If your wife wants to sleep with another man, it could be because:
- She’s trying to find a replacement guy, so she can then ask for a separation divorce and move in with him right away.
- She’s become bored with her sex life and life in general with you and has fallen victim to being seduced by a coworker, old friend or a man who likes to prey on married women.
- She never really intended on staying married for life anyway and always secretly felt as though she’d had an affair one day and leave you.
- You have encouraged her to want to sleep with other men by talking about affairs, swinging, partner swapping or other sexual fantasies. She now wants to live out the fantasy and see what happens.
- She has been watching one too many drama TV shows that glamorize extra marital affairs, cheating, passionate new romance and divorce.
- A married female friend of hers has an open relationship with her husband and they seem to be having the time of their lives.
- She wants to get you back for cheating on her in the past.
- You are unable to keep up with her sexual appetite and she is asking to be able to have sex with another man, but is promising to keep it non-emotional.
- She no longer believes in the traditional view of marriage and wants to simply follow her heart and see what happens.
- She regrets not having much (or any other) sexual experience before getting married and now wants to see what it’s like to have sex with another man.
- She now believes that sex is somehow more important than your marriage and that it will change her life, make her happier or improve your marriage.
- She believes that it will be easy because it will be “just sex” with no emotional attachment involved.
Here’s the thing…
I spend a lot of time every week coaching men over the phone who are trying to get a wife (fiancé or girlfriend) back.
I’ve heard all the horror stories.
In all my experience, I’ve only ever heard of one man who was successfully able to have an open relationship with his wife…for a year.
Yet, after the year was up, both of them had become emotionally involved with other people.
He met a new woman who made him feel alive again and his wife met a rich man who took her away on expensive travels around the world.
In other words, if your wife wants to sleep with another man, it might not seem that serious to her right now because it’s “just sex,” but when a man and a woman connect during sex, they can then develop a unique emotional connection that they really enjoy.
For example: The new man that she begins having sex with might make her laugh so much more than you do, or he might make her cry and chase after him, whereas with you, she always feels safe and doesn’t need to try hard to get your attention.
Redefining the Path of Your Marriage
For a marriage to stay alive, it usually needs to have an ongoing, mutually enjoyable storyline that it is aiming to unfold over time.
For example: When a couple first gets married, the life story that they are aiming for is usually to get a house together, have children and enjoy the fun, responsibilities, love and challenges that come with maintaining close family relationships.
Part of the story might also be career or business goals, which then link to other goals that each or either of you want to achieve for the sake of the marriage and a better life.
So, if your wife now wants to sleep with another man, it might be a case of her no longer having enough of a story to aim for with you in the long run.
You may have fallen into a routine and simply gotten used to the idea of being with each other and not having much else to aim for, other than to stay alive and see your children grow up and be happy.
For some women, that life story is more than enough to keep them satisfied for life. However, not every woman or marriage is the same.
Some women need to have more of a compelling storyline to their life to keep them interested and engaged in the marriage.
So, if your wife is now seeking happiness and personal fulfillment outside of your marriage, it may be time to redefine the storyline of how your marriage can play out over the next 20, 30 or 40 years depending on how old you are.
For example: You can ask your wife, “If we were to stay faithful to each other and remain married for life, how would you like to see that play out?” and try to get her to imagine a happy, fulfilling marriage that didn’t involve having sex with other people.
Of course, not every wife is going to be willing to have that conversation (e.g. if she secretly never wanted to commit for life anyway, if she doesn’t respect or feel attracted to her husband, if she just wants to end the marriage so she can get a divorce payout and then live a fun lifestyle for several years before settling down again, etc).
Marriage Isn’t the Same For Everyone
In a perfect world, a man and a woman would get married, have a great sex life, have a loving family and live happily ever after in a monogamous marriage.
Yet, in real life, not everyone gets to experience a perfect marriage.
For example: Sometimes, a couple are not a perfect match, but they try hard to make the relationship work and after being together for a while, they decide to get married despite their gut instinct telling them that they probably shouldn’t.
In cases like that, a husband and wife will be able to stay together if they can ignore the temptations of affairs and focus on other things in life (e.g. being a close and loving family, spending a lot of time working on lifelong projects, etc).
It also helps if they are able to be friends with other married couples who don’t believe in divorce. When that happens, the happily married couples will usually help keep them on track, especially when they go through rough patches.
Yet, if an unhappily married woman finds herself working with other women who’ve gone through divorce and are now happier as a result, or works with men who constantly try to seduce her into having an affair, she might eventually get fed up of being unhappily married and either ask for a separation, have an affair behind her husband’s back or even ask to be able to sleep with other men.
So, when a guy says to me, “My wife wants to sleep with another man” and asks how he can stop it from happening, it’s not always a clear-cut answer because sometimes it is the woman’s fault (e.g. when she is an untrustworthy woman, no longer believes in marriage or never believed in it and just put up with it for a while, etc).
However, when it is the man’s fault, there is a clear-cut solution and that is to make his wife feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him again.
In other words, he needs to get the spark back and get his wife to respect him again as her husband for life.
As you will discover from the video above, the amount of attraction your wife feels for you is mostly within your control.
For example: If a husband has stopped flirting with his wife and tends to make her feel like more of a friend that his woman, then she’s not going to be feeling very turned on and excited to be in love with him.
