When a woman loses respect for you as her man, she will then begin to feel less attraction for you and when that happens, she will gradually begin to fall out of love with you.
Maintaining a woman’s respect is essentially about being a strong, honest man that she can look up to, rather than an insecure, emotionally selfish or unreliable man that she looks down on.
It’s also about making sure that you make her feel motivated to be a good woman for you, rather than her eventually feeling like she can disrespect you, not be affection or loving and you will just put up with it.
So, in addition to being a good man that she can look up to and respect, you need to bring out the best in her, so she is a good woman that treats you well.
Of course, that’s not what women will go around saying.
If you ask women about relationships, they will usually say that a man has to do everything and treat the woman like a princess and then she might be nice to him, if he’s lucky.
That’s just a trick that women use to control men.
You’ve got to look through it and notice that the women who are the happiest, are with a good man who treats them well, but who also brings out their good girl side and makes them want to treat him well.
The Start of a Relationship is the Easy Part
When a relationship begins, most men are on their best behavior because they want to have sex with the woman and then get into a relationship with her.
Yet, after a while, a man might slip into the habit of treating his woman badly and taking her presence in his life for granted.
He assumes that because things felt great at the start, the woman will be willing to stick around even when things turn bad.
Yet, today’s women don’t need men like they once did (i.e. most women couldn’t earn a living in the past and had to rely on men to provide), so they will break up with a guy if the relationship goes sour.
In the past, a woman had to stick by her man for life because it was shameful to break up or divorce and because she had to rely on him to provide for her.
Keeping a relationship together in today’s world requires a man to actually know how to deepen the love, respect and attraction that a woman feels for him over time.
If he can’t do that, the relationship will almost always fall apart eventually (or very quickly).
Starting a relationship with a modern woman is the easy part because they are much more open to having sex and seeing where it goes.
The more challenging part for most guys is being able to keep the relationship together by deepening the woman’s love, respect and attraction over time.
Here are 7 common mistakes that cause a woman to lose respect for her man and begin to question whether or not she wants to be in a relationship with him anymore…
1. Being Bossy Around Her, But Submissive Around Other Men
Most women are naturally more submissive than men and when in a relationship with a man, a woman wants the man to “wear the pants” and be the leader.
Being the “leader” doesn’t mean bossing her around like she is some sort of servant or employee.
Instead, it means that you are the one who takes on the responsibility of being the emotionally stronger one, especially when times get tough or when you face a challenging situation.
Being the leader in a relationship also doesn’t meant that you have to lead everything or do all the work.
Most women are intelligent and perfectly capable of taking the lead and you should allow your woman to lead sometimes, but in most cases, women simply prefer the man to take charge and lead the way.
Why do women prefer that?
It allows them to relax into being a woman, instead of being forced to act like the man in the relationship.
A lot of guys lose the respect of their woman by being very bossy at home, but then being shy and submissive around other men in public.
When a woman sees that her man is bossy around her, but submits around other people in social situations, she will begin to question whether or not she should be following his lead.
Whether he’s talking to other men at a party or to a shop attendant in a store, the woman is watching to see if he acts submissively and places other men above him in terms of dominance.
If he bosses her around at home, but then goes into his shell when interacting with confident men outside of the home, she will lose respect for him and won’t want to follow his orders at home.
2. Being Too Suspicious and Protective
It’s fine to be a bit protective of your woman to show that you care.
However, if you are overly suspicious or protective due to insecurity (i.e. you’re worried that she will cheat on you), it will cause her to lose respect for you.
A woman wants to know that you care about her, love her and want her in your life, but that you would also be absolutely fine without her.
She doesn’t want to feel as though you need her for your emotional stability and that she has to be stick with you because you’re afraid of losing her.
Whether she is legitimately working with a male co-worker on a project, going to the movies with friends or doing some shopping, some guys find it almost impossible to trust their woman unless they are with her.
In an effort to control his woman, a man stay in constant contact with her to find out where she is and what she is doing at all times.
Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness, so when a woman senses a man’s insecurity like that, she begins to lose attraction and respect for him on a fundamental level.
A woman doesn’t want to lose respect and attraction for you when in a relationship.
She wants you to remain confident and not ruin her feelings.
If you do ruin her feelings, she wants you to fix it so you and her can go back to being in love.
3. Hiding From Your True Potential as a Man
What are your biggest ambitions in life?
Are you following through on them fearlessly and with unrelenting determination?
The most respected men in the world are through who know what they want from life and go after it will unrelenting determination.
When a man gets into a relationship with a woman, he will often make the mistake of hiding from his true potential as a man behind the relationship.
Instead of rising through the levels of his true potential as a man, he will waste time on unnecessary thing to fill up his free time so he doesn’t have to face his fears.
If a woman can see that a man is hiding from his potential due to fear, then she will gradually begin to lose respect for him.
If this goes on for a long time, she will lose attraction for him and then begin to fall out of love with him.
A big part of being what women refer to as a real man is having purpose in life and following through on it until you are successful.
You don’t have to be successful right now, but you do have to be on your way to success.
If you want to be the sort of man that is not only respected by your woman, but by almost everyone around you, start pushing forward towards your biggest ambitions and goals in life…and don’t give up until you achieve them, or at least achieve something very similar within the same industry, field or area.
