The truth is that if you have been using the No Contact Rule to avoid interacting with your ex, it may have hurt or helped your chances of getting her back.
The reason why, is that not all women respond positively to an ex guy ignoring them after a break up.
So, if you are serious about getting her back and want to reconnect with her after No Contact, here are 10 important tips for you:
1. Prepare yourself for any type of reaction from her
For example: She might…
- Have no reaction at all (i.e. ignores you, never replies).
- React in a negative way (e.g. with anger, tells you to get lost/go away/leave her alone).
- Be cold and unenthusiastic in her replies.
- Push you away and tell you that you blew your chance with her by ignoring her for so long.
- Respond positively and be happy to hear from you.
- Be friendly towards you, but not be interested in getting back together.
- Seem interested in working things out, so you can get back together.
- Be flirtatious and playful.
This is why, you need to be prepared to handle any one of these reactions in a way that will spark her feelings for you and make her want to give you another chance.
For example: If she reacts angrily, you need to be prepared to turn that around and make her laugh and smile instead of giving up and walking away.
If she’s friendly with you, then be prepared to be friends initially (i.e. don’t ask for or push for a relationship), but still make sure that you flirt with her to create sexual tension and make her want to release it with you via sex.
If she seems interested, be ready to fully reactivate her feelings for you by giving her the attraction experience she always wanted from you but never got (e.g. being more confident, ballsy and funny, rather than insecure, hesitant and neutral), rather than waiting for more obvious signs from her.
Essentially, you need to understand that women do react differently to the same things for many reasons, but at the end of the day, what you need to do is make them feel attracted and open to you.
When you do that, you get what you want with women, despite all the subtle differences between women.
If you don’t do that and end up turning a woman off (e.g. by being insecure, too hesitant), or causing her to raise her guard (e.g. by pushing for a relationship), then you won’t get what you want.
2. Don’t give up if she is a little guarded initially
Rather than immediately showing a lot of interest initially, she is probably going to be nervous, guarded and wondering things like…
- Why haven’t you contacted her until now?
- What if she shows interest and you then reject her to make yourself feel better?
- What if you’re just feeling bored and decided to pass the time by messing with her head?
- What if you’re only contacting her because you’re drunk, high or have been dared to do so by friends?
- What if she shows interest and you then assume she’s lonely and has been missing you like crazy, which then causes you to be a little arrogant or careless about how you interact with her?
- What if a woman recently dumped you, so you decided to contact your ex to get laid, or to pass some time until you pick up another woman?
- What if you’ve been struggling to find a replacement woman, or even get laid, so you are contacting your ex to hopefully get some love, attention or signs of interest that will make you feel better?
As a result, she might want to:
- Punish you for ignoring her for so many weeks/months, by making you try harder to reconnect with her initially.
- Test you to see if you’ll lose confidence in yourself and give up. That often happens if one of a woman’s main reasons for breaking up with her guy was due to him being insecure, needy and unsure of himself.
- Stall for time (e.g. seem unsure, say maybe to meeting up, take longer to reply) so she can assess how she feels about you contacting her after all this time (e.g. Does she feel enough attraction to give you another chance? Have you changed any of the things that turned her off before or are you still the same?)
- So, make sure that you don’t become insecure and start telling yourself that you have no chance with her now because of how she is behaving initially.
Instead, remain confident regardless of how she initially reacts and just focus on awakening her feelings for you (e.g. by being confident, playfully challenging, masculine, flirtatious).
The more you do that, the more her defenses will come down.
She will naturally want to open up and explore her new feelings for you, rather than missing out or ending up regretting not being more open with you.
3. Don’t just try to reconnect via text
Text can be a great way to begin reconnecting with her, but if you only stick with texting for too long, any of the following negative things can happen:
- She loses interest in you because the interactions are going nowhere (i.e. you’re not progressing to a call, meet up, kissing, sex and back into a relationship again).
- She assumes you’re not confident or brave enough to call her, which turns her off.
- She takes it (the ongoing texts) as a sign that you probably don’t care enough about getting her back to bother talking on the phone or meeting up with her in person. Instead, you might just be killing time or trying to make yourself feel better. As a result, she stops replying or begins to reply in a cold, distant way.