Whereas, if a husband is able to make his wife feel feminine and girly in response to his masculinity, she will more naturally feel respectful of him, attracted to him and more excited to be in love with him as his woman.
When a Wife Tries to Fix the Marriage in Weird Ways
People don’t always do things correctly, especially when it comes to relationships.
For example: When a wife is unhappy with her marriage, she might concoct elaborate schemes or come up with strange ideas to hopefully fix the complex problems between herself and her husband, or to make herself feel happier in life.
Wanting to sleep with another man is her weird way of hopefully shocking her husband into realizing she’s desperately unhappy in the marriage.
She might even believe that it will be good for the marriage or their sex life, because she doesn’t know what else to do.
Her husband doesn’t know how to get her to respect him enough to not want to sleep with another man and he also doesn’t really know how to make her feel enough attraction and love for him to be satisfied with their marriage.
So, he will often feel like he has to go along with it to keep her happy.
Yet, that will be a huge mistake in most cases because her wanting to have sex with another man is not “just sex.”
It’s more than that, even if she doesn’t openly admit it.
In most cases, a wife wanting to have sex with another man is because she is trying to fill the gaps in her relationship with her husband by sleep with another man.
For example: Sometimes a husband may fall into the habit of spending most of his time working, or at work. In his mind he is doing this because he wants to be a better provider for his wife and his family.
Even though his intentions are good, his wife may have to endure long periods of time where she’s alone. If she has a full-time job herself, she still might have to do all the housework and wait around for her husband to be free to spend sometime with her.
She might have to regularly reheat dinners for him because he can’t guarantee when he’ll be home. Then, when he gets home, he might be too tired and worn out to pay her much attention or joke around with her and make her laugh, smile and feel good around him.
This can make some women feel taken for granted and like she’s not that important to him (even though, in his mind, he’s working so hard for her and the family).
Naturally, if then she meets another guy (e.g. at work) who is charming, attentive and pays her some compliments about her appearance, she might begin to see him as being a better relationship partner than her husband.
Even if the new guy has got many flaws that will turn her off over time (e.g. he is a bit insecure, is too much of a nice guy, etc), right now, she finds him attractive and wants to sleep with him because he’s making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with a man.
Letting Her Wear the Pants
Another common cause of a wife wanting to sleep with other men is when her husband has allowed her to “wear the pants” in the relationship.
Essentially, he just goes along with everything she wants, because he thinks that will make her happy and because he doesn’t have to spend any time or energy trying to argue or compete with her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
No matter how independent, confident or successful a woman is, she will always still want to be with a man who is dominant enough in the relationship to make her feel like a feminine woman.
This doesn’t mean that she wants to be bullied or pushed around by him, or to not have her opinions taken into consideration, but she does want to be with a man who can take the lead and guide them both through life’s ups and downs.
She wants to feel that when she’s with her man, she can relax into being feminine and not have to worry about taking care of him emotionally (i.e. he is emotionally strong with or without her help or reassurance).
Essentially, the more a woman is put in the position of having to lead in the relationship or take care of her man emotionally because of his insecurities, the less feminine she feels and the less sexual attraction she feels for him as a result.
When the relationship dynamic is out of sync in a marriage (i.e. the man and woman become neutral around each other rather than being clearly opposite in their masculine and feminine energy), the all-important sexual spark also begins to die.
Some guys who had little, or no, relationship experience before they got married, just assume that become neutral around each other each other is a normal thing that happens in a marriage. He doesn’t realize that as a man, he needs to lead both himself and his wife into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction for each other.
In the distant past, a wife would have to stay with her husband for life, even if she was unhappy. Unfortunately, that’s no longer the case in today’s world.
These days, a woman often has far too many confusing influences on TV, in the lyrics of pop songs, in movies and from people around her to remain fully committed to an unhappy or dysfunctional marriage.
If her husband isn’t able to make her feel the way she wants to feel, a modern wife will sometimes feel like it’s okay for her to look to another man to make her feel the attraction, femininity and sexual attraction that’s missing in her marriage.
So, if you want to make your wife see you as her ideal man and forget about her unnecessary “quest” to sleep with another man, you need to start focusing on improving your ability to deepen her respect, attraction and love for you.
You have to show her that no matter where she looks, no other man can compare to you and no other sexual experience is going to be as important as the story that you and her can live out for the rest of your lives together.
Why Do Women Break Up With Men?
Below is a video that I made for guys who have already been dumped by their woman and are now looking to get her back.
In your case, your wife is still with you and most likely hasn’t yet asked for a separation or divorce. However, if she wants to sleep with another man, then you better believe that separation and divorce is definitely something that she has been considering.
In her mind, she will most likely be thinking that if it feels right to leave you later on, she will do that, but for now, she will keep you close by saying that it’s just a bit of innocent sex and won’t mean anything.
Don’t let her do that to you.
I’ve heard so many horror stories from men who’ve been in your situation or a similar situation and they became an emotional wreck while going through it all.
You’ve got to regain control of the relationship.
You must ensure that you fix and change whatever has been causing her to lose respect and attraction for you up to this point of the marriage.
Don’t continue on making the same old mistakes (e.g. being insecure) and assume that everything will be fine. You’ve got to make sure that you make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When she sees that you have transformed yourself and she then feels differently about you as a result, she will then naturally begin to change her mind about potentially destroying your marriage by sleeping with another man.