4. Whining About Life Like a Victim
For a variety of reasons, a man might find that his life plans are suddenly in jeopardy (e.g. he loses his job, his investments lose a lot of value, he gets caught up in heated disagreements with family or friends, etc.).
It’s completely fine for a man to talk about his problems if life gets too tough or challenging for him to face on his own.
However, if he whines and complains about life like a victim when talking to her, without looking for solutions to the problems that he is facing, a woman’s respect for him will begin to fade.
A woman wants to be able to see that no matter what life throws as your way, you remain strong like a man and push for a solution to any problem you face.
She doesn’t want to hear you complaining and saying that life is too hard.
She wants you to deal with the problem and move towards a solution.
We men are expected to be strong (mentally and emotionally), so when you display weakness to a woman, she will find it difficult to see you as a real man.
She might love you, care about you and even like you as a person, but when your woman loses enough respect for you, her attraction for you will also begin to fade.
If a problem needs fixing in your life, you need be a man about it by making a firm decision on what you’re going to do and then acting on that decision.
As a friend said to me the other night when talking about this subject, “It’s not what happens to you in life; it’s how you deal with it…that’s what determines how your life plays out.
If you behave like a victim and hide away in fear or drown yourself in excuses, your life will become a mess of problems, sadness and missed opportunities.”
This same friend lost 85% of his life savings when the stock markets crashed a few years ago, but he’s managed to get back on his feet and push forward to success once again.
That’s one of the things I like about him; he talks the talk and walks the walk.
He makes things happen and achieves big things without having to cry, bitch or moan about it.
Guys who sit around complaining, whining and feeling like a victim will only experience more pain, frustration and disappointment throughout life.
Women know that this world is a challenging place to live, survive and prosper.
As a result, women naturally look for strong men who won’t crumble under pressure and will remain strong no matter what.
The stronger you are as a man (mentally and emotionally), the more naturally attractive you will be to women.
If you are emotionally weak (i.e. insecure), it’s only natural that women will find it hard to respect you and feel attracted to who you are.
5. Belittling Her or Continually Criticizing Her
Belittle (verb): To make someone feel unimportant.
Criticize (verb): To find faults. Judge unfavorably.
Playfully teasing your woman in private is fun, especially if it’s just a light-hearted thing between you and her.
However, if you are actually belittling or criticising her on a regular basis, she will quickly lose respect for you as a man.
In an effort to show off in front of his friends, some guys will say hurtful things about their woman in front of her and behind her back.
When a woman knows that her man doesn’t respect her and doesn’t have her back, she may also begin trying to undermine him or disrespect him in front of others.
When that happens, the flow of love will slow down between them and all sorts of other relationship problems will begin to arise.
6. Always Letting Her Win
Some guys make the mistake of putting up with unreasonable behavior or demands from a woman in a relationship because they are afraid of losing her.
Yet, women don’t respect guys who let themselves be walked all over and treated badly.
In a relationship, a woman will always test you to see how much she can get away with.
If you do let her boss you around, she may stay with you in a relationship because it’s convenient, but she will lose respect for you as a man on a fundamental level and when that happens, your sex life with her will come to a screeching halt.
7. Taking Her Love, Respect and Attraction For Granted
To keep a relationship together for life, you have to deepen a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
One of the most important ways to do that is to focus on bringing out the best in your woman, so she feels motivated to want to treat you well, respect you, love you and be good to you.
For us modern men, it’s no longer possible to take a woman’s love, respect and attraction for granted and expect that she will stick around because the relationship was good at the start.
If you get into a habit of turning her off, doing things that make her lose respect for you and ruining the love over time, you can’t expect her to want to stick around for life.
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This was an interesting read however I have a question about always letting her win. I don’t really understand what your saying here.
Sometimes my girlfriend will say “I wanna go shopping” for example, are you saying I’m to say no sometimes?
I fear I do everything my girlfriend asks, but I do it because I want too. Surly if I say “no” to going out with her, she’ll think I’m not interested.
My girlfriend the other day for example said “would you go just go to the shops and get some bread, were out?” and I agreed. If I said no, surly that’s making me look a bit self centered.
Putting some examples or writing some here would be appreciated to putting it in context.
Hopefully you’ll clear it up soon.
Thanks for your question.
About the example you provided about running out for bread: There’s nothing wrong with running an errand on behalf of you and your girlfriend. If you have very important things to do that day, then sure – ask her to do it instead, but don’t get worried about those things.
Doing something for the both of you doesn’t make you less of a man. In a relationship, you have to love and respect each other. You’ve both got to be in the relationship for each other and well as for yourselves. Being the man is not about getting her to do everything.
I provide a lot of helpful and practical information in these articles, but if you want all the “how to” information, examples and techniques, you need to watch my programs. The examples you seek in this case are provided in the program Better Than a Bad Boy.
Wow, I learned so much today, I was about to make many mistakes but this article saved me from taking a wrong choice. Thanks a lot Dan, I really appreciate your articles, as I haven’t missed a single one, you sir, changed my life a lot.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
I’m glad you’re learning a lot from the articles. If you want to learn all of my best techniques for success with women that will NEVER be revealed in these articles, check out my programs here. As the old saying goes, “You don’t know what you don’t know” and when it comes to women, you’d be surprised at how much you don’t know right now. Success with women begins with the right information. Once you know what you’re doing, success with women is one of the easiest things in life.
