1. Assuming that she must have mental problems and that’s why you weren’t able to get her to love you and want to be with you
Some women do have a dismissive avoidant personality, where they don’t ever really open up, fall madly in love and totally commit to a man.
Yet, in most cases, when a woman isn’t opening up in a relationship, it’s not because she’s a dismissive avoidant.
Instead, it’s because the guy simply isn’t making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him (i.e. sexually and romantically attracted, in love, confident about opening up and being vulnerable with him).
From his perspective, he has been doing ‘everything he can’ to get her to open up, trust him, love him and want to be with him.
He has been extra nice, considerate, patient, loving, understanding and accommodating when it comes to her unloving, cold or distant behavior when it comes to him.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that what a dismissive avoidant woman wants is to meet a man who doesn’t chase after her when she is being distant, but does continue to make her feel attracted, respectful of him and in love with him.
This is where so many guys mess up when it comes to relationships with dismissive avoidant women and when trying to get them back.
In a relationship, a guy will chase her love and try to win her affection and then after a break up, he will go to the other extreme and totally ignore her in the hope that it will make her chase him.
Yet, that’s not what works with dismissive avoidant women.
To get a woman like her to want you and only you and to open up, love you and stop being distant, you have to be more of a challenge for her, while still being a good man.
In other words, be a good man, but make her feel the need to impress you and win more of YOUR love.
The only man a woman like her will fall for, open up to and truly want to be with is a man who can do that.
Every other man who tries to make a relationship work with her will fail miserably, if he goes to one extreme or the other (i.e. being needy and chasing her love vs. being indifferent and not caring about her at all).
Likewise, men will fail if they just try to be a nice, good, loyal boyfriend to her, without making her feel challenged.
Then, when she breaks up with one of those men, he might think, “She’s crazy! I’m such a good guy. Why the heck would she break up with me? She must have mental problems. That’s why she was never able to love me the way I love her. She needs help. She should go see a psychiatrist or something.”
Then, after a lot of searching online, he might come to the conclusion that she was probably abused as a child, or is bipolar, depressed or has a dismissive avoidant personality.
He will try to justify why he couldn’t get her to love him in the way that he loved her, or get her to want to participate in the relationship at the level he wanted her to.
Yet, in almost all cases (when women behave like that with men), the man just wasn’t able to make her feel the kind of attraction and love that would cause her to open up, fall in love and totally commit to him.
She’s not crazy.
She’s just looking for a very specific attraction experience (i.e. a good, confident man who is a challenge and causes her to want to win more and more of his love over time) and she won’t be happy until she finds it.
If she finds that, many of her ex boyfriends (who couldn’t figure her out) will look on in shock, disappointment, sadness or even anger (in some cases), when they see that not only is she in love and gushing about the new man in her life, but within a short period of time, she is engaged to him.
Soon after, she then gets married and starts a family with him.
She seems so much happier than before and contrary to what he might be thinking, it’s not because she’s taking a new, revolutionary drug from a pharmacy to fix her so called dismissive avoidant personality disorder.
Instead, she’s been seduced by the love drug that comes from real sexual and romantic attraction and has found that ‘lock and key’ experience she’s been looking for in a good, confident man who is a challenge to her.
So, if you want to get her back, don’t try to make yourself feel better by assuming that she’s nuts.
That might give you some temporarily feelings of gratification where you convince yourself that it’s all her fault, but you will then have to live the rest of your life regretting losing her when you see that she is happy, in love and totally committed to another man who understands her and what she really wants.
You can be that man, but you can’t do it if you think she needs help, or that a woman like her can’t be truly in love, committed, affection and open.
She can, but it will take the right ‘lock and key’ approach to unlock that side of her (i.e. you interacting with her and letting her sense that you are now the confident, good, challenging man that she has been looking for).
She won’t immediately jump up and down in excitement and say, “Wow! You’e the one,” but she will start to feel giddy inside.
She will feel excited about the new, highly desirable emotions she experiences when around you, or interacting with you.
She will begin to realize that she doesn’t have to look elsewhere to hopefully find a man who gets her, because you already do.
On the other hand, if you keep using the same old approach that you’ve been using with her and expect that she isn’t responding well because she’s crazy, then you will end up regretting it later on when you realize you could have gotten her back with a different approach.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Getting the same (or similar) type of reaction from your next girlfriend and the next and then assuming that all women are damaged
Some guys go through life getting into relationships with women who always seem to be a bit closed off initially and then become even more closed off as the relationship continues.
No matter what he tries (i.e. how much he succeeds in life, how well he makes himself look physically by working out, how loyal and supportive he is to women, how generous and kind), women always tend to give him way less love, affection and sex than he actually wants.
