If you’ve been dumped by your woman and nothing that you’ve tried so far has worked to get her back, you might be at the point where you’re wondering, “How do I get her back?”
So, in this post, I will share 4 case studies where a guy has ruined the relationship and been dumped for a specific reason and then what he needs to do to get her back.
Case study 1: Insecurity
Why his insecurity ruined the relationship
In this example, a man and a woman were in a relationship that started off well and the man was completely confident about her attraction for him and his commitment to him.
Yet, over time, he started to become insecure, jealous and too protective of her because she stopped showing him as much affection, love and attention as she did when the relationship began.
He then stopped feeling confident about her attraction and commitment to him and started to worry that she was losing interest.
This is a very common scenario for guys because many guys don’t realize that all women will test a man’s confidence in a relationship by pulling back some of their affection, interest and attention to see how he reacts.
When a relationship first begins, a woman will usually make a guy feel like he’s the only man in the world for her and she will give him plenty of attention, affection and love.
However, to make sure that she is with a confident, emotionally secure guy who has the emotional strength to keep her protected and safe in the long run, she will instinctively begin to test his confidence by showing less interest and affection.
It’s at that point in the relationship that a man will either deepen her feelings of respect, love and attraction for him by remaining confident, or he will begin to ruin her feelings by becoming insecure.
What a woman wants to see during this testing phase is that her man continues to push forward in life by reaching for his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions while also remaining completely confident that she is attracted to him and committed to him.
She doesn’t want to make it easy for him though because, instinctively, women test men like this to make sure that they aren’t settling down with a guy who lacks the emotional strength and toughness of a real man.
For a woman to feel deeper respect, love and attraction over time, her guy has to continue thinking, feeling, behaving and taking action like a man with or without her reassurance.
If her man remains strong no matter what, she will lessen the testing and begin to show him more affection, love and attention, but she will never stop testing his emotional strength.
Here’s the thing…
100-200 years ago, men didn’t have to worry about deepening a woman’s feelings because the woman had to stay with him for life even if she was unhappy.
Back then, a woman had to remain a virgin until marriage and then stick with her man for life, otherwise she would be shunned by society and even family for attempting to divorce him (back then the divorce rate was less than 10% in the developed world).
Yet, in today’s day and age, a man actually needs to be able to deepen his woman’s feelings for him over time and being emotionally strong (rather than insecure) is an essential part of that.
Women are naturally attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence, self-esteem, determination to succeed) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. insecurity, low self-esteem, fear of success).
What he needs to do to get her back
If a guy has been dumped for being too insecure in the relationship (e.g. clingy, needy, too protective, controlling, being emotionally sensitive, etc), he needs to first begin fixing his insecurity and become an emotionally strong man.
He doesn’t need to become Mr. Perfect and have everything 100% fixed, but he does need to get to the core reasons of his insecurity with women (or just her) in relationships and start to fix that.
When he interacts with her again (over the phone or in person. Not via text), she will notice and feel his emotional strength and emotional maturity in the way he talks, thinks, feels, moves and behaves.
However, that’s not going to be enough to get most women back.
There are other steps to the process of properly getting a woman back, including getting her to understand that everyone learns and grows throughout life and it is possible for a guy to make some mistakes, learn from it and then become a better man as a result.
It’s important to get her to realize that because if she believes crappy sayings like, “A leopard never changes its spots” or “Men never change” then she won’t allow herself to believe that you really have changed.
To get a woman back after being dumped due to insecurity, you must ensure that you approach the process correctly.
For example: If you try to get her to give you another chance after telling her that you’ve changed, almost all women are going to say no.
To get her back properly, you have to include a few more steps prior to asking for another chance, otherwise her guard will still be up.
Watch this video to understand some of the classic mistakes that guys make when trying to get a woman back…
As you will discover from the video above, she’s not going to take you seriously unless you are able to make her feel respect and attraction for you based on the way you now interact with her.
If you talk to her and still make her feel the same old emotions (e.g. annoyed, misunderstood, agitated, unhappy, etc), then she’s not going to come rushing back to you.
