Over the years, there have been several studies conducted on couples who break up and get back together.
Contrary to what a lot of people out there assume, many couples do get back together.
Yet, how often it happens and how long the relationship will last the next time around, depends on the age of the couple and on the seriousness of the relationship.
1. Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships
In 2012, researchers Sarah Halpern-Meekin, Wendy Manning, Peggy Giordano and Monica Longmore conducted a study on 792 daters (i.e. boyfriends/girlfriends) and cohabiters (i.e. couples living together) ages 17 to 24 years old, to determine the percentage of break ups and reconciliations between them.
They discovered that approximately 44% of these couples had experienced at least one reconciliation with an ex romantic partner.
With the age group of 17-24 year olds, they also discovered that 53% of those who got back together with an ex, also reported having sex with their ex.
According to a 2010 study at Texas State University, San Marcos, 60% of teenagers will break up and get back together again with an ex and in the majority of cases, they will do this two times or more (source: Crook).
So, as you can see, getting back with a girlfriend after a break up is not as impossible as you may have originally thought.
In fact, you have an approximately 50/50 chance of it happening, if you play your cards right.
Not only that, this time around, you and her can have a better chance of that relationship lasting, because you’ve learned from your past mistakes and have taken action to change and improve and become a better man as a result (and visa versa).
The percentage of married couples who break up and get back together varies depending on the study.
For instance, in 2013 study conducted by Amber Vennum (an assistant professor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University) found that approximately 37% of couples living together, and 23% of married couples have broken up and then gotten back together again.
These statistics seem to be in line with earlier studies conducted on married couples (Kitson, 1985; Wineberg & McCarthy, 1994) that found that between 10-17% of married couples separated and then got back together again, and about 40% of separated married couples attempted a reconciliation (Bumpass, Castro Martin, & Sweet, 1991; Wineberg, 1996a).
Of these couples, 15% were still together 3-4 years later.
In a sample of 329 divorcing couples, Doherty, Willoughby, and Peterson (2011) found that both partners in 1 in 9 couples believed the marriage could be saved and both partners in 1 in 10 couples expressed interest in getting back together again.
In a global study of 1001 reunited couples from across 42 countries conducted by Nancy Kalish, professor emeritus at California State University in Sacramento, it was discovered that about only 6% of these couples said they married, divorced and remarried the same person.
However, on a more positive note, 72% of those who got back together again stayed together, particularly if their separations occurred at a young age.
In the United Kingdom, married couples who divorce and get back together again are now being called Yo-Yo Couples, meaning that the relationship keeps ending, only to begin again.
According to new research from the Co-Op Legal Services, a quarter of divorcees in the UK have considered reconciliation with their ex, with 12% of those actually getting back together again.
The bottom line is that even couples who divorce each other are uncertain about their decision and open to getting back together again and when they do, the chances of the marriage working out the second time around are so much higher.
Of course, if you want the highest chance of getting an ex wife or ex girlfriend back, then watch this:
3. College or university relationships
In 2009, René Dailey from the Department of Communication Studies at the University of Texas found that approximately 65% of U.S. college students had broken up and then gotten back together again.
In a similar study conducted by Kansas State professor Amber Vennum, she found that about 40% of the college-aged subjects studied were in a relationship with a former ex.
4. Short term relationships
There haven’t been a lot of studies on short term relationships, however, some studies have found that couples in less committed relationships are less likely to get back together again compared to couples who have been living together or were married.
Yet, regardless of what these studies say, they’re not entirely accurate.
Small, Independent Studies Don’t Reveal What is Happening On a Wider Scale Online
All of the studies out there have been conducted are on a small scale (i.e. between 300 to 1000 people).
Yet, the fact is that there are millions more couples who get back together by following expert advice they find online and they never report it to anyone, or approach the universities or social scientists who do the studies.
Instead, they just get on with their relationship without the people who are doing the studies ever knowing about it.
The Modern Man Gets 100s of New Success Stories Every Month
Here at The Modern Man, we hear from new guys every day, who’ve gotten their ex woman back and are now enjoying a new, improved relationship with her.
