5 possible reasons why:
1. She was a higher quality woman than you were used to dating, so you’ve lost the added confidence that came with having a woman like her
Sometimes a guy might feel very lucky to have a certain woman as a girlfriend (e.g. because she’s very beautiful and he sees himself as being average or below-average looking, she has a better education than he does, she earns more money than he does, she comes from a wealthy family while his parents are ordinary working people).
So, when he won her over and got into a relationship with her, it gave him a new kind of confidence boost in life.
He may have thought things like, “If a woman like her wants to be with me, then I must be a pretty cool guy after all. I don’t have to settle for women that I’m not really attracted to. I’ve done well for myself and I deserve it. She is the type of women I should have had all along.”
Naturally, he feels great about himself based on being in a relationship with her.
Yet, his new level of confidence is unreliable because it’s mainly dependent on continuing to have her as his girlfriend (or wife).
So, when she eventually breaks up with him, he feels lost and dejected without her and his confidence begins to fade away.
This is why it’s essential that you build up confidence in yourself and truly begin to believe that you are more than good enough for her.
When you can genuinely feel confident about your attractiveness and value to your ex and to other women, no one can take that away from you.
You will have that confidence now and for the rest of your life.
On the other hand, if you go through life never knowing how to truly believe in yourself and your attractiveness to women, it will be a rocky road for you.
If you only ever feel confident because of external factors in your life (e.g. if you get a new, attractive girlfriend or wife, you drive a nice car or have an important job), then if you happen to lose one of those things, you may end up losing the associated confidence along with it.
By the way…
When a man only feels confident because of a woman, she will gradually begin to see that and it will turn her off.
For example: The longer a relationship continues, the more emotionally sensitive, insecure, clingy, jealous and controlling a guy will become if his confidence is largely based on her loving him and sticking with him.
If she gets to the point where she’s had enough of being with an emotionally weak man, she will break up with him and try to find herself a truly confident man who doesn’t rely on her dedication to him to feel confident and worthy as a man in this world.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you need to stop thinking things like, “My ex destroyed my confidence” and start saying, “I am confident with or without her. My confidence grows stronger every day. I am more than good enough for her and many other attractive women. I’m the man. I’m so damn good I’d even date myself. So, my ex will be lucky to get me back when I contact her, re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship. I’ll literally be giving her a gift by doing that.”
You’ve got to believe in yourself.
You’ve got to know that you are more than good enough.
If you don’t, she will pick up on your lack of confidence (via the tonality of your voice, your body language and the way you talk and respond to her) and she will feel convinced that she made the right decision to break up with you.
Another possible reason why you might feel that your ex destroyed your confidence is…
2. You made her your purpose in life
Some guys mistakenly believe that a woman will be flattered and will dedicated herself 100% to a guy if he makes her the center of his world.
For example: A guy might stop focusing on his goals and dreams and instead, devote all of his attention and time to being with her.
He may give up his interests and hobbies and also stop hanging out with his friends, unless he can bring her along too, of course.
Eventually, she becomes the main purpose in his life and his main reason for living, so he doesn’t take a step without her.
Naturally, when she then breaks up with him, his main reason for living disappears and it leaves him feeling destroyed and broken.
He may even start thinking things like, “Without her I’m nothing,” or “She was my life and now I can’t succeed without her. My confidence is destroyed now. I thought everything would be fine because her and I were so in love, but I guess I wasn’t enough.”
He was enough, but he went about the relationship in the wrong way (i.e. she became the most important thing in his life, rather than just the most important person).
A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s most important thing, mission, dream or ambition.
That place is reserved for his biggest dreams, goals and aspirations in life, so if her puts her in that place, she feels turned off because she is not his biggest achievement in life.
She is not his highest potential as a man.
He can only reach his highest potential as a man by following through on his biggest dreams, goals and ambitions in life.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t realize that until it’s too late.
The woman takes all the attention for months or even years and becomes increasingly fussy, irritable and frustrated in the relationship.
The guy doesn’t know why she is changing, but the reason is clear; he has made her his purpose in life and she doesn’t want that.
So, if a guy made that relationship mistake and got dumped, he can make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him by:
- Focusing on his big goals and dreams in life and begin working towards achieving them.
- Reconnecting with friends that he had been neglecting, or make new friends and start going out more and having fun without her needing to be there.
- Pursuing a hobby or interest that he’s been ignoring, but is very passionate about.
- Taking up something new that he always dreamed about (e.g. a new sport or activity), but always put off because of his relationship with her.
If you can’t do any of those things, at least get yourself to the point emotionally where you are confident, happy and moving forward in life with or without her.
You can get to that point tomorrow, the next day or this week.
It shouldn’t take you very long at all.
