The way that you approach your relationship with the woman can end up causing it to be a very stressful and frustrating experience for you, or an easy and enjoyable experience for you.
So, in this video, I will talk about some of the mistakes guys make that cause a relationship to become stressful and frustrating for them and what you should do instead to make it easy and enjoyable.
Let’s begin with number 1…
1. Creating a relationship dynamic based on the fear of getting dumped, usually leads to it happening
For example: A guy gives his woman too much power in the relationship and allows himself to be walked all over by her because he fears getting dumped if he doesn’t let her get her way.
On the flip side, another guy doesn’t allow his woman to have any power or say because he fears getting cheated on or dumped if he doesn’t control her.
In both cases, the guy is acting out of fear and that’s not the way to have an easy, enjoyable relationship with a woman.
That’s going to cause a relationship to be stressful and frustrating.
In the first example, where a guy is letting a woman walk all over him and doing whatever she wants to do and giving her all the power, that’s going to be very frustrating for him because no matter what he does for her, it’s never going to be enough.
She’s never going to truly respect him, feel attracted to him and be in love with him.
Instead, she will see him as a bit of an annoyance, a burden and as someone that she’s with, but isn’t quite sure about.
She is turned off by him, she is frustrated around him and she may or may not know why.
In cases like that, a guy’s biggest fear is getting dumped or cheated on and that’s what usually ends up happening to him because his woman just doesn’t feel like she’s in love with him.
She can’t respect him and she doesn’t feel enough attraction for him, so it usually ends with her cheating on him or dumping him.
With the other example, some guys go to the other extreme, where they don’t give their woman any power and they walk all over her.
The guy doesn’t allow her to have any say, he tries to control her, he is very jealous and protective because he’s worried that she might cheat on him or leave him if he lets her out of his sight.
In cases like that, the woman feels smothered by his neediness and turned off by his insecurity.
She doesn’t respect him.
She doesn’t feel attracted to him and she can’t remain in love with him.
So, if you want to make a relationship with a woman easy and enjoyable, you have to let go of your fear.
You have to let go of the fear of potentially being left or cheated on, because if you focus on being left or cheated on, it will change your behavior in a negative way.
You will start worrying about things that you don’t need to worry about.
You will stop behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic of you (e.g. cool, laid back, easygoing, relaxed), or you may become jealous, controlling, needy and so on.
Behaving in those ways isn’t attractive to women and only pushes them away.
If you want to attract a woman to you and keep her with you, then you have to let go of your fear.
You have to know that you are good enough for her and know that you and her are becoming an increasingly better couple over time, so there is no reason for her to leave you.
Yet, how can you become an increasingly better couple over time?
How can you make her feel increasingly attracted to you?
How can you make her feel like she doesn’t want to leave you?
Well, it’s definitely not about doing more and more for her.
It’s definitely not about putting loads of work to the relationship.
That is a frustrating, stressful way to approach relationships.
You do not have to do that.
On that note, let’s discuss number 2…
2. Putting way more effort into the relationship than a woman does, isn’t the way to get her to fall more and more in love with you
When a relationship first starts out and a couple is falling in love, having sex and enjoying each other’s company, a guy will usually feel confident about his position in the woman’s life.
He will look at her and say that she wants to be with him.
He will feel confident about that and as a result, he’ll be enjoying the relationship.
Yet, somewhere along the line, the woman may begin to test him by pulling back some interest and seeing how he reacts.
Does he become insecure?
Does he start sucking up to her and try to get her to show love to him the way she used to by doing more and more for her?
Does he fall into that trap, or does he understand that the way to get a woman to fall more and more in love with him isn’t about doing more and more for her?
Instead, it’s about bringing out her good girl side, making her want to be good to him, making her respect him, treat him well, be affectionate, be attentive and more importantly, for her to enjoy doing that.
That is what really works with a woman.
That is what makes her fall more and more in love with you because pretty much every other guy that a woman has met cannot make her behave in that way for very long.
It’s very easy to have a woman behave that way at the start of the relationship, but getting her to behave in that way 2, 3, 10 years, 20 years into a relationship; that is what makes a woman fall more and more in love with a guy.
When he makes her feel motivated to treat him well, to be attentive, to be good to him and she actually enjoys it.
That is what works.
3. Relationships are not hard work
A common phrase that some people say when referring to their relationship and how they’ve managed to make it work and keep it together is “Hard work…a lot of hard work. Relationships are hard work. You have to put in loads of hard work.”
For them, that is true because they’re using an ineffective approach.
For example: A guy takes his woman’s tantrums too seriously.