I went through some of your videos on youtube. I am amazed at the way Stu communicates .Listening to him has really improved my communication skills. Please convey my “thank you” note to him.
Does he do any other lifestyle courses/any course where he speaks apart from the ones for ModernMan. I would really like to listen more of his lectures other than of the ModernMan ones/dating related ones.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
Yes, Stu is available for lifestyle courses, but they are dating related. He will take you out to bars/clubs/shopping malls and show you how to approach women. See the lifestyle course page here.
For those who don’t know much about Stu, here is a photo of him at Dating Power.
I used your techniques in the Flow to get the girl of my dreams, and i recently bought The modern relationship. All of it has helped me and you will forever have my thanks.
There are two problems though. One: I dont know how often I should call her. We see each other everyday and talk everyday at school (college), but I’m not sure if me calling every night is too much. Two: as of now I am the only one initiating the phone call by calling first, and I dont like that. I’d prefer if she was the the one to call me in this regard. Could you give me advice for these two problems.
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve gotten yourself a girlfriend by using The Flow techniques. About your problems:
1. Refer to page 128 of The Flow – I’ve already explained what you need to do. It seems you may have forgotten that section.
2. Don’t call her. She will call, eventually.
You need to have a life and things that are important to you OTHER than just her. If it’s all just about her, she’ll eventually dump you. Check out the MANY comments/questions here from guys and my replies and you’ll see that approaching the relationship in the way you have been is one of the main reasons a girl will dump you: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/can-you-get-your-ex-girlfriend-back.html
Is texting allowed, or should I not do that until she texts me first
I don’t text or call my girlfriend(s) ever. They text and call me and I reply whenever I want and only answer some calls. This isn’t some trick I use on women – I do it because I prioritize women correctly and they love that. I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy and learn more about how to be in charge/control of a conversation, date and relationship. You make the rules, she follows. However, if your rules are about prioritizing her as #1 all the time, it will eventually turn into a, “We need to talk” conversation, initiated by her…and will likely be followed by, “I want some space and time to think. I want to take a break for a while.” See: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/my-girlfriend-said-she-needs-space.html
You’ve done great using The Flow so far, but it’s obvious that you need to learn more because you’re still asking me questions that other guys find answered by reading The Flow. Some guys learn this stuff faster and piece it all together after reading The Flow, while others need to have everything explained to them in various ways before it clicks in their head. For you, the program you need to watch is Better Than a Bad Boy. It will piece the remaining bits together for you about being the man and being in control of how the relationship unfolds.
Thank you for giving it to me straight. You really know your sh#t man. I am forever in your debt.
You’re welcome mate. I look forward to hearing more about your success.
Enjoy the great times ahead.
I am in serious need of advice and you are the best candidate.
I’m stuck between a rock and hard spot. I love my boyfriend, but I don’t know how much I can take before I break. It seems I cry myself to sleep every night now. I do all the house work, take care of the kids, grocery shop, laundry, and everything in my power to please him. But it seems the more I do, the more he expects. I have tumors in my back with one being wrapped around my spinal cord and he doesn’t understand that standing for long periods of time really hurts. I go to work with him (he owns a lawn care business) and most of the work around this time of year is delivering firewood. I help as much as I can, but if I don’t jump at the snap of his fingers, he’s snapping. It’s literally like he is incapable of doing anything himself besides driving. Everytime I turn around it’s “Erica Erica Erica”. “Erica I need this and Erica do that”. He never asks. He always demands. I have absolutely no say in anything. Instead he runs to mom and dad for decisions. He doesn’t have a mind of his own apparently. I am EXHAUSTED!! He misplaces stuff all the time and accuses me of being the one who did something with his stuff. I am called every name in the book and have literally lost all interest in being feminine. I don’t want to dress up. He makes me feel fat. He makes me feel like he is the “king” and I am his “servant”. He doesn’t value me. When it comes to sex, that a never ending battle. He hurts me and doesn’t even care. When I cry at anytime, he laughs and tells me it’s all my fault. He is so nice to people in public (especially other women). He goes out of his way to help everyone but me. My cell phone is broke and I need a new one. Instead of using his upgrade to get me a new phone (he has a brand new iphone), he says I have to go without because he may need to use his upgrade and I can’t have a better or newer phone than him. I just can’t take anymore. I asked him the other night to drain my radiator because it was below freezing out and all that was in it was water and it needed antifreeze, he jumps up and starts helling and screaming at me while calling me all the degrading names known to man. He gets mad because I took my keys and told him forget it and he came in the room and looped his arm around my neck and throws me on the bed and is angrily saying “I love you dammit”. A few days later, it’s even colder outside and he goes out and spends 2 hours changing his water pump. He just bought a new truck for $18,500 but wouldn’t spend $148 on me a phone. I’m so tired of feeling alone and lonely. I just don’t see the sense in my being here physically if I’m not here emotionally and mentally. Why be here and deal with this type of behavior everyday? Why not get out of this? I am alone anyways.Please help me.
