There’s nothing wrong with a man helping a woman with the housework at times, but only if it’s absolutely necessary.
According to a Norwegian study, divorce rates are 50% higher for couples who share the housework compared to those where the woman takes on most of the responsibility.
If a man essentially gives up his will to achieve big things in life and hides from his true potential by wasting time with housework, his woman will not fully respect him.
Although she may deny that if people ask her (because she’s enjoying the break from her housework), a woman will never, ever respect a housewife husband as much as a man who is rising through the levels of his true potential as a man and going after big and challenging ambitions.
So, does this mean that if a man does housework his relationship is doomed to failure? No, it’s not that simple.
Sometimes, it’s absolutely necessary to help out.
For example: She is very busy with work and working overtime, while you work a normal job and have plenty of time at home, but can’t afford to hire a cleaner to help out.
If that’s the case, it is fine. However, if you have just as much free time as she does and do the housework for her because you don’t want her to get angry, then she’s going to lose respect for you as a man.
She will let you do the housework, but she won’t look at you in the same way as she would a man who made her feel like she had to do the lion’s share of the housework.
Again, most women won’t admit that outright and there are some women who even say that I am wrong, but statistics and real life examples don’t lie.
Here’s a real life example to show you what I mean…
A Real Life Example of What Happens When a Man Grows a Vagina and Becomes a Housewife
Have you ever heard of Kate Thompson? She has been referred to as “Britain’s Worst Wife,” which is a title that she’s proud of.
In Kate’s own words:
“My husband is the kindest, most considerate man in the world.
During the seven years we’ve been married, Ben has done most of the cooking, cleaning and ironing without ever being asked.
And yes, he works full-time.
And if you think I reward his sterling domestic efforts with treats in the bedroom, I’m afraid I fail in that department, too. Intimacy is reserved only for his birthdays – and then just the ones with a zero.
I am shamefully neglectful of my wifely duties. In fact, I am the anti-wife. The truth is that I’m just too busy and involved in my career as a writer to be a traditional, caring wife. The truth is that I’m in awe of the way he looks after me, our sons and our home. He makes my life easier.
Does that make me a selfish, slovenly, neglectful wife?” Probably – but it also makes me a happier one.” Kate Thompson
This is a classic example of what happens when a man allows himself to be walked all over by a woman.
A man like that hides from his true potential as a man behind her and the relationship.
Instead of following through on his biggest ambitions and most challenging dreams in life (and becoming a bigger and better man throughout life as a result), he does the dishes.
What does he get for it?
His wife is “in awe of the way he looks after her.”
Kate’s poor husband would be masturbating to porn every week to dull his built-up sexual desire.
She only ‘allows’ him to have sex with her once a decade.
Each to their own, I suppose.
The Need That a Woman Has For a Man Has Changed
In the past, a woman had to stay with a man for life, even if she was unhappy because it was shameful to divorce and she usually wouldn’t be able to support herself without him.
She would stay at home and base her life around being a mother who cooked, cleaned and took care of the children and her husband’s needs.
These days, most women are no longer dependent on a man’s income to support the household, so divorce has become an “easier” option for unhappy women.
If a man wants to keep a relationship with a woman together for life, he has to know how to deepen her love, respect and attraction for him over time.
Doing all the housework for her, or sharing it 50/50 will NOT achieve that goal.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with a man helping out, but if you want to maintain a woman’s respect for you, the majority of your free time should be spent on following through on your biggest and most challenging ambitions in life.
When you do that, she feels proud to be your woman.
She wants to be with you and she knows that without you in her life, it would be next to impossible to find another man who is courageous as you are about following through on your biggest ambitions in life.
Not only do you love her, respect her and make her feel the sexiest woman on Earth, but you are the man.
You are someone that she can look up to and feel proud to be with.
When that happens, a woman does not want to leave. She is happy and the relationship feels right.
Sure, there are some women out there who are more like men and want to achieve big things too.
Those types of women usually attract feminine types of men who are willing to be a housewife and stand back as she takes on the world.
However, their sex life will be basically non-existent and the husband will only be “allowed” to have sex with her when she wants.
After helping 100s of phone coaching clients fix their relationship and marriage problems, I’ve seen it time and time again.
When a guy fails to be the man in the relationship and hands over his power to the woman, the sex almost always dries up and only happens on her terms.
You Need to Have Clearly Defined Roles: You are the Man and She is the Woman
Sharing the housework evenly between a man and a woman leads to a relationship without clearly defined roles.
You and your girlfriend (fiance or wife) feel more like friends who share a house together than man and wife.
That type of dynamic doesn’t create sexual attraction because you are both neither the man or the woman; you’re neutral housemates.
After a while, the spark dies out and the sex dries up.
The couple then begins to wonder if they are meant for each other, not even knowing that they are killing the potential for attraction by not having a clear masculine/feminine dynamic in their relationship.
Relationships don’t fall apart because a guy wants to be a good man by helping out with the vacuuming every now and then; they fall apart because the relationship dynamic is wrong.
When the dynamic is right, a woman feels good about taking care of her man and taking care of their home, and a man feels good about taking care of his woman by taking care of the household chores that she’s not able to tackle on her own.
It might seem old-fashioned to refer to housework as “women’s work,” but when the relationship dynamic is right, a woman actually wants to be the woman and allow you to have time and space to go after your biggest and most challenging goals and ambitions in life.
