How you go about saving your relationship with your girlfriend, will depend on whether or not she has broken up with you yet.
So, I will first provide you with 6 tips on how to save your relationship with your girlfriend if you’re still together, followed by 6 tips on how to save the relationship if she has broken up with you and you now want her back.
If You are Still Together
1. Use interactions to create new feelings of attraction inside of her
If you essentially treat your girlfriend the same way as you did in the past, she will experience the same old, familiar feelings of attraction that she is likely bored of by now.
As a result, she won’t see the point of staying with you because it will feel the same.
On the other hand, if you create new, interesting emotions inside of her from now on, she will realize that her feelings for you aren’t dead.
She will then feel as though it would be interesting and beneficial for her to stay in the relationship.
This is why you must focus on giving her an upgraded attraction experience from now on.
- Rather than getting into long discussions about the relationship and all the problems you’re experiencing, focus on making her laugh and smile when she’s with you.
- Make flirtatious banter a part of your interactions to build sexual tension between you and her again, rather than just talking to her in a neutral way like a friend or buddy.
The more new ways you awaken her feelings, the more the idea of losing you and the happiness she’s now experiencing around you starts to worry her.
She then wants to save the relationship as well, which makes it twice as easy for you.
2. Adjust your communication style to avoid unnecessary arguments
One way of reacting during a conversation with your girlfriend can cause an argument, whereas another way of reacting can lead to both of you feeling calmer, more understood, happier and closer than before.
For example: Imagine talking to your girlfriend and she brings up some of the problems in the relationship.
One way of reacting is by getting upset, coming up with excuses for your behavior, trying to point out her flaws or mistakes, or make it seem as though she is the main problem in the relationship.
That kind of communication style will almost certainly lead to an argument, hurt feelings and a disconnected dynamic between you and her.
On the other hand, if you remain as calm as possible (because you love her and don’t have any need or desire to hurt her), sincerely listen to her and also try to find something for you and her to laugh about at some point in the conversation, you will feel like a smart, in love, mature and effective couple.
The relationship will feel as though it’s working and you are both making progress towards becoming a more harmonious couple.
As a result, she will feel motivated to keep the relationship together and not lose you, rather than having to get out into the dating scene and try to find a guy who is as mature, loving and smart in relationships as you are.
3. Briefly apologize for your role in causing the relationship problems, but then focus on moving past it
Only apologizing to your girlfriend can then turn into her going on and on about the problems, which might then lead to you apologizing over and over again.
Continuing to apologize and go around in circles like that doesn’t solve anything and it also decreases her feelings of respect for you.
Women don’t like it when they can control a man like that, or lead him around in circles.
So, just briefly and sincerely apologize to her and then talk about moving past the mistake so you can have a more happy, harmonious relationship from now on.
She can then see that even though you and her have had some problems, it doesn’t mean the relationship has to end.
4. Level up as a man, so she can feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you
If you’re not sure how or what to level up, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What have I been doing lately that has been turning her off?
- Have I been trying to get her to accept things about me that she doesn’t and won’t ever find attractive (e.g. being emotionally dependent on her, being insecure, clingy or needy)?
- What do I think is really missing from the relationship?
- Is there still a spark of attraction between us, or do we feel more like friends or roommates now?
- Am I creating a relationship dynamic that makes her feel lucky to be my girl, or one that makes her feel like she could do better?
- What are the subtle things I’ve done to turn her off that she probably won’t ever admit to me?
When you understand where you really went wrong with her, you can then level up and re-attract her.
5. After leveling up and allowing her to experience a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, tell her some of the things that you love and appreciate about her
For example: You might say, “I just wanted to thank you for being a great girlfriend. Regardless of how bad things have gotten between us in the past, you have always tried to be nice and not blame me for everything. I respect that about you and I appreciate it.”
Alternatively, you can say, “I know things have been rough between us for a while and it might seem like I don’t love and appreciate you anymore, but I really do. You are a beautiful, smart and kind woman and I absolutely love those things about you.”
You can then add in a bit of humor like, “Not to mention how sexy you are…or how you make the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted,” and have a laugh with her.
By saying something like that, it makes her feel good to be around you.
She also realizes that you’re not taking her presence in your life for granted, which then makes her feel more motivated to fix things between you and her, rather than breaking up.
6. Stop trying to win and start trying to smile
Sometimes a relationship will become a bitter, unhappy, stressful or lonely experience for both the man and woman.
As a result, resentment can build up between them due to not getting what they really want from a relationship.
This can lead to a couple feeling more like enemies, or like competitors, to the point where they are always trying to beat each other in an argument, prove the other person wrong, or make themselves feel like the good person and the other feel like the bad person, or the problem.
Sticking with the relationship then seems less and less appealing, which can often lead to cheating or a breakup.
So, before it gets to that point, I recommend that you start changing the energy, dynamic or vibe of the relationship into something more positive and enjoyable for both of you.
One of the ways to do that is to react with a smile, love and laughter in moments where you would become angry, annoyed or upset about things.