He takes her tests too seriously.
She starts testing his confidence by being a little bit difficult at times and he takes it too seriously.
He takes it personally.
He gets annoyed with her.
He gets into arguments with her.
That’s an ineffective approach and it leads to a frustrating, stressful relationship.
An effective approach that leads to an easy enjoyable relationship is to not take a woman’s tests seriously.
Now, that’s not to say that a man shouldn’t take anything that his woman says seriously.
Instead, what I’m saying is that when a woman is acting up and being a bit of a pain in the butt, teasing him, trying to put him down and make him feel insecure, a man doesn’t have to take that seriously.
He doesn’t have to take it personally.
He doesn’t have to get involved in the drama.
He can laugh at her.
He can turn it into a joke.
He doesn’t have to take it seriously.
Men who are in control in their relationship with a woman don’t take her BS seriously.
I say BS because when many women are asked what type of guy they really want to be with and they list off qualities, they say things like, “A man who doesn’t take my BS seriously” or, “A man who doesn’t put up with my BS.”
Now, that’s not to say that a man should treat his woman badly, put her down, get angry at her or anything like that.
Instead, what I’m saying is that a man doesn’t always have to take a woman’s drama seriously.
He doesn’t have to get dragged into drama.
He can laugh at her for being a bit of a drama queen, or just for fun, he can briefly get involved in the drama and turn it into something for them to laugh about.
He doesn’t have to take it as a personal attack.
He doesn’t have to start getting emotional with his woman.
He doesn’t have to put in loads of hard work and tiptoe around to her to hopefully not set her off, to hopefully not make her feel annoyed.
He doesn’t have to take that approach to the relationship.
He can take a much more relaxed approach and not take her BS seriously.
For example: A bit of BS behavior from a woman where she doesn’t want her man to take it seriously, is if they’re deciding where to go and eat that night or what type of food to eat.
He might suggest eating Chinese, or Indian, or something like that and then she might say something like, “You always come up with stupid ideas. I don’t want to eat that. I hate Indian food. I hate Chinese food. Your ideas are stupid.”
At that point, a man can get angry at his woman, get frustrated and get into a pointless argument with her and he will have a stressful, frustrating relationship.
Alternatively, he can decide not to take her fake BS seriously.
So, if he didn’t take it seriously, he get say jokingly something like this, “Okay then Miss Smartypants, what ideas have you got then?” or, “My ideas are stupid. No, no, no. You don’t like Chinese food because you’re not cool. Only losers don’t eat Chinese food. You’re a little loser” or, “Alright, so you don’t want to eat Chinese, you don’t want to eat Indian, my ideas are stupid, okay. Well, how about this? Get your little butt in the kitchen and make some food. Make yourself useful.”
Of course, when a guys says that to a woman, he’s only joking.
He’s not saying it seriously and saying something like this.
“Alright, well, get your butt in the kitchen then, make yourself useful!!!”
He’s not being angry about it.
He’s not getting into a pointless argument with a woman.
You don’t need to get dragged into the fake drama that a woman is creating. You don’t have to take it seriously.
Now, I just want to point out again here that I’m not saying that a man shouldn’t take a woman seriously in a relationship.
There are times when a woman is being serious.
There are times when a man has said or done something wrong that he should be taking seriously, he should apologize for, he should change and adjust, etc.
Yet, when a woman creates unnecessary drama in the relationship and a man gets involved in that and then starts to worry about experiencing that type of drama again, his relationship can become a lot of hard work.
He can get in to the habit of trying to not set her off, by tiptoeing around her and making sure that he’s saying all the right things, behaving in all the right ways to hopefully ensure that she doesn’t start creating any drama.
He’s afraid of that in a way.
He doesn’t want to have to experience that because it could result in her not want to have sex with him.
It could result in her saying that she’s not going to cook anymore, or that she’s not going to clean and so on.
He doesn’t want to annoy or like that.
Therefore, his relationship becomes a lot of hard work because he’s taking her drama and her tests too seriously.
He’s slowly letting her walk all over him and he’s losing his balls in the process.
4. Turning sex into something that you’re getting from her, gradually makes her stop wanting it
An example of this, is if a couple are sitting on the couch together and the woman initiates affection.
The guy then behaves as though he’s shocked and giddy that getting something from her. He shows her that he’s feeling lucky that he is being touched by her in that way.
That turns her off.
What’s going to turn her on is reacting in a masculine way (see video at the top of this page for example), or in a way that’s going to make her feel more attracted in that moment and may potentially lead to kissing and sex right then and there.
