Many women get back with an ex man after seeing that he has improved himself.
Yet, not everything you can improve will matter to her.
So, you have to focus on what matters the most to her and how to create a new, more powerful feeling of desire inside of her when it comes to you.
Here are 11 ways to improve yourself to have that effect on her.
1. Become emotionally independent
Being emotionally independent means that you can…
- Be happy with or without your ex (or any woman) in your life.
- Be confident with or without her reassurance or support.
- Be forward moving in life and make progress on your goals and dreams, with or without her or another woman by your side.
- Have high self-esteem and belief in yourself, with or without her, or anyone else’s approval.
Of course, feeling that way doesn’t mean you don’t want your ex back.
The big difference though is that when you’re emotionally dependent, you need to get her back.
On the other hand, when you’re emotionally independent, you want her back, but don’t need her back.
You’re happy, satisfied and making progress in life without her.
However, you also want her back because you know you can give her a better relationship experience this time around.
Naturally, you don’t say that to her.
Instead, you simply let her feel that, based on how you talk, feel, think, behave and act.
A few examples of how she will sense it when you next interact are:
- You don’t act like a nervous, needy guy around her. Instead, you let her see that you are confident in yourself regardless of what she says, does or how she treats you (e.g. she’s being cold, closed off or even bitchy).
- You don’t always make yourself available to her (e.g. don’t immediately respond to her texts or messages, tell her you will call her back in a few minutes or a little later if you’re doing something else) so she can see you’re busy with other things and not desperately chasing after her.
- You don’t get jealous when she talks about other guys or how happy she is in her life at the moment. Instead, you smile and confidently say, “That sounds awesome. I’m happy for you” and then tell her a little bit about what you’re busy with (e.g. your plans for the weekend, a goal you’re busy with).
2. Improve your confidence in your attractiveness to her and other women
A guy who lacks confidence won’t really know what attracts women and will hope to be liked by being a good guy.
He doesn’t really know how to create sparks of sexual and romantic attraction and simply relies on being nice to hopefully get lucky.
Yet, niceness isn’t what makes a woman feel sexually attracted to a man.
She might think he’s sweet and appreciate that he is being nice to her, but without that extra spark of sexual attraction, she won’t feel motivated to be in a relationship with him.
This is why confidence is very important when trying to get an ex back or attract a new woman.
A guy who has confidence doesn’t crumble under pressure.
He understands that a woman won’t always make it easy for him to attract her.
Instead, she’s going to test him by pretending not to be interested, being cold, closed off, or even rude towards him.
So, he’s prepared for that.
He doesn’t start doubting his attractiveness to her.
Instead, he uses the interaction to his advantage (e.g. by remaining calm and relaxed, laughing at her in a playful way to snap her out of her bad mood, not being afraid to flirt).
He doesn’t ruin his opportunity to attract her by doubting that what he’s doing isn’t working.
As a result, women (including his ex) absolutely feel attracted to him.
3. Don’t waste time on pointless hobbies
In most cases, a woman doesn’t feel impressed or re-attracted to an ex guy who starts solo hobbies, or hobbies that aren’t very manly.
The reason is, women aren’t attracted to loneliness or emotional weakness.
So, when a guy starts a solo hobby after a breakup, a woman just assumes he is unable to be around other people after being dumped because he is suffering emotionally.
On the other hand, a guy who starts a hobby that isn’t very manly just highlights to her that he is a lot more emotionally weak and sensitive than she originally thought.
In either case, she feels even more turned off and doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
So, if you want to begin a new hobby because it’ll make you happy, then do it.
However, it should be around other people and preferably something manly (e.g. boxing, kickboxing, mixed martial arts, group exercise classes).
4. Realize that the most important type of attraction for women is emotional attraction
Sometimes a guy will spend months going to the gym and working his ass off to build a bit of muscle and look a bit more physically attractive than before.
Yet, it doesn’t have the desired effect (i.e. impress his ex enough to make her want to give him another chance).
Although he may look attractive, he’s still a turn-off for her emotionally.
Essentially, he’s changed his physical appearance but his level of emotional attraction is the same (i.e. still doesn’t know how to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted).
So, before you rush off to the gym, or waste a lot of time improving your physical appearance in other ways (e.g. getting a new hairstyle, getting a wardrobe makeover) to get your ex back, understand this:
What matters most to a woman is how you make her feel when she’s interacting with you.
It’s based on how you think, feel, talk, behave and act around her.
- Do you make her feel like an attractive, desirable woman in your presence, or does she feel more like a neutral friend or roommate?
- Do you make her feel relaxed and happy, or does she feel tense, uncomfortable and depressed?
- Do you motivate her to be a good, loving, affectionate woman to you, or does she look down on you a little bit and feel as though she can get away with bad behavior, because she knows you’re desperate for a chance with her?
- Does your conversation style make her feel sparks of sexual attraction (i.e. because you’re making her laugh and smile, flirting with her), or do you always seem to say and do things that turn her off (e.g. being too polite, serious, sucking up to her, talking about the relationship)?
Those are some examples of the things that are much more attractive to women than how a man looks on the outside.
When you attract her in ways that make her feel emotionally attracted, aroused and drawn to you, then she will be interested.
So, although your physical attractiveness will have some impact on your ex’s desire to get back with you, it’s next to nothing when compared to your emotional attractiveness.
