If your wife wants a divorce, but you don’t, then you might be interested in delaying the divorce proceedings as much as possible.
In many cases, delaying a divorce is a good idea because couples end up reconciling and deciding to give the marriage another chance.
Yet, to delay the divorce, you don’t need to use nasty tactics, or start being selfish, unreasonable and vindictive in any way.
Instead, it’s always better to use a more loving, cooperative approach, so your wife doesn’t end up hating you and wanting to go through with the divorce more than ever before.
For example: Some of the following tactics that husbands try to use to delay a divorce, end up causing themselves and their wife a lot of emotional and financial stress.
He might:
- Reschedule the hearing or court date at the last minute.
- Continually be uncooperative and avoid going through the process of divorce.
- Not respond to requests.
- File appeal after appeal.
- Change lawyers so he needs an extension.
- Cancel mediation sessions at the last minute.
Here’s the thing…
When a husband tries to delay a divorce in those ways, it only erodes a woman’s feelings of respect and love for him even further.
She then feels more justified in her decision to divorce, because his actions highlight to her that he’s now being emotionally immature and even selfish (i.e. he’s trying to get his way without taking her feelings and wants into consideration).
Instead of trying to address the issues and acknowledge his mistakes, he’s basically adding to them, which makes her want to get away from him and the marriage.
So, here are 11 positive ways to delay your divorce and keep the marriage together:
1. Let her know that you accept the divorce and want you and her to be friendly and respectful towards each other, as you go through the divorce process
By saying that, you’re making it clear that you’re not going to be a pain in the butt about the divorce, but at the same time, you expect her to be open to talking with you, rather than completely blocking you out of her life during the process.
In other words, she sees that you are being mature about it and in turn, she feels more obligated to be mature as well.
It’s important that she agrees on being friendly and respectful and is clear on what it means.
Essentially, it means being mature and being nice to each other while going through the process, rather than being spiteful, angry or problematic.
By saying that, she:
- Automatically feels some respect and attraction for you again, for being emotionally strong and mature about the situation, rather than being desperate, needy or annoying.
- Secretly feels a bit sad that you’re willing to go through with the divorce (due to feeling some respect and attraction for you again), which can then make her question whether she’s ready to walk away from the marriage after all.
- Realizes that maybe things aren’t so bad between you and her after all.
This causes her defenses come down, even if only a little bit initially.
Suddenly, it doesn’t seem necessary to rush the divorce and she feels okay with taking some time to go through the process and be sure if it’s what she really wants.
2. Rapidly improve your ability to make her want to be back with you
The ability to make a woman feel love and desire to be with a man is a skill that you can learn, or improve on and master.
Right now, you might be a bit rusty after many years of marriage and may have forgotten how to attract a woman and cause her to want to be with you.
Thankfully, can re-learn (or learn) all of that pretty quickly (i.e. within a few days or a week).
For example: From now on, focus on…
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, rather than feeling intimidated by her angry or distant attitude and becoming soft in response. Women respond positively to masculine men who have the courage to be a man in the moment, regardless of how she is behaving.
- Being easy going and use=ing humor when talking to her, rather than being in a panic and looking at her as your annoying wife who is in the process of ruining your marriage.
- Looking at her as a sexy, new woman that you’re attracting, rather than looking at her as the tired mother of your children, the cook, cleaner, or anything like that.
- Maintaining your cool around her regardless of what she says or does to annoy you.
- Laughing at her when she is being unreasonable, rather than cowering and becoming an insecure, anxious pushover around her. Women feel attracted to being laughed at when they are being ridiculous, but they will rarely, if ever, admit it. In fact, a woman will sometimes even pretend to be angry if laughed at when she is being unreasonable to test whether the man really has the balls he is currently displaying. If a man panics and apologizes, he loses attraction. If he laughs at her in a loving way and uses some humor, she can’t help but feel attracted to him. It’s just the way women are. A man either understands that or he doesn’t. Many men don’t, which is why they remain clueless about their woman’s reactions for life and end up becoming a soft, wimpier version of themselves over time, which deeply turns her off.
- Responding differently to the way you have in the past (e.g. remain calm when she expects you to get angry, you use humor in moments where she thinks you’ll get upset, annoyed or frustrated with her, be more emotionally independent while still showing her that you love her, rather than being emotionally dependent (needy) and desperately trying to stop her from leaving you).
Reacting, responding and leading in an attractive way, will naturally make your wife want to keep the marriage together.
On other other hand, if you react, respond and follow her lead in an unattractive way, then she will feel compelled to keep going through with the divorce proceedings.
3. Prepare yourself to talk to her using a more effective method of communication from now on
You’ve likely been with your wife for long time, so it’s almost certain (based on the fact that she wants a divorce) that you’ve developed a habit of talking to her a certain way, which makes her feel irritated, misunderstood and turned off in some ways.
