Just because you see a lot of guys letting their woman “wear the pants” in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do.
For example: A study in Norway found that husbands who do the majority of the housework for their wife are 50% more likely to be asked for a divorce.
Another study in the USA found that amongst college-educated couples who married, women initiated 90% of the divorces. This shocking statistic could suggest that empowered, educated women who are making enough of their own money and can survive, thrive and prosper without the help of a man are more likely to be trigger happy when it comes to divorce.
Yet, those two statistics are only the tip of the iceberg. The reasons for break ups and divorces run a lot deeper than just up cleaning the dishes for your wife or marrying a woman with a degree.
No Matter How Successful a Woman is, She Still Wants Her Man to Be the Man
These days, many women are heavily involved in changing the world, building their career and making a difference. However, regardless of her achievements outside of your relationship with her, when she is with you, she wants to know that you’re “the man” and that she can relax into being a woman around you.
Some women have more of a masculine spirit and don’t want a man to lead the way, but most women do.
Most women want to know that the man is steering the ship and is clear on direction they are headed and how they are going to get there. A woman wants to support her man and help him achieve whatever it is that he wants for the two of them.
Knowing that you have a plan, a direction and also have the confidence, drive and integrity to see it through, allows a woman to relax into her feminine role and be your woman, rather than your buddy or “partner” in a friendly, but sexless relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with allowing a woman to make a lot of decisions in a relationship or be in control of certain parts of your life together. Women are just as smart as men and they are more than capable of leading the way.
However, in order to keep the sexual spark alive in a relationship with a woman, she has to be able to feel as though you are the man. She has to be able to look up to you and respect you, not look down on you or have to take care of you like she is your mother.
Some women do like it when a man submits and lets her take on the leading role, even to the point where she acts like his mother. However, women like that are usually insecure deep down and simply want a weak man that they can control. In her mind, it’s the best way to ensure that the relationship stays together.
Yet, guys like that usually have their confidence beaten out of them by the woman over many years and then, when he meets a sweet, loving woman who shows a lot of interest in him and looks up to him as a man, he is more likely to want to explore a relationship with her.
Letting Her Wear the Pants Usually Kills Her Sex Drive
In almost every case I’ve personally dealt with (by helping phone coaching clients) and from what I’ve seen in the media, when a woman “wears the pants” in a relationship, the couple’s sex life is basically non-existent.
If they do have sex, it is on the woman’s terms and only occurs if the man has been on his best behavior. An example of that is Kate Thompson, who has been referred to as “Britain’s worst wife,” which is something that she is strangely proud of.
Kate Thompson’s husband does most of the cooking, cleaning and ironing. He only gets sex on birthdays that end with zero (e.g. 40, 50). A classic example of what happens when a woman wears the pants.
In Kate’s own words:
“My husband is the kindest, most considerate man in the world. During the seven years we’ve been married, Ben has done most of the cooking, cleaning and ironing without ever being asked. And yes, he works full-time. And if you think I reward his sterling domestic efforts with treats in the bedroom, I’m afraid I fail in that department, too. Intimacy is reserved only for his birthdays – and then just the ones with a zero.
I am shamefully neglectful of my wifely duties. In fact, I am the anti-wife. The truth is that I’m just too busy and involved in my career as a writer to be a traditional, caring wife. The truth is that I’m in awe of the way he looks after me, our sons and our home. He makes my life easier.
Does that make me a selfish, slovenly, neglectful wife?” Probably – but it also makes me a happier one.” Kate Thompson
In my opinion, Kate’s relationship with her husband is more about convenience than true love.
It’s not the amazing, invigorating, challenging, transformative, passionate love that a man and a woman experience when they embrace their natural masculine and feminine roles in a relationship. Kate and her “husband” live together and have more of a friendly love.
Her husband would have to jerk off to porn every week to clear out the build up of sperm that naturally occurs for every man. He’d have to masturbating alone to porn and then put on his apron to cook and clean for his wife, who isn’t interested in having sex with him.
Is it wrong for people to have a relationship like that?
No.
They can do whatever they want, but just because a bored, sexless couple are living together like that, it doesn’t mean that it’s a great idea or a solution for modern relationships. Most people would rather be in a relationship with a person with whom they love, respect AND feel attracted to. If it’s just love and respect, it’s a friendship.