Rather than getting into a shouting match with your girlfriend, or trying to prove her wrong, focus on turning the stressful situation into something that you and her can smile and laugh about together.
You won’t be perfect at it right away, but you will get better at it with practice and you will also notice that you feel so much happier, relaxed and satisfied in the relationship compared to before.
As for her, the more she notices that stressful situations aren’t turning into arguments and you’re handling yourself in a more emotionally mature lighthearted way, the less she will be able to hold onto her negative feelings about you.
As a result, she will become more open to saving the relationship, rather than leaving it.
So, those were the tips if you and her are still together. Now…
If She Has Broken Up With You and You Want Her Back
1. Get clear on what really made her lose respect and attraction for you
Some guys have a good idea about what caused the breakup, which then allows them to fix their issues and get the relationship back together.
However, in most cases, a guy only has a general understanding of what wasn’t working in the relationship, but isn’t exactly sure about what part of his actions and behavior turned his ex off.
So, if you’re not 100% sure why your girlfriend left you, here are some questions to ask yourself…
- What aspects of my behavior, attitude or personality that initially attracted her (e.g. my confidence, my assertiveness, my ability to make her smile when she was in a bad mood, how I treated her), did I then stop displaying in the relationship?
- Did I try to make her accept things about me that weren’t attractive to her (e.g. annoying habits that she clearly didn’t like, stopped treating her like my desirable girlfriend and started treating her like a neutral friend or roommate)?
- Did I continue to become more confident and manly in the relationship, or did I become insecure and less manly over time?
By asking yourself those kinds of questions, you will begin to get a clearer understanding of what you need to adjust to successfully re-attract her and get her back.
2. Prepare yourself to let her experience the new and improved you ASAP
Don’t spend weeks or months preparing to get her back.
You only need a few days to a week to get yourself ready to re-attract her.
When you’re ready, call her and attract her on the call, so she then agrees to see you in person.
At the meet up…
3. Re-attract her by letting her experience the new and improved you and attracting her in ways she wasn’t expecting
For example: A woman might secretly be turned off by her ex boyfriend for always getting upset or angry, when she was being moody or creating drama.
He wasn’t able to allow her to be a woman (e.g. free to be emotional, changing her mood like the weather) and needed her to be emotionally consistent like a man, which turned her off.
If he then interacts with his ex girlfriend and she senses that he’s no longer like that, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
She will then feel drawn to getting back with him, because he has clearly changed and can now make her feel the way she really wants.
4. Don’t push for a relationship right away
When you re-attract your ex, she might begin to show interest in working things out and getting back together.
At that point, a guy might be tempted to say, “Hey, we seem to be getting along again, so why waste any more time? Let’s just get back together.”
If she’s ready to take that step, she might say, “Yes.”
However, in most cases, even when a woman is open to the idea of getting back together with an ex boyfriend, she won’t want to rush into a full commitment.
Some reasons why:
- She doesn’t want to make it easy for him.
- She wants him to feel like he needs to really put in the effort to change.
- She wants to be sure that he’s not going to revert to his old behavior.
- She wants to see how she feels first, by hooking up with him and hanging out a couple of times.
Additionally, if you push too hard for a relationship, it can give your ex a false sense of power over you (i.e. she is in charge, she gets to say whether or not you and her get back together), which is a kind of power she doesn’t want.
This is why, it’s best to make her be the one who really wants to get the relationship back together.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you sit back and wait for her to come back to you, or act uninterested in a relationship.
Instead, show interest in her in a confident, relaxed way without coming on too strong.
In other words, make interactions with you feel fun and commitment-free, while also focusing on building her feelings by behaving in ways that reawaken her attraction and love for you (e.g. being more confident than you were before, being more masculine in your behavior, flirting).
The more attractive your behavior is, the easier it will be to get back together because she will really want it to happen.
5. Create a new relationship dynamic that feels better for you and for her
The fact is, a woman will usually just go along with whatever relationship dynamic you create.
For example: If a guy creates a relationship dynamic where he sucks up to his girlfriend and does whatever he can to hopefully please her, she will usually just go along with that dynamic.
Yet, it will ruin her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, which will then lead to her cheating on him, or dumping him.
On the other hand, if a guy creates a relationship dynamic where he makes his girlfriend feel loved and appreciated, without sucking up to her, she will go along with that.
Additionally, if he makes her feel motivated to treat him well, make herself look attractive and respect him, she will go along with that too.
In the same way, when you create a new, attractive relationship dynamic with your ex after getting her back, she will follow your lead and you will then experience the consequences of that (e.g. more respect, love, appreciation, affection).
6. Don’t let your insecurities ruin the new relationship
Sometimes a guy will save a relationship with his girlfriend, but then become insecure about her commitment to him.
As a result, he might be afraid to disagree with her about things, in case she changes her mind and decides to dump him again.
Alternatively, he might overanalyze everything she says or does for clues about how she’s feeling, or if she’s unhappy in the relationship.
As a result, he then turns into a needy, clingy, overly emotional man, which decreases her feelings of attraction for him and ruins the new relationship they have.
Don’t let that happen to you.
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