One of the secrets to getting your ex back is to understand the process that she went through, before breaking up with you.
She went through three, basic stages:
1. She lost respect for you as a man
A woman will lose respect for a man if, for example, he is very bossy around her at home, but then when he’s around other people he changes his behavior.
All of a sudden, he is Mr. Innocent and is nice, he is respectful and possibly even submissive around her (i.e. he lets her boss him around a bit) or others, especially alpha males.
When she notices that he is submissive or nice and respectful in front of others, but bossy or domineering at home, she will begin to lose respect for him.
Another reason why a woman will lose respect for a man is when he regularly whines or complains about life and seeks pity from her.
Instead of being a man about it and accepting that life comes with the good and bad, the easy and the difficult, he becomes emotional when life gets a bit challenging.
The woman then ends up feeling stronger than him, mentally and emotionally.
She may even feel like more of the ‘man’ in the situation, or like a mother figure to him, which is not what women want.
She will then lose respect for him because he’s not really a man in her eyes.
It doesn’t matter if he is 18 or 58, if he has the mind of a boy (i.e. seeks pity and help from mommy when life gets tough), then he isn’t a man in a woman’s eyes.
He might be in a man’s body, but he still has the mind of a boy, which is not what makes a woman feel respect for a guy.
Another time that a woman will lose respect for a man is when he hides from his true potential in life, especially behind her and the relationship.
For example: He doesn’t have much purpose in life.
He has dreams about what he really wants to do, but he’s not really going after it because he’s afraid of failure, rejection or challenge.
He then hides behind her and the relationship instead of taking on bigger things in life and becoming a bigger and better man.
If you flip that around, this is one of reasons why a woman will maintain her respect for a man.
For example: If you’re the sort of guy who has purpose in life and you’re rising through the levels of life to reach for your true potential as a man, it is very admirable and will gain and maintain the respect of women and other people.
As a man, you’ve got to go after what you really want in life with determination, passion and unrelenting confidence in yourself.
Another example of a woman losing respect for her man is where a man doesn’t follow through on his promises.
As a man, you can stick by your word for three years, but that won’t mean anything to a woman if during those three years, you failed to stick by your word on a few occasions.
If you haven’t followed through on your promises because of emotional or mental weakness, it causes a woman to lose respect for you as a man.
Of course, there are times when you make a promise to a woman where it’s impossible to follow through because of unforeseen circumstances and that’s okay.
However, when is possible to follow through on your promise, but you don’t because of laziness, fear or weakness, a woman will lose respect for you.
Essentially, women respect men who are strong enough to stick by their word, even when things get challenging.
If you crumble when life gets tough, it doesn’t make a women feel safe to be around you.
2. She lost attraction for you
In the first stage, she lost respect for you and when that happens, a woman will begin to pull back her love and affection to test how the man will respond.
When a woman begins to withdraw her affection and interest and instead became a bit bitchy, annoying or cold towards you, how you respond to that will either cause to her to lose more respect and attraction for you or rekindle it and get the spark back.
In most cases, a guy won’t understand the woman’s sudden change in behavior and will instead respond in ways that cause her to lose attraction for him. Such as:
- Being insecure, jealous or protective.
- Showing signs of self-doubt.
- Accusing her of wanting to leave you, being interested in other guys, etc.
- Losing touch with your masculinity (e.g. becoming very emotional, storming out of a room in a huff, throwing a tantrum, etc).
- Trying to please her in anyway you can, in the hope that she won’t leave you.
When a woman begins to sense that desperation and a lack of confidence in her man, she then loses attraction for him.
Confidence is fundamental to a woman’s sexual attraction for a man.
When you’re out there meeting women for the first time or 10 years into a relationship, it’s the same thing – women feel attraction to the man’s confidence.
Confidence is the most important thing that you need to have as a man, if you want to be successful with women.
You need to be confident when you first meet women, you need to be confident on a date, you need to be confident during sex and you need to be confident in a relationship.
It’s always essential and absolutely necessary to maintaining a woman’s feelings of attraction for you.
Women don’t feel attraction to a man’s insecurity.
Insecurity doesn’t turn women on or give them the feeling of safety that they get when with a confident man.