Kate seems like a busy woman and her husband seems like he a good assistant for her, so it would be unwise for her to divorce him. She needs his help to keep her life balanced so she can focus on doing what she wants to do.
By the way she describes her husband, it doesn’t sound like she loves him in the same way that she would love (and do anything for) a real man who made her feel sexual attraction and deep respect for him.
My bet is that if she met a confident, masculine man who made her go “weak at the knees” and he was actually interested in her, it’s possible that she would consider having an affair and then divorcing her assistant…oh, I meant husband.
Different Time, Different Divorce Rate
In 1900, it was shameful for a woman to divorce a man.
Most women couldn’t get a high paying job to support themselves, so they were essentially stuck with whatever man they got. Back then, it didn’t really matter who wore the pants behind closed doors because people rarely got divorced anyway.
If the couple was unhappy, they just “put up with each other” until death did them part. The average divorce rate for developed countries in 1900 was less than 10%, whereas in today’s world it is around or more than 50% for most developed countries.
Nowadays, you have to be smart about the way that you approach your relationship or marriage with a woman. You’ve got to be able to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you over time or else most women will simply break up with you or divorce you after a while.
Today’s women are highly influenced by TV shows, music videos and Hollywood movies that essentially tell them it’s okay, or even “cool” to dump or divorce a guy.
A man may “get lucky” and score himself a relationship with a woman who overlooks his shy qualities in the beginning, but if he fails to become and be the man that she is really looking for in a relationship, she will almost certainly dump him or divorce him.
The Politically Correct 50/50 Relationship
Women have done so many great things for the world since they’ve been allowed to have a voice in society.
I could go on all day about the amazing women in this world who I respect and admire (e.g. the late Joan Rivers (a very bold, uncensored comedian who made the world less uptight and sensitive about things), Theresa Caputo (Long Island Medium), Elizabeth Blackburn (Nobel Prize winner for discovering the “immortality enzyme”), but I also have point out that women having a voice has caused a lot of confusion as well.
We humans don’t always have the correct answer for complex problems and unless a person has a high level of expertize in a particular area, they are usually just guessing when they give you their opinion.
On Oprah’s original TV talk show (that ended years ago) for example, she had loads of female guests come on and say (with confidence, belief and passion) that men should do the housework, change the baby’s diaper and essentially do half of a woman’s traditional role.
Eventually, people started referring to this as a “50/50 Relationship” and everyone felt like they’d finally worked it all out. They thought that men and women just had to get along as good friends and everything would be fine.
Yet, it wasn’t the answer.
Why?
It’s not as simple as that.
There is nothing wrong with a man doing some housework or changing the baby’s diaper, just like there is nothing wrong with a woman taking out the trash or hammering a nail into the wall to hang up a painting.
The problems occur when men and women start acting like FRIENDS in a 50/50 relationship, rather than being a man and a woman who are in a sexual, romantic relationship.
When the idea of a 50/50 relationship became popular thanks to confused TV talk show hosts and their guests, millions of men and women slowly transformed themselves into being neither a man or a woman, but neutral or “in between.”
When men stopped being men and women started thinking, acting and behaving more like men, couples began to lose the natural spark of sexual attraction that is created when a clear masculine/feminine dynamic is present.
Just like a battery needs a positive and negative charge to create power, two humans need a clear masculine and feminine divide between them to create sexual attraction.
If you are unable to make a woman feel attraction for you when in a relationship, the spark will naturally begin to die out. You have to keep the charge alive by maintaining the masculine and feminine balance between you and her.
Watch this video to understand how attraction between men and women really works…
These days, it’s not enough to just expect that a woman will stay with you because things felt good at the start. You have to know how to be attractive to your woman and to deepen her feelings over time.
The Modern Man Approach to Relationships
Me (Dan Bacon) with my wife
So, what approach do The Modern Man coaches (Dan, Ben and Stu) take in their relationships with women?
Personally speaking, I (Dan Bacon) am now married after a short engagement with my perfect girl. She actually asked me to marry her on several occasions, not because she wears the pants, but because, many years ago, I transformed myself into the type of guy that women refer to as a “catch.”
Over the years, many women have asked (and some have even begged) me to marry them. Yet, I rejected those offers and kept on living the bachelor lifestyle, until I met my wife who is the perfect woman for me.
Here’s what happened between me and my wife and how I’ve approached my relationship with her so far…
Loading ...The Modern Man approach to relationships is about you being the man that she looks up to and respects. You actively deepen the love, respect and attraction that you feel for each other over time, so the relationship gets better and better.