For example: In some cases, a man might…
- Not listen to what she’s saying and be in the habit of interrupting her with things like, “Yes, but…” or, “You’re wrong because.” Alternatively, he might only listen to what she says and try to do whatever she wants, in the hope of pleasing her.
- Talk down to his wife during conversations (e.g. “You’re such a this/that” or, “You have no idea what you’re talking about”).
- Behave in a way that shows contempt, a lack of consideration or on the opposite end of the scale, desperation and too much consideration of her feelings.
- Be unnecessarily argumentative, or be too much of a pushover.
As a result, even though she used to love him, it just feels so annoying, irritating and depressing to be in a relationship with him now.
This is why, it’s very important for you to improve your approach to communication (in whatever ways apply to you personally), so she feels so much better when talking to you.
For example:
- Be more patient when she talks, rather than being in a rush to make your point, or to get a commitment from her about the marriage.
- Don’t interrupt her with a ready-made answer before you’ve truly listened to what she has to say.
- Ask her questions in a relaxed, easy going manner, rather than being in a panic or in a stressed manner.
- Respect her thoughts, opinions and feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
- Be willing to accept where you are wrong, but don’t let her blame you for everything just to suck up to her. Sucking up to women doesn’t work in the long run. Women respond positively to men who are honest and real, rather than men who put on an act to manipulate them.
The more you make your wife feel heard and understood in a relaxed, mature manner, the less certain she will feel about going through with the divorce.
She will realize that it’s going to be very hard for her to find a man who is as mature as you, so she’ll probably end up in troubled relationships with men who aren’t as good as you.
That’s often enough for a woman to just want to avoid getting divorced altogether and give the marriage another shot.
4. Be confident in your ability to put a smile back on her face when she’s interacting with you
Many women file for divorce due to being unhappy with how the marriage makes them feel on a daily basis.
As a result, a woman decides to get divorced because she wants to feel happy again and is hoping to find that outside of the marriage.
This is why you need to focus on making your wife feel happy every time you interact with her from now on (e.g. by using some humor to ease the tension and make her feel relaxed in your presence again, by not always talking about the divorce and instead finding fun interesting things to banter about together).
When you approach her in that way, she will naturally start to feel happier when she’s around you again.
The more that happens, the less certain she will feel about divorcing you.
5. Don’t try to use the kids to make her feel guilty in any way
The fact is, romantic love between a man and woman is separate to the parental love they have for their children and the responsibility they feel as an individual towards the children.
That’s why, women resent it when a husband tries to use the argument of, “We have to stay together for the sake of the children,” or, “Think about how this will affect the children.”
Even though he may be making a good argument, it makes the marriage feel more like a chore than a romance between a man and a woman who also have children they love.
Additionally, a woman doesn’t want to be blackmailed into staying with her husband out of a sense of guilt.
She wants to feel attracted and in love with him, not like she’s doing him a favor by sticking with him, or being manipulated to stay with him out of a sense of guilt.
6. Don’t try to push her to go to counseling or therapy with you
The problem that can happen when a couple goes to counseling is that many therapists often make most things out to be the man’s fault, which then makes things worse.
For example: Many therapists will push a man to reveal things about his childhood.
The therapist will then uncover issues that he hasn’t dealt with yet, which makes his wife feel even more stressed and potentially less attracted to him if he shows a lot of emotional weakness surrounding it.
She then has even more reasons to want to go through with the divorce, because she doesn’t want to be stuck with a man who has so much baggage in addition to all the other relationship problems they’ve been experiencing.
7. Don’t expect her to be trying to learn how to be a better wife, or understand her role in the break down of the marriage…yet
In a lot of cases, a pending divorce can motivate a husband to want to learn how to make his wife love him more, by being a better man for her.
He can truly change, improve and know how to approach the relationship so much better from then on.
That’s great.
Yet, his wife will usually be on a completely different page (i.e. angry, disappointed, fed up, feeling like she is in the position of power now) as the one who is initiating the divorce and as a result, won’t feel motivated to learn and improve herself for him.
So, even though you should try to improve and become an even better man than you are already, you shouldn’t expect your wife to do the same…yet.
After you have re-attracted her and made her want to cancel the divorce, you can then focus on creating a new dynamic in the relationship where she feels the desire to impress you, be more attractive to you and show you the kind of love, respect and affection you deserve.
I will teach you exactly how to do that if you keep learning.
In the meantime though…
8. After re-attracting her, get her to agree to a trial separation (or extend the existing separation) before going through with the divorce
When you re-attract her first and then ask for more time before she files the divorce, she is much more likely to say “Yes” and slow things down.
Why?