- She texts back and forth with you and is nice and sweet, but in the background she starts a relationship with another man who actually meets up with her in person.
- She misunderstands something you say, gets upset and decides to stop responding, or decides to block you.
So, if you begin to reconnect with your ex after No Contact via text, make sure that you progress to talking on a call (audio or video) and then to a meet up.
Without progress, texting can end up feeling boring, annoying and time consuming, especially for an ex woman who isn’t sure about you anymore.
4. Don’t try to discuss the relationship in any way
Some guys assume that talking about the relationship in detail with an ex woman, is how to show her that they are serious about fixing things with her.
Yet, here’s what guys like that don’t know…
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy and he has also been ignoring her for a few weeks or even months (by using the No Contact Rule), the last thing she usually wants to do is have a detailed, in depth discussion about the relationship.
In almost all cases, she’s no longer attracted to him, has disconnected from her feelings for him and just doesn’t care anymore.
Yet, he feels attracted to her, is still totally connected to his feelings for her and does care.
So, it’s a one-sided relationship.
If you want her to care about you again, you have to focus on making her have sexual and romantic feelings for you.
That is not done by discussing the relationship with her when she no longer has strong (or any) feelings for you.
5. After a few texts, send her some new photos of you having fun with other people, if she isn’t your friend/follower on social media
Some guys are afraid to do that because they worry it might seem too obvious.
Yet, there’s nothing wrong with sending your ex some photos of you looking happy and having fun with other people.
When she sees that you’re confident and also getting on with living your life without her, it sparks her feelings of sexual and romantic for you.
Women are naturally attracted to men who are confident, happy and moving forward in life with or without a particular woman by their side.
It’s just how women are.
On the other hand, most men really don’t care if a woman is insecure, confident or somewhere in between.
When asked, men often say what they think people want to hear and say that they like confident women.
Yet, many men are actually attracted to pretty women, who are friendly and a bit on the shy side, because it makes them feel more manly.
On the other hand, most women are attracted to confident men who are not shy or insecure, because it makes the woman feel more girly, shy and feminine around him.
Women don’t go around admitting that though.
As a man, you either know these things or you don’t.
The same applies with posting photos of you on social media having fun with other people and looking confident.
A woman might say to her ex, “How could you move on so easily? You obvious don’t care about me” in response to seeing the photos.
Yet, that’s just her trying to stop him from making her feel attracted, missing him and wanting him back.
If he falls for it and say something like, “Oh no, I haven’t moved on. Please don’t think that. I wasn’t even enjoying myself. I just smiled because it was a photo. I’ve been missing you like crazy” then she instantly feels turned off by him.
She won’t tell him that though because as a man, you either know what women really want or you don’t.
Women don’t explain it to you.
Instead, they just react by feeling attracted or turned off.
If you want her to feel attracted, then let her see you looking confident and having fun with other people by sending her some photos after you’ve initiated a bit of text chat with her.
Alternatively, just post them on social media and set them to be publicly viewable, so she can see them whether or not she follows you on social media.
Important: Do not post photos of you alone.
It does not matter how attractive the photo of you alone might be, it won’t have the same impact on her attraction as when she sees you looking confident and enjoying yourself with others.
6. Send an occasional voice text when replying to her
Compared to just sending a typed texting, hearing your voice again in a voice text can reawaken her feelings so much faster and easier.
Just make sure that you display attractive traits when recording the voice text, rather than unattractive or neutral traits.
- Be confident, rather than hesitant, tense or unsure of yourself.
- Add in some flirting to create sexual tension inside of her, rather than being too serious, mechanical, neutral or polite.
- Let her sense your masculine vibe, rather than sounding desperate or like you’re trying to impress her by being soft, nice and gentle.
- Let her sense your emotional independence, rather than coming across as though you need her back to feel good about yourself again.
- Have the confidence to be relaxed and easy going, even if she is being tense, cold or guarded.
- Have the courage to use playfully challenging humor, rather than just use nice, sweet or gentle humor.
The more attractive traits she picks up in your voice and conversation style, the more attracted she will feel.
As a result, she become curious and interested to experience that kind of attraction in person, which then makes it so much easier for you to get her to meet up.