Thanks for sharing your story.
It seems as though, deep down, your boyfriend actually does want you to leave. If he wanted you to be happy and stay with him, he wouldn’t be treating you that way. You should talk to him about how you feel and ask him to change the way he treats you, otherwise you will consider ending the relationship. A relationship is meant to make a person feel better and grow more as a person than they would on their own. You are growing in this relationship, but what is growing is your awareness of how you want to be treated and your ability to get a man to treat you that badly.
Here’s the thing though…
Deep down, you probably like a guy who is confident enough to boss you around. You don’t want a guy who you can walk all over. However, in this case, it seems your boyfriend is pushing you too hard. Try talking to him about it and getting him to ease up a little.
This made me realize why my ex wasn’t happy. I just got out of a relationship with a women I love very much. She is in the military. We dated before she left on her first deployment but broke up before she left. I was only 22 at the time and she was 27. After 2 years or so we started to date again. Things was going great. I knew she was leaving for another deployment in a couple of months but we loved each other. This went well for most of the deployment. The last two months we started to fight really bad. I thought she didn’t want to be with me and thought she was talking to other guys. After she came back we decided to give it a chance. It went well for a couple of months. I started to check her phone to see if she was talking to her ex boyfriend. Which she was. He was trying to get back with her. I was stupid and instead of being a man and saying something about it (fear of losing her) I keep quite and stalked her every move and call. I would belittle her in public too. We both decide to stay friends because we loved each other still but wasn’t on the same page. I told her I couldn’t do it after about a week. Only to say it was a mistake and I would rather have her as a friend then nothing at all. We went to dinner and had a great time. We laughed almost the whole time. I’m not calling her non-stop or anything. Can you give me some advice on getting her back. I’m talking to a couple of women now but none of them make me really feel the way she does.
Thanks for your sharing your story.
Every woman will make you feel different. You said that you’re “talking to a couple of women” now. Talking to women is never going to make you feel the same way as having sex with a woman in real life does. Unless you’ve had a sexual relationship with these women and explored the love and connection you have, making comparisons to your ex is premature and unwise. Every woman comes with a different flavor of love and a unique relationship experience.
If you want to get this girl back, you have to fix the issues that caused her to break up with you in the first place. What do you mean when you say that you’re both not on the same page? What differences are there that you both thought could not be resolved?
When we got back together am the second time I was just trying to be friends. We want to a party and ended up hooking up that night and becoming a couple. We never fought at all. Then she started nagging me constantly. After she came home from the deployment it was like a completely different person. I figured that it would fix it self out. On different pages I meant that we love each other but not getting along with one another. I have read about half of the flow and its helping me get back that confidents that I had before I turned in to this weak man. I like the Mindsets and the example to pick women up.
Thanks for explaining further and for your positive feedback about The Flow.
If she is nagging, then she feels more masculine than you and feels like she has more purpose in life than you do. I’ll teach you about purpose and how to stop her nagging in Better Than a Bad Boy.
I’m almost done with the flow. I have come to realize that I really don’t need or want her back. Whole different person since are break up and her new boob job. I’m pretty sure in about 2-3 months she will try to come back. I wouldn’t mind giving it a ride, but I think it’s time for me to play the field a little bit. Thanks for the advice. If you’re ever in the pittsburgh pa area don’t hesitate to shoot me and email.
Great to hear that you’re feeling a lot more confident about your options and getting her back.
Enjoy the great times ahead!
P.S. Thanks, I’ll keep the Pittsburgh invite in mind when in the USA.
Hi dan whts up,good to see yur advice on my email.ut one thng I should tell you honestly tht Im nt a good look persn,I might know tht good looks matters in personal nd professional life.A few days earlier I hav met wth a girl whos name was” sherya”,we havbeen frnds in facebook,we hav exchange our phn no after passing few days she talk wth me wth her boyfrnd over the phne…Unfrtunatly I was drunk tht day nd I spoke wth them on attitude nd domainate the hole tme during phone call..I know tht attitude is all about Beauty …lol..she was geting offended to behav like ths,I said her sorry nd make her feel special..nd flirt wth her, understnd her internal feelngs nd she was decided to meet wth me couple of weeks earlier.Then we see each other she is little much freakle nd Moody ..I feel tht she needs a support ut when we met I feel tht she doesnt satisfied to see me, I was properly dressed up nd holding my personality.we chat fr few times,eat some roadside food in India its called GOlGappaa..she was returning frm tutorial nd found a tme to met wth me.She is very beautiful.she spend more than 30mints wth me nd whn she wanted to go home I told her I wil drop her to her house ut somehow I feel she is nt trusting me to see me her home,and one more thng she knows tht I smoke, drink nd she made some conditions like if u leave ths kind of stuff then it couldbe possible for her to holding frndshp wth me, she told me ths when she hasn’t seen me,tht means over the phone.I thnk its nt gonnabe a date anymore.after a day she told me she doesnt want to hold any frnd relatn wth me…day after tomorrow I called her to ask why she did ths kind of thngs!!what is my fault? She doesnt show me any fruitful answer…she just say one thng she judge a persn frm his behavior,ut at tht night I dnt made any rude or vulgar behavior. So,what would be the mistake of mine? Is that always happen if u have the good looks then only u can love a persn? Im smart,happening,black charming, stylish …one disadvantage in me tht im not fair complexion ..is that every thng to pickup a girl?plzzzzz…Dan help me out…what should be the hidden secrets when a girl choose her boyfrnd?what is going on their mind?
