If you’re still emotionally attached to your ex, here are 5 questions to ask yourself to work out what to do next:
1. Do you feel that way because you see her as being the one for you?
Sometimes it takes a break up to shock a guy into realizing that his woman really was the right the one for him.
Of course, when that realization hits, a guy might begin to blame himself for messing things up with his ideal woman and feeling like a failure.
He might then begin to think things like, “She was the perfect woman for me and I stuffed it up. So, it would serve me right if I ended up alone. She probably wouldn’t want me back anyway.”
Unfortunately, a lot of men finds themselves missing an ex woman and feeling emotionally attached to her, but never really knowing how to make her feel the same way.
As a result, a guy will end up feeling stuck and unable to truly move on with new women.
He might date new women and even feel some love, but it won’t be the same as what he felt with his ex.
He knows that she was the right woman for him.
How about you?
Do you see your ex as being the one for you?
If so, then do something about it.
Get her back.
Interact with her again and reactivate her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for you to make her feel good to be in contact with you again.
Make her smile, laugh and feel relaxed and open during interactions with you, so when she’s on her own, she thinks things like, “I know that I once said I would never give him another chance, but all of a sudden I don’t feel so convinced that being apart is the right thing for me. I’m actually starting to miss him now when I don’t hear from him. Maybe the break up happened for a reason. Maybe we needed that time apart for him to change and be able to make me feel the way I really want to feel. I feel it again with him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I have to do something about this. I have to open back up to him and see how it goes. I have to follow my heart.”
She then becomes more open to interacting with you, seeing you in person and getting to a hug, kiss and even sex.
When that happens, you and her naturally begin a new relationship and can get back together at that point.
So, if you see your ex as being the one for you, don’t remain in the shadows.
Come back to life in her heart and mind by interacting with her and making her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you.
When that happens, she too will begin to feel emotionally attached.
Another question to ask, is…
2. Are you clear on exactly what turned her off about you?
Most guys know of some of the things they did to turn their ex woman off, but many guys don’t know all of the exact details.
For example: A guy might know that he didn’t treat his woman very well and it turned her off and made her feel taken for granted.
Yet, he might not know that one of her real reasons for leaving him was the fact that she could easily control and dominate him during conversations.
All she had to do was throw a tantrum and demand that she get her way and he would go along with it, because he didn’t know how to get her to stop throwing the tantrum and calm down.
She hated that.
She knew that she was being a pain in the butt and was hoping that he could put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
Alternatively, she hoped that he could be confident and masculine enough to change her mood with humor and a playful attitude, rather than taking her emotional outburst so seriously.
Yet, he never could, which really turned her off.
She always secretly wanted to find herself a man who could make her be a good girl and put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way.
However, the man she got into a relationship with was never really able to do that, either because he couldn’t be bothered, or didn’t know how to.
He just wanted her to shut up, so he went along with whatever she wanted, but that’s not what she wanted.
She wanted him to use his manliness in a loving way, to let her see that he wasn’t the type of guy that she could control with a tantrum or emotional outburst.
He was so manly and in control of his emotions that her outbursts didn’t throw him off, or cause him to go into his shell and just give into what she wants.
Instead, he either changed the dynamic of the situation by using humor and a playful attitude to get her smiling and laughing, or he didn’t take her outburst seriously and let her know that, “Okay then Little Miss Dramatic. Settle down. If you’re going to be like that, I’m not going to listen to you.”
He then didn’t listen to her or pay attention to her no matter how angry she got or how much she threatened him (e.g. with a break up).
She then knew her place (i.e. beneath him in terms of dominance) and she loved it.
So, as you can see, if a guy just thinks that the reason why his ex woman dumped him was due to him taking her for granted, he’s missing the mark.
If he tries to get her back by saying, “I will treat you better, I promise. I took you for granted and I’m sorry. From now on, things will be different” she’s going to see that he doesn’t even understand why she is leaving him.
She will then say something along the lines of, “Look, I know you mean well, but it’s just not going to work out between us. We’re not compatible, so let’s accept that and try to move on, okay?”
The man is then left feeling confused and has no idea why his offer of treating her better didn’t work.
So, if you are unsure what may have caused your ex to feel turned off by you in the relationship, here are some questions to help you come up with some ideas that relate to your situation:
- Were you confident when she first met you, but as the relationship progressed, you began to doubt you attractiveness to her and as a result became clingy and needy. If so, then she would have felt turned off by your emotional weakness, neediness and insecurity.
- Was she initially attracted to you because you are a nice, loving guy, only to eventually that you couldn’t stand up for yourself in the relationship, so she ended up walking all over you? If so, she would have felt turned off by your lack of dominance and emotional masculinity.
