If you’ve become your ex’s safety net, it’s best to take that away from her and cause her to feel like she has to give you another chance now, or else she will lose you.
Of course, you don’t just say that to her because giving an ultimatum of, “Be with me in a relationship or nothing” doesn’t work on a woman who isn’t attracted to you anymore.
You have to approach the ex back like a man for it to work on a woman.
So, here are 5 things you can do to stop being her safety net and start being her number one man:
1. Stop looking at yourself as her back up plan
You are her number one option.
You are the best option for her and other guys just don’t compare.
That’s how you need to think about yourself.
Don’t tell her that, because telling a woman that she should see you as her number one option doesn’t work.
Instead, you have to believe it and then based on that belief in yourself, you will exude the type of confidence that will make her feel attracted and see you as a man that she still really wants to be with.
So, if your ex has been keeping you around as her safety net, it’s probably because you’ve been giving her the impression that you are willing to be a back up plan.
You’re so afraid of losing her and you think that she is more valuable than you are, so you are willing to accept whatever she is giving you, just so you can stay in contact with her and hopefully get another chance with her.
That doesn’t work on women.
Women are turned off by desperation and neediness in men.
So, you need to stop looking at yourself as a back up plan and start believing that you are the best man she could ever find.
Don’t place yourself in the friend zone with her by thinking that you’re not good enough for her.
You are more than good enough for her.
Unfortunately, most guys out there don’t search around and find the information that you are reading now, so they end up accepting the position of being a ‘maybe’ option for her, rather than making her feel compelled to give him another chance right now.
For example: A guy might think, “If I just let her have her freedom for a while, she might date a couple of guys, get hurt and then realize what she had with me wasn’t that bad after all. Then, she’ll come back to me where she knows it’s safe and we start again.”
That plan could work, but what if it backfires?
What if she falls in love with a new guy, gets into a serious relationship with for years and doesn’t ever want to go back to you?
Are you just going to wait around for many months or even years, hoping that she will come back, while dating women that you’re not as attracted to?
Are you going to spend the next 3-5 years of your life feeling miserable, missing her and wishing that you did something about getting her back, rather than accepting being her safety net?
Here’s the thing…
Even though it might feel nice to be her safety net right now, it’s not going to feel nice when she moves on.
Additionally, by allowing her to use you as a back up option, you’re actually making her lose even more respect and attraction for you as a man (i.e. she feels like she’s more valuable than you, she feels turned off by your desperation for anything she can offer you).
As a result, you reduce the chance of getting her back and you end up making yourself feel horrible the whole time.
So, if you want to want to get your ex back for real, stop looking at yourself as her back up plan and start seeing yourself as being the love of her life.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Becoming more confident and self-assured about your attractiveness and value to her, rather than feeling insecure and anxious around her.
- Seeing yourself as more than good enough for her, rather than thinking she’s better than you and accepting any crumbs of attentions she’s willing to throw your way.
- Adding to your strengths and improving your weaknesses, rather than staying the same and expecting her to be happy with it.
- Improving your ability to make her feel like an attractive, sexy woman in your presence, rather than like a neutral friend.
- Being more manly in how you think, behave, talk and act, rather than allowing her to dominate you with her confident personality.
- Stopping the pointless, friendly texting conversations that you have with her and getting to a kiss, sex and back into a relationship by talking to her in person and making her feel attracted to you again.
Who start making her feel sexually attracted to you again, it then gives you the confidence to say, “No,” when she tries to use you as her back up plan (e.g. she calls you she’s lonely and asks if you will talk to her, she asks you to attend an event with her so she isn’t alone, she asks you to be a good friend to her and help her with her bills, an errand or something else that she’s struggling with).
When you have the confidence to not accept the scraps that she is giving you, something amazing happens.
Not only do you feel better about not being your ex’s safety net anymore, but you instantly become more attractive to her as a result.