I want to help you mate, but not if you write in that sloppy, childish style of writing. It’s very difficult to understand what you are trying to say with all the abbreviations.
Please write your comment properly and I will reply. On that topic, if you communicate that way to women, they DO NOT find it impressive or “cool.” Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/articles/terrible-texts-that-turn-women-off.html
My ex broke up with me a few months ago, the reason was because she lost respect for me and due to my lack of experience she was always thinking that she was the one in charge of the relationship (I know how bad I messed up in this bit), we somehow lasted for more than a year. We are no friends, however she wanted to stay as that because she said she cares about me a lot. I have learned from this mistakes and been trying to develop into an Alpha. I still want her back but I want to know is how do I show her that I am not that same person anymore? Should I accept her friendship and from there start? Fortunately we still go to the same college and see her sometimes (we don’t speak) so maybe could I hang around with my friends when she’s around too with her friends? Or ask her for a date to hangout again juts for once?
Thanks for your question.
It’s great to hear that you’ve realized where you went wrong. However, this tells me that you still don’t get it, “Or ask her for a date to hangout again juts for once?”
You don’t ask a woman out whether she is your ex girlfriend or a new woman you’re interested in. Alphas don’t need to do that. Women WANT to be around an alpha male because he makes her FEEL amazing due to his confidence, masculinity, presence, etc. If you don’t know how to be alpha around your girlfriend, I recommend you watch this video program: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Thanks for your answer. So the only way for me and her to have another chance is for her to approach me so we can interact? Since I sometimes see her is it all right for me to just do as if she isn’t there? or should I at least say hi? I don’t want to make her feel I have bad feeling towards her.
You’re welcome mate.
No, that’s not the point I was making. I was saying that YOU are in charge, not her. YOU are the man, not her. You say when you should meet up, not her. You don’t ask a woman for permission or to lead you. You lead, she follows. However, she’s not going to follow your direction if she doesn’t feel respect and attraction for you first. You’ve got to approach this correctly. If you try to go down the friends route and hope that SHE decides what to do with your relationship, you’ll be in for another dose of heartbreak. You have to make her FEEL so much attraction and respect for you as a man (watch Better Than a Bad Boy to learn how to do that http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89) so that SHE wants something to happen. She will then show you signals of interest and YOU will then lead the situation. You will NOT ask her for a date or another chance – You will make it happen.
I understand you now, thanks. But in order for her to feel attraction and respect for me is by communicating again. Should the first approach by me be something simple? and just have a normal conversation?
It doesn’t matter who contacts who first. What matters is that she FEELS something for you when you interact. Saying and doing the wrong things will only push her away again, regardless of whether she called you first.
Crazy story! My ex and I have been broken up for almost two weeks. I have been devastated and tirelessly been working through the flow, alpha male power, and better than a bad boy. I have been going out and applying a lot of these principles and techniques and have started to build a budding sense of core strength, confidence and even some of that alpha male power.
So I just got off the phone with my ex. During the conversation I stayed really masculine, strong, assertive. Near the end of the conversation my ex threw out that she wanted to try an experiment. She wants to come over and have a night of “no talking, wild, uninhibited sex!” I damn near gulped but nevertheless agreed.
I had this strategy of taking space and letting the tension build but somehow she must have heard something different in my voice and behavior to make her want to do this.
I love success stories. I just logged on now to see that there about 50 pending comments and 5 of them are success stories. I don’t have time to reply to other comments now, but I wanted to approve yours because it’s a unique one.
Enjoy the make up sex with your ex. Make sure you don’t fall back into being insecure, needy, desperate for her love. Let her feel the deep attraction and respect for the emotional strength that you have gained by learning from our programs.
Why do women try to ” test” out how manly the guy is, watch his behavior around other guys,behave as independent and dont need a man yet deeply desire a dominance, man and and try to overpower him for self-entertainment ?
Why play games like that ?why things cant just be simple? Why can’t a guy and a girl like each other and neither of them tries to test out the another and live happily for the rest of their lives ?
Thanks for your question.
It’s a funny one though. What you’re saying is exactly what obese women say, “Why can’t men love me for me? Why is being an obese women not sexy like a woman who’s body is in perfect shape?” Women want confident men. Men want beautiful women. Simple.
I was with my girlfriend for 3 months before she went to complete Camp America, although our relationship was only 3 months we really bonded and felt complete with eachother!! We managed to speak quite often whilst she was in camp America and thins seemed to be going great, I booked flights to meet her in America from the UK at the end of her Camp,
One day she asked me for time and space to miss me, I began to act desperately and she then ended things between us and deleted me off
Facebook and twitter!! Since all of this she’s text me
Saying she wants to single as she’s been in relationships for the last five years of her life and wants to do the things she wants to do!! I’m soo confused by all of this as we were madly in lie with eachother and now she’s cut off all contact!! I haven’t text her since and would really like a second chance with her when she returns, how can I best return this?
