Women don’t always make it completely obvious when they want to have sex with you.
For example: Sometimes, when a woman says, “No” to sex, what she really means is, “Not yet.”
This can be frustrating for guys who don’t know how to read between the lines of what a woman means, or may mean by her words.
It leads many guys to wonder, “Why can’t women just say what they really mean when it comes to sex?”
Here are some of the reasons why:
1. She doesn’t want to look “too easy” in your eyes
If you meet a woman and she immediately says, “Let’s have sex” or makes it too easy to have sex with her, you might then find it difficult to fully trust her when in a serious relationship.
Think about it.
If she goes out to a bar or nightclub with her girlfriends without you by her side, you might think, “I had sex with her very easily, so if she has a few drinks and is feeling horny, who knows what she might do?!”
This is why, even if a woman likes a guy, she may behave as though she isn’t even interested in sex.
She wants to show the guy that she can be trusted.
She is a woman that he could invest his time and himself into to build a future with.
She’s not a loose, easy woman who would sleep with any man at the drop of the hat.
She wants him to see that has control over herself and can be trusted to be a loyal girlfriend or wife.
Another reason why a woman will say, “No” to sex when she really means, “Not just yet” is:
2. She wants to test your confidence
Most women are are attracted to the strength in men (i.e. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. being nervous around women, shy around women, clingy in a relationship and insecure about his value to her).
Generally speaking, the more confident you are, the more sexually attracted a woman will feel.
I’m not talking about over the top, arrogant, aggressive confidence (i.e. being a loudmouth, angry macho guy, etc).
Instead, I’m talking about relaxed, masculine confidence that can’t be broken, no matter what.
That is what is most attractive to women.
So, if a woman tests your confidence by playing hard to get during the lead up to sex and notices that you become nervous and begin to doubt yourself around her, then she will assume that you’re not a very confident guy.
She may also assume that you’re just hoping to get lucky with a girl who gives you a chance.
She doesn’t want that.
She wants a guy who remains confident in himself regardless of what people say or do around him.
If a guy can’t remain confident just because she isn’t jumping all over him and making him feel wanted, it will turn her off if she is the sort of woman who is looking for a truly confident guy.
Instinctively, she will assume that his confidence won’t be strong enough to handle challenging people in life because he’s the sort of guy who needs people to be sweet, nice and easy for him in order to feel confident.
If she happens to get pregnant to a guy like that, what would it mean for her future and the future of the offspring? Would she ever feel safe wit him? Would he be able to handle the pressures of life.
Of course, those are not questions that a woman literally asks herself when she’s with a guy.
Instead, her instincts automatically assess a guy’s attractiveness (i.e. worthiness of having sex with and potentially breeding with) based on how he makes her feel when they interact (i.e. is he confident enough for a girl like her).
Essentially, do her instincts warn her that he is a guy who lacks confidence and therefore can’t be relied on to make her feel safe around other people, or do her instincts assure her that he is a confident guy who could most-likely keep her safe and handle the challenges of life?
That is what matters to most women, even though they don’t go around talking about it in that way.
Instead, most women say, “He has to be confident” when asked what type of guy they want, without giving an explanation as to why.
Another reason why a woman might say, “No” to having sex when she really means, “Not yet” or “Yes” is….
3. She is fighting with her self-image
Many women go through life trying to confirm to the standards that society expects of them.
In the past, that meant a woman would have to wait until marriage before having sex.
Although millions of men and women had a one night stand last night, society still expects women to be quiet about it and not go around saying that they enjoy sex so much.
Even though a woman might want to have sex with you immediately, she will often say “I’m not sure” or, “Maybe we should wait” because she’s trying to conform to the superficial identity she has to live with, day in and day out, to be seen as an acceptable or classy woman in society.
4. She likes to build the tension that way
Some women enjoy playing with a guy and making him work for it for a while.
They get turned on by the tension and anticipation of what is potentially going to happen.
She can go home and masturbate herself and fantasize about how the sex might be when it happens.
She’ll fall asleep daydreaming of the first time you will have sex and will imagine herself doing all sorts of naughty things.
When the sex finally happens, it will be a beautiful release of tension for her and if you can make her orgasm, that will be a welcome bonus.
However, if you lose confidence in yourself with a woman who is playfully resisting sex to build up tension, she may begin to lose interest in you, or completely lose interest.
Most women want to see that you maintain confidence in your attractiveness to her, even though she is playing a little hard to get initially.