- Did you have to try hard to get her to like you and agree to be your girlfriend, only for her to then realize that you loved her way more than she loved you? If so, she would have felt turned off by how unchallenging the relationship was. She would have felt as though she might be able to do better, rather than settling for a guy who had to essentially convince her to be his girlfriend.
- Did you and her start off at the same level in terms of maturity, only for her to grow up faster than you. If so, she would have felt turned off by how the relationship dynamic made her feel more like a big sister or mother figure in your life, rather than your girl.
When you get clear on exactly what turned your ex off, you can then make the right adjustments that will actually re-attract her and make her feel drawn to you again.
When you make the right changes, she see that you understand her now and have already changed and become the man she wanted you to be.
As a result, she will begin to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, even if she doesn’t initially admit it.
When you make her feel that way, don’t ask for a relationship right away because she will most likely play hard to get and try to hide her new, compelling feelings for you.
Instead, just build on her attraction and make her really want you back for her own reasons (i.e. she’s attracted to you now and is worried that if she doesn’t give you another chance, she will end up regretting it for the rest of her life and missing you as the one that got away).
Another question to ask yourself is…
3. What methods have you tried to use to get her back?
Most guys miss out on getting an ex woman back because they just don’t know how to re-attract her sexually and romantically.
As a result, a guy will try all sorts of methods to get her back, which rarely, if ever work.
- Trying to convince her to change her mind by having long, drawn out conversations about the relationship and where he went wrong. That approach highlights the negatives in the relationship and helps convince her that she made the right decision.
- Pleading with her to give him another chance. That approach makes her feel more turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
- Explaining all the reasons why she should be with him. That approach annoys her because she sees it as being selfish.
- Asking her to tell him what he needs to do to make her want to give him another chance. That approach points out to her that he doesn’t even know how to be an attractive man without her help and guidance.
- Telling her that he can’t live without her. That approach makes her feel turned off by his emotional dependence.
- Cutting off contact with her and waiting for her to reach out to him. That approach usually results in the woman moving on.
Have you tried to get your ex back by using any of those methods and failed?
If you have, don’t worry about it.
As long as from this point onwards, you change your approach to one where your actions turn her on, rather than turn her off.
From now on, you need to have more confidence, more self-belief and add in flirting and humor to your interactions with her.
When you do that, you’ll be amazed by how quickly her attitude changes.
Suddenly, she wants to talk to you on the phone and see you in person.
When she opens back up like that, you can then fully seduce her and get her back.
Another question to ask yourself is…
4. Have you experienced love with any new women since the break up?
After a break up, a guy might try to get over his ex woman by getting back into the dating scene.
For example: He might start going out again with his single friends to bar and clubs where there are always lots of single, attractive women looking to hook up with a man.
He might also accept more party invitations, go on singles only travel vacations or attend singles parties.
Alternatively, a guy might register himself on online dating sites or using dating apps to find himself a new woman that will help him get over his ex.
Yet, although meeting new women can sometimes help a guy get over his ex, it’s not always guaranteed to work.
If the new women that you hook up with aren’t as physically or emotionally attractive as your ex, you may end up thinking things like, “No one else makes me feel like my ex. I just want her back. She’s the one I love.”
As a result, you remain emotionally attached to her and can’t move on.
Of course, you don’t have to move on with new women if your real goal is to get her back.
If you want her back, you have to be courageous enough to start the ex back process.
Starting the ex back process is about interacting with her and making her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you.
If you haven’t done that yet, then you haven’t even started.
When you start the ex back process with re-attraction, she becomes open to it and you then confidently guide her back into a relationship with you.
Another question to ask, is…
5. Did you end up becoming more like friends later on in the relationship?
Losing the sexual spark and feeling more like friends, is one of the biggest reasons why a couple will break up.
- A man stops treating his woman her like ‘one of the boys’ by expecting her to enjoy thinking, behaving and acting like he does.
- A man stops holding hands with his woman, or being physically affectionate towards her unless they are about to have sex.
- The sex diminishes or even dries up completely because the couple just ends up hanging out and feeling more like a couple of buddies.
- A man stops doing anything romantic with her and assumes that she will be fine with that because he did it at the start.
- They tend to spend more time hanging out with groups of friends or family.
Here’s the thing…
The less feminine and girly a woman feels around her man, the less sexual attraction she feels for him.
The less sexual attraction a woman feels, the less she wants to stay with a guy.
So, although you might have felt comfortable with the idea that you and your ex were great friends and did everything together, the same may not have applied to her.
Instead, although she appreciated the friendship, she may have also been thinking things like, “We seem to be stuck in a rut lately. I don’t feel sexy anymore around him. I feel like a housemate or something. It’s like we’re just living together, paying bills and passing time. I don’t feel like I’m in a romantic relationship anymore. Maybe it’s my fault, or maybe it’s his fault. I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t feel much of a spark with him anymore and he doesn’t seem to be concerned about that at all. He’s happy to just exist alongside each other and feel like good friends. I don’t want that. I want to be in love with my man. I want to feel like his girl and see that there is a spark between us. I want to see my man look at me as though I’m his sexy girl, not his friend.”