5. Begin replacing your insecurities with stability and strength
If you feel insecure about your ex not reacting well when you contact her, focus on replacing that feeling with stability and confidence.
You can do that by preparing yourself to attract her and make her feel a new desire for you, so she reacts positively and opens up to you.
A guy will get completely different results if he maintains his previous insecurities vs. replaces them with confidence, high self-esteem and self-assuredness.
If he contacts his ex and has remained insecure, he will automatically say and do things that turn her off.
For example: He will…
- Be nervous.
- Worry about saying the wrong thing and therefore be too tense, polite or dull during the conversation.
- Suck up to her.
- Avoid using humor or being playful and flirtatious in case it annoys her.
On the other hand, if he replaces insecurity with stability and confidence he will…
- Be relaxed and open.
- Use humor to make her feel at ease.
- Be flirtatious so he creates sexual tension between them.
- Not be afraid to stand up to her in a playful way when she tries to test him by being disrespectful, pretending not to be interested, teasing him and so on.
She then feels attracted to him in new ways and wants to interact with him more to see how she feels.
6. Be honest with yourself about what kind of attraction experience she really wants
Some guys will stick to thinking, acting and behaving in certain ways towards a woman, but their approach doesn’t work.
For example: A guy knows that he’s being too nice, hesitant and gentle around his woman.
He knows that she responds so much better when he treats her well, but is also more assertive, direct and even occasionally a little rough in the way he touches her, or is tougher in the way he reacts to her moods (i.e. he doesn’t crumble, has the balls to laugh at her for being so moody, lets her sense that he’s unaffected by her taunts.
Yet, he doesn’t give her that.
Some reasons why might be:
- He’s been conditioned by a parent to be nice all the time and behave like a gentleman.
- He assumes that if he changes his approach (e.g. is more assertive or a little bit rough) he’ll come across as a bad guy.
Don’t fall into that trap.
If you want to get your ex back, it’s very important that you are 100% honest with yourself about the attraction experience she really wants and then give that to her (e.g. if she wants a man who is more of a challenge, don’t continue being predictable or easy to manipulate).
7. Get clear on what you will do differently when you get her back
What often happens is that a guy sparks some of his ex’s feelings and gets her to open up to him initially.
Yet, after a short while, she notices that he’s still behaving the same way as before.
He is using the same approach to the relationship that she became bored of, or turned off by.
- Rather than maintaining his confidence, he goes back to being unsure of himself around her.
- Rather than continuing to lead the ex back process, once she shows interest, he steps back and lets her make the rest of the decisions.
- Rather than continuing to be a bit of a challenge (i.e. so she feels motivated to chase him), he starts acting in a desperate, needy way.
She then loses interest and doesn’t want anything more to do with him.
Don’t let that happen to you.
You have to offer her a new and improved attraction experience and stick to it no matter what she says or does to test if it’s for real or just an act.
8. Don’t think you need to keep yourself busy to keep her off your mind
You are a grown man, not a child who needs to be distracted.
So, treat yourself like a grown man who can handle life and maintain control of your emotions, without having to distract yourself to hopefully not think about your ex.
Remember: Real men focus on pursuing their main goals and dreams in life and working towards creating the best life for themselves, while also taking action to get an ex back.
They don’t hide behind meaningless distractions (e.g. playing video games, hanging out with friends to pass the time, taking up pointless hobbies just to keep busy).
You don’t need distractions.
What you need is to pursue your ex in a calm, confident, masculine manner, then attract her and get her back.
If you don’t take action while you still can and focus instead on distracting yourself with irrelevant things, you may end up missing out on your chance to get her back.
9. Improve the way you respond to things emotionally
Every time you react to something you can either do it in an emotionally attractive or unattractive way.
The more emotionally attractive your reaction, the more appealing you are to your ex and to other women as well.
Women respect and feel attracted to emotionally strong men.
That’s because emotionally strong men aren’t insecure, so a relationship with them feels relaxing, loving and peaceful.
So, improving the way you respond to things emotionally is very important.
If you’re not sure about your reaction to things, test yourself in everyday life before you interact with your ex.
For example: Imagine something goes wrong in your day (e.g. a problem at work, you get cut off in traffic, the restaurant gets your order wrong).
How do you react?
- Do you laugh it off or get upset?
- Do you handle it in a calm, emotionally mature way, or do you cause a scene?
- Do you confidently look for a solution to resolve the issue or does it ruin the rest of your day because you’re too annoyed, upset or unsure of what to do?
These are just small examples that teach you how to remain emotionally strong in your life.
10. Prepare yourself to create a more compatible, enjoyable connection with her
That happens when you create a relationship dynamic that makes her feel attracted, rather than turned off.
For example: Imagine you’re interacting with your ex on a call or at a meetup and she acts cold and distant towards you.
She might even say, “I don’t think you and I are right for each other anymore.”
Creating a compatible, enjoyable connection in a situation like that is being able to change her mood with humor and get her laughing and feeling good again.
Even if she tries to fight it, she can’t because the connection is enjoyable.
It feels good to her, so she goes along with it.
11. Develop a fearless mindset and then take action
A fearless mindset is simply not allowing yourself to be held back by a fear of rejection, or failure.
To be fearless, you need to be willing to do what it takes to re-attract your ex.
Then, you need to take a chance and get her back, rather than end up feeling disappointed with yourself for letting the opportunity pass you by.
Remember: You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by getting her back.
Now is the time to do it.
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