She doesn’t want you to waste time dusting around the house, but she does want you to fix the leaky tap in the kitchen if you can. If you can’t, she wants you to help out by arranging for a plumber to come and fix it.
Just because a lot of men have been behaving like housewives lately, it doesn’t mean that it’s the correct way to approach your relationship.
All you need to do is look at the divorce rates, especially with regard to the Norwegian study, to see that you need to be the man and allow your woman to be the woman.
Times When I Do Housework
Recently, it was my wife’s birthday and we had a bit of a party at home with some friends on the night before her actual birthday.
After a big night of drinking, laughing and partying together, everyone headed home and my wife and I went to bed.
I wouldn’t normally include this because it might sound like I am boasting, but since I’ve been talking about sex in relationships during this article, I will say for the record that we had some pretty awesome sex that night.
Anyway, in the morning, I woke up before her and headed downstairs. The place was a mess.
I was hungover, but after having a coffee and a quick breakfast, I quickly got to work on cleaning up the downstairs part of the house where all the party action was.
It took me two hours of non-stop work to get it all cleaned up, but it was worth it. When my wife came downstairs, she was amazed, happy and shocked at the same time.
I don’t normally have the time to be doing housework because I work so damn hard on The Modern Man (seriously – I put in 50-60 hours per week), but this was the morning of her birthday and I did it as a nice surprise for her.
For the record: I didn’t buy her a birthday present.
I have the type of relationship with her that doesn’t require presents on every special occasion. Being truly in love with each other and doing nice things for each other is more than enough.
Regarding housework, my wife actually doesn’t want me to waste time doing it because she knows that I could work endlessly on writing new articles for The Modern Man and never be finished.
Helping guys to be more successful with women is my passion, not dishes or dusting.
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You shot directly at the target without exaggerating. Truly, I look forward laying my hand on your books which, even though I am yet to read but your thought provoking advice is immensely appreciated.
You’re welcome mate. I’m glad you’ve been learning a great deal already. Your eyes will be truly opened when you read my book and watch/listen to the other programs.
Good information !
From the very beginning of my relationship I made a vow that I would never agree to cook, clean or do laundry, unless I felt like it. This has been the norm from when we began dating throughout our engagement and into our marriage. On occasion she might put up a bit of resistance but I never back down. Later she always tells me that she loves doing these things for us and that she has never felt that way about any other man she was with in the past.
On occasion, when I can sense she is overwhelmed or very tired, I will offer to giver her a break and wash dishes etc.. but it is always my decision never an expectation. The dynamic in place between us is beautiful and flows very naturally. It took a previous marriage and then divorce -to the wrong type of woman -for me to learn the lessons/truths that I put into practice now in my current relationship. A good woman wants a man who is strong and leads in the relationship.
Thanks for your positive feedback and contribution.
I do the exact same thing as you. Occasionally, or if I notice my girlfriend is really tired or overwhelmed with things, I will decide to help out. She will thank me, run over to kiss and huge, tell me how lucky she is to have a man like me, etc. She often says, “Why don’t you help me?” or “Why do I always have to do this?” but it’s just a test. She loves the dynamic we have and it’s exactly what women want.
Dan, the man in the picture is so like my father and the women is like my mother hahaah. You explain exactly my parents situation in this article
hi Dan, your articles have made me realise so many things about ladies… am from nigeria and i want to know how i can get the books .thanks
Thanks for your positive feedback. Glad to hear that you’ve been learning a lot so far.
Please see Question 9 here for payment information: http://store.themodernman.com/faq.html
Realistically speaking, do those beautiful and successful women do housework, massage the man, prepare bubble bath etc..? No!
On the other hand, those less attractive and less successful women do all or some of the above. Why does a man have to choose between the two types ?
Thanks for your question.
Lol…of course they do. At the moment, you just don’t understand what it means to be a man. You think that a beautiful women should get more privileges because you currently don’t know to attract those types of women. You see them as being super valuable, whereas guys like me see them as being normal. My friends who are naturally good with women feel like they are doing women a favor by being in a committed relationship with them because they have heaps of other women wanting to be with them. My girlfriend is hot and she knows she’s lucky to be with me. Of course she does the housework. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t let her live with me. She works a job during the day and when she comes home, I expect her to cook dinner, which she gladly does most nights of the week. Other nights, we eat out.
Faisal, you just don’t get it yet. You think women are the valuable ones because you’re not yet what women refer to as a real man. If you were, you’d be asking me how to tell women that you’re taken and not interested in cheating on your girlfriend. Things like that…
Nice article! Great to see that you guys on the modern man are letting guys free of what they’ve been infected by – all the morning TV shows and so called experts’ BS perspective on dating and women. Lol.. the picture above reminds me of my married uncle; the main culprit of this – he does the washing, cooking and cleaning a lot (although within my family and relatives there are a lot of co-dependent/narcissistic relationships, this is by far the worst one).
So Dan, quick question: When and how did MASCULINITY die? I’m sure we can’t put so much of the blame on just TV and Pop music. After taking reading a lot of your articles and stuff I’m beginning to see that all guys around me are pretty whimpish when it comes to women – a LOT of guys are fumbling into relationships, a LOT more of them than I initially thought!
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Masculinity didn’t die. It’s just that many modern men are ashamed to be masculine because what they’ve seen on TV, in the movies and in music videos. Your masculinity is always there, you just have to claim it and live it…and then women will love you for it and guys will respect you for it.
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