It's no surprise to me because I see the mixed messages that the 1,000s of TV programs send out about what it really means to be man and if it's okay to feel emotion or cry. In the past, the “real men” were usually depicted as being the hardy guys who could raise a barn, fight a war, skin a deer, strip and re-assemble an entire car and sweep a woman off her feet, all in the space of a single afternoon. Guys like John Wayne, Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart were the icons of manhood; and above all else these guys depicted the feelings of the era: Real men don’t cry.
Enter the 80’s and 90’s. Fed up with the whole macho image of previous eras, popular culture began taking a more gentle and feminine approach to the issue of men crying. Women had a voice in the media and they really began to use it. The media, women’s magazines such as Cosmo and even the psychologists of the day began to publicly encourage men to “get in touch with their feelings” and to “express their gentler, more feminine side”. This heralded the beginning of a new era where men were now forcefully encouraged to, “Let it all out and have a good cry.”
Confused by all the hype, men turned themselves into S.N.A.Gs (Sensitive New Aged Men) and began to “express” themselves by crying openly during a sad movie, crying to their girlfriend/wife or a woman they were interested in...and the backlash was extreme. Women everywhere began running in the opposite direction, crying out, “EEEEEWWWWW!!!!” Why? No matter what women might say on TV or even in person, they are not sexually attracted to the weakness in men. Displaying emotion is fine, but emotional weakness and being overly-sensitive is not. Enter the 21st century and men are just as confused as ever. So, it's no surprise that so many guys are asking me, “Is it okay for men to cry?”
To Cry or Not to Cry, That is the Question
Okay, so let’s settle the debate once and for all. Is it okay for men to cry? The answer is: It depends.
Of course, there are times when it is perfectly acceptable for guys to shed a tear or get watery eyes. Women are not turned off sexually if a guy becomes watery eyed at the funeral of a close loved one. However, some guys don't feel the need to cry in that situation because they've already though about life and death and knew it was coming. Instead, they will fully experience the grief, loss and sadness, but will not need to cry about it. It really depends on the man's outlook on life. It's not right for anyone to say whether a guy can't cry at the funeral of a closed loved one because it is a personal choice that has to do with his philosophical outlook on life. However, from my research, I have found that a woman will still be just as sexually attracted to her man if he does or doesn't cry at the funeral of a close loved one. Yet, if he wails and sobs for a long time and she has to comfort him for hours (or days), then she will naturally begin feeling turned off by his inability to maintain control of his emotions and face the reality of life. No matter how difficult the situation is that a guy is faced with, falling to pieces is not attractive or encouraging to a woman. A woman still wants to know that she can rely on her man; even when everything around him has hit rock bottom.
Another exception for crying is shedding “tears of joy.” Not actual “tears,” but a slight misting (watering) of the eyes is okay. Events that warrant such a reaction can include: The birth of your child, a triumphant moment for humanity, a well deserved and hard earned graduation, victory in an ultimate sport event such as winning Olympic Gold, and other such overwhelmingly triumphant and emotional events and occasions. Women are fine with a man becoming watery eyed in such moments, but they are not fine if he wails, sobs or cries uncontrollably. Crying, at the above-mentioned times is normal and acceptable and does nothing to diminish a man’s credibility or masculinity. In fact, a man who can experience depth of emotion can be attractive to women. However, just remember: Men who wail, whine and cry at the drop of a hat are definitely NOT attractive. Women perceive such a man to be more like a woman and thus they don't feel the type of sexual attraction and respect that they naturally feel for men.
Not to Cry
When a man is facing difficulties and obstacles in his life, it is understandable that he can (and will) become upset about it. Dealing with problems in life is normal, but weeping like a little child because of it, is not. Life might throw you lemons at times, but whether you choose to make lemonade from those lemons, or cry over it, is what separates the men from the boys.
So here are some examples of when it's not okay for a man to cry:
- He’s just lost his job.
- During a fight with his girlfriend / wife.
- His house has just been repossessed.
- His cat / dog / canary just died.
- He’s just been passed over for a promotion.
- The love of his life has just ditched him.
- He’s watching The Lion King.
Okay, you get the picture, right? No matter how tough life gets, if you are a man and want women to perceive you as being a man, it is not okay to cry about it. If a man cries every time he’s faced with a problem in life, he begins to look mentally and emotionally weak to women. Women are naturally attracted to men who are like pillars of strength in this world and naturally turned off by men who crumble into a pile of sand/gravel when pushed or challenged. Masculine strength is what women find attractive in a man because it is what they rely on for day to day support and also in times of difficulty. Many women say that they "love a good cry" and a lot of them cry a couple of times a month. On the other hand, if a guy starts behaving in a feminine way and "loves a good cry" too, he will be fundamentally unattractive to her because what she perceived to be her pillar of strength is in fact a pillar of sand, crumbling at the first sign of a challenge. A guy who loves to cry is more interested in being like a woman than being a strong man who can be a pillar of strength in this world.
The Debate is Over
Hopefully, I have answered the question of, “Is it okay for men to cry?” clearly enough for you and have put the debate to rest. Ultimately, success with approaching, dating and being a relationship with a woman is all about taking on your natural role as a man. Men who behave in ways that make them appear weak, insecure, self conscious and lacking in confidence are unattractive by women. If a man is weaker than her (emotionally), a woman will either reject him if he's just approached her, or dump him if he's managed to get into a relationship with her. In the end, the question isn't whether it’s okay for a man to cry, it is whether he is being perceived as a real man or not. A man can be good-looking, tall and have a nice car, but women won't be interested in him at all or for long if they feel as though he's more like a woman (emotionally) than a man. No matter what age a girl/woman is, she is always going to be more drawn to guys who are emotionally stronger than her. The weak, sensitive guys are just friends and even if they manage to get lucky and score themselves a girlfriend, she will eventually realize her mistake and dump the guy.
If you want to learn how to be the real man that all women desperately want to be with, I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. If you're not yet ready to purchase my program, at least sign up for my free newsletter and I'll give you some free tips and advice.