been out with some hot new women,” or something along those lines.
In reality, he’s just sitting around alone at home pining over his girlfriend, but because he doesn’t know what else to do, he’s hoping that if he shows her that she’s about to lose him to another woman, she’ll suddenly realize what a great guy he is and she’ll come running back to him.
That isn’t a good strategy though because a woman has a simple and easy way to catch him out if he’s lying to her. All she needs to do is to congratulate him and pretend that she’s happy for him.
If he then quickly tells her, “It’s not serious between me and these women. I’ll stop seeing them if you want to try again. You know you’re the one for me,” she will know that he was just lying to make her feel jealous.
Naturally, at this point, she will lose even more respect and attraction for him as a man and she’ll make an effort to start seeing other people as soon as possible to make sure he won’t try to manipulate her in that way again.
So, you shouldn’t try to lie or deceive her into thinking that you’re fine without her.
You actually have to be fine without her to truly make her feel the type of jealousy (and other painful emotions) that will make her reconsider her decision to want to see other people.
Getting Her to Change Her Mind
Just because your girlfriend wants to see other people, it doesn’t mean that her love for you is dead.
One of the most important things that I’ve learned about love is that it doesn’t die.
The love is still there in the background, but she is simply not willing to connect with it right now.
At the moment, your girlfriend doesn’t feel like she wants to be in love with you, but you can change the way that she feels about you by doing 4 simple things:
- Learn to understand what she really wants you to change about yourself. Reminder: A woman will rarely explain what she really wants.
- Fix your emotional issues (e.g. insecurity, clinginess, jealousy, commitment issues, etc) and show her that you’ve improved and changed.
- Get her on the phone as quickly as possible to arrange a meet up so she can experience the new you in person.
- Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you at the meet up.
Don’t spend one more day saying, “My girlfriend wants to see other people,” and feeling like you’ve lost a good thing.
When your girlfriend realizes that you’ve fixed your issues and improved yourself and that you’re now a much better man than the one she originally fell in love with, she will naturally open herself up to reconnect with the love, respect and attraction that she felt for you before.