If your girlfriend has kissed another guy, she will usually then break up with you because was already planning to, or she will wait to break up with you based on the way you react to the news.
For example: If you get angry, become insecure, cry, call her names or threaten to hurt her or the other guy, she can then use that as a reason to break up with you (e.g. she might say, “I am scared of you now” or “The way you are reacting is a huge turn off. I’m glad I kissed him now because it has allowed me to see this side of you”).
So, what you say and do at this point is very important if you want to keep your relationship together or if you want to break up with her without getting even more hurt than you already are right now.
What Should You Do About it?
If you’ve found yourself in the unfortunate position of saying, “My girlfriend kissed another guy” the way you respond and react needs to be based on the kind of relationship you have with her (e.g. truly committed, kind of like each other, long distance, co-worker relationship, high school sweethearts, etc) and why she kissed him.
Here are 6 different scenarios of a girlfriend kissing another guy, when she is already in a relationship and what her boyfriend should do about it…
1. If she kissed another guy because she was very drunk and now deeply regrets it.
If your girlfriend kissed another guy because she was extremely drunk and sincerely didn’t even know what was happening (e.g. sitting on a couch at a house party and the guy sitting next to her started kissing her, a guy took advantage of her in the back of a taxi, if she was almost at the point of passing out, etc), then it is possible to forgive her for that and continue on in a committed, trusting relationship.
However, if she was just having a few drinks and she actively kissed a guy for more than 10 seconds while out partying, then it is something that you should be very concerned about.
If she didn’t want to do kiss the guy, she would have reacted within 5 seconds and stopped him from kissing her any further. She would have then begun to deeply regret the mistake she made, to the point where she felt sick with guilt about it and apologized to you.
If that’s what your girlfriend did, then it’s fine to forgive her if you have the emotional strength to do so and you know that she wouldn’t ever want to do that again.
You can simply see it as a once in a lifetime mistake she made due to getting a bit too drunk and then laugh it off as nothing to worry about.
However, if your gut instinct is telling you that she willingly kissed him and would probably do it again, then the best approach is to break up with her, but only temporarily.
Essentially, what you need to do is make her feel the pain of losing an awesome guy like you, so she then realizes that she has made a mistake and comes back to apologize and ask for another chance.
If you decide to trust her and continue on with the relationship, you need to make sure that you don’t keep bringing up the kissing mistake with her and turning it into an issue that destroys the relationship.
You have to forgive her, forget about it and then continue on, knowing that it was a silly mistake and she won’t ever want to go through a break up with you like that again.
If she wants to be in a relationship with you that lasts a lifetime, she is going to change and will no longer want to go out partying and getting drunk if you aren’t there.
She will want you to come along too because you are the man that she is proud to be with and you are the man that she wants to be kissing, hugging and hooking up with at the end of the night.
If she does go out without you there (e.g. at a bachelorette night, hen’s night, bridal shower, baby shower, etc), she should be sensible and make sure that she doesn’t get wasted and allow a similar situation to happen again.
If she is truly committed to you, she will definitely become more sensible, but if she isn’t really sure about her commitment to you, the same mistake will almost certainly happen again in future.
So, if you do take her back, you need to let her know that if you do see her putting herself in that type of situation again, you are simply going to break up with her and the relationship will be over with no chance of ever getting back together again.
2. If she kissed another guy because she no longer has strong feelings for you.
A woman will often kiss another guy as a way of quickly getting out of a relationship.
Women know that it’s very painful for a guy to find out that his girlfriend has kissed another guy behind his back.
Hearing news like that is enough for most guys to instantly dump a woman and never want to talk to her ever again.
Yet, for guys who are difficult for a woman to break up with (e.g. a clingy, needy guy who would never want to lose her), kissing another guy is also an opportunity for her to speed up the process of breaking up with him.
How? He will almost certainly react to the news by becoming more clingy, insecure, needy, angry and maybe even violent or abusive towards her, which will give her more than enough reason to explain her reason to break up with him.
She will say that the way that he has responded is very unattractive, it’s a turn off, it’s scaring her and she now wants to get out of the relationship.