To get her back for real, you’ve got to start making her feel respect and attraction for you based on the changes you’ve made since the break up.
She will feel respect and attraction when she notices the difference in how you think, talk, feel, behave, take action and respond and react to her.
That is what really counts.
If you aren’t doing that, then almost anything else you try simply won’t work and you will be left wondering, “How do I get her back?” once again.
Case study 2: Lack of attraction
Why his inability to make her feel attracted ruined the relationship
In this example, the woman decided to leave him because she no longer felt attracted to who he had become and how that made her feel.
He was able to attract her in the beginning of the relationship, but he either stopped putting in the effort or lost his way somewhere and began to think, behave and act in unattractive ways around her.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman gets into a relationship with a guy, she will usually have a sufficient amount of respect and attraction for him to want to be in the relationship in the first place.
Yet, if the attraction dwindles away and she feels as though she would be happier without him rather than with him, a woman will often start the break up process and try to get away from a man.
Some guys feel betrayed by a woman at this point because they remember all the nice things she used to say (e.g. “I love you and want to be with you forever” or “I want us to grow old together”) but those promises mean nothing to a woman who no longer feels attracted to a guy.
When a woman promises to stay with a guy for life, she is making that promise based on how she feels in that moment.
She will only stick with that promise if her man is able to deepen her feelings of respect, love and attraction over time.
If he can’t do that and instead ruins her attraction for him, then she is not obliged to have to stay with him for life.
It’s not like life back in the late 1800s to early 1900s where a woman had to stay with one man for life or else she would be shunned by society.
Today’s women are essentially told by society, “If you’re not happy, leave him and find a better man. You deserve to be happy!” whereas women in the past were told, “Choose one man and stick with him for life no matter what.”
What he needs to do to get her back
If a guy has been dumped by a woman because she no longer felt attracted to him, he needs to be reminded about what really makes a woman feel attracted to a man.
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction works…
Some examples of how a man can deepen his woman’s feelings of attraction, respect and love over time in a relationship are to:
- Be a man of his word.
- Be emotionally stronger than her.
- Reach for his true potential as a man by striving to achieve his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
- Make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to how masculine he is (i.e. how he thinks, feels, talks, behaves, takes action), rather than making her feel like a neutral friend, or worse – making her feel more masculine or dominant than him.
- Create a relationship dynamic that has a lot of laughter, smiling and positivity, rather than arguments, tension and negativity.
There are many different ways that a man can deepen his woman’s feelings over time and to be successful in a relationship in today’s world, a man needs to be able to do some or most of them to keep his woman happy for life.
A mistake that a lot of modern men make is to assume that a woman will stick around for life just because the relationship felt good at the start.
If you want a woman to stick with you for life, you must know what actually makes a woman fall more deeply in love over time and feel increasingly respectful of you and attracted to you.
If you don’t have that skill, then you’re setting yourself up to fail with her and with any other woman if you decide not to get her back.
Do you have the skill of being able to deepen a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you over time?
To help you answer that important question, I will explain the situation in this way…
Sometimes when a guy is seeking help on how to get his ex back, he falls into either one of these two categories:
- He got lucky when he met her and doesn’t really know how to make her feel a lot of respect and attraction for him.
- He did a great job of attracting her initially, but overtime he made a bunch of relationship mistakes and lost confidence in his ability to make her feel attracted. He now doesn’t know how to get himself back to the confident, cool, attractive guy that he used to be.
Which of the two guys above describes you best in terms of your relationship with her?
Either way, you must ensure that you are capable of resparking her attraction and respect for you when you next interact with her on a phone call or in person.
For example: If you call her up on the phone and you’re able to get her smiling and laughing even though she was initially be cold towards you on the phone call, she is going to feel respect and attraction for you because of that.
Likewise, if you meet up with her in person and are able to make her feel attracted to you in new ways during the conversation, she will naturally begin to open back up to being with you.
However, if you’re still making her feel the same old emotions because you don’t even know how to attract her during an in-person interaction, then you can’t expect her to change how she feels about the break up.