Once you honestly feel confident, happy and willing to move forward without her, then you are ready to interact with her, re-attract her and seduce her back into a relationship with you.
Another possible reason why you might feel as though your ex destroyed your confidence, is that…
Another possible reason why you might feel that your ex destroyed your confidence is…
3. You’ve been creating more insecurities for yourself since the break up
Although getting dumped can cause some guys to feel down and dejected for a while, it can also be an opportunity for a guy to become more confident and well rounded.
He can use the break up as an opportunity to have an honest look at himself and where he has been going wrong and then change or adjust those things about himself (e.g. get rid of needy ways of thinking, be more masculine in his behavior).
Then, when he interacts with his ex woman again, she will be able to see he has changed in the ways that really matter to her.
As a result, she will a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
If he is able to build on that as he interacts with her, she will fall in love with him all over again and they will get back together.
Alternatively, a guy might improve himself and then a new, attractive girlfriend and then have a successful, long-lasting relationship with her because he’s an even better man than he was before.
In both of those cases, a man will become even more confident in himself and his attractiveness to women as a result of the break up.
Unfortunately, many guys don’t approach the post-break up phase in that way.
In some cases, a guy will go in the opposite direction and develop even more insecurities than he had before.
For example: A guy might start thinking, “I’m such a failure as a man! I can’t even keep a damn relationship together. I’m a loser. It’s all my fault that she broke up with me. Nothing that I do is ever right. I always stuff things up in the end. No wonder she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Not only have I lost her forever, but I probable won’t ever find another quality woman like her ever again. Women like her usually aren’t interested in me, so I’m probably going to be on my own for quite a while. This sucks…I’m such a failure as a man.”
As a result of thinking in that way, he becomes insecure and self-doubting and if he interacts with his ex woman, she picks up on it.
A woman can even sense it when looking at new photos of him on social media.
If he seems drawn inward and insecure based on the subtleties of his body language in the photo, she will assume the break up destroyed his confidence and he is lost without her.
Another possible reason why you might feel that your ex destroyed your confidence is…
4. You believe that you did your best to keep her happy, but it wasn’t enough
Sometimes, a guy will think to himself, “I did everything to make my ex happy. I let her have her way. I never lost my temper with her during arguments. I spoiled her with gifts and romantic dinners and weekends away. I was loving and attentive. I put her first place in my life, even when she was being argumentative, or even unreasonable with her requests. I don’t know what else I could have done to keep her happy. I mean, what the heck do women want? How good of a boyfriend do you need to be? Regardless of how nice I was to her, it was never enough. In the end, she discarded me like I meant nothing to her.”
As a result, he starts to feel like he’s not good enough as a man and he could never live up to the expectations of a woman in a relationship.
Yet, he can…and quite easily, if he approaches the relationship in a different way.
Here’s the thing…
Although it would be great if just being nice to a woman was the secret to maintaining a woman’s respect, attraction and love in a relationship, it’s not.
Even though a woman might appreciate it when a guy is being nice to her, she doesn’t want to feel like she is the boss, the leader, or the most valuable one in the relationship.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to do her best to keep him happy, rather than feeling as though he needs to work hard to impress her, treat her as best as he can and live up to all of her expectations to keep her happy.
In other words, she wants him to be more of a challenge.
If he can’t offer her the challenge she secretly wants in a relationship, then she will naturally get bored of being in the one up position and will begin to lose respect for him.
When she can’t respect him, she will also stop feeling sexually attracted to him and without respect or attraction, her feelings of love will begin to fade as well.
She will then want to break up with him (even though he’s treating her really well) and find herself a man who is more of a challenge.
So, if you want to get your ex back, stop thinking negative thoughts like, “I did everything to make her happy but she dumped me anyway. I did my best and it wasn’t enough, so my ex destroyed my confidence.”
Instead, focus instead on approaching her in a completely new way that is going to be more attractive and appealing to her.
This new way involves you putting in much less effort than you ever have and getting way better results with her than you ever have.
It’s about making her feel the need to be good to you and treat you well.
You really can get your ex back and create the kind of relationship dynamic with her, but you need to be willing to use a completely new approach with her from now on.
Another reason why your confidence might have taken a bit of a beating after the break up, is that…
5. Your confidence was heavily reliant on her love for you
Some guys are fortunate enough to have male role models in their life (e.g. a father, grandfather, uncle, big brother) who teach them what it means to be a confident, masculine man that a woman would never want to leave.
However, not all guys are that lucky (e.g. because a guy’s parents got divorced when he was young, the male figures in his family are as confused about women as he is), so many guys get into a relationship with a woman and end up ruining it by not thinking, behaving and acting like a masculine man.