So, what should a boyfriend do in this situation?
What he needs to do is stop saying and doing the sorts of things that are causing his girlfriend to lose touch with her feelings of love, respect and attraction for him.
For example: If you are insecure, then you need to become emotionally strong.
If you don’t have much purpose in life outside of the relationship and are clinging to her as a result, you need to approach life in a more balanced way. Rather than only being focused on her, you need to develop a strong sense of purpose as a man by starting to make progress towards your biggest dreams and ambitions in life, while also giving time and attention to her.
If you tend to get angry and get into arguments with your girlfriend too often, you need to start being more light-hearted about things and force yourself to laugh and smile about the kind of things that would normally make you angry or annoy you.
If you and her feel more like friends these days and there’s no sexual spark anymore, you need to start being more masculine in the way that you think, feel, behave and take action so she can feel feminine in comparison to you.
When she feels feminine in comparison to your masculinity, the sexual spark will naturally reignite between you.
3. If she kissed another guy because she is untrustworthy.
Not all women are 100% trustworthy, which is a simple fact of life that you need to accept and deal with.
- According to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (USA), 57% of men and 54% of women admit to having cheated at some point in their lives when in a relationship.
- 74% of the men surveyed said they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught and 68% of the women surveyed said the same.
As you can see, it’s not only women who cannot be trusted. Many men are also willing to cheat on a woman too.
There are some women out there who will be 100% faithful to you for life and never cheat on you, but there are also some women out there who will cheat on you and not really care about it at all.
A cheating woman is the type who will often say, “I love you” to your face and say things like, “I want to be with you forever,” and “I would never cheat on you,” but when she’s not around you, she will flirt with other guys, kiss them and even have sex with them without worrying about breaking her promise to you.
So, if you’ve found yourself saying, “My girlfriend kissed another guy” and you believe that she is an untrustworthy, cheating type of woman, then you’re not going to have much success keeping a relationship together for life with her.
Your best bet in a situation like that is to dump her and start hooking up with other women to move on, rather than forgiving her and getting more involved with her (e.g. moving in together, having children, getting married, etc) only to find out that she’s done it again.
Of course, if you’ve just found out that your girlfriend kissed another guy, you are probably feeling hurt, betrayed and may not feel like approaching and talking to other women because you’re worried about the same thing happening to you with another woman.
However, you need to be stronger than that.
You can’t let an untrustworthy woman destroy you and turn you into an insecure guy who hides from women because he is afraid of being hurt.
You need to improve your ability to attract other women, so you can then choose a trustworthy woman, rather than simply accepting whatever you can get and ending up with the wrong woman again.
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use it to enjoy your choice of women and help keep her faithful for life…
Most guys don’t realize how easy it is to attract women by displaying the personality traits, behaviors and inner qualities that naturally attract women (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe, humor, etc).
When you are one of the guys who can actively attract women during interactions, you will see that it’s extremely easy to attract and pick up women.
With that power, you can then choose the right woman for you, rather than accepting whatever you can get and potentially accepting yet another untrustworthy woman who will simply cheat on you, dump you or divorce you later on.
4. If she kissed another guy because she doesn’t really want to settle down at this point in her life.
Not all women want to settle down for life with the first great boyfriend they find.
You and her might have been having great sex, had fun on holidays together, lived together and even talked about having kids, but that doesn’t mean she can’t change her mind about wanting to be settled down for life.
Her capacity to be faithful to you for life really depends on her upbringing, beliefs and what stage of life she is at right now.
If your girlfriend is the type of woman who doesn’t yet feel the need to settle down into a truly committed, lifetime relationship, then she’s going to change her mind unless she realizes that you are the man for her.
The best way to make her realize that is to make sure that you’re not making the classic mistakes that turn a girlfriend off (e.g. being insecure, clingy, not having much purpose in life, not being masculine enough in how you think, feel and behave, etc) and you then need to dump her, so she can feel the pain of losing an awesome guy like you.
When she feels that pain, she will then begin to realize that she does want to be with you and you can then accept her back under certain conditions.
