It’s normal for an ex to seem reluctant about meeting up with you, so don’t worry.

Now that you’ve succeeded in securing a meet up, the next step is to ensure that the meet up causes her to have new, positive and tempting feelings for you.

Here are 11 tips for meeting up with a reluctant ex, so she opens back up to you and wants to see you again:

1. Prepare to start the meet up off in a relaxed, easygoing way

A common mistake that guys make is to seem uptight, nervous, overly polite or tense when meeting up with an ex, which then creates an awkward vibe.

The woman can’t relax around him like she used to be able to when things were good between them.

As a result, it feels like things have changed between them and they are no longer capable of being a relaxed, in love, happy couple.

She then becomes even more reluctant to see him again in the future, which drastically reduces his chances of getting her back.

So, it’s very important that you create a calm, relaxed vibe between you and her right away.

One way to do that is to just be as relaxed and easygoing as possible, which includes your body language, the things you say, how you behave and how you react to her or others (e.g. the waiter if you’re at a cafe).

Another way to do it is to use some humor to lighten the mood.

For example: If your ex arrives, shakes her head to show that she’s frustrated and doesn’t want to be there and then says something like, “I don’t know why I agreed to see you,” just laugh and say, “Me too. This is a big mistake. Let’s end this right away. Goodbye” and take a couple of steps to walk away as if you are leaving.

Then, have a laugh and let her know that you’re only joking.

Alternatively, you can respond by jokingly, but confidently saying something like, “You know why you agreed to see me. You’ve been missing me like crazy. It’s okay, you don’t have to admit now. Just pretend like you hate me” and have a laugh with her.

Using a bit of humor like that will cause her to smile, laugh and have to stop acting so disinterested, angry or frustrated about the meet up.

Of course, she might continue to act that way, but it will be reduced because she’s already smiled and laughed.

2. Don’t let her steer you into creating an awkward dynamic between you and her

You need to retain control of the dynamic (i.e. it’s a positive, easygoing, relaxed catch up, where both of you are free to be yourself, have a laugh and chat), so you can make her feel attracted to you and feel good to be hanging out with you again.

Unfortunately, not all guys realize that until it’s too late (i.e. the catch up ends and she walks away feeling turned off).

For example: When a guy notices that his ex woman isn’t saying much, seems annoyed or doesn’t seem to be want to be there, he might make the mistake of trying too hard to be nice, or will follow along with the mood that she is creating (i.e. tense, awkward, distant).

He might also hesitate to joke around and try to be serious, polite and matter of fact with her the whole time, to hopefully avoid annoying her, saying something wrong or upsetting her.

Yet, the more intimidated he feels, the more turned off she feels because women aren’t attracted to fear in men.

As a result, she thinks something like, “This was a mistake. I don’t have feelings for him anymore. It’s even worse than before…I’m over it.”

Don’t let that happen when you meet up with your ex.

Be confident, emotionally strong, relaxed, easygoing and self-assured, no matter how little, unimportant, worthless or rejected she tries to make you feel.

When she notices that you’re not losing confidence even though she’s being closed off and uncommunicative, she will naturally feel respect and attraction for you.

She will then begin to consider getting back with you.

3. Create new sparks with her by attracting her in ways she wasn’t expecting

Create new sparks with her by attracting her in ways she wasn’t expecting

For example: Your ex might be expecting you to be tense, or be on your best behavior (e.g. extra nice, polite, considerate) to hopefully impress her, or to seek pity from her.

So, she will automatically feel attracted if you have the confidence to be playfully challenging at times, use some humor and playfully tease her like you did when you were a couple and things were good between you and her.

Here’s the thing though…

Even though she will automatically feel attracted, you also need to be prepared for her to pretend like what you’re doing is not working, or isn’t having any effect on her.

The fact is, most women react like that when an ex guy makes them feel attracted again.


  • She wants to be sure that he’s really changed and isn’t just putting on an act of confidence to get her back.
  • She wants to see if he’ll continue being attractive, or is just doing it until he gets her back and will then revert back to his old unattractive self (e.g. being insecure, treating her more like a friend, being emotionally sensitive).
  • She wants to see how interested he really is. This can be due to her worrying that if she gives him another chance, he will then dump her to get revenge, or to feel better about himself.
  • She doesn’t want to come across as being easy, or else he might assume that he doesn’t need to change much or anything to keep a relationship going with her.

So, make sure that you remain confident and believe in yourself as you make her feel attracted in new, improved ways.

When you do that, she will struggle to stop herself from wanting to get back with you and in most cases, will simply need you to initiate a hug and it will then lead to you and her kissing, having sex and getting back into a relationship.

Only initiate a hug if you believe she is ready for that (i.e. is attracted to you and clearly interested).

If she isn’t, do this…

4. Let her know that you don’t expect you and her to ever get back together, but want to sincerely apologize for whatever it is you did

For example: You can say…

“Look, I understand that you didn’t want to meet up with me and that’s fine. You probably thought I’d try to try and talk you into getting back together again and I don’t blame you if you thought that. Well, I just want you to know that I don’t expect us to ever get back together. I completely accept that we’re broken up and that it’s over.”

At this point, pause for a few seconds, so she can let go of some of the tension she’s has been feeling and relax her guard.

Then, add in, “My main reason for wanting to catch up, was to sincerely apologize for what happened. I know that I hurt you and for that, I’m truly sorry. I hope you can accept my apology, so we can at least be friends.”

5. Don’t try to secure a relationship at the first meet up

If a woman is reluctant to meet up with her ex, she will usually expect him to try and talk her into getting back together.

So, she will have mentally prepared herself to reject his attempts to get her back.

