Yes, as long as you approach it in a way that feels right to her.
If you ask her to start over and get into a relationship with you now, she may push back on that because it will seem like too much too soon.
So, if you want to successfully get back with your ex girlfriend, here are 11 tips to keep in mind when asking her out again:
1. Make her feel a new kind of attraction for you first, so she becomes interested in being with you again
If you think, talk, act, behave and treat your ex the same way you did before, she’s not going to see the point of giving you another chance because it will just feel the same as before.
For her to be interested, the dynamic between you and her has to feel different from now on.
For example: If you were nice, sweet and maybe a bit shy around her before asking her out the first time, she may have seen that as cute or romantic back then.
Additionally, because she was attracted to you back then, she was willing to overlook the fact that you weren’t as confident as she wishes you would have been.
Yet, now that she has broken up with you, she will be a lot more critical of you and will not want to accept you back if you don’t have the kind of confidence she really wants in a man.
So, if you did lack confidence around her in the past, or became insecure leading up to the break up, during it for after it, you need to make sure that she senses a newfound confidence in you when you interact with her.
Let her sense that you totally believe in yourself around her, regardless of what she might say or do to try to bring you down, or make you feel insecure.
Don’t tell her that though.
Just let her sense it based on how you react, respond and behave around her.
When you do approach her in that way, she will instinctively feel attracted because you’re displaying the type of traits and qualities women look for in a man (i.e. confidence, emotional masculinity, emotional independence).
As a result, she will become interested in being with you again, without you even having to ask her out.
2. Let her be the one to show interest in a relationship, or suggest getting back together
Secretly, a woman wants to be in that position with a guy because she then gets to be the one who is chasing and then finally wins him over, rather than feeling trapped, or like she’s being forced into something she’s not sure about.
That applies to first picking up a woman, going through the dating process, being in a relationship and getting an ex back.
Although most women won’t ever openly admit (because it would cause guys to become too arrogant), a woman loves it when a guy subtly motivates her to want to impress him and try to get into a relationship with him.
She gets to feel excited about being selected by him, which makes her feel special and also makes her want to be good to him.
It’s the ideal dynamic, as long as the guy doesn’t let it go to his head (i.e. become too arrogant with her) and instead, treats her well and makes her feel loved at the same time.
So, rather than trying to ask your ex girlfriend out again and hoping that she says yes to that, focus on attracting her and making her feel like she wants to be with you.
The more sexually and romantically attracted you make her feel when you interact with her, the more she will try to use her charms (e.g. being really nice or sweet to you, being affectionate, being cute, showing love and interest) to hopefully win you over.
As a result, she is the one flirting with you and trying to make something happen.
You are then in the position where you let her get back into a relationship with you, rather than the other way around.
That’s the way women want it to be and if you approach it that way, you’re literally giving her one of the most priceless gifts a woman can ever experience because most men don’t have the courage, awareness or ability to create those type of feelings inside of a woman.
3. Don’t think that you’re being needy for wanting to get back with her
Some guys make the mistake of thinking it’s needy to get back with an ex girlfriend, only to regret it later in life when they realize it wouldn’t have been needy after all.
Here’s the thing…
It’s only needy for a guy to want his ex back if he believes that his life is hopeless without her and then begins to beg, plead and cry or continually text and call her asking for another chance.
That’s needy because he needs her back in his life to feel whole again, rather than being able to enjoy life, be happy and feel fulfilled without her.
It’s fine for a man to want his ex girlfriend back, but to need her back is a different thing altogether.
So, if you want her back, don’t make the mistake of thinking that she’s going to look at you as being needy if you attempt to get her back.
As long as you approach it correctly, she will see you as a confident, mature guy who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go after it in a calm, self-assured, rational manner.
That is attractive to women and is not seen as being needy.
4. Know that asking her out isn’t the first step in the ex back process
A relationship is the last step of the ex back process, not the first.
What you need to focus on first is reawakening her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she actually has an interest in being with you.
Without those feelings, there is no point having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship again (from her perspective).
You may have those feelings for her, but the feelings have to be mutual, or at least close to mutual for her to care about wanting to give you another chance.
