If you and your girlfriend were on a break, but she went ahead and cheated on you, it will usually be due to one of the following common reasons:
1. She initially felt that she should be loyal during the break, but eventually changed her mind and decided that a break meant that she was single
In other words, she initially felt that being on a break meant that she had to be loyal to you.
Yet, while on the break, she then changed her mind about what a break actually means to her.
She decided that a break should mean she’s single now and free to do whatever she wants.
Therefore, she felt as though it was no longer necessary for her to remain loyal to you.
She may also have felt that she needed to live her life, as if you and her were no longer going to be a couple, to see how she then feels.
For example: If she goes out to party, sleeps with other men and realizes that she misses you and wants you back, she will then feel more motivated to end the break and get back together.
Yet, if she enjoys sleeping with new men and doesn’t want you back, then she will continue trying to move on without you.
It sucks for the now ex boyfriend, but that’s what happens when a couple takes a ‘break’ from each other.
A sudden change can happen because there are no written rules for a break.
In most cases, couples decide on what a ‘break’ means to them when agreeing on it at the time.
However, one or both of them might eventually change their mind about what a break should mean, without discussing it with the other person.
Alternatively, some couples never discuss the rules of the break and just assume that it means they will remain loyal by being single, or will date other people and see how they feel.
As a result, when one person breaks the ‘rules,’ the other person can be left feeling let down, disappointed or betrayed.
2. She pushed for the break, so she could start seeing a guy she liked
In a case like that, the woman was already planning on cheating or leaving her boyfriend for another guy, but she wanted to do it in a way that made her look innocent.
Here’s the thing though…
If your girlfriend cheated on you while on a break because she had another guy lined up, it doesn’t mean the relationship between you and her has to be over.
If you want her back in a committed, trusting relationship, you can make it happen (i.e. by interacting with her and reactivating her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you, so she realizes that her feelings for you are still alive and strong).
Before you do that though, it’s best to ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you willing to take her back now that she’s cheated, or would you prefer to move on by starting a fresh relationship with a new woman?
- If you take your girlfriend back, is it because you truly believe she’s the right woman for you and that you and her can get past what happened (i.e. she cheated during the break) and build an even better relationship with each other, or do you want her back because you worry you won’t be able to attract another quality woman?
- Will you be truly able to forgive her, or will you always be worrying that she will cheat again, which may then cause you to become clingy, needy, controlling or possessive?
If you honestly want her back, then start going through the steps to get her back.
If you feel like she ruined your trust and you’ll never be able to forgive her, then focus on finding a new girlfriend.
Another possible reason why your girlfriend cheated, while you and her were on a break, is…
3. She didn’t mean to cheat, but it happened
In many cases, a woman doesn’t intentionally cheat on her boyfriend while on a break.
Instead, one thing leads to another with a guy she meets and it just happens.
For example: A woman might go out with her girlfriends, with the intention of just hanging out with them, having a laugh and flirting with some guys, but not kissing or having sex with a guy.
However, she ends up having a few too many drinks, which then affects her judgment and decision-making ability.
People seem to be flirting with each other and having fun in the bar, so when a guy starts flirting with her, she doesn’t see it as a problem.
She also doesn’t feel guilty because she’s on a break from the relationship and as a result, she just goes along with her feelings in the moment (i.e. attraction, lust, excitement, curiosity).
Before she knows it, the guy leans in to kiss her and she accepts and starts making out with him.
That can then lead to a number exchange, or going home together to have sex.
Alternatively, a woman might hang out with a guy she perceives as being her friend, but who secretly likes her (e.g. a friend, co-worker, neighbor).
He knows that she’s on a break, so he decides to make his move and in that moment, rather than rejecting him, she just goes along with it (i.e. kisses him, goes back to his place for sex) to see how she feels afterward.
In some cases, a woman will feel like she has made a big mistake and will miss her boyfriend, but in others, she will enjoy the feeling of being single, free and treated like a desirable woman by other men.
In a case like that, a woman may then begin to wonder if getting back with her man is the best thing to do for her, or not.
So, if your girlfriend cheated while you were on a break and you want her back, you have to make her realize that losing you will be a big mistake and she’ll regret it (emotionally).
Interact with her and make her feel attracted to you in new ways, so she realizes that getting back with you will feel different (in a good way) and as a result, she will want to give it a try.