7. Don’t try to have big discussions via text
Texting is totally fine as a way of opening up the lines of communication with an ex, or to say some brief things here and there.
However, anything that feels like it is turning into a discussion should be transitioned to a phone call, video call or in person meet up.
Trying to discuss the relationship via text can be exhausting and stressful for her (e.g. imagine how she might feel having to respond back and forth about issues that caused her pain in the relationship, or having to respond in detail to an ex that she doesn’t really have strong feelings for anymore).
Additionally, anything said via text can easily lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, which makes the situation worse.
She then feels annoyed about having to put in so much effort to interact with you, even though she no longer has strong feelings for you.
This can lead to her not responding to you anymore, or just being cold or bitchy towards you to make you leave her alone.
So, once you’ve reconnected with your ex after No Contact by sending a few texts back and forth, make sure you transition to a call (video or audio) pretty quickly after that.
A phone or video call cuts through all the misunderstandings and allows you to instantly begin re-attracting her based on your confidence, humor, masculinity, flirting and so on.
She then naturally wants to catch up in person, so she can experience the new you for herself, making it easier for you to get her back.
8. Know that she is going to be more interested in you if you display attractive traits vs. only nice, friendly traits
What is the difference?
Nice, friendly traits are things like…
- Being nice to hopefully get her to see that you’re a good guy and deserve another chance based on that. What gets you another chance is attraction, not pity.
- Being neutral and never flirting or showing sexual and romantic interest in her. By only being neutral, it can cause her to think that there’s no longer a sexual or romantic spark between you and her, so a relationship doesn’t make sense.
- Being a sounding board when she’s interested in another guy and wants advice, or going to her for advice about a girl. That just puts you in the friend zone.
- Being there for her when a date stands her up or goes badly (and vice versa).
- Allowing her to lead during interactions, rather than being more manly and having the courage to lead the dynamic or energy of a conversation or interaction.
On the other hand, attractive traits are…
- Being confident and self-assured, rather than doubting your value to her.
- Being a good guy, but also being challenging enough to ensure that she doesn’t take you for granted and instead feels motivated to maintain your interest in her.
- Being playful and flirting with her so she knows you’re interested in her, rather than causing her to assume that you just want to be friends now.
- Creating sexual tension between you so she wants to touch, hug, kiss and have sex.
- Letting her sense that you now truly understand how to make a woman feel like a girly, feminine woman in comparison to your masculine approach.
The more you display attractive rather than friendly qualities, the more interested she will become in being your girl again.
However, if you act like you just want to be her friend, an ex woman will usually just accept that and then focus on finding a new man to move on with, sexually and romantically.
9. Be prepared for her to potentially test your confidence by trying to make you feel jealous
For example: She might talk about how great her life has been since the break up.
She might also mention that she has plenty of guys interested in her, has joined dating apps like Tinder, or has been on fun dates.
In many cases, an ex woman will do that to see if you become insecure, lose hope and seem to give up just because other guys are interested.
If you appear insecure about your chances with her, she will naturally lose attraction for you for assuming that other guys are better than you.
So, don’t fall into the insecurity trap based on what a woman says.
Always maintain confidence in yourself and your value to a woman, regardless of what she says to try to bring you down, or to test the strength of your confidence.
When she sees that you’re not losing confidence in yourself, she won’t be able to stop feeling drawn to you again for being so confident and emotionally strong.
It’s just the way women are.
Women will rarely admit it to a guy, because they don’t want guys to become arrogant in an attempt to show how confident they are.
Instead, women remain quiet about it and naturally feel attracted to the men who understand it without having to be told by a woman.
10. Don’t show interest in a relationship before she does
If you do show interest in a relationship before her, she may get the sense that she can call the shots and control you.
That approach doesn’t make her feel attracted, or as though she has to put in any effort to impress you and maintain your interest from now on.
On the other hand, if you focus on awakening her feelings of attraction, show some interest in her, but don’t show interest in securing a relationship, it motivates her to try and charm you and make you want a relationship.
In the process of doing that, it causes her to chase you and feel motivated to get back with you.
You then give her a chance to be your girl again, by allowing her to get what she wants, which is actually what you want too.
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