Case study 3: Not enough of a man for her
Why not being enough of a man for her ruined the relationship
In this example, the woman decided to leave her guy because he just wasn’t enough of a man for her.
Out of the 100s of ex back cases that I have personally dealt with via my phone coaching service, I’ve found that this is one of the most common reasons why a woman will dump a boyfriend, fiancé or husband.
Although a woman may put up with a guy (who lacks the ability to be a real man for her) during the initial part of a relationship, most women will get sick and tired of being with a guy who isn’t becoming more mature and more masculine over time (in how he thinks, feels, behaves, takes action).
A woman wants to be able to look up to and respect her man, feel proud to be his woman, feel excited to be in love with him and feel safe that he will guide both himself and her to a better future over time.
So, if a guy is wondering, “How do I get her back?” and he has been dumped for not being enough of a man for her, it will usually be due to one or more of the following things:
- He lacks purpose in life and is making her the center of his self-identity and reason for happiness. A real man will love and cherish his woman, but he will spend most of his time and energy following through on his purpose in life (i.e. his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions).
- He lacks the ability to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to his masculinity. He might only make her feel neutral around him like a friend or make her feel as though she is more dominant and masculine than he is.
- He is too emotionally sensitive and lacks the emotional strength and maturity for her to be able to look up to him and respect him as her strong man.
If a guy lacks the ability to be a man, a woman will feel stuck because no woman wants to have to take on the role of being a guy’s teacher in life on how to be a man.
A woman wants a man who is ready now to be her man, rather than a lost, confused guy who needs her to mother him, be a big sister figure in his life or be his teacher.
If a woman has to take on that role, it destroys her feelings of sexual attraction and respect for him and unless he changes, she will simply try to get out of the relationship.
What he needs to do to get her back:
If a guy has been dumped for not being enough of a man for a woman, he needs to stop for a moment and learn what it really means to be a man in a relationship.
For example, being a relationship means:
- Being emotionally stronger than her.
- Guiding both you and her to a better life over time.
- Being a man of purpose.
- Being a man of your word.
- Taking on the majority of the important decision-making, so she can relax into being your girl/woman.
- Being the more mature and responsible one.
Case study 4: Lack of trust
Why her lack of trust in him ruined the relationship
In this example, the woman decided to dump her guy because she just couldn’t trust in him to be honest, faithful or consistent as a man.
She may have given him plenty of chances in the past and eventually got to the point where she was sick and tired of being lied to or taken for granted by him, so she ended the relationship.
If a woman is very attracted to her man, she will often put up with lies, cheating and deceit for a long time because she doesn’t want to give up on the guy that she feels so much attraction for.
However, if a woman doesn’t feel much attraction for her man and she also doesn’t trust him, then she’s not going to have much of a reason to want to stick with the relationship.
What he needs to do to get her back:
If a woman doesn’t trust her ex boyfriend (fiancé or husband), he needs to tell her that he completely understand why she wouldn’t trust him right now.
However, if he sincerely has changed and is now a completely trustworthy man, he needs to also tell her that it is possible for a guy to grow up, learn from an experience and become a better man as a result.
He then needs to give her an apology and tell her that he doesn’t expect her to believe anything, but he only asks her to witness the real changes that he has made and then answer his question, “Do you think it is possible for a guy to learn from his mistakes, grow up like I have and become a better man as a result?”
Once she admits that it is possible, it then automatically opens her mind up to notice the changes you have made and she then begins to see that you are different and that she is right to think that a man can change.
So, if you’ve been dumped for breaking a woman’s trust in you, it’s important that not only you realize that it’s possible for you to become a better man, but to make her realize that.
A lot of people mistakenly go through life thinking that if they make a mistake, then that is who they are and they will always be like that.
That is not how life works.
If you are open to change, then you will change and you will become a bigger and better man every day in your life from now on.
Your identity and way of thinking, behaving and feeling is not set in stone. You can become an even more amazing version of you who are right now.
In fact, simply by reading my post, you have already made improvements to how you think as a man, which will make you more attractive and appealing to her from now on.