Thanks for your question.
Have you not texted her because you’re following the amateur advice on the internet that suggests “No Contact”? That does NOT fix the problem and get an ex back. Watch this video: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/why-the-no-contact-rule-doesnt-work.html
So my girlfriend of 2 months broke up with me. It was a little out of the blue. She had gone on vacation for a week, then 4 days after she got back I went on vacation. We met at work and the first month was amazing. She told me one day that after 24 hours she missed me. I thought I was in heaven. She even told me she loved me first. After I got back from vacation we barely saw each other. She was always out partying and working and it was like she didnt have time for me. I asked her a few times if we could go do something and she would always say she was busy. I got into worry mode where I thought she was seeing someone else even though I knew she had been cheated on once and would never put someone through that. One day I asked her about a party and she blew up. One week ago she told me we couldnt be together and that she was stressed and getting help for it. I tried to convince her to give me a chance but she said she couldnt right now. I called her a few days later and left a message telling her I was going to change. 2 days ago I sought advice from one of our mutual friends and she said be completely honest. So I called her and left a message telling her about why I have trust issues. Basically it boils down to I got bullied in school to the point of suicide and the principal who I thought I could trust turned his back on me. She told me I should have told her that before. She said she would be there for me and would like us to be friends.
I want her back because not only am I in love with her, but she shares all my interests, she wants a family some day like me, and she is driven. I became needy and protective because of my insecurities. I have purchased Better than a Bad Boy, The Modern Relationship, and The Flow and am still going through them all. But Id appreciate some advice if you have any. She was my first girlfriend and it may sound stupid, but when she looked at me with her beautiful eyes and with the biggest smile on her face and told me she loved me my heart melted because I loved her too. Im 22 btw and shes 19
Thanks for sharing your story.
Your friend actually gave you some good advice there. It’s the correct thing to do to be completely honest, but what your friend DIDN’T tell you is that saying those things doesn’t fix the situation. Telling a woman that you have trust issues is fine, but you then need to immediately STOP having trust issues and leave that in the past. Women are attracted to the strength of men, not the weakness. You need to show her how strong you are, mentally and emotionally, not how weak you are.
The program I recommend for you is this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/get-your-ex-back-super-system.html
I appreciate it Dan.
Im working hard on my trust issues aswell as other insecurities because not only will it help me get her back, but it will help me strive toward my purpose. And even though I havent really had time to use the techniques from Better Than a Bad Boy and The Flow (finished 2 days ago) Im already feeling so much more confidence.
Im working towards playing professional golf and confidence is HUGE in this game. Just the way Im carrying myself now (chin up and chest out, no slouching or looking mopey) is helping immensely. Honestly when I first saw this site I thought it must be scam city. But not only have I spent a good 15+ hours this week watching and reading those 3 programs, but theyve actually helped me find out why she dumped me and what steps I can take to improve myself so I can be the man she wants, and the man that I want to be. So I thank you for not having some little trick or fake bit of advice to use to get an ex back but that you actually help people improve themselves and reach their potential and even surpass it. By far the best money Ive spent so far in my life.
You’re welcome mate. Thanks for your positive feedback.
Mate, it’s always great to hear that my advice is helping guys become the men they truly want to be. Every guy has so much potential with women and in life, but they tend to be held back by unnecessary fears and by insecurities that are GIVEN to them via the media machine.
Good luck with your rise to success in the sport of golf. I know that it’s a hugely competitive space, but there is also plenty of room for talented professionals to enjoy great careers. If that’s what you want to do, I hope you have the follow through to make it happen. As explained in Better Than a Bad Boy, you will find that your dedication to golf opens up new doors in that industry for you as the years go on. Keep pushing forward in the direction you want to go. It’s a great feeling to rise through the levels and achieve mastery in a field you love.
Hi Dan. I have been married for 7 years and I love my wife to death. I feel like she has lost all respect for me. I guess I fall into the “she feels more masculine than me” category.
I dont boss her arround or belitle her, i feel like she does that to me. I seems like im between a rock and a hard place, she asks me to do all those things like go to the store etc. and I do them because it needs to be done. But it seems like if i dont submit than im a effing asshole in her eyes. It feels hopeless either way. Is there hope once you have lost that respect? where do you reccomend I start?
Thanks for your question.
There definitely is hope. In fact, you are at an exciting crossroads in your marriage. I’ve heard from hundreds of men in your situation who have turned their marriage around by beginning to BE THE MAN. You simply have to START being the man and you will see that she changes the way she responds to you, feels about you and treats you.
The programs for you are:
Thanks for all your wise words. Very impactful stuff.
I’ve been seeing this girl for about a month now and truth be told, I like her a lot. We started off really fast, texting each other daily. Dates on the weekend (dinner, movies, beach). I even cooked for her on the 4th date; thats when we finally slept together after she made me wait. I thought I passed the test and was in. We were very affectionate to each other but on the 5th date i left without the same secure feeling I had the past few times and to be honest things have changed. She doesn’t engage me in text convo’s as much as she did at the start (we don’t really speak on the phone but thats how it was from day 1) and she has had excuses as to why she couldn’t hang out the past two times we made plans. She said she’d make it up to me but I’m starting to doubt that now, especially after reading the above. I’ve made a few mistakes (comments that call in to question my self confidence, feeling the need for constant contact – to my defense she got me use to it so i felt it was ok). Is there anyway to salvage this or is it doomed. I have already cut off contact insisting to myself that she engage me in convo in order to reestablish dominance in the chase but would appreciate any input, even if its the harsh reality of “get over it dude” or “use it as a learning lesson.”