After the break up, she won’t feel as emotionally attached to her ex in a romantic way.
She might miss him as a friend, but she will know that she doesn’t want a friendship; she wants a sexually attracted, romantic relationship.
In other words, she wants to be in love in a romantic way, rather than getting into a partnership kind of relationship with a good friend.
So, while you’re still emotionally attached to your ex and possibly even thinking things like, “What we had was so good. I can’t believe that it’s over. I want her back so badly. I feel connected to her. I can’t let her go” she’s probably trying to find herself a man who will make her feel like a real woman again (i.e. girly, feminine, emotional, focused on being in love).
So, if you want to stop your ex from moving on, you need to use every interaction that you have with her from now on to reawaken her sexual feelings for you by making her feel like a girly, feminine woman again, rather than a nice, neutral friend.
When she stops feeling bland, boring, friendly emotions and begins feeling excited and turned on again, she’ll naturally start to think about you and look at you in a romantic way.
She will then become more open to talking to you on the phone and hanging out in person to see where things go.
3 Mistakes That Guys Make When They’re Still Emotionally Attached to an Ex Woman
When a guy is still emotionally attached to an ex woman, he might make one or more of the following mistakes, which only push her away even further…
1. Expressing his feelings to her in a letter or email and hoping that it will make her have feelings too
When a woman has disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and sexual attraction for a guy, him writing to her to express his feelings doesn’t mean that much to her at all.
Rather than make her think, “He still cares for me so much. That touches my heart and makes me want him back. Maybe I should give him another chance,” she just feels turned off by his lack of understanding of her feelings.
In some cases, a woman will take his expression of feelings as a sign that he is more selfish and self-absorbed than she initially thought.
She will think something like, “It’s all about him, isn’t it? That’s all he cares about. He hopes that if he says sweet things to me via email, then I’m going to be flattered and give him another chance. He will then get what he wants. Well, I’m not going to give him that satisfaction. If he can’t even talk to me in person and make me feel attracted enough again to want to give him another chance, then I’m going to move on. I’m not going to get back with a guy based on an email. He has to do more than that”.
He will hope for a reply, but in most cases, he won’t get one.
Instead, she will simply continue to move on without him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, just understand that it can’t all be about how much you care for her or how much you need her back in your life, because she won’t care about that.
What she cares about now is how she feels, not about how you feel and what you want.
So, your approach to getting her back needs to be about how you make her feel when you talk to her on the phone or in person.
When she begins to associate positive, happy emotions with you again (i.e. respect, attraction, love), she will then feel lucky that you still care for her and were man enough to stick around and get her back.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Feeling attached to his ex because he is unable to attract new, quality women
Some guys feel that they got lucky by scoring their girlfriend (e.g. she was out of his league, he fumbled his way into a relationship with her, they were drunk when they met, he grew on her over time and she eventually gave him a chance when she was lonely and hurt after being dumped by a guy), so the idea of having to go out and find a new woman seems next to impossible.
As a result, a guy like that will focus on remaining emotionally attached to his ex, rather than facing the difficult task of attracting a new woman who is as good as her.
He will secretly feel as though he is unworthy of attractive, quality women and that he needs to get her back, otherwise he will be alone and unhappy for a long time.
Yet, thinking like that not only makes him appear unattractive to other women (i.e. because women can sense insecurity and desperation and it turns them off), but it also turns his ex off even more (i.e. because she picks it up on his desperation in the tonality of his voice and in the subtleties of his body language and behavior).
So, what should a guy do instead?
A guy needs to understand that a woman wants to feel lucky to be with her man, not like she’s doing him a favor by being his girlfriend because he can’t attract other quality women like her.
If you want to get your ex back, you must believe in yourself and in your attractiveness to her, as well as to other women.
If you don’t value yourself and believe that you are good enough for her, neither will she and as a result, getting her back will become a lot more difficult for you.
Another common mistake that guys make after being dumped by the woman they love is…
3. Not even knowing that it is totally possible for him to get her back
Some guys give up when they hear a woman say something like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. It’s over. Leave me alone. Goodbye.”
A guy feels as though her words are final and there’s absolutely nothing he can do about it.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Just because your ex doesn’t have feelings for you right now, it doesn’t mean that she will be stuck feeling that way about you forever.
You can literally change how she feels today, tomorrow, the next day or within the next week.
You can interact with her and reawaken her feelings for you and when you do that, it will then be totally possible for you to get her back.
After all, her feelings for you have changed many times before, true?
For example: She went from not knowing you, to liking you, to being in love with you and then falling out of love with you.
So, why should her feelings be permanent this time?
You can literally change how she feels and get her back.