Yet, none of that is included in the survey statistics of the small studies that are sometimes reported in the news.
Only we are aware of it.
Now you are aware of it too.
You are aware that, even if the percentage of break ups that get back together seems a little low from the small studies, it doesn’t reflect what is actually going on with men from all over the world who are learning a proven, step-by-step method to get their ex woman back.
Men get women back every day, all over the world and it’s happening in increasing numbers every month.
So, to help you get started on the quick and easy process to getting your ex woman back, here are…
4 Tips to Help You Get Back Together With Your Ex
If you want to get your ex back for real, then we recommend that you don’t spend anymore time looking at ex back percentages from small studies and then losing hope when the numbers don’t look good.
Instead, take action and do what has worked for men all over the world who have successfully gotten their woman back.
Here’s how you can do it…
1. Understand what aspects of your thinking and behavior turned her off in the first place and take action to change those things abut yourself
If your ex is currently pushing you away and refusing to give you another chance, it may be because you keep thinking and behaving in the ways you did before.
So, rather than want to give you another chance, she’s likely thinking something along the lines of, “Why would I want to get back with him when nothing about him has changed or improved. He’s still the same guy I broke up with and if I did get back with him, we would only break up again immediately. I can’t put myself through that again. I’m better off moving on and finding myself a new man who already has the qualities I want, rather than trying to fix my ex.”
This is why it’s very important that before you try to get your ex back, you first figure out her real reasons for leaving, rather than wasting time on irrelevant things.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some questions that will help you uncover the thinking and behaviors that caused your ex to disconnect from her feelings for you…
- Did your ex like that you were an emotionally strong, confident and independent man, or did she complain about you being clingy, needy, insecure and too emotionally sensitive?
- Did she like that you took the lead in the relationship and allowed her to relax into thinking, acting and behaving like a feminine woman around you, or did she feel that she had to be the strong one and make all the decisions for the both of you?
- Did she feel sexy and desirable with you, or did she feel more like a neutral friend, or even worse, a big sister to you?
- Did she enjoy the feeling of being loved, appreciated or taken care of, or did she feel a bit taken for granted or neglected.
- Did she feel safe knowing that you and her were headed in the same direction in life (i.e. you wanted the same things for the future), or did she feel insecure and like you and her weren’t in sync with each other?
- Did she like the idea of you rising through the levels of life and achieving your goals, or did she feel annoyed by your lack of drive and ambition?
When you understand what really turned your ex off about you, you can take action on improving those things about yourself right now.
Then, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to give her the type of attraction experience that she really wants in a relationship by showing her that you’re now the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. you make her feel understood, you’re more confident and self-assured, more emotionally independent, more focused and determined, more emotionally masculine in your thinking, attitude and behavior).
When that happens she automatically begins to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you and she then becomes open to talking to you over the phone, meeting up with you in person and allowing a new relationship with you to gently unfold from there.
When you feel ready, you need to…
2. Reactivate some of her feelings for you on a phone call
Once you’ve made some attractive changes to your thinking and behavior (which should only take a few days and up to a week at the most), the next step is to interact with your ex on a phone call, so that she can experience the new you for herself.
One of the best ways to do that is by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be talking to you again.
For example: Imagine you call your ex a few days after the break up and she says something like, “What do you want?” or “Why are you calling me? I thought I made it clear to you that I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
Rather than let that upset you and make you think things like, “This is hopeless. She doesn’t want me anymore. I’m just wasting my time with her. she’s never going to give me another chance with her,” turn her coldness into something you can laugh about together.
For instance, you can say something along the lines of, “I just won the lottery and I wanted to share my winnings with you, but since you’re not interested, I’ll keep it all for myself.”
She will likely respond with something like, “What? You won the lottery?” or, “Are you serious?”
You can then say in a joking voice, “Yes I did, but since you’re so mean to me, I’m keeping all $20! Haha.”