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
You can definitely get her respect and attraction back. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-recover-from-a-bad-first-impression-youve-made-on-a-woman.html
hey,am having some troubles in ma relationship,ma boyfriend is complaining about mi not respecting him, he wants mi to change but he does even care about what hurts mi,he doesn’t give mi time.i truly love him but i donot know what to do
Both you and him should write down on a piece of paper what you want from the other person. Say what you like about each other, what you don’t like and what you want to change. Doing that allows for clear communication.
Explain to your boyfriend that part of being in a successful relationship is being willing to adjust or correct behavior that is hurting the other person. My girlfriend and I have made several changes to our approach throughout our relationship. It’s normal, healthy and it is the most effective way to grow together. If you love each other, you will be willing to make small changes and understand where the other person is coming from.
Also, let your boyfriend know that you don’t think you are perfect. You are not perfect in the way that you approach the relationship and he is not perfect either. However, that doesn’t mean that you both can’t try to do a better job of it.
Also Dan i’m curious, why is having goals, having ambition, dreams, a mission or purpose in life, being a goal-setter, all masculine things, all masculine behavior, all part of being a real “Man”? is this supposed to imply that a womans role in life is just to float around and drift through life doing nothing?
Because I was reading in a Book titled “the way of the Superior Man” by David Deida, and he said “The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose, or direction in life”, “The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy”.
I also read from somewhere:
“The feminine is the flow of consciousness, beauty, life giving energy, feelings, and radiance of life. The masculine is productivity, goals, direction, status, decisions, and providing.”
So overall, why is having goals, dreams and ambitions and actively going about them part of being a “Man”?, all masculine things? because I believe there is a specific detailed reason behind everything in life
Thanks for your question.
I guess that is like asking, “Why do women feel turned off when men cry?” The answer to that is here: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/is-it-okay-for-men-to-cry.html and here: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/why-do-women-want-to-feel-protected-by-their-man.html
The thing is, women can also have goals, ambition and purpose in life. Those things are very admirable in a woman and thanks to effort and contribution of women of purpose, humanity is speeding ahead towards it’s ultimate goals.
Why the things you’ve mentioned are considered traits of a real man is that the majority of women don’t want to live life like a man. The majority of women want to relax into the masculine direction of a man, so she can then relax and be a woman. She can focus on her feelings, on the love in her life (from her man, family, friends) and follow her natural instinct to be a mother. Being a mother means that she won’t have a lot of time to “take on the world” like a man does. She will have to spend the majority of her energy on raising the offspring.
Essentially, it comes down to procreation and the man having the ability to be a support system and protector for her and the offspring. If a man is hiding from his goals, ambitions and dreams or is generally hopeless at life, it will mean added stress to her as she raises the offspring.
I broke up with my first love after she got information of i cheating on her. i am also her first love and we have dated for 6 years. i came to realize the love she had for me is crazy and i dont think if i can find anyone else than her. after breaking up she had someone who was there to make her happy for what she was going through. i decided to follow her and asked her for forgiveness as well as reconciling.. she took a couple of days to say yes again for me. when she came back she kept saying that she has no feelings for me anymore with a deep cry, she has no confidence on me anymore. she say she never thought of i doing such a thing as i did to her. she kept asking me for a space and i kept fighting to shiw how much i care and love her. a declered her as as most as i can and i was soo open to her in every aspect. she kept on demanding for space while crying and telling me that she needs to have time and she will always love me..she is now having a space and its the second day till she asked for that. i love her so much and i need her advice please.
Thanks for your comment.
Giving her space isn’t the answer, nor is begging for another chance: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/my-girlfriend-said-she-needs-space.html
She will have lost respect, attraction and love for you for complex reasons: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
To get her respect and attraction back, you must fix the emotional issues you have, as well as the misunderstandings you have about what it takes to make a woman feel attracted to a guy. What she means by, “I don’t have feelings for you” is that she doesn’t feel respect and attraction for you at this point. You can get her respect and attraction back, but it will not happen with the approach that you are using.
Why? Women are not attracted to mental and emotional weakness in men. By begging for another chance, pleading with her, being overly-emotional, you are actually making her lose attraction and respect for you as a guy.