So, ask yourself:
- When I talk to her, do I make her feel sexy and desirable, or do I make her feel like a neutral friend, sister, or worse, turned off by my insecurity?
- Am I confident and emotionally strong around her regardless of what she says (e.g. she says she’s not interested anymore) or how she behaves (e.g. she’s cold and distant), or do I become insecure and unsure of myself if she’s not being nice to me and showing me interest?
- Do I make her feel motivated to impress me, or does she feel like she can do anything (e.g. treat me badly) and I’ll put up with it because I’m desperate to get her back?
If you interact with her in unattractive ways, she’s not going to feel motivated to get back into a relationship with you.
Always remember that attraction comes first and everything else flows on naturally after that.
Another thing to be aware of when wanting to ask your ex girlfriend out again is this…
5. If she still has feelings for you, she might not show it initially
Some of the reasons why a woman will behave in that way with an ex boyfriend:
- She’s afraid of being rejected if you change your mind about her.
- She’s worried that if she gets back with you, you might break up with her to get revenge and then she’ll become the one who got dumped.
- She’s testing your interest level (i.e. do you really want her back or are you just messing around because you’re bored?)
- She wants to see if you’ve got the confidence to pursue her, even though she isn’t making it obvious to you that she’s interested.
- She wants to see if you can handle the pressure of not knowing exactly how she feels (e.g. will you start texting her in an emotional way? Will you get angry or frustrated? Will you give up? Will you try to play mind games with her by ignoring her, or blocking her? Will you be a man about it and be emotionally independent enough to remain confident and continue moving things forward between you and her?).
So, don’t lose confidence if your ex girlfriend doesn’t seem very keen to be interacting with you again when you first reach out.
6. Don’t ask her out via text
Some women will reject an ex boyfriend who attempts to arrange a meet up with her via text, because they see it as cowardly.
Basically, he’s too insecure and unsure of himself to get her on a call, so he hides behind the safety of a text.
That’s unattractive to her.
In other cases, a woman will say, “Yes” via text and then cancel at the last minute (e.g. because she doesn’t want to get into a debate or have to explain why she doesn’t want to see him, or because she just wants to mess with him and say “Yes,” but then ‘teach him a lesson’ for asking her out via text and not caring around to call her, have a chat, build up her attraction and then ask to catch up).
It’s easy for a woman to agree to the meet up via text and then get out of it later on with another text.
When she does it that way, it saves her a lot of hassle in the meantime because she’s not rejecting him outright.
This is why, it’s always better to get on a phone call or video call with her, or at the very least, send her some voice texts after texting back and forth a little, than just trying to do it all via typed texts.
On a call or at least in voice texts, it’s so much easier to spark her feelings for you because she can hear the confidence, masculinity and emotional strength in your voice.
Yet, if you just send her words and emojis, she has to imagine what your tonality would be like and if she has a negative perception of you at the moment, she will almost certainly assume negative things (e.g. you’re feeling desperate, needy, anxious, worried), which will turn her off.
7. Remember that it’s always better to get an ex woman to catch up with you as a friend, rather than seeming to ask her out on a date
If you call the catch up a ‘date,’ it makes it seem like if she says “Yes,” then you will see the date as your chance to win her over and get the relationship back together.
As a result, she’s more likely to refuse because it’s too much pressure and she worries that if she rejects you at the date, you might become emotional, not let her leave, be pushy, etc.
That’s why saying something like, “Hey, let’s get a cup of coffee together this week and catch up as friends” or, “Let’s catch up to say hi as friends and have a quick coffee before saying goodbye and never speaking to each other again from then on” or, “Let’s catch up as friends for a coffee. We’re mature enough to do that, right?” is more likely to get you what you want with an ex girlfriend who is unsure about meeting up with you.
Basically, meeting as friends makes her feel like there’s less of a chance that you will be pressuring her to commit to a relationship again.
As a result, she can then relax and assess how she feels in person, rather than having to make a decision about the relationship prior to the meet up.
When you meet up, be sure to focus on sparking her feelings of attraction for you (e.g. by using humor to make her laugh and feel happy around you again, being flirtatious to build sexual tension, showing her that you’ve leveled up in some of the ways that matter to her).