She stops thinking of you as her good, old reliable, boring ex who she can push around and starts to see you in a more positive light (i.e. because you’re being an assertive, masculine man).
She then starts to feel surges of respect for you again.
When that happens, she feels attracted again and when she respects and feels attracted to you, her guard comes down and she opens herself up to being your girl again for real.
Of course, if she’s like most women, she will want to test whether the changes in you are real.
So, be prepared for her to initially act like she is angry or disappointed with you for no longer being the way you were before.
She might even threaten to never speak to you again and if she does, you need to just laugh and say, “Okay, if that’s what you want, no problem. Goodbye.”
She will then realize that you’re no longer willing to be pushed around by her, but you are still a good, loving guy.
As a result, she will regret being so selfish, feel respect for you for not backing down and feel attracted to you for handling the situation like a man.
She will then text you, call you or reach out to you on social media and try to get things going between you and her again.
By the way…
If the thought of that scares you and you are worried of potentially losing her if you stop being her helpful friend or back up plan ex, then you’re doing it wrong.
Remember: Women don’t respect guys who are afraid of them. Women don’t feel attracted to guys who are desperate and needy for them.
You have to understand those truths about women and act upon them.
If you don’t, women will never truly respect you or feel attracted to you and you will always end up getting rejected or broken up with.
You have to see the current break up that you’re going through as a perfect opportunity for you to improve yourself as a man.
See it as a wake up call that is urging you to stop allowing yourself to be walked all over by women and start being the type of man that women respect, feel attracted to and love.
When you accept that challenge and rise up to meet it, you will not only re-attract your ex and get her back, but you will end up being such a better version of yourself that you can then feel proud of.
Your life will change in so many positive ways.
All you have to do is be willing to level up as a man.
If you are willing to do that and then quickly begin doing it, everything will change for you in so many positive ways.
You will see.
Another thing you can do to take away your ex’s safety net is…
2. Confidently interact with her and make her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you
The best way to make an ex woman want you back for real, is to interact with her and actively make her feel sparks of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Allow her to experience the new and improved version of you for herself and she will then drop her defenses and begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
How can you do that?
Imagine that you’re on the phone with your ex and she starts telling you about a new man she’s interested in.
The old you (i.e. the safety net guy), would listen to her without complaint and possibly even offer a few words of advice here and there, as a way of showing her what a nice, reliable guy you are and how much you care about her happiness and well-being.
Yet, being a nice friend to her like that doesn’t re-attract her.
Rather than making her think, “My ex is actually the perfect guy. He’s always there for me. Why have I been wasting my time with losers!? I know what I want now and it’s him. He’s the best guy for me because he is nicer, more generous and more caring. I want us to get back together again!” she’ll think something like, “Cool – I get to have the best of both worlds. My ex still wants me, I can sleep with this new guy and if I’m ever feeling down, I can reach out to my ex and he will show me that he still cares and is waiting for me.”
She then gets to move on without ever feeling the pain of the break up.
What her ex doesn’t realize is that a big part of getting her back is making her feel the pain of losing him.
The way to achieve that is not about cutting off contact.
That doesn’t work on most women.
The way to do it is to interact with her, re-attract her, only maintain limited contact and don’t ever try to push her into a relationship.
She will be feeling attracted, missing you and imagining getting back with you, but will realize that you’re not pushing for it.
So, she will then start hinting at the fact that she is open to getting back together.
At that point, you just have to maintain your cool and agree to catch up in person just as friends.
Of course, it won’t be just as friends because you will make her feel even more attracted to you and she will then want to get to a hug, kiss and then sex.
After that, you and her will naturally get back together.
So, if you’re talking to your ex on the phone and she starts talking about a new man that she’s interested in.
You can create a spark of attraction inside of her by reacting in a different way that she is expecting you to.
For example: You might say (in a light-hearted, joking way) something like, “This is such excellent news! I can finally get rid of you! You’ve been such a burden to me all this time. I’ve been having sleepless nights because I was worried that no other guy would take you off my hands. Finally, I’m free of you! Phew! What a relief!” and then have a laugh with her about that.
