Here are 4 common reasons why a woman will say that to her ex:
1. She used to love you way more than you loved her, so she’s afraid that it will happen again
In the case of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, a guy might sometimes hook up with a woman and get into a relationship with her, but be secretly thinking something like, “This is fun, but I’m not really ready to get serious and settle down with her. I’ll break up with her one day.”
In the meantime, she might be thinking, “This guy is the greatest! I’m so in love with him. I can definitely see myself with him for life.”
While she’s opening herself up to the idea of a serious commitment and possibly even thinking about moving in together, getting married and starting a family with him one day, the guy is thinking otherwise.
He might act like he is interested in that too, but deep down, he knows that he intends to break up with her one day.
Over time, she will begin to pick up on the fact that their feelings for each other aren’t really equal.
She may then try to be on her best behavior, do nice things for him and make him feel loved and appreciated as much as possible, in the hope that it makes him feel the same way about her as she does about him.
Yet, if he doesn’t change and she realizes that there’s too much of a gap between her emotional involvement and his, she will decide to break up with him, or at least threaten to break up with him to see if he changes.
When it comes to long-term relationships (couples who have been together for 2 to 3 years, or are engaged or married), some of the things that can cause a woman to feel that she loves him way more than he loves her include:
- He takes her for granted.
- He’s often mean to her, but nice to others.
- He’s not affectionate enough.
- He has a wandering eye.
- He is emotionally closed off from her.
- He stops making her feel appreciated.
- He compares her to other women in a negative way.
- He doesn’t give her enough emotional support because he just doesn’t care that much about her to want to.
- He cheats on her.
- He treats her like an idiot.
- He doesn’t put in much or any effort into the relationship anymore.
- He expects way too much of her, without giving much in return.
So, if a woman breaks up with her boyfriend, fiancé or husband because she loved him more than he loved her, she is naturally going to be afraid of the same thing happening again if she gives him another chance.
If he then tries to get her back, she might say something like, “Sorry. I’m just too afraid of getting hurt again. It’s better if we leave things the way they are and move on.”
Essentially, what she’s not saying is, “You never loved me the way I wanted you to love me before, so what proof do I have that if I get back with you, the same thing won’t happen all over again? I’d have to be stupid to allow myself to get hurt like that once again. I’ve been regaining my confidence since the break up and I don’t want to fall back into feeling like I need your love to feel good about myself anymore. I’d probably be better off trying to get over you and finding myself another guy who will give me the love and commitment I really want and deserve.”
So, if you want to convince your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife to give you another chance after she loved you more than you loved her, it’s going to take a lot more than saying, “I’m sorry. I promise to be more committed to you and the relationship this time,” to convince her this time.
What should you do instead?
Simply focus on sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you by making her smile, laugh and feel happy every time you interact with her (e.g. over the phone or face-to-face) from now on.
Stop trying to get her to commit to a relationship and just make her have feelings for you again.
By triggering some of her feelings, she lowers her guard and opens herself up to the idea of trusting you again.
However, just because her defenses come down, it doesn’t mean that she is 100% ready to get back together with you at that point.
For you to get that end result, she will first need to see that you’ve also made some changes to yourself since the break up.
For example: If a girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend because she wanted more from the relationship than he was willing to give (i.e. because he didn’t really care about her), he needs to show her that he’s now more emotionally mature and serious about his future with her.
That doesn’t mean he has to rush a marriage proposal to get her back or declare his undying love for her and promise to treat her like a princess from now on.
Instead, he simply needs to show her (via his actions) that he now wants the same things that she does.
Another example is if a wife left her husband because he was too emotionally closed off from her.
To convince her to give him another chance, he needs to open himself up and let her into his heart.
Again, that doesn’t mean he should become an emotional wimp and continuously talk about his feelings all the time like a woman.
That’s the biggest mistake a guy can make when trying to get his ex back…
You have to remain calm, confident and in control when getting her back.
Another possible meaning to why your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife says that she’s afraid of getting hurt again is because…
2. She’s just being a drama queen and wants to see if you will fall for it
Sometimes a woman might create some fake drama when she interacts with her ex, purely as a way of testing his confidence.
For example: Some of the ways she might do that is by…
- Answering his calls or texts in a friendly way and then ignoring him for days or even weeks.
- Being happy and cheerful when talking to him on the phone and then suddenly bursting into tears and saying things like, “I can’t believe how badly you treated me,” or “How can you even think about asking me to give you another chance after the way you broke my heart?”
- Agreeing to meet up with him and then canceling at the last minute by saying something like, “I’m not ready to see you again. I’m still feeling too vulnerable.”
- Meeting up with him and crying and saying, “I can’t do this. I’m afraid of getting hurt again.”
Naturally, when a guy is experiencing that kind of erratic behavior, he might feel a bit confused and he may even get upset at her for being so indecisive and overly emotional.
He may ask, “What do you want from me? How can I show you that I’ve changed and that things will be different between us this time? Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
Yet, what he doesn’t understand is that she doesn’t actually want him to take her drama so seriously and that she’s only testing him to see how he will respond.
- Will he put up with her bad behavior because he’s desperate to get her back?
- Will he lose control of his emotions and resort to begging, pleading and crying as a way of trying to convince her?
- Will he lose confidence in himself and in his value and attractiveness to her?