In most cases, a woman like that will have lost interest in many guys who weren’t able to maintain their confidence around her.
The guy could have had sex and possibly a relationship with her, but she didn’t want to be a part of it because she’s looking for a guy who can maintain his confidence.
She wants a truly confident guy who doesn’t crumble and become insecure if she isn’t jumping all over him and making it obvious that she wants sex.
If you can handle the playful pressure, you will usually get to sex and she will like you all the more for it (i.e. because most guys can’t handle it and simply lose confidence).
Another reason why a woman will often initially say, “No” to sex is…
5. She’s not feeling enough attraction for you
Sometimes, a woman will be say no to sex because she’s not feeling turned on by the guy’s approach.
For example: A guy might be a good guy and be having a nice conversation with her, but he may also be displaying a lot of nervousness and anxiety around her, which is a sexual turn off for most women.
Most women are attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence) and turned off by emotional weakness (e.g. nervousness, anxiety), so when a guy displays emotional weakness, it can cause her to reject him, even though she probably would have liked him and even had sex with him if he was confident.
When “No” Really Does Mean “No”
There are times when women say “No” to sex and they really mean it.
If a woman firmly pushes you away, raises her voice when saying “No!” or is clearly serious about not having sex, then she usually isn’t messing you around.
If that’s the case, then obviously you shouldn’t proceed any further.
Don’t try to push anything.
If she is still open to interacting with you and hanging out with you, then you can begin to build up her sexual desire for you based on how you talk to her and interact with her, but don’t try to make any moves on her.
If she changes how she feels and begins showing sexual interest in you again (i.e. touching you, initiating hugs and kisses), then you can begin to reciprocate her advances and it may very well then lead to sex.
When “No” Means “Yes”
You and a beautiful woman are hugging and kissing each other passionately and you decide that you want to take things up a notch.
You slowly work your way up to her breasts and start to caress them from the outside.
You may even get as far as unbuckling her bra and slipping your hand under her top.
Up until now, she’s right there along with you.
She’s loving it.
She’s responding to your kisses and strokes and is maybe even stroking you back, but as your hand touches her naked skin under her top, she says, “No…we shouldn’t” or “Stop” or gives you another obvious signal that she doesn’t want you to go further, such as moving your hand away.
Does she really mean for you to stop completely?
For the moment let’s assume that, yes, she really does want you to stop and to respect her wish.
Don’t push it.
Kick back and relax with her on the bed, couch or wherever you are.
After a few minutes, she may begin to hug and kiss you again and begin to stroke you, in which case you may want to hug, kiss and stroke her back.
In many cases, a woman will then have sex at that point.
She was just saying, “No, we shouldn’t” to not look too easy in your eyes, even though she really want to have sex.
You didn’t push it on her.
She reinitiated and you then went along with it.
On the other hand, if she didn’t push you away and simply said, “Maybe we’re rushing things…I don’t know…maybe we should wait…I don’t know” in a shy sort of way, then she is most-likely just trying to look innocent in your eyes.
Simply relax for a few minutes and then begin kissing and cuddling again.
If she is open it and you can hear her moaning to encourage you along, then proceed to begin unzipping her jeans/lifting up her skirt, etc.
If she doesn’t stop you, then sex is only a few moments away.
Of course, if she does stop you, just stop and respect her decision to want to stop.
She might not want to have sex right away, the next time or even next week, so make sure you respect that.
There’s no rush.
You and her can have sex right away if that’s what you both want, but you can also wait for 5 or more dates or longer.
There’s no problem with that.
Just pay attention to the signals you are getting and proceed without trying to rush things.
Reverse the Situation
Some women love the start and stop action that happens leading up to sex and how it affects a man.
Some women love it how it often turns a man into her willing slave – ready to do anything or say anything that pleases her, in the hope that she will finally give in and have sex with him.
Yet, this can get very tiring for and frustrating for a guy.
So, depending on how much you like her, you need to decide whether she is worth the hassle.
The best strategy with women like that is to reverse the situation on her, so it is you who is doing the stopping and starting.
For example: Get her turned on with some passionate kissing and when she grabs your penis, tell her “Wait…not yet…” and then slow things down to a hug.
Wait a minute or two, then get started again and turn her on with some slow kissing (not passionate, strong kissing like before).
When she tries to grab your lower-regions again, say, “Okay, just for a bit, but we are stopping after a minute…”
Good luck trying to stop!