A man’s insecurity doesn’t make a woman feel like being feminine; it makes them feel like they have to be masculine and take care of the guy.
A man’s lack of confidence makes a woman feel like she is stronger than him, which is not attractive to women at a fundamental level.
3. She then started to fall out of love with you
When a woman gets to a point where she doesn’t respect her guy, she doesn’t feel much attraction for him, she then starts to wonder, “Hang on…what am I doing in a relationship with him? Is this love? Is this what it’s supposed to feel like?”
When she begins to question her feelings for him and realizes that she doesn’t respect him and doesn’t feel attraction for him, her commitment to the idea of being with him starts to fade away.
She then begins to open herself up to either her career/studies or to other men.
She wants to get the feeling of love, happiness and fulfilment from other areas of life.
Emotionally, she begins to disconnect from him because she realizes that she can’t get what she’s looking for (emotionally) with him.
To get your ex back, you’ve actually got to get her to go through that process again.
You begin by getting her respect back, getting her attraction back and then getting her to fall back in love with you.
Thankfully, when you follow that process properly, it’s only natural that the woman will want to give the relationship another chance.
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I’ve been following your blog and articles for some months now, but recently I got into a deep problem. Long story short – I met this girl online and we’ve been together almost 4 months, 3 of which has been online, as she lives abroad. Everything has been great, but I’ve been lying to her from the start about myself – about my age, my job and other little bits; I told her I was 25, had a job, but really I’m 20 (she’s 19) and currently studying.. I know what I did is disgusting; it’s bad and wrong and I shouldn’t have lied; I so feel pathetic for it, and so when I told her the truth about myself a few days later she broke up with me, telling me that she likes older guys and said she thinks that I’m trying to be someone else that I’m not, but the relationship itself was great throughout, the humor, being myself, handling tests, she even told me she never felt this safe and secure with any other guy before like this, everything was fun and rosy.
Following your articles and video advice I think I grasped themodernman relationship style/dynamic which helped me understand things in the relationship, even from the beginning.
Also, I’ve tried talking to and meeting new girls, but none seem to interest me, I only want her back – she’s everything I want in a girl so far. I don’t know if I can get her back because of how she broke up with me and kept saying that she likes older guys – which obviously is something I can’t change about myself.
So Dan I just want an honest answer, do you think there’s anything I can do to get her back in my situation? Or is it over for good
Thanks for your question.
There’s a few things I need to address with your comment, so I will reply in a numbered fashion:
1. It was not “disgusting” what you did. You made a mistake because you wanted to impress her. You have learnt from it and you will be a man of integrity from now on. However, there’s no need to be so dramatic. You may have used the word “disgusting” to be politically correct or nice as you made the comment, but I doubt you feel that it was disgusting. So, be real man. From now on, be honest, but know that there’s no need to be so dramatic. People out there in the world do much worse things that you did that could be labelled as disgusting. What you did was make a silly mistake because wanted to impress a girl. Simple as that. Be a better guy from now on, that’s all. Learn from it.
Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-a-bad-first-impression-youve-made-on-a-woman.html
2. You feel like you’ve grasped The Modern Man approach to relationships by looking around my site, but you don’t have the techniques that I provide in the programs. I am glad to have helped you so far, but don’t make the mistake of going through life thinking that you know what I teach in my programs until you actually watch my programs. Grasping the big picture of The Modern Man approach (i.e. be the man, make her feel like a real woman) doesn’t mean that you actually know how to do it. All of the best techniques and examples are in my programs, not on the front end of my site. If you like what I teach, I hope that you make the decision to support my tireless efforts to help you, by purchasing my programs and getting the full picture.
3. You were in a 4 month relationship that was 3 months online and one month in person. The first few months of a relationship are easy for almost anyone. During the first few months, many women (and men) will continue seeing other people. Don’t ever think that she is yours forever after a few months or even a year. Only when the love matures and you both truly decide to stick together does the relationship then go to the next level and beyond. Before that, it’s just dating and isn’t a truly committed relationship.