Important: At the meet up, don’t make the mistake of pretending you only want to be her nice, neutral friend.
You have to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
If you don’t, she’ll just assume you’re not interested in her anymore, or that there’s no longer a spark between you and her, so she will focus on moving on with someone else instead.
8. Let her see that you’ve leveled up as a man and can now offer her a completely different relationship experience
For example: Here are some of the things a woman wants to experience in a relationship with a man…
- He’s a good guy who treats her well and makes her feel loved and appreciated, but he’s also enough of a challenge to inspire her to be an amazing woman back to him, or she risks losing him.
- He doesn’t turn into an irritable, angry, selfish boyfriend who takes her for granted because he assumes that she’ll just put up with it because of how much she loves him.
- He continues to treat her like a desirable woman no matter how long they’ve been together, rather than make the mistake of treating her like his buddy or housemate.
- He never becomes insecure, no matter what she says or does around him to test his confidence. He has independent confidence (i.e. he is confident no matter what people say or do around him, or what happens in his life), rather than dependent confidence (i.e. he can only feel confident if people are nice to him, or things are going his way. If that doesn’t happen, he becomes insecure, loses motivation and needs emotional support from her).
The more you begin to attract her in ways that she wants deep down, the more she will want to get back with you and continue to experience it.
9. Don’t tell her that you’ve been struggling emotionally since the break up
A mistake that a guy often makes with an ex woman, is to assume that if he lets her know how much he loves her and needs her, she’ll feel flattered and it will make her want him back.
Yet, while that approach can temporarily work with some women, it always leads to another break up because women simply don’t find emotional weakness attractive in men.
A woman wants to know that the man she’s with, is emotionally strong enough to cope with the problems life throws at him.
She doesn’t want to feel like she needs to keep holding him up, patting him on the back and saying, “It’s okay…come to mommy” when things go bad in life.
That is not attractive to a woman in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
Instead, a woman wants to be able to go to her boyfriend for emotional support and sense that he is able to remain confident, emotionally strong and secure no matter what happens in life.
10. Be prepared for her to potentially try to make you jealous and kill your confidence
Even if a woman is open to getting back with her ex boyfriend, she will often test him by trying to make him jealous and seeing how he reacts (e.g. she talks about guys who have asked her out on dates, says that she has gone out on dates or has been enjoying single life).
Some reasons why are:
- She wants to test his interest level before she fully opens herself back up, in case he’s not really that interested and she ends up making a fool of herself, or he gets her back and then dumps her for revenge.
- She wants to see if he has changed or improved (e.g. is he as jealous and needy as before? Has he become more emotionally independent? Will he get angry or frustrated like he used to? Does he feel like he owns her and she has to get back with him, rather than seeing her as an individual who gets to choose to be with a man based on how he makes her feel?)
- She wants to see if you’ll give up your power and look at her as being the one who is in control now. If you do that, she loses respect for you and then finds it even more difficult to feel attracted to you.
So, no matter what she says or does, always remember to maintain your confidence and don’t let her mind games affect you.
11. Focus on creating new, positive memories with her, rather than trying to get her to care about old memories
A common mistake that guys make when talking to an ex girlfriend is to bring up good memories from the past, in the hope that it will make her miss being with him.
Yet, if she wasn’t happy in the relationship for a long time, she might have been secretly unhappy during times that he thinks of as good memories.
For example: He was happy with her during that time, but she was feeling turned off by his insecurity, inability to handle her personality and how his behavior made her feel.
So, when he brings up good memories, it simply reminds her of times that she secretly felt turned off.
This is why the best approach is to focus on making her feel happy, excited, attracted to who you are now, so she naturally wants to experience more of that.
When you approach it in that way, she realizes that a relationship with you would feel so much better than it did in the past and as a result, she will become open to getting back with you.
Yet, if you just ask her out and she doesn’t feel the same way, then be prepared to get a, “No” or to be let down lightly (e.g. “I’m not sure what I want. I need more time”), as she secretly moves on behind your back in the meantime.
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