What often happens for a lot of guys, is that their woman is initially interested in sex when the relationship begins and maybe for the first couple of years, but after that, she gradually starts to lose interest in sex and essentially doesn’t want it anymore.
Either that or she just doesn’t initiate.
She seems like she could take it or leave it.
It’s just sex.
That happens when the guy creates a dynamic where it seems like sex is about him getting something from her.
He wants to have sex with her because he wants to feel good, he wants to be close with her, he wants to experience that.
It’s all about what he wants from her.
Now, if you think about that in a pick-up scenario when a guy trying to pick-up woman; he’s trying to hopefully pick the woman up.
He’s trying to get her to like him to hopefully get somewhere.
How does that work out for guys when they’re using that approach with a woman?
The woman feels like she is the more valuable one and if she gives this guy a chance, she’s essentially going to be doing him a favor.
She doesn’t feel like he is the more valuable one and she would be lucky to get with him.
The same fundamental principle applies in a relationship.
The best approach to take, is to create a dynamic where sex is something that she is exciting to get from you.
It’s something that she wants and she needs to feel good about herself and feel connected with you.
Yet, if a guy creates a dynamic where everything related to sex is about him getting that from her, then she will close up.
Her interest in sex will gradually to dwindle away.
5. Being emotionally fearless in a relationship will give you far greater rewards than being emotionally guarded
An example of this, is where a guy has been heartbroken by a previous relationship breaking down.
When he gets into a new relationship, he keeps an emotional distance from his woman.
He doesn’t want to get too close with her.
He doesn’t want to put himself out there too much in case he gets hurt.
Yet, as a result of using that approach, there isn’t a deep, enjoyable, emotional connection between him and his woman and the relationship become stale.
In some cases, it will then lead to the woman breaking up with the guy and if he really did want to be with her and was just being emotionally guarded because he didn’t want to get hurt, he’s going to regret it.
He’s going to regret that he wasn’t more emotionally fearless.
He was trying to protect himself so much that he ended up creating a relationship dynamic that didn’t have an enjoyable emotional connection.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution isn’t for a guy to go on and on about his emotions like a girl.
It isn’t about becoming very emotional and talking about feelings all the time and so on.
Instead, it’s about being emotionally fearless, not being afraid of the consequences of saying “I love you” to a woman, not being afraid to fall more and more in love with a woman and enjoy the next levels to a relationship.
Additionally, being emotionally fearless isn’t a about a guy telling a woman how much he loves her all the time.
It’s not about a guy becoming obsessed with a woman and saying, “I love you. You’re the best. You’re the best woman I’ve ever had. I would be lost without you. You’re amazing. All I want is you” and so on.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
It’s about being emotionally fearless in the relationship, not worrying about the consequences of loving a woman, not trying to protect yourself from potentially getting hurt if you put yourself out there.
The thing is, if you look at breakup and divorce statistics and you see 50% breakups or 60%, 30%, 40%, whatever it is depending on the country, it may make you feel like that could happen to you too.
Yet, what I recommend, is that you focus on the OTHER side of that statistic.
If it’s a 50% break or divorce rate in your country, then realize 50% of those relationships stay together for life and understand that you can be one of the couples who happily stay together for life.
Additionally, understand that there are ways that you can go about your relationship that makes it easy and enjoyable and makes you and your woman fall more and more in love over time.
Okay, on that note, I hope you enjoy this video and if you do want to learn more about how to keep a relationship together for life, how to make your woman respect you, feel attracted to you and be totally in love with you, then I recommend that you watch or listen to my program Make Her Love You For Life.
Make Her Love You For Life is the ideal relationship dynamic that causes a woman to feel increasingly respectful, attracted and in love with you over time.
It brings out her good girl side where she wants to be good to you, where she actually feels good and gains happiness by being a good woman to you.
Bringing Out Her Good Girl Side
One final point that I want to make for you in this video, is that the dynamic in a relationship can be changed.
If a man has created a relationship dynamic where his woman isn’t respectful of him, doesn’t initiate affection, doesn’t treat him as well as she used to, it doesn’t mean that he can’t change the dynamic of the relationship and get her to respect him, be affectionate and treat them well.
Pretty much every woman out there has it inside of her to be a good woman in a relationship; to treat her man well.
She has that inside of her and one of the really interesting things about it is that when a guy brings that side of a woman out in a relationship, she respects him, feels attracted to him and loves him so much more.
The fact that he can bring that side of her out and keep it out makes her happy to be who she is.
It makes her happy to be alive.
It makes her enjoy the relationship.
It makes her enjoy her life.
Of course, more importantly, it’s much more enjoyable for the man as well.