I don’t know how old is this post but i hope you to hear from you.
i have also lost respect for my 2 years boyfriend who i actually deeply love but i found myself becoming more irritated and mad at him all the time. he keeps disappointing me every time with new flaw and every flaw is worse than another. something i wasn’t aware of at beginning of the relationship. the first time i started to disrespect him is when he allows a specific mistake to happen more 4 times a month. which makes nag about it every time to a point i no longer want to point it out. i am 25y, he is 33y so i expect him to be more mature and practical than me but he does things that 17y old won’t do. for example he ‘s still not done with clubbing and he knows how much it does bother me especially that he broke my trust in the past while i saw him dancing with a stranger girl, holding hands in flirty way. then lying to me that he was going to watch a game in some sport bar till i saw his pictures with girls online. now he tried to not go out much to avoid fights, as he call it drama. not sure if truly m being a drama queen here? i only want him to respect me even when i am not there but sadly i know him very well and i know how he starts acting when he drinks. all flirty and all of sudden wants to be the wingman for his friends. anyways the second time i lost respect for him is when he got too comfortable depending on me to buy grocery for his house whenever i go over for the weekend. his fridge is always empty so it’s okey for him to see me going out to supermarket at night while he is sitting at home watching videos. thought it would be temporary but it got worse when he would ask me to go to the store and buy him a pack of cigarettes which i have done it couple times since i couldn’t say no. felt shy about it. 3rd time i completely lost respect for him when i found out that he tells everything to his family. each problem, he ll run to them and complain about me, accusing me that i am trying to control his life by preventing him for going clubs. when we are fighting over the phone he would put me on speaker so his siblings he can hear what i say. also gave phone to his friend to read my messages. so i made it clear that he is no longer the person i am interested to spend the rest of my life with. of course he is aware of all the things i said above but the funny part he is still don’t see my complaints are seriously enough to break up for or enough to turn mean to him. basically he blames me for everything. he is the kind of people who would ignore the real problem and judge the way you react to it.
please comfort me with your answers because i am so ashamed to discuss this with my friends or anyone i know.
Thanks for sharing your story.
The thing is, I am here to help men out and I always have the back of the man. However, in this case, it really does sound like this man doesn’t love you. He’s just with you for now, until he finds something that he feels is better.
I only know that now because I am in a truly loving relationship (recently got engaged http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-i-decided-to-accept-my-girlfriends-marriage-proposal.html) and I would never, ever do that to her. I always have her back and want only the best for her and she does the same for me. It has actually surprised me sometimes how much we have each other’s back, even during times when we could easily be selfish or careless.
If you want to experience true love, I actually don’t think it will happen with this guy. He isn’t looking at you through the lens of true love. He’s just looking at you as another woman that he’ll be with.
I’m not sure what to say here because I don’t want to give advice that would disadvantage a man, but maybe it will be the best thing for you and him if you broke up with him. If you do break up with him, please do explain to him that if he did love you, he would never treat you that way. True love is so effortless, natural and easy. However, forced love is devious, uncertain and can’t be relied on or delved into with abandon.
My hope for the both of you is that the break up will be a wake up call for him. If it isn’t, just explain to him that he might not be ready to truly love a woman without judgement at this point in his life.
When a man is ready to love a woman for life, he loves and accepts her, flaws and all. He guides himself and the woman into deeper feelings of love, respect and attraction and the relationship just becomes closer and closer over time.
Just like to say that this is a great breakdown as to why women lose respect towards men. In regards to having trust, yes I do believe that trust is an essential part of the relationship in fact I believe it’s the number one factor in my relationships but I don’t feel trust is something we should just give easily. It’s not wise to simply say I trust you and that’s that, I believe trust is something we should prove towards our partner inorder to obtain trust. I had an ex who always said I should trust her but there were instances where I caught her out in white lies, grinding up on guys while she was out dancing etc and that very quickly made me lose trust in her and soon after ended it because I cannot love someone I can’t trust it’s that simple. I think the best thing a man can do is to build himself up and by that I mean work on himself both physically, emotionally , financially and spiritually. I see too many men in bad relationships where their woman has lost all respect in them and there are red flags but yet they still stick around?? If we continue to work on ourselves as I have mentioned earlier I believe it’s easier to end it there and move on. In my experiences it’s far better to be proactive rather then reactive. There are tones of beautiful women out there and there are always better options so why invest your time in someone who continues to break trust? I guess love is work, if your working for love and your partner isn’t working for it also then there’s no point hanging around. It takes 2 to tango..
Thanks for the positive feedback.
Good points you make. Essentially, what you are saying there is true. The solution that needs to be added into your comment is that a man needs to have a purpose that is more important than his relationship with his woman.
Being a man of purpose is one of the things that I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy, which is a groundbreaking program about being what women refer to as a real man: http://store.themodernman.com/better_than_a_bad_boy.html
About your ex girlfriend who wasn’t very trustworthy: I agree, I did the exact same thing with an ex. She actually enjoyed lying (got a thrill out of it), so I dumped her before I made the mistake of getting her pregnant. Good move you made there. Better to have done that than to have had to live a life of deceit, betrayal and disappointment.
Personally speaking, after I dumped that ex I had sex with another 100 women or so after her, I then found my girlfriend who recently became my fiance. The full story here: http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-i-decided-to-accept-my-girlfriends-marriage-proposal.html
As you say Patrick, there are tons of women out there. Too often, guys settle for whatever they get and then try to make it work with a woman who isn’t completely compatible. In the past, women would stick by a man for life even if the marriage was no good (e.g. the divorce rate was 8.1% in America in 1900), but times have changed all across the world.
To be successful in a relationship and keep it together for life, you actually need to select a great woman and be a great man yourself. It’s easy to do once you have the right advice in your mind to work with. That’s what I provide here at The Modern Man.
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