For example: A confused guy might regularly ask his woman things like, “Do you still love me?” or, “You wouldn’t ever leave me, would you?” or, “Do you still find me attractive?” or, “Do you ever miss any of your ex’s?”
When she the replies with something along the lines of, “Of course I still love you” or, “No, I would never leave you, because I love you” or, “You’ll always be attractive to me. You’re the man I choose to be with” or, “No, why would I think about my ex’s? They are history. I am with you now and I want to be with you” he will relax and feel confident about himself for a while.
Soon enough though, he begins to feeling insecure once again and asks her more questions, or now needs her to be extra loving and attentive so he can feel confident about himself.
Initially, a woman might feel flattered that her guy is so devoted to her and wants to be with her and only her.
However, when she realizes that he only feels confident when she reassures him of her love or desire for him, she will start to lose respect and attraction for him.
She might then test him by not giving him the reassurance he wants.
When he asks her, “Do you still love me?” rather than saying, “Yes,” she says, “I’m tired of you asking me that. If you keep asking me, maybe I will say no one day, so stop it.”
She then starts to feel turned off by having sex with him and begins to show interest in other guys to push his insecurity to the limit.
If he then becomes even more insecure, she will know that he needs her love to be strong and that without it he becomes a weak, insecure, needy guy.
She will then feel a strong, instinctive desire to break up with him and look for a man who can be confident and emotionally strong, with or without her love and support.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you need to get to the point where you honestly feel confident and happy with or without her.
3 Ways That Guys Mess Up After Being Dumped by the Woman They Love
Losing a bit of confidence after being dumped is okay if you quickly recover from it and then come back emotionally stronger than ever before.
However, if you let the break up destroy your confidence and send you into a downward spiral, you may end up feeling depressed, insecure and left out, which will not only turn your ex off, but will be unattractive to other women as well.
So, to make sure that you bounce back into confidence, be sure to avoid the following mistakes…
1. Feeling pity for yourself
Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself isn’t going to help you.
So, if you notice that you’re sitting around alone and feeling sad, down and dejected, say to yourself, “Enough! I am more than good enough for my ex and other women. I’m an awesome man. I have become such a better man since the break up and I continue to become an even better man every day. I have so much to look forward to. I have so much to feel confident about in myself. I’m an amazing guy.”
Steer your thoughts towards confidence, self-belief and self-assuredness, rather than allowing your thoughts to derail you and send you off track into the endless abyss of insecurity.
Remember: A woman is attracted to the kind of guy she can look up to, respect and be proud to call her man (i.e. because regardless of what happened between them, he has maintained belief in himself and in his value to her and has already taken steps to become even better than he was before).
A woman is not attracted to the kind of guy who makes her feel as though she has to build up his confidence and take care of him emotionally because he’s so sensitive and unstable.
So, if you want your ex to reconnect with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself anymore.
Quickly build up your confidence today and then get ready to interact with her within the next few days to a week.
Interact with her on a phone call or in person and re-attract her.
Once she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will open back up to you and you can then seduce her back into a relationship with you.
2. Feeling unworthy of her or other attractive women because of how bad the break up was
There’s no denying that it sucks to be broken up by the woman you love, or really want to be with.
Yet, allowing that pain to destroy your confidence and make you feel unworthy of your ex (or other attractive women) will also decrease your chances of getting her back.
Your ex will feel turned off by your lack of belief in yourself and will then feel glad that she decided to break up with you when she did.
No woman wants to go running back to a guy that she dumped, if he is now broken emotionally.
That’s not attractive.
If she got dumped by him and really wanted him back, then she would be fine about him being broken emotionally without her.
She will see that as a sign that she can get him back and keep him.
Yet, if a woman dumped a guy because he turned her off and she then noticed that he has become even more of a turn off (i.e. by losing confidence in himself), she’s not going to feel motivated to get back with him.
So, if you want your ex back, you have to absolutely believe that you are more than good enough for her and then interact with her, re-attract her and get her back.
If you don’t believe that you are more than good enough for her, she will pick up on it, feel turned off and it will then become more difficult for you to get her back.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Not focusing on the opportunity to quickly improve and become a better man, so he can get her back or attract a new woman
Right now, you have an opportunity to re-attract your ex, get her back and enjoy an even better relationship than you had with her before.
Alternatively, you can walk away, never really knowing how much you would have grown as a man by going through the ex back process.
Going through the ex back process with a woman is a hugely transformational experience for a guy.
You start out feeling like your confidence is destroyed and end up becoming truly confident in yourself, getting your ex back and seeing her look into your eyes and say, “I love you. I’ve missed you so much.”
When that happens, you realize that you can pretty much achieve or do anything in life.
As a result, your confidence is fully restored.
You are a new, more powerful man who now has a fundamental type of confidence that can never be taken away or destroyed.