Additionally, women always tend to break up with him and use the reason of, “It’s not you, it’s me” or, “I need time to work on myself” or, “I need to be alone for a while to figure out what I want” because they don’t really have any obvious reason to break up with him.
After all, he’s a good guy and hasn’t really done anything wrong, so it’s not as if she can say, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re a selfish asshole” because he’s not.
This is why, he will get vague excuses that he can’t really do anything about, such as, “I need space to focus on myself” or, “You deserve better than me. I can’t give you what you want” or, “I can’t deal a relationship right now. I have too many issues from my childhood and need to get help to heal myself before I will be ready for a relationship” and so on.
Essentially, the woman is acting like she has issues, needs help (i.e. from a psychologist or psychiatrist), when in fact, she’s just not feeling enough attraction and love for the guy to want to remain in a relationship with him.
This is usually based on him trying to win over more of her love, by being the best boyfriend he can to her.
What he doesn’t realize, is that to open up a woman like her, he needs to be a good man, but get her to feel the need to impress him and win over more of his love.
Even if he does realize it, a guy like that will usually be unwilling to do it because he only wants to be nice to women and sees anything else as being disrespectful, rude, selfish, mean or unloving.
He doesn’t realize that the love between a man and a woman isn’t all about the nice stuff.
There is an edge to love that needs to be there as well, which comes from the challenge and desire to impress the other.
If that is one-sided (i.e. it’s only the man who feels challenged, or feels the need and desire to impress her), then it won’t fee like real love to the woman.
She will feel bored, restless, unsatisfied, annoyed and irritable and will want to get out of the relationship, even though the guy is a good guy and hasn’t really done anything wrong.
So, if you weren’t able to offer your ex the love and attraction experience she really wanted and you then do the same thing with another woman in future, you’re almost certainly going to get the same result (i.e. she won’t really love you and will always have one foot out the door, ready to leave you when and if she can).
Guys who repeat that kind of pattern in their relationships with women, often end up feeling very angry and thinking things like, “Women are all messed up. You can’t please them. I’ve tried everything and nothing ever works for me. It always ends. I get dumped, she cheats or I break up the relationship to save myself the pain. So, I’m done. I don’t want another relationship. I’m going to remain alone for the rest of my life.”
As a result, a guy like that might then close himself off, stop dating and become a very bitter, angry person who secretly hates women.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get your ex back and have a happy, successful, lifetime relationship with her, or if you want to attract a new woman and do that, you have to be willing to use a new approach that makes women truly love you.
3. Feeling like you have no chance of getting her back, due to her dismissive, avoidant personality type
If you let your feelings about her personality type cause you to doubt your chances of re-attracting her, then your frame of mind will end up turning your ex off.
She will pick up on your feelings of unworthiness and become even more closed off towards you than ever before.
She will see that you are just every other guy who doesn’t understand her and what she really wants (i.e. a confident, good man who is a challenge and makes her want to win more and more of his love over time).
By feeling like you have no chance and giving off vibes of self-doubt and unworthiness, you are essentially telling her, “I don’t think I’m good enough because you’re not showing me love. I need you to show me love before I can feel confident about my ability to make you feel love.”
In other words, you need her to be someone she’s not (i.e. be a woman who helps a man feel confident around her).
She’s not going to do that because she wants a man who is confident around her no matter how she behaves.
If you doubt yourself, you lose.
That’s the deal with women like her.
You’ve got to be confident in yourself and your value and attractiveness to her all the time, regardless of what she says or does.
That is the man she will love, open up to and totally commit to.
Every other guy just won’t be able to truly capture her heart and will be dumped.
4. Never realizing how much power and control you have over how a woman feels for you
Currently, you might feel as though little to no control over how your ex girlfriend feels about you (i.e. because she dumped you and seems to be in control of the situation).
Yet, what you need to realize is that women are reactive and go with how they feel.
This means that when you interact with her and begin attracting her in new, exciting and appealing ways, she reacts by feeling attracted and having new desire for you.
She realizes that what you and her had isn’t over and instead, is alive, new, interesting and exciting for her.
She notices that you’re not behaving like you used to, or reacting to her like you used to and have completely leveled up as a man.
You have tapped into what really makes her feel attracted and in love and as a result, she begins looking at you as the one.
She knows that if she doesn’t give you a chance, she will struggle to find another man who makes her feel the way you now do.
As a result, she will feel compelled to open up and give you and the relationship another chance.
In fact, a man has a lot of control over the ex back process when he focuses on making his ex woman have sexual and romantic feelings for him again.