If you’ve ever heard a couple talk about falling in love with each other over and over again, that’s essentially what it means. You continually reach new, deeper and more meaningful levels of love, respect and attraction for each other.
The Easy Way to Get Her to Love You Again
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In fact, it's one of the easiest things you'll ever do.
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Hey Dan,
I am 18 years old and have been reading your articles for a while now. I am currently in a 14 month relationship and living together with her mother and father. I stumbled upon this amazing website to learn how to become a man, since my father is in Russia and I never had a father figure in my life. I am really appreciative of your work and help that you give to us. I also have a question. Should I tell my girlfriend that I am reading all this and maybe show her some articles about “Who should wear the pants” etc. Thank you for your time
Hi Vlad
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
No, it is unnecessary to tell a woman that you’re learning about this type of thing. Your girlfriend probably has probably been reading girly magazines all her life with articles about men, boyfriends, love, etc. She doesn’t need to tell you about that. If she did, you might get suspicious that she was using some kind of trick on you.
Just be the man that she needs you to be and everything will be fine. No need to tell her, just be.
Cheers
Dan
so basically, on a deep subconsciouslevel, the reason why women are attracted to men who have or display “leadership”, or “leader” qualities, attributes, that lead the relationship, are the leader, is it because does leading show the woman that you can protect her? or is there more to it than that?
Hi Andrew
Thanks for your question.
Essentially, it boils down to the fact that a man like that will be a better survivor, no matter what conditions he finds himself in during life. That is attractive to women, whereas a man who seems like he would submit to other men, worry, freak out, find it difficult to survive and thrive, etc, is unattractive to women.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
So I am in a relatioship with a very dominate man who believes that a man is the true leader. He decides everything about the relationship. What I eat, what I wear, how I speak in public, what I say and to whom. I can not joke with him as he says it belittles him. Is this the leader in him or a very insecure individual. P.S. He is like this with everyone we meet, even his family members. He controls what they wear, eat and how they are suppose to act too. Thanks.
Hey Carol
Thanks for your question.
If you like being bossed around like that, then fine. However, that is not how 99% of women want to be treated. A woman wants to relax into her man’s masculine direction, but she also wants to be able to freely express herself. He is right that you shouldn’t belittle him in a disrespectful way, but not being able to joke with him is going too far. He is behaving like that because he is insecure and only feels secure if he can control everything. Most people will rebel against that sort of treatment from anyone, because it is our human nature to want freedom of thought and expression.
Cheers
Dan
By all means, the woman should be the boss. Women have been deprived, cheated out of and suppressed for centuries by men and the silly notion that men are better leaders. Women are clearly to leader when it comes down to raising a family. Women are born leaders and think with logic not with greed and stupidity like most men do. Men have had their chance forever and have failed, now women are stepping up and are proving their are the better leaders. Not only do women deserve that role, they will make men’s submissive role better than the submissive role men gave them. The only thing men are better at then women is body strength, women use their minds to overcome that. Women are going to be the leaders, like it or not. I can’t wait for that to become the normal relationship because that is when relationships will be the happiest, more loving and last the longest. Divorce will be rare because the reasons will be gone. I wish I knew about this when I was younger. Women must start training their kids with this role change for it to become permanent. I am on your side ladies. If your man objects, find another one. You deserve your freedom. Thank you, Glenn.
Hey Glenn
You’re confused.
“Women are born leaders and think with logic not with greed and stupidity like most men do. Men have had their chance forever and have failed” Women created the Internet? Women made the computer or phone you typed your message on? Women went to the moon?
Dude, I know from personal experience that women can be great leaders. My boss at a big corporation was a woman and she was an amazing leader. However, women are not better than men and men are not better than women.
What you need to get clear on Glenn is that in order for a woman to maintain sexual attraction for a man, she has to feel as though he is the man. His masculinity needs to make her feel girly around him. If she feels like his mother, that is going to be a turn off, not turn on.
“I am on your side ladies.” Haha…Glenn, women don’t want you to be on their side as a little cheerleader for them. They want you to be a man and lead the way, while also giving women the respect they deserve. If a woman has the capacity to lead, then she steps up to lead. However, for the most part, women want men to lead the way. If you don’t accept that, your surname will probably define your life.
Cheers
Dan
I love this!
Thanks mate.