4. Yes, you do have another chance with her, but if you want to get the job done properly, don’t try to learn my techniques from the outside. I do not provide my step by step solutions for free on the front end of my site. I’ve been working my ass off on The Modern Man since 2005 and guys support my efforts by buying my programs to get the full, step-by-step solutions. If you want me to help you get her back, then I welcome you to try my program: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html
I am literally getting new success stories EVERY day now from the Get Your Ex Back: Super System. It took me a LOT of effort to create the system by testing techniques and strategies with phone coaching clients. Getting an ex back is a complex thing for someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. For me, it is simple. I’ve gone through all the hard work and testing to create a solution that guys like you can come along and use immediately. I welcome you to try it.
It’s up to you, but I would advise against trying to work this stuff out on your own. Almost every guy I’ve helped makes the same or similar mistakes when trying to get an ex back. You can get another chance with her, but you have to do it properly or else you will most-likely turn her off even further.
For cases like yours (i.e. where you need the girl to forgive you first), I already have tested examples of what you need to say to her to get her to forgive you. All of that is included in my program. When trying to get an ex to forgive you, forget what you did wrong and focus on the good things, you will either say it the right way or the wrong way. In my program, I explain exactly what to say to get her to go through the emotional and mental transformation required to actually want to be with you again.
There is no way that your relationship with her is over for good. I’ve helped many men get a WIFE back where the wife has been unhappy for 10+ years. In your case, you have simply stuffed up a LITTLE bit with her. What you did is no big deal. What you need to do now is focus on getting her respect back, building up her attraction for you and going through the rest of the process that I explain in my system.
Hey Dan how you doing?
There is this girl that I am (or was) seeing. She is (or was never) my exclusive GF but we were seeing each other and sometimes acting like GF/BF like meeting each other parents and went on some trips together. In the recent few meet ups we had we had lunch with each other when I was at work and she was at school. Everything seemed to be ok besides one meet up. Ill tell you that in a min. So we have been seeing each other for about 9 months or so. We met at a concert. But recently she has been texting me less and stopped trying to organize meet ups. This has been going on for about two weeks now and I’m not sure how to respond, as in it might be a test, I might have showed mental/emotional weakness at some point and she then lost respect/attraction. The last time I did show mental/emotional weakness that I know for sure I was working on some very important papers for school that had a time limit. She was there with me and saw that I was stressed she decided it was a great time to see if she could get under my skin by doing all sorts of things and she did manage to do it. I later admitted to her that she did.
My guess is that it could be because of that but she recently told me how much she likes me but withdrew shortly after admitting that to me. I have told her all along that I am not looking for anything serious right now and am currently having sex with other girls. One reason I’m guessing that she maybe withdrawing is because she knows that I am not going to settle down with her anytime soon and she may want to slowly find someone else who will. I recently sent these texts:
Me: hey heading to the hot springs today after four ur invited
Her: Hey I can’t. My leg got worse so I’m bed bound for. thanks for the invite though 🙂 have fun
(She recently hurt her leg on a motorcycle)
Me: dude that sux! is there anything I can do for you?
Her: No. I just need to rest and watch Netflix all day lol
Me: Hows the foot?
Her: Hey. feeling better thanks 😉
Me: are you able to walk?
Her: ye, moslty
Me: Damn. well lets chill soon. Its been a while.
End of conversation.
Just wanted to get your opinion and how I need to respond. I do like this girl and she would make a great GF but I am just not ready to have a GF yet. Other than that everything is going pretty good. I bought the land that I told you about and am looking to buy the neighboring lot. I am done with school and just need to take one more test to finish things up there then I will have much more freedom for what I want to do. Thanks.
If you are going to text women, at least make them feel attracted. You talk to her like she’s a friend (e.g. you even refer to her as “dude”).
How I would have responded to her to make her feel ATTRACTED:
Her: Hey I can’t. My leg got worse so I’m bed bound for. thanks for the invite though 🙂 have fun
Me: Oh, sorry – I meant to say that you’re NOT invited 😉 😛
The other text exchange:
Me: Hows the foot?
Her: Hey. feeling better thanks 😉
Me: Cool…let’s go for a run around the park.
Get it? If you ARE going to text, at least crack some jokes and mess around. You were coming across like a kiss-ass nice guy friend, which is nice, but it doesn’t make a woman feel attracted to a guy.
Hey man theres more.