On the other hand, if you just sit around and do nothing (e.g. don’t contact her for weeks or months), she will probably feel drawn to the thrill of being seduced by new men.
4. She didn’t feel as though she was cheating because you were on a break
Essentially, there are no written rules of what a ‘break’ actually means.
So, a breakup is treated differently based on the couple, why they want a break, who wants it more, how in love they really are, the options to date other people that one person has vs. the other and so on.
For example: In some cases, a woman might want the break a lot more than her boyfriend, because she no longer feels attracted, or is no longer in love with him.
The boyfriend won’t always want to be on a break, but he will accept it to hopefully fix the relationship and avoid being dumped permanently.
Yet, if she is a woman who can easily attract a new guy, she will likely have men waiting in the wings (e.g. a male friend, coworker, ex boyfriend, friend of a friend) who would love to date her immediately.
So, if she secretly believes that being on a break means that she is single for now, she won’t feel bad about hooking up with a guy who likes her, or going out to party, flirt and hook up with a new guy she meets.
When she hooks up with a new guy, she can then decide what to do about her boyfriend (i.e. go back to him because she misses him, or continue to move on without him because she doesn’t miss him).
If her boyfriend wants her back, he needs to interact with her and make her feel attracted to the new and improved version of him.
Let her realize that her feelings for him aren’t dead and that, if she doesn’t give him another chance, she will end up missing him and regretting it if he moves on with a new woman.
5. The break was actually a breakup, but she didn’t want to say it yet
In many cases, a woman just doesn’t have the courage to say, “It’s over” to her boyfriend.
Some of her reasons why can be:
- She’s worried that he will overreact and become emotional (e.g. cry, beg, plead).
- She’s afraid he will get angry and threaten her, or threaten to hurt himself.
- She knows he’ll try to talk her out of her decision by making promises to change, or in cases where they have great chemistry in bed, will try to convince her by sleeping with her and giving her some great sex.
- She’s worried that he will try to make her feel guilty for breaking up with him, even though he hasn’t really done much wrong. In cases like that, the guy is usually a ‘nice guy’ and the woman doesn’t feel much attraction for him as a result. So, she uses the ‘break’ as a way of getting away from him for long enough to hook up with a new guy. He will then see that as her cheating. Yet, she will have planned it all along.
- She knows that he has been able to convince her to not break up with him in the past, so this time she is asking for a ‘break’ or ‘time apart’ or ‘space.’ She isn’t saying that it’s over, but she plans to hook up with a new guy to hurt her boyfriend and turn him off the idea of getting her back.
6. She had time to evaluate the relationship and decided not to commit to it anymore
Sometimes a woman will feel like she has to stay with her boyfriend because he’s her boyfriend and they’ve been through so much together.
She might also worry that if she broke up with him, it would hurt her, she’d feel lonely and might not be able to find a new guy.
Yet, when she asks for a break, so she can have a chance to think about things (i.e. check to see if she misses him, or wants to be with new men), she may then realize that she no longer wants to commit to him.
As a result, in her mind, it goes from being a break to an actual break up.
Then, she feels free to sleep with a new man and doesn’t see it as cheating, because to her, she has broken up with her boyfriend.
7. She wanted to hurt you
Some of the reasons why a woman will want to hurt her boyfriend emotionally during a break are:
He cheated on her and now she wants revenge.
She’s angry with him for taking her for granted (e.g. treating her badly and expecting her to put up with him, not showing her anywhere near the kind of love, attention or affection that she showed at the start, or not caring about her feelings and mostly focusing on what he wants from the relationship).
He wanted the break, but she didn’t. So, she then cheats on him to teach him a lesson, or to make him value her more.
She blames him for their relationship problems.
She’s bitter and angry that the relationship has wasted so much of her time.
8. She didn’t agree to the terms of the break, or just pretended she did
In most cases, the person who least wants the break to happen will come up with the rules, or terms of the break.
Yet, the person wanting the break (e.g. the girlfriend) won’t always agree to what her boyfriend expects of her while they are apart.
She might pretend to agree, so the conversation can end and she can then be free to do whatever she wants, but that’s all.
As soon as she leaves, she feels like a single woman and no longer feels the need to be accountable, or loyal to her boyfriend.
So, it’s possible that your girlfriend cheated because she was the one who wanted the break more than you.
As a result, she was always planning to use the time apart to help her move on, rather than get back with you.
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