She will almost certainly laugh because of the way that you’re playfully teasing her and she’ll probably also be a bit shocked that you’re not being Mr. Sweet and Reliable like she was expecting you to be.
All of a sudden, she realizes that you’re not the same guy she broke up with.
You’ve leveled up as a man.
As a result, she will feel surges of respect and attraction for you and may begin to think, “What’s going on here? Why isn’t he responding like he always does? He sounds so confident and sure of himself all of a sudden. I don’t know why, but I feel attracted to him again. What is happening to me? I thought it was over between him and I. Why do I want him back all of a sudden? Is it because he’s being a bit of a challenge? Is this change in him real? Maybe it is. If I don’t give him another chance, other women are going to feel attracted to him. He might meet a new girl soon and fall in love with her. I have to stop that from happening. I have to see him. I have to give him another chance. I don’t want to regret losing him.”
Another thing you can do to take away your ex’s safety net is…
3. Tell her that you accept the break up and have moved on emotionally
For example: You might say something along the lines of, “Hey, I know that it’s taken me a while to come to terms with our breakup, but I just want you to know that I now completely accept that we’re broken up and that it’s for real. I’ve stopped waiting around in the hope that you will somehow change your mind about us and come back again and I’ve moved on emotionally. We can now both move on and be happy, without feeling like we’re holding on to the past anymore.”
By saying that to her, you’re letting her know that you’re no longer going to sit around and allow her to use you as her safety net.
This causes her to begin to look up to you and respect you again (i.e. because you’re being a real man, rather than a pushover).
As a result, she will then begin to feel sparks of attraction and love for you and will start to feel the pain of losing you.
She will then begin to consider the possibility to getting back with you, rather than just keeping you around as a maybe option, safety net or back up plan.
Another thing you can do to take away your ex’s safety net is…
4. Show her that you are living a fun life without her
One of the best ways to re-attract a woman and stop her from using you as her safety net, is to simply get on with your life and let her find out about it or see it (i.e. on social media).
The more you enjoy your life without her, the more drawn to you she will become. Why?
When a guy is allowing himself to be used as a safety net, it signals to her that he is desperate for her attention, lacks confidence in his attractiveness to her and probably doesn’t believe that he can attract other high quality women.
Those are qualities that turn women off.
On the other hand, when a guy is happy and moving forward in his life, regardless of whether his ex is with him or not, it’s a sign that he is emotionally strong, confident and self-assured.
Those are qualities that make women feel attracted.
So, when you genuinely feel happy and fulfilled without your ex, something interesting happens…
Suddenly, you seem more attractive to her and she begins to want you back for herself.
Rather than enjoying the idea of keeping you around as her safety net, she starts to feel insecure about losing you to another woman.
Suddenly, dating other guys doesn’t seem that appealing to her anymore and she starts to worry that you might actually be the right guy for her and she will never know that if she moves on, or if you move on and don’t look back.
Another thing you can do to take away your ex’s safety net is…
5. Stop giving her the impression that all you really want is a relationship
The more she senses that you want a relationship, the less she wants to give it to you.
A woman’s natural instinct is to get away from a man who displays clingy, needy behavior.
A woman wants to be with a man who loves and wants her, but doesn’t need her to feel confident about himself.
He has independent confidence, so no matter what she says or does, or if she is in his life or not, he always feels confident, happy and is able to continue making progress in life.
A woman doesn’t want a man who needs her to lift him up and make him feel safe.
Women don’t want to take on that kind of motherly role in the life of their boyfriend or husband.
So, if you want your ex back, make sure that you focus on re-attracting her and making her feel like she is losing a great man (i.e. because you’re enjoying life without her), rather than trying to pressure her into deciding whether or not she wants a relationship.