You can tell her that you are looking for a serious, committed and if she wants that, you are willing to give it to her, but if you notice that she doesn’t want that, you and her are simply going to break up and go your separate ways.
If she isn’t truly committed and you don’t dump her, she will drag you deeper into the relationship and make you feel like you need her and she will then dump you, so you can feel the pain of losing her.
So, rather than getting emotionally bruised by a woman who is not ready for a committed relationship, just break up with her and move on by getting yourself a new girl.
5. If she kissed another guy because you are in a long distance relationship.
It is possible to keep a woman faithful to you when in a long distance relationship, but if she doesn’t really feel a lot of respect, attraction and love for you, then the chances of her remaining are greatly reduced.
If you haven’t established a truly committed relationship with her where you and her know for sure that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then it’s only natural that she will begin to stray if you spend too much time apart.
She will feel as though she is wasting time just waiting around for you because she doesn’t even know if you are the one for her.
Of course, on the phone, Skype, Facebook, via text and other forms of communication, she might say that she loves you, misses you and feels like you are the one for her, but that doesn’t guarantee that she won’t think differently when she’s around other guys who are making her feel attracted.
If your girlfriend has been actively hanging out with her single girlfriends to go out and party and get drunk, then it’s only natural that she will eventually cheat on you if you don’t have a deeply committed relationship where both of you know for sure that you want to be together for life.
So, what should you do?
If you want to keep her, you’ve got to continually be the sort of guy that she wants to remain faithful, rather than expecting her to remain faithful because things used to be good between you and her at the start of the relationship.
Women can remain faithful in a long distance relationship and a perfect example of that is when men are deployed overseas for their work with the armed services (e.g. army, navy, air force, etc).
These men are often away for more than 12 months at a time and they come back to women who have been waiting for them, excited to see them and have been completely faithful the entire time.
It is possible to make a woman remain that madly in love with you and be excited to see you, but you have to be the sort of man that she feels proud to be with.
If your girlfriend doesn’t feel proud to be with you and doesn’t really have much respect for you (e.g. because you’ve been insecure, don’t have much purpose in life outside of the relationship, etc), then she will more likely to cheat while you are apart.
6. If she kissed a guy that she spends a lot of time with.
If your girlfriend spends a lot of time alone with a guy who is a co-worker, a fellow student at university or a mutual friend in her group of friends, then she’s most-likely going to continue to spend time with him even though she has now kissed him.
If you want to keep the relationship together, you can’t demand that she no longer spends any time with that guy because that is a choice that she needs to make.
Think about it this way…
Before getting into a relationship with you, your girlfriend was an individual. While in a relationship with you, she is an individual and if she gets out of a relationship with you, she will still be an individual.
The same goes for you as well.
Regardless of how close you and her felt, you have always been individual to her. She doesn’t own you and you don’t own her.
However, what makes a relationship a relationship is when two individuals make a decision to be together and be committed to each other.
Being in a relationship is a decision that both of you need to make on your own.
You can’t force your girlfriend to make a decision to only spend time with you, because she is an individual and can ultimately choose to do whatever she wants.
If she is going to stop spending any time with him, it has to be something that she decides on her own.
So, if you begin to demand that she stops talking to certain people (e.g. co-workers, friends, etc) and cut people who are close to her out of her life completely, then it’s not going to make her feel as though she is an individual who has the freedom to decide things on her own.
Regardless of how good your intentions are and how great of a guy you really are, demanding that of her will make her feel like she is trapped in a relationship with an insecure guy, which will actually make her feel more attracted to the guy she recently kissed.
As long as the guy that she kissed is being more confident and emotionally secure than you are, he will be more attractive to her.
Why? Women are naturally attracted to the strength in men (e.g. confidence, high self-esteem) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. insecurity, low self-esteem).
What Are You Going to Do About it?
Right now, you’re probably feeling hurt and betrayed by your girlfriend and maybe even a bit angry about the whole situation.
Regardless of how bad you feel right now, the best thing for you is to remain emotionally strong and clear headed so you can make the best decision for your unique situation.
So, are you going to dump her and find a new woman, or are you going to forgive her, forget about it and continue on with the relationship?