Then, when she notices that not only isn’t he doing that, but he also seems more attractive to her now (e.g. more confident, more able to flirt and create sexual tension, more assertive in a loving way, more understanding, more mature), she will naturally feel curious about her new feelings for him.

She will then show interest via the subtle changes in her body language and the way she behaves, reacts to him and the things she says, or doesn’t say.

If he maintains his cool and doesn’t suddenly start pushing for, or hinting at a relationship, she will feel even more drawn to him.

6. Let her sense and pick up on the changes in you, without you having to tell her directly

If you say to your ex, “I’ve changed. I promise, I’m a different guy now,” she’s probably not going to believe you.

So, rather than telling her that you’ve changed, just let her experience the changes, so she naturally comes to that conclusion herself.

For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he became insecure, clingy, jealous or controlling in the relationship, he needs to remain calm and relaxed no matter what she says to make him feel unsure of himself, rejected, sad or unwanted.

So, if she talks about other guys who are interested in her, he can laugh and confidently say something like, “You’re a pretty girl. I’d be surprised if guys weren’t interested in you,” or simply say, “Cool” and then get on with talking about other things.

As a result, he not only shows her that he’s more confident, self-assured and mature now, but also comes across as charming and funny by saying that he’d be surprised if there weren’t any guys interested in her.

She then feels sparks of respect and attraction for him and realizes that he’s not the same guy she dumped.

He has leveled up and is more attractive (emotionally) now.

Emotional attraction is the most important thing to a woman, so don’t ever overlook that.

It’s the key to success with women.

7. Be prepared for her to mention things that are designed to make you feel jealous, or to test your confidence or interest level

Be prepared for her to mention things that are designed to make you feel jealous, or to test your confidence or interest level

She might test your confidence by saying, “I’m so much happier since we broke up. I never realized how great life is without all the arguing and fighting. We really weren’t good together. It’s so much less stressful being single. I feel free, happy and I’m really enjoying it.”

Alternatively, she might try to make you feel jealous and test your interest level by talking about other guys who have asked her out, say she’s on Tinder and has some dates lined up, or even go as far as telling you she’s been seeing a new guy.

If you appear to lose confidence or become upset or annoyed, she will naturally lose attraction for you for assuming that other guys are better than you.

So, be prepared for her to act like a woman (i.e. to test you).

Remain confident and believe in yourself and your ability to re-attract her, regardless of what she says to try to bring you down.

8. Be careful of how you answer her questions about your dating life since the breakup

Sometimes, a guy won’t have dated any new women since the breakup, but his ex will have dated, or even slept with other men.

So, when she asks him about his dating life, he makes the mistake of saying that he’s been struggling with the breakup and hasn’t been able to get back into dating.

On the other hand, a guy will talk too much about women he’s been dating or sleeping with, which will come across as insensitive to her.

Either approach can turn a woman off and convince her that it was a mistake to meet up with him.

She then becomes closed off to any further interactions with him.

So, the best approach is to be honest, without coming across as needy or as though you’re over her and don’t want her back.

For example: You can say “I’ve been pretty busy with work/studies and just having fun hanging out with friends for now” if you haven’t been dating or, “I’ve been on a few dates, but nothing too serious. Just enjoying life for now” if you’ve been seeing other women.

If she asks you for more details about the women you’ve dated, just say, “Hey, there are a lot of cute girls in this world, but you’re still my favorite” so she doesn’t fear showing interest in you.

Alternatively, if you haven’t dated and she asks for more details as to why, just say, “I’m not in a huge rush. I can start dating tomorrow if I wanted to, but I’m not in a rush.”

9. Don’t give her the impression that you’re really grateful for her agreeing to meet up with you

Some guys make the mistake of thanking their ex over and over again for meeting up with them.

That approach can backfire because she then feels like she has power over him, or as though she is doing him a favor by meeting up with him.

This then gives her a false sense of superiority over him and makes her see him as being of lower value than her.

That’s not how a woman wants to feel about a man.

This is why it’s best to just talk to her as though everything is cool between you and her.

Even though she seems reluctant, talk to her as though everything is fine and that she will warm up to you within a few minutes.

Thinking that way causes you to exude confidence, which makes her feel respect and attraction and also allows her to relax and open up to the interaction.

10. Don’t give her the impression that you’re worried she might want to leave the meet up at any moment

Some guys make this mistake based on their body language, the way they speak and behave.

Essentially, the woman can see that he is worried about saying, or doing the wrong thing and causing her to get up and leave.

That is a turn off for a woman because women aren’t attracted to fear in men.

Women are attracted to confidence, so remain calm, relaxed and easygoing.

Believe in yourself and use some humor to lighten up the mood between you and her.

11. Build up sexual tension between you and her with subtle and obvious flirting

Some guys worry that if they try to flirt with a reluctant ex, she will become angry and then leave.

Yet, the opposite is true.

One of the main things that keep a woman interested in a guy, is the amount of attraction she feels for him.

One of the best ways to build attraction is via flirting.

So, don’t be afraid to flirt to create sexual tension between you and her.

When you do, she naturally starts to want to release that sexual tension with hugging, kissing and sex, which will then make it easier for you to get her back.

12. At least get to a hug goodbye, so she can reconnect with her physical desire for you

Only initiate a hug if you have re-attracted her.

If you have only been friendly, haven’t been flirting and she’s not ‘feeling it,’ then a hug will feel awkward, unwelcome and out of place.

On the other hand, if you have built up sexual tension during the meet up, then she will want to hug you as much as you want to hug her.

You can then go ahead and confidently, but gently bring her into your arms and give her a warm, loving hug for a few seconds.

In most cases, the hug will then turn into a kiss and possibly even sex.

Before you know it, you and her will be a couple again.

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