No relationship is perfectly happy, calm and harmonious all the time.
There are always going to be times when you and your girlfriend (or fiancé or wife) disagree on something. There are times when you will argue and there are also times when you’ll briefly get angry at each other. That’s perfectly normal and natural.
However, when you wake up one morning and you realize that instead of thinking, “Wow, I really love my girlfriend and enjoy being around her so much” you’re thinking, “My girlfriend makes me angry,” then you know that there is a problem and something about your relationship needs to be fixed.
Luckily, it’s usually a simple fix.
You are likely experiencing what most guys are shocked to discover about relationships with women. That being; women never stop testing a guy. Women test guys when they first meet them, on a date, during sex and in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter if you are an amazing guy and have a great relationship with your girlfriend, she will ALWAYS test your emotional strength.
Women always try to get under a man’s skin and provoke some kind of a response out of him, which is why you are probably getting angry with your girlfriend. She’s found your weak spot (emotionally or mentally) and is simply pushing your buttons.
She’s hoping that you stop reacting with anger or insecurity, but she’s not going to tell you that because women don’t ever want to have to teach a guy how to be a strong man. If you become insecure or get angry and lose control of you emotions, she simply loses respect and attraction for you and if that goes on for long enough, she will eventually fall out of love with you.
So what can you do about it?
Feel the Anger, But Don’t Lose Control of Your Emotions
There’s nothing wrong with getting angry at your girlfriend if she is out of line or treats you badly. Being treated with disrespect is not acceptable and if you find that your girlfriend disrespects you, lies to you or treats you badly in any way, it’s perfectly natural that you will get angry with her.
In fact, not only is it natural, it’s vital that you show her that her bad behavior is not acceptable. She has to know that if she doesn’t treat you with love and respect, you aren’t going to remain committed to the relationship and will seek to end it.
However, regardless of the circumstances or her behavior, your anger should always be controlled. Essentially, this means that you shouldn’t become irrational and start saying or doing silly things that you’ll regret later on. You can be angry at her, but make sure that you calm and in control of your emotions and your thinking.
At this point, some guys may ask, “Yet, how do you remain in control of your emotions? Anger is a wild, powerful emotion, so how can you control it? When my girlfriend makes me angry, I can’t pretend that it’s not affecting me… have to express that anger, and anger by definition is being out of control; right?”
If you look up the dictionary definition of anger, it is:
Anger (noun): A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath.
Anger (verb): To arouse anger or wrath in.
Anger is not “being out of control” by definition. Anger is a strong emotion (like fear or jealousy), that allows you to express your displeasure about something.
A man who is emotionally strong and mature will feel the anger, but will remain in control of his emotions and thinking by not letting his thoughts run wild and become irrational. He will focus on trying to get to a solution, rather than trying to get into a heated argument and end up saying hurtful things to his girlfriend.
A guy who lacks the emotional strength and maturity may end up activating his “fight or flight” response and then lose control of his emotions. He’ll let his thoughts run wild and say things to his girlfriend that fuel his anger even more.
For example: If a guy’s girlfriend disrespects him and he wants to correct this behavior in her, he may begin to shout at her and show her how angry he is. Yet, shouting at her will almost always just make her become defensive and possibly even more disrespectful towards him, so nothing positive is achieved at all.
Seeing her man being out of control emotionally (no matter how justified he thinks his anger is), is not attractive to a woman and causes her to lose respect for him as a man. Being out of control with angry not only leads to more arguments and more reasons for you to say, “My girlfriend makes me angry,” but it also erodes away at the trust, love and attraction you feel for each other.
Mistakes You Should Avoid Making When You Get Angry
Expressing your anger is sometimes a good way of letting your girlfriend know that you’re not happy with what she has said or done. However, there is a right and wrong way to do it.
Here are 3 classic mistakes you should avoid making when feeling anger around your girlfriend:
1. Trying to convince her that you are right and she is wrong
Sometimes, a guy will find fault with almost everything his girlfriend says or does, to the point where she ends up feeling smothered and controlled by him. When she doesn’t live up to his expectations and demands, he feels angry at her.
Yet, if he just stopped to realize that no-one (including himself) is perfect and that the purpose of a relationship is to calmly, lovingly grow together as a couple while deepening the love, respect and attraction, he wouldn’t feel the need to lash out at her.
Instead, he would feel the emotion of anger or disappointment and then focus on trying to make the situation better through love, understanding and calm patience, rather than heated arguments.
Regularly correcting so that you can show her that you are right and she is wrong is not healthy for a relationship. For the love, attraction and respect to grow and deepen over time, a woman must feel free to be feminine around you.
When a guy regularly gets angry at his girlfriend and tries to change her behavior to be more masculine (i.e. logical, sensible), he is essentially trying to turn her into a female version of himself. In other words, he’s trying to get her to think and behave like a man at times, which then makes her feel annoyed that she can’t be a feminine woman around him.
To maintain a successful relationship, both of you need to be trying to make each other happy no matter what, rather than trying to “win” arguments and make each other feel bad, or conform to each other’s idea of “perfection.”
When you realize that you are in a relationship where neither or you is perfect, you can then both agree to try to do better and be better because you love and respect each other. However, don’t expect her, or yourself, to be perfect tomorrow.
If you work towards a better relationship from a place of love, you will eventually be saying, “My girlfriend makes me happy” rather than, “My girlfriend makes me angry.”
2. Being mentally or emotionally (or physically) abusive
The “glue” that keeps a relationship between a man and a woman together is mutual respect, love and attraction. If a guy loses control of his emotions almost every time his girlfriend makes him angry, over time she will lose touch with the feelings of respect, love and attraction that she once had for him.
If your girlfriend is being disrespectful towards you at times, just be the man in the situation and don’t get dragged into name calling, put downs and abuse.
When you find yourself in a situation where you’re losing control of yourself, tell her that you want to take a couple of minutes to cool down and you will then continue the discussion. It’s better to do that than lose control of your emotions and then do something that you’ll regret later on.
3. Letting her get away with bad behavior to avoid a fight
To make a relationship successful for life, both the man and the woman need to make sacrifices and compromises along the way to keep each other happy and maintain the harmony.
If her behavior is causing problems, there’s no point in letting her continue along that path. She has to be willing to make comprises and changes just as much as you do. If you never confront the issue that’s causing you to get angry with her, neither of you will be able to grow and become better for each other.
Rather than avoid a confrontation, talk things through with your girlfriend in a way that allows both of you to feel understood, loved and cared for. By being willing to compromise and see each other’s point of view, you will effectively be keeping the peace and harmony in the relationship.
Guide Her into Deeper Feelings of Love, Respect and Attraction For You
In almost every case, when a guy says “My girlfriend makes me angry,” his intentions are usually good (i.e. he doesn’t want to get angry at her, but just don’t know how to fix the problems between them). Generally speaking, although most guys want to be in a loving and harmonious relationship; they simply don’t know how to create and maintain that dynamic.
In a relationship, you need to love each other and help each other grow as individuals and as a couple. However, that doesn’t mean you have to give in to her or let her have her way, nor does it mean you must make her do what you want all the time.
One of the keys to a balanced and happy relationship is for you to be a strong, emotionally secure man, so she can relax and be your woman. If you get angry when your girlfriend tests you, she will lose respect and attraction for you and if that happens too often, she will eventually begin to fall out of love with you.