3 Mistakes That Some Guys Make While Being a Safety Net For Their Ex Woman
Being your ex’s safety net is a mistake in itself, but here are 3 additional mistakes that guys make when in this position with an ex woman…
1. Cutting off contact and hoping that it will get her back
Sometimes a guy might think to himself, “I’m tired of being my ex’s safety net. I need her to see me as her man, not her back up. Maybe if I cut off all contact with her and ignore her for a few weeks or months, it will shock her into realizing that I’m the man she really wants to be with. She will then come back to me and we can be a couple again.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, him not contacting her doesn’t really matter that much to her.
Sure, she might feel a bit annoyed that her safety net is gone, but in most cases, it will just motivate her to fully move on and find Mr. Right.
Sometimes a woman will worry that she is losing her safety net, but if she was only using her ex as a fake back up plan to keep him around and make him continue showing interest in her so she could feel good about herself, then she’s almost certainly not going to get back with him if he stops contacting her.
It can work in some cases, but in most cases, a woman who has been keeping her ex waiting in the wings, will already have one or more men who are interested in her, or will already be dating and having sex with a new guy and trying to get a relationship started.
You can run the risk of just cutting off contact and hoping that it makes her come running back, but from what I’ve seen over the years, most women just move on if their ex (that they no longer feel attracted to) disappears from their life.
On the other hand, I’ve found that most guys are able to get another chance with their ex woman if they actively re-attract her, but don’t push for a relationship.
Another common mistake that guys make when in your situation is…
2. Sulking and seeking pity by saying that he refuses to be safety net option
For example: A guy might say, “How can you treat me like this? Don’t you care about my feelings at all? Doesn’t it matter to you that I love you more than anything? How can you be so cold and heartless? Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, then I’m not going to stick around and let you treat me like that anymore. I won’t be anyone’s safety net. I deserve more than this.”
It sounds like a good little speech there, right?
It sounds like it would work.
Yet, women don’t like to be emotionally blackmailed (i.e. made to feel guilty, forced into giving a guy a chance out of pity) into a relationship.
If she is no longer attracted to him and can see that he has no idea how to re-attract her, then she’s not going to care much about losing him as her safety net.
Instead, she will feel more determined to quickly start sleeping with new men so she can find herself a new relationship and then rub it in her ex’s face.
Here’s the thing…
A woman wants to be with a man because it feels right (i.e. she naturally respects him, feels sexually attracted and loves him), not because she’s doing him a favor.
So, if you want to make your ex reconnect with her feelings of love for you again, don’t try to achieve that by making her feel sorry for you.
Instead, focus on making her a renewed sense of feel respect and attraction for you (e.g. by maintaining your confidence around her, talking to her as though you and her are friends and are totally cool with each other, having the courage to playfully tease her and mess with her during conversations, flirting with her to create a sexual spark between you and her and built up some sexual tension, behaving with the kind of confidence that you’d have if you knew for sure that she felt attracted to you and wanted you sexually and romantically).
Approaching interactions in those ways will spark her feelings for you and make her open up to the idea of getting back together again.
However, trying to guilt-trip her back into a relationship is a surefire way to continue getting rejected, being kept in the background as a fake safety net option and eventually being heartbroken when she says that she’s in love with a new guy and has been sleeping with him and enjoying it.
Another mistake that other guys make when in your situation, is…
3. Thinking that he needs to date other women to make her want him
In some cases, dating other women is a great strategy (e.g. the woman still has feelings for her ex guy and panics when she sees him moving on), but it’s usually not something that needs to be done to get an ex woman back.
The best results happen when you simply interact with your ex and make her have new, exciting, compelling feelings for you.
She then naturally wants to give you another chance for her own reasons, rather than reacting to a negative emotion such as jealousy or panic and then changing her mind once the initial, painful feelings wear off.
The truth is, respect, sexual attraction and love are much stronger and long-lasting emotions than jealousy or panic.
So, focus on building and maintaining those feelings in your ex and she will naturally feel compelled to give you another chance.