I texted her that we should have lunch today and she said:
Hey. we should stop seeing each other. I don’t think its a good idea anymore. Im sorry. You’re a good guy but I’ve put a lot of thought and this isn’t going anywhere. Maybe we can remain friends if thats ok with you.
Me: thats what I thought this was about. Is it because were not “together”.
Her: No not necessarily. Im seeing someone else. can we still be friends?
Me: Ok cool. ya that sounds good. I had a lot of fun with you.
so far end of conversation.
I guess this was bound to happen being that I don’t want to settle down with a gf yet. can you tell me how you made those music videos of your past gf you were talking about in one of your products i forgot which one. the one with the rihanna song? thanks man
Thanks for your question.
Texting is not the way to get an ex back! 🙂 Here is why: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/the-number-one-reason-why-you-cant-text-an-ex-back.html
About how I made the videos with past GFs (and I have two with my current GF), I explain that in The Modern Relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/the_modern_relationship.html
this kind of falls in my court. i started seeing this girl and the first month was great. she was fresh out of a 5 year relationship however. long story short we are at the 3 month mark now and instead of the relationship escalading she decideds to tell me she needs to focus on herself. she doesnt want to lose me and wants to keep us somewhere between friends and full on dating. she states that if she doesnt do this for herself now we might lose eachother. that she doesnt want to date someone and later in life after marriage kids ect go through a midlife crisis becuase she never took the time to find herself. how would you handle this?
Thanks for your question.
In almost every case I’ve dealt with, a woman will say that to a man when the man really doesn’t have much purpose and direction in life (i.e. her and the relationship seem like the most important thing to you, rather than you having purpose in life and going after that with unrelenting determination, while also giving time, attention and love to her). Either that or your behavior and approach to the relationship makes her feel like more of the “man” in that she calls the shots, makes the important decisions and essentially “wears the pants.”
If that applies to you, then you need to learn what it takes to be seen as a real man by women. I teach all of that in my program, Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/better_than_a_bad_boy.html
Over the years I’ve bought a number of your programs (including Get Your Ex Back), they’re all excellent.
And I’ve already started using the methods in Get Your Ex Back with pretty good success. But I still haven’t closed on her all the way yet.
Turns out I was a bit too controlling with my GF and she broke up with me. Also, I wasn’t leading the relationship well enough–keeping it exciting and maintaining her attraction.
After she broke up with me I quickly found your program and started studying. Two weeks after the breakup I called her up and we met for lunch. I was being super alpha just as you taught me and she loved it. We were touching each other, flirting, laughing–having a great time like we had never broken up.
When I drove her home she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and that’s when I used my James Bond smile to ask her if she wanted to have sex one last time. She got all girly and said she was thinking that too. She was blushing and smiling and getting nervous. When I put my hand on her leg she said, “No! We’re not going to do this is!” We both sort of laughed and she got out of the car and walked inside. All in all, I thought it went very well, I left her on a very powerful note and there’s no doubt she was thinking/missing me after that.
I waited five weeks after that to contact her again. She gladly agreed to meet me for a drink after work. I was able to sneak in two kisses on the cheek during our meeting and which she giggled and smiled both times. When we parted she kissed me on the cheek (it sounds funny to read aloud, but it felt like an important gesture).
Now here’s the thing, our last meeting was a week and a half ago, and she hasn’t contacted me. Overall she has not reached out to me once since the breakup. She can be super stubborn and shy, and I’m sure this is part of the reason.
My questions are these:
How long should I be waiting between contacts?
How do I make sure that this doesn’t turn into a friend zone relationship?
Is there anything in particular I should consider because she can be a bit prideful and would never act on her own?
Anything else I might be doing wrong?
THANKS! You are the man. Best relationship expert on the web. Any tidbit of help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for sharing your success so far. Much appreciated.
Next, congratulations! I always love hearing back from guys who actually put the advice into action. Nice work. Good on you for following through so well.
About your question: What you need to do is Step 3 of the system. You’ve got to make her react and contact you. You’ve got to get her to feel like she is losing you and that you are better off without her.
Also, there is no point waiting around with No Contact. The more you see her the better, as long as you don’t have a needy energy. Just focus on making her feel attracted when interacting with her. Watch this:
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