- Will he start treating her even nicer and being more patient with her, when she really wants him to just laugh at her for being such a little drama queen?
If he gets dragged into her fake drama, she will lose respect for him and close herself off to him even more.
However, if he doesn’t fall victim to her unnecessary emotional drama, she will naturally begin to look up to him and respect him again.
As a result, she will then begin to feel sparks of attraction and love for him and will open herself back up to being with him.
So, the next time your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife gets overly emotional with you and says, “I’m afraid of getting hurt again,” just remember to see the funny side of how she is approaching it all, rather than getting sucked into the fake drama she is creating.
For example: You can laugh and say, “You’re such a little drama queen, aren’t you? Oh, my feelings…you’re so sensitive. I don’t want to get hurt. Oh, no…poor little me!” and then laugh at her and with her about it.
Initially, she might be a bit shocked that you’re not taking her drama seriously anymore, but even if she doesn’t show it, she will be feeling a tremendous amount of respect and sexual attraction for you for having the emotional courage to not get sucked into her fake drama.
She will then realize that you’re the confident, emotionally strong man she always wanted you to be and she won’t be able to stop herself from reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you.
When that happens, you can get her back easily.
Another possible meaning to why your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife says that she’s afraid of getting hurt again is because…
3. Her gut instinct is telling her that the relationship would just break up again soon anyway
This is usually the case when a woman can see that her ex doesn’t even know what she really wants him to change.
Naturally, some guys might ask, “So, why doesn’t she just come out and tell me exactly what she wants? I’ll do whatever she wants, so why does she have to play games with me? If there’s something about me she doesn’t like, why doesn’t she tell me what to do to change? I will change!”
It would be nice if women spelled things out for men, but that’s not the role that women want to take on in a romantic relationship.
When in a romantic relationship, a woman does not want to be responsible for shaping a guy into the man that he needs to become.
She wants him to figure things out by himself and then take action like a real man, by making the necessary changes to his thinking and behavior along the way.
If she tells him how to attract her, it just won’t feel real to her.
It will feel as though he’s putting on an act and doing whatever she tells him like a good little puppet, even though deep down he may not want to change or be like that at all.
So, he might put on an act and then slowly change back to being how he was before.
Meanwhile, she will have wasted additional months or years being with him, which she will then regret.
That’s why women don’t want to come out and just tell you what to do.
A woman wants a man who understands how to be a man, wants to be a man and gets on with being a man.
She doesn’t want a guy who thinks that being a man is too much work, is wrong or isn’t something that he needs to do.
She also doesn’t want a guy that expects her to lead him, carry him and encourage him along throughout life.
So, if a woman’s ex fully understands what she wants him to change and then makes some improvements to his way of thinking, behavior and the way he interacts with her (without seeking her advice), she will be able to look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him and love him as her man once again.
If he then asks her to get back together again, she will be open to the idea because she can see that he’s at a different level now.
How can you show your ex that you’re at a different level now and are man that she can respect and look up to?
Here are some examples…
When you interact with your ex she might expect you to…
- Beg and plead and lose control of your emotions, but you instead remain confident, calm and in control no matter what she says and does.
- Be nervous and insecure around her, but you’re emotionally strong, self-assured and relaxed.
- Be on your best behavior and put up with her tantrums or bad moods, but you don’t get dragged into her fake drama and instead use humor to break through her defenses and make her lighten up.
She then drops her guard and feels more open and even happy to be interacting with you again.
She starts to feel that you’ve actually made an effort to become the man she always wanted you to be and the thought of getting back together again feels like something she really wants to do now.
However, be warned…
If you try to get her back without changing the things about you that turned her off in the first place, a woman will usually continue giving you excuses about why she doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
A woman wants to see that her boyfriend/fiancé/husband understands her real reasons for breaking up with him and is already making changes because he wants to do it and not because she’s telling him to do it.
Finally, another possible meaning as to why your ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife says that she’s afraid of getting hurt again is because…
4. She now has feelings for another guy, so she doesn’t want to say, “Yes” to getting back with you and then have to go through another break up with you
Sometimes a woman might have already met another guy and wants to see where things go with him, but doesn’t know how, or if, she wants to tell her ex about it.
So, rather than agreeing to get back into a relationship with him and then have to go through all the negative emotions of breaking up again, she simply says, “I’m afraid of getting hurt again,” in the hopes that he will say something along the lines of, “How about I give you some space to think about things? Then, we can talk about getting back together again at a later stage.”
If he doesn’t suggest giving her space, she will ask for it.
She will then use that time apart to get over him and move on with her new guy.
When her ex finally calls her after 30, 60 or even more days of not interacting with her, she can then say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t get back with you now because I’ve met someone else now and I’m happy. Please accept that what we had is now truly over. You need to move on like I have.”
By getting him to give her some space and then secretly moving on, she gets to avoid having long, tiring discussions or arguments with him about her reasons for not wanting to get back together again.
Get Her Back, Before it’s Too Late
Now that you understand why she could have said that she was afraid of getting hurt, it’s time to take the next step.
The next step is to focus reawakening her feelings of respect and attraction for you whenever you interact with her.
When you bring her feelings back and build on them during an interaction, all of her excuses begin to stop and she starts looking forward to being with you again.