She is no longer being overwhelmed with negative emotions such as anger, disappointment, bitterness or resentment.
Instead, she’s feeling attracted to you again, which causes her to reconnect with the sexual and romantic feelings she used to have for you.
She then begins to feel unsure whether a divorce is the right thing to do.
She realizes that even if she went through with the divorce, there are unresolved feelings between you and her now and she’d probably end up going back to you anyway.
So, what’s the point in paying for the lawyers and going through all the trouble.
That’s why it’s so important to re-attract her first.
On the other hand, if you ask for the separation, or extension before you re-attract her, she’s almost certainly going to say “No.”
Why?
She may assume that you’re being selfish and stalling for your own sake, but are not considering her feelings in the matter.
Instead, you’re just focused on what you want and how you feel (e.g. to delay the divorce, make her change her mind so everything can go back to normal, so you can feel better).
In reaction to that kind of approach, a woman will usually want to speed up the divorce proceedings so she can get it over and done with.
9. Level up in ways that she wasn’t expecting
A wife will usually expect her husband to quickly try to change some of the things that they’ve been arguing about, as a way of convincing her to change her mind about the divorce.
In her mind, she may think, “Yeah, I knew he would do that, but it’s just too little too late. Besides, he’s probably only doing it for now and will go back to how he was if I cancel the divorce.”
Yet, what she’s not expecting is for him to level up in other ways that aren’t as obvious to her.
That is part of what gets a woman’s attention and makes her realize that her feelings for him aren’t dead and if she went through with the divorce, she’d just end up missing him and regretting it, if she couldn’t find a good enough replacement man.
First, an obvious example: If one of the obvious problems in the relationship was financial, a woman will likely expect her husband to try and fix that by getting a better job, applying for a promotion, starting his own business or promising to do any of those if she gives him another chance.
Now, a not so obvious example: She might be secretly turned off by the fact that he’s taken a back seat in the relationship and allowed her to be the more emotionally dominant one for years.
To avoid arguments, he essentially just approaches life in the way she wants, or does the things she wants to do.
He hopes that will make her feel happy, but for women, it’s a horrible to be with a man like that because it ends up making the woman feel like more of the ‘man’ in the relationship.
A woman will rarely explain it to her man in detail, but she may nag him about it and tell him to be more of a man.
So, in a case like that, if the husband suddenly changes the dynamic between them and becomes more assertive and emotionally dominant (e.g. takes the lead, doesn’t give in to her unreasonable requests, stands up to her in a loving, but dominant way), she will be pleasantly surprised.
She may not show it, but she will be feeling some respect and attraction for him again.
Important: In some cases, a woman will want to test how real new husband’s new manliness is, so she will pretend to be angry that he is being more assertive, even though he is being a good, loving man at the same time.
Essentially, if he cowers, panics and apologizes, she knows that his manliness was just an act, which makes her lose more respect for him.
Yet, if he understands that women test men in those ways and is able to remain calm, reasonable and assertive, while continuing to be a good, loving man, she will know that his new and improved manliness in real.
As a result, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him, which will cause her to want to delay the divorce.
So, when you level up in ways your wife doesn’t expect you to, she won’t be able to stop herself from realizing that your marriage is worth fighting for after all.
10. Be good to her, but understand that just being good to a woman isn’t the answer
There’s a difference between a man being very nice and helpful to his wife after she initiates divorce proceedings vs. him being good to her, while also creating sexual and romantic sparks between them.
Even though a woman may appreciate that her husband is being a decent man and hasn’t turned into a nasty, vindictive about-to-be ex husband, it’s simply not enough motivation to make her delay the divorce.
Why?
A relationship between a man and a woman only feels appealing to both parties if there is mutual feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.
A marriage, or a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship for that matter, is not about just being friends.
There has to be a spark, otherwise it’s just a friendship.
11. Change how she feels, rather than trying to change how she thinks
In other words, don’t try to convince her to delay the divorce and keep the marriage together by giving her a bunch of good reasons, or well thought out arguments.
Logic is a man’s tool, whereas emotions is a woman’s tool.
A man will usually go with what makes ‘logical sense’ to him, but a woman will go with how she feels even if it doesn’t really make sense (e.g. lust after a bad boy, when she says she wants a nice guy, or get angry at a husband who works too much and hasn’t been paying much attention to her, even though he’s working so hard to build a better future for them, or to get them out of the rut they’re in financially).
That is why, when it comes to women, you have to focus on making her feel the way she wants, rather than trying to get her to understand your intelligent, logical arguments that make total sense.
Focus on changing her feelings from being angry, disappointed, fed up and turned off, to happy, excited, turned on, interested, optimistic and giddy and she will not only want to delay the divorce, but scrap it altogether.
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