At this point she will probably laugh, or at least smile and secretly she may begin to wonder things like, “What is going on? Why is he so different all of a sudden? He seems so confident and self assured. Even though I’m being so cold to him, he’s not letting it get to him like I thought it would. It’s actually fun talking to him again. Maybe he’s changed after all.”
She then becomes more open to the idea of talking to you over the phone again and even meeting up with you in person, because she’s feeling drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
Remember: When you make a woman laugh and smile, you are helping her to get over the pain, anger and resentment that she feels towards you.
Even if she tries to fight it, she can’t help but relax and want to interact with you more.
From there, you need to…
3. Get her to agree to meet up with you in person, but do so in an easy-going manner
Regardless of how often you make your ex laugh and smile on the phone with you, the relationship isn’t going to move beyond that point unless you meet up with her and fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you in person.
So, make sure you don’t continue calling her on the phone indefinitely without actually getting to the point where you arrange to meet up with her in person.
For example: Imagine you’re talking to your ex on the phone once again and this time she’s naturally laughing, smiling and sounding happy to be talking to you, because you have already broken down some of her defenses.
Then, after a few minutes of easy-going conversation, simply say, “Hey, I still owe you half of my winnings on that lottery ticket. So, how about we meet up for a cup of coffee or a quick bite to eat sometime this week so that I can give you your share?”
If you’ve been making her feel attracted, she may laugh and say “Yes,” right away and you can then go ahead and make the arrangements with her.
Of course, in some cases the woman may just say “No,” because she doesn’t want to come across as being too easy or too eager.
Alternatively, she may want to test the guy’s reaction to see if he really has changed.
If he gets upset, throws a tantrum and starts saying things like, “Why are you being like this? I thought we were getting along again. Why won’t you just meet me up for some coffee? It’s not like I’m asking you for a kidney or something! Why can’t you at least try to be nice for a change, rather than always being such a bitch to me?” she will know that he has only been putting on an act with her and that he’s still at the same level he was at when she broke up with him.
She will then cut him off again, only this time she will make it even more difficult for him to get her back (e.g. by blocking his number on her phone, unfriending him on social media, ignoring him or avoiding him in person).
So, don’t let that happen to you.
The key is to maintain your confidence with her if she says “No,” and show her that you really are a new man.
Just laugh and say in an easy-going manner, “Hey, all I’m asking for is a quick meet up over a cup of coffee. I promise I’m not going to take it as a sign that you we’re going to get back together again. It’s no big deal, it’s just coffee. Besides, ex’s do that all the time without any strings attached and if, after we meet up you never want to see me again, I’ll respect your wishes and never call you again. Okay?”
In most instances, when a woman sees that her ex is remaining emotionally strong and confident even though she initially rejected him, she will naturally relax her guard and say something like, “Oh, okay, as long as it’s only coffee” or, “Sure, I guess I can spare 10 minutes.”
Then, just go ahead and make plans to meet her at a time that suits you both.
4. Meet up with her in person, hug, kiss and then hook up with her sexually and get her back
At the meet up, continue focusing on making her feel sexual and romantic attraction for the new you.
Show her via your attitude, thinking, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her that you’ve changed in some of the ways that matter to her (e.g. you’re more confident now rather than insecure and unsure of yourself, you’re more ballsy rather than being a push over, you’re more assertive rather than being timid, you’re more emotionally masculine rather than being too nice and soft).
At the same time, build some sexual tension between you and her by flirting with her.
Once she is feeling strong surges of respect and sexual attraction for you again, you can then progress to giving her a hug (e.g. you might say something like, “Hey, it’s really cool to see we can still be friends even though we’ve broken up. We should give each other a hug for being so mature about it. Come over here, you,” and then reach over and hug her).
If she doesn’t pull away, you can then go ahead and give her a kiss as well.
Then, if she’s open, you can go to your place or hers and hook up with her sexually.
From there, you just need to continue building on her feelings for you (i.e. by showing her that you’ve transformed yourself into the kind of man that she can now look up to, respect and feel sexually attracted to).
As you do that, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of love for you too.
You and her can then get back together in a relationship that is 100% better than before